Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: She deserves to know.. doesn't she?

  1. #1

    Default She deserves to know.. doesn't she?

    Being an ab/dl is a big part of my life. And a big part of me wants to tell my close friend because i feel that i have to keep lying to her to keep my secret safe. I've been debating for a while whether i should tell her or not. I do trust her, but I've heard many stories that make me hold back. I just feel like she deserves to know. Any advise on what i should do?

  2. #2
    PaddedPuppy

    Default

    That is something that only you can decide. Its totally up to you if you want to keep being an AB/DL as a big secret, or be more open about it. If you tell one person you are accepting there is a risk of your friend not accepting, and also spreading the secret on to others. So you have to first consider if you feel your friend is trustworthy, open minded and accepting. If they check all them boxes, then you have a better chance of it all going smoothly.

    Remember, this is just a friend. There is no relationship so they don't have the position in your life where they need to know EVERYTHING you are getting up to. What do you think you are both going to get out of telling your friend.

    In my opinion, if you can check all the boxes about being trustworthy, open minded, accepting, and this person is a friend you have known well for more than 2 years, and you can give at least 3 good reasons of positive things that would come out of doing this, go for it.

  3. #3

    Default

    thank you for the advise, she is a long time best friend of mine and i trust her like no other. its definitely a hard decision that i really do need to take the time to think of. thanks so much again.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by thelostboy View Post
    Being an ab/dl is a big part of my life. And a big part of me wants to tell my close friend because i feel that i have to keep lying to her to keep my secret safe. I've been debating for a while whether i should tell her or not. I do trust her, but I've heard many stories that make me hold back. I just feel like she deserves to know. Any advise on what i should do?
    hello lostboy.....
    below you will find a link to another post that i made in answer to a question that isn't so different from the one that you have asked here. having looked at your personal page and noticed that you are a member of the autism spectrum group i assume that like me; you are on the "spectrum" too. so maybe this link will help you.... (it's post #12)

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/adult-bab...ml#post1005708

  5. #5

    Default

    Heem. Well first off, the only person who deserves to know in your life is your life-partner. Outside that it depends very much on your circumstances. I agree with the others but would emphasise the point of 'What do I get out of it?'

    How would this improve your relationship? Is she likely to be in a situation where you will be wearing or be at your home and going through your personal belongings? Do you want her to get involved and join it?

    Personally even if I had a very special non-romantic friend (which I don't) I wouldn't tell them because I am happy with just my wife knowing. I personally don't feel any need to tell others because it is my own private business. It is very likely she has things she does that she doesn't tell others. Do not feel guilty or pressurised into telling. You are not being untruthful about yourself by not telling. A real friend should be supportive, regardless of whether you disclose such things or not.

    I see that you are transgendered. Me too! :-) Does she know you are trans? I would have thought that that was a more pressing issue that needed to be disclosed.

    All I can say is be safe and be sure and good luck!

  6. #6

    Default

    I once mentioned the weird secrecy of being AB/DL to my therapist. In some ways it feels like I hide my "true self" from my friends, but I can't imagine every being able to tell anyone anything... and that's also part of the reason I remain single as I feel uncomfortable hiding something like that from a "life partner" too...

    He reckoned I tend to see things in "black and white"... as if it's an "all or nothing" thing (either I reveal everything or keep it all a secret). But different people "need" to know different things depending how close I am to them. So... the man in the street doesn't need to know anything (of course), but I shouldn't have to feel continually "on guard" and hide who I really am to close friends... If I find something cute, or see some really cool trainers with flashing lights in the heel (for example), I should be able to express what I really feel... because, you can only really be close to someone when you're being yourself, otherwise there's always the fear that they'll discover your secret, so you end up being a bit distant to protect yourself from being hurt if the "truth" is revealed...

    Only a "life partner" really needs to know what you do (i.e. wear diapers or whatever), but your friends should know who you are without you having to hide your true personality from them. You don't need to tell them everything. People don't discuss how many sheets of toilet paper they use on each visit, but no one thinks that that is "keeping a secret". In the same way, you can express your true personality (to whatever extent feels appropriate... and maybe that will change as you become more comfortable/confident/trusting around a particular person), yet not mention the fact that you wear diapers. Maybe no one really deserves to know what you get up to in your free time any more than anyone deserves to know how many pieces of toilet paper you last used...?

