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Thread: Potty training failure?

  1. #1

    Default Potty training failure?

    I've been considering an idea that I find really intriguing. While it should be a given that the root cause behind the various diaper interests would be widely varied, wouldn't most of this just be a matter of a failure in potty training?

    I ask this because potty training is necessarily more than teaching a child how to use the potty. In fact it is primarily a matter of convincing the child that they should use the potty for, well, all things potty. So at some level wouldn't this come down to a failure of potty training?

    Along this same line of thinking, what about bed wetting? Would this also be a failure, or delay in, potty training?

    I know there will be some exceptions but what do you all think?

    I know this topic may stir a bit of controversy as there are some who seem opposed to any attempt at explaining the origins of diaper interest. This is not what I am trying to explore here. Rather, I am just looking to explore how others feel about these ideas.

  2. #2

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    While I don't have much trouble believing that potty training might be a reasonably common element of this for us, I don't think t was for me. For whatever reason, actually using diapers wasn't important to me. It was the idea of them and the lesser status they conveyed that fired my imagination. When I finally got some (baby diapers when I was young), it was as much about the sensual appeal of the plastic over padding as anything else and using them for their purpose was not part of that enjoyment.

    I don't recall any angst about potty training. My mother says I she had a pretty easy time of it with me. I also wasn't a bedwetter (I can only recall a single incident). I was drawn to diapers very early but I just don't think using them was part of my three-year-old thought process and it wasn't until I was living on my own and had access to adult diapers that I got into actually making use of them. Toilets are still preferred for convenience, this is about the physical sensation and infantile status.

  3. #3

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    Same here. I was potty trained slightly earlier than average with no particular difficulty as far I can remember or was told. I think the fascination with diapers came after I'd been potty trained when my sister was born. As I was getting older (age 5 or 6) and spent more time on my own having to fend for myself in the big wide world (at school, etc.), I think I was probably jealous of the constant attention that my sister received (and the inevitable drop in attention that I got after she was born) and probably rationalised that only young kids in diapers get love and attention (or protection from the scary world out there), so... I wanted to return to a time when I wore diapers and was looked after more, etc.

    That's my theory anyway. No way to know if it's true...

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    [snipped]That's my theory anyway. No way to know if it's true...
    I forgot to add this bit. I just don't think it's really possible for us to know with any certainty and as much as it can be interesting to speculate and listen to the insights of others, I think this stems from something too early and formative to have any reliable answers. As much as I think it's not about potty training for me, I could be completely wrong. I think we're alot like the blind people trying to figure out an elephant but instead of just an elephant, but it's like there's also a tiger and a turtle in the room as well. I think what we describe broadly as ABDL isn't just one thing, they're only superficially similar.

  5. #5

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    Hey Garzilla,

    I hate to keep beating the drum that some people are tired of hearing but I still firmly believe that imprinting is the cause of our desires. There are no doubt a lot of psychological factors that complicate the issue but when I read about the research on imprinting's effects on human sexuality all kinds of little bells went off in my head. "This is it!" I thought - the reason for these desires.

    Anyway, for what it's worth: When I was still a young man in my 40's my mother was reminising about the old days and she told me she had a lot of difficulty potty training me. I don't remember the details myself, but I guess you can chalk me up as one of the ones that had a rough time with potty training.

    I only recall one incidence of bedwetting but at the time I was embarrassed about it and denied it. I was about 5. I was also interested in diapers at that time. I was fascinated with a Betsey-Wetsey doll. I had no other interest in dolls as I really preferred the boy stuff, such as trucks and guns, but there was something about the wet diaper that really got my attention. I was acutely aware that my interest in the doll was frowned apon by my aunts and uncles. I learned to hide it.

  6. #6

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    "Failure" is a value-laden word.

    I'm sure that my DLism is not the outcome my parents had in mind, but I'm also think that I don't think of myself as the product of a failure (at least as far as my DL side is concerned). My parents failed me, my siblings and each other in a myriad of ways, but maybe using my current circumstances as evidence of their failure in potty training me is setting the bar too high---or maybe not high enough.

  7. #7

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    My parents tried potty training me when I was two and it failed. I was resistant to learning and I kept going in my pants, refused to go in my potty chair. They even tried showing me by having me watch them go potty. But I didn't figure it out. they figured I wasn't ready so they put me back in diapers and decided they will wait until I am talking better and I will understand more and they will be able to explain it to me. But after my brother was born, I stopped wearing them when I saw the mess he made in his diaper and my mom was surprised I had finally figured it out. Then I was potty trained within two weeks. I remember I got tired of wearing them so I quit. They just got uncomfortable and I didn't like pooping or peeing in them anymore.

    I can remember my mother telling me in 6th grade I was very hard to potty train and she didn't want me losing bladder control or else my life would be going backwards. No one would want to marry me or share a room with me in college because they wouldn't want to deal with smelly diapers. I proved her wrong.