    But on the other hand, if you have a really close relationship and trust your friend, it would be amazing to experience that level of openness and acceptance! I suppose whether someone deserves to know (and what they deserve to know) depends on how open and sharing about their "secrets" they are with you. Relationships are built on mutual levels of trust and intimacy... One-sided relationships don't work too well. So... if you think your friend is open and honest with you, maybe you could try gradually shedding a layer or two of secrecy so it doesn't feel like you're lying to her... But only you know her and can decide what to trust her with...

    Ah well, that's just how I've come to think about things... Dunno if it helps at all...

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by thelostboy View Post
    Being an ab/dl is a big part of my life. And a big part of me wants to tell my close friend because i feel that i have to keep lying to her to keep my secret safe. I've been debating for a while whether i should tell her or not. I do trust her, but I've heard many stories that make me hold back. I just feel like she deserves to know. Any advise on what i should do?
    God! Tough decision. You risk losing a valued friendship and possible humiliation but you don't want to go on living a lie because real friendships are based on trust. Most of us here know what it is to live the lie. I feel for you but I have no wisdom to impart. An english teacher I had long ago said something to the effect " you never have to apologize, you never have to explain, you never have to justify, as long as you are willing to accept the consequences". It's the consequences here, either way, that you have to examine. Can you accept the consequences?

    Should you decide to tell her let her know that you love her as a friend and that you hope what you are about to tell her won't end your friendship. Then, as gently as possible, drop the bomb on her. One way or the other you will start a new chapter in your life. Be willing to accept the consequences.

    Wish you luck!

  8. #8

    Default

    Yes she does know i'm transgender. she herself is part of the lgbt community and she is super open minded. You all have given me really good advise and it has made making a decision a lot easier for me. This has helped me sooo much. Although i am still unsure of my decision, i am not going to rush into this without really knowing the consequences. thanks you all for great advise. --thelostboy

  9. #9

    Default

    At the beginning of this thread I would have said, don't tell, unless you need her emotional support in this. But learning more about you and her, I think she will be accepting. Those of us who have taken different paths, are in a real sense, different people, different from the mainstream of society. Because of our unique circumstances, we typically are more accepting of those who are different from ourselves. I think you can tell her. Most importantly, however, is knowing why you want to tell her. If it's just because, that's not a good enough reason, but if it's for some sort of emotional affirmation, that may be enough. I've been there when I was young. Now that I'm older, I can live in my skin without divulging to others. Good luck.

  10. #10

    Default

    My thought is that deserving to know is really a matter for those who have an intimate (not necessarily sexual) relationship. So if your relationship is the type where you would tell her about such intimate things like the details pertaining to when you go to he bathroom, including what you do. Or the most intimate details of what you think to yourself.

    If you would share these intimate things then discussing diapers, and related interests, should be no big deal.

    Deserve also infers a right or privilege is involved. From this perspective unless there is some sort of marriage relationship, or a equivalent, there would be no right or privilege. I look at it this way. I have several close friends but nine of them have a right to know the most intimate details of my life, and I have no duty to disclose such things.

    Even in a marriage, or similar, relationship the other party doesn't necessarily have the right to know every detail of our pasts or what is within our minds at any given moment. However, having been through this it is the right thing to share such details in a timely manner. The best intimate relationships are based on trust, transparency and acceptance, so in these cases telling is the right thing to do.

    In the end only you can make this decision. How you handle the process and the quality of the relationship both will determine how it turns out.

Similar Threads

  1. One of those people who just deserves to die.
    By WBDaddy in forum Mature Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-Nov-2011, 19:46
  2. Adult Diapers: What Deserves a Chance?
    By satyrical in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 24-Aug-2008, 16:59
  3. Everyone Deserves a Welcome!
    By Pramrider in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 05-Mar-2008, 20:08

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.