  8. #8

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    I've seen the connection to potty training too, but I lean toward the implied shame when potty training fails. Parents often say things like, "Do you still need diapers," when they're angry, and little kids tease each other calling the kid they're bullying a baby, and "do you still wear diapers" as a way of taunting. I think these things do make an impression at the early formative stages.

    As for me, I was put up for adoption, but wasn't adopted until I was 2. I believe I spent time in an adoptive orphanage, and I can imagine potty training might have been sketchy and not well handled. I do know that my adoptive parents had my diapers when I was age four, as it was threatened that I would be put back into them if I didn't stop acting like a baby. It was at that moment that the light bulb went off in my head and I realized that I did want to be back in diapers. I've never looked back since.

    Lastly, I must agree with Trevor, that trying to find why we like diapers is much like the blind men touching the elephant, each one thinking it is something different. There are many different aspects and extremes to being a diaper lover, adult baby, and various combinations of the two. There never will be clear answers in my opinion.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    While I don't have much trouble believing that potty training might be a reasonably common element of this for us, I don't think t was for me. For whatever reason, actually using diapers wasn't important to me. It was the idea of them and the lesser status they conveyed that fired my imagination. When I finally got some (baby diapers when I was young), it was as much about the sensual appeal of the plastic over padding as anything else and using them for their purpose was not part of that enjoyment.

    I don't recall any angst about potty training. My mother says I she had a pretty easy time of it with me. I also wasn't a bedwetter (I can only recall a single incident). I was drawn to diapers very early but I just don't think using them was part of my three-year-old thought process and it wasn't until I was living on my own and had access to adult diapers that I got into actually making use of them. Toilets are still preferred for convenience, this is about the physical sensation and infantile status.
    Great perspective. There are a number of AB/DL's that develop an interest much later.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    I forgot to add this bit. I just don't think it's really possible for us to know with any certainty and as much as it can be interesting to speculate and listen to the insights of others, I think this stems from something too early and formative to have any reliable answers. As much as I think it's not about potty training for me, I could be completely wrong. I think we're alot like the blind people trying to figure out an elephant but instead of just an elephant, but it's like there's also a tiger and a turtle in the room as well. I think what we describe broadly as ABDL isn't just one thing, they're only superficially similar.
    Yea, I'm not really looking at this as a factor in the cause of later diaper interests. More looking to get others perspectives on whether they would consider the situation to be, at least in part, an issue where potty training was not complete or somehow went wrong.

    Obviously we all have different experiences and we are dealing with a time where memories are vague at best for most.

    I guess what I am looking for is the answer to two basic questions. First, for those who were bed wetters as a child do you consider yourself to have been potty trained, or not, fully?

    Then, for everyone else, how did you personally respond to your own potty training?

    The answers for me. I wet the bed until around 12 or 13 so I look back and consider this the point I was fully done with the process. According to my mom I was also a late potty trainer, at least with regard to daytime needs. When I was finally out of diapers during the day she considered me potty trained, and the diapers were completely gone. Yet I never stopped wetting at night until years later. I had interests in diapers and acted on those interests as early as about 4, that I can remember. So while I was out of diapers "officially" I still sought out diapers and would often just go in my pants. So I technically understood why the potty, how to use the potty but I did not want to use the potty and often found ways during the day to go nay pants or in a diaper.

    So there are three ways I could look at this in my life, first that I was potty trained at 3.5 when my mom said I was. second, that I was finally fully potty trained between 12 and 13 when the bed wetting ended. Third, that while I have full continence, I have never spent more than a few weeks at a time in my life where I was not potting in my pants, or a diaper, or my bed at least occasionally. Personally I say that I was never fully potty trained.

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    Quote Originally Posted by adasterix View Post
    "Failure" is a value-laden word.

    I'm sure that my DLism is not the outcome my parents had in mind, but I'm also think that I don't think of myself as the product of a failure (at least as far as my DL side is concerned). My parents failed me, my siblings and each other in a myriad of ways, but maybe using my current circumstances as evidence of their failure in potty training me is setting the bar too high---or maybe not high enough.
    I'm not applying values to the term failure here, so perhaps I should have chosen a different word. The objective was to stimulate conversation anyway so all perspectives are good.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    I can remember my mother telling me in 6th grade I was very hard to potty train and she didn't want me losing bladder control or else my life would be going backwards. No one would want to marry me or share a room with me in college because they wouldn't want to deal with smelly diapers. I proved her wrong.
    There should be no question about where the shame factor comes from.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Garzilla View Post
    Along this same line of thinking, what about bed wetting? Would this also be a failure, or delay in, potty training?
    Iím convinced my bed-wetting (till age nine) was the result of early and rigid potty training. Have no memory of daytime training, but am told mom had me out of diapers a few months before my second birthday and knowing her the process must have been intense. I do know she pushed hard for dry nightís often greeting failure with scolding and even spanking. Despite momís pressure, a side of me enjoyed the shame & sensations to the point I sometimes wet on purpose.

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