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Thread: Rape. Who even cares?!!?!?

  1. #1

    Angry Rape. Who even cares?!!?!?

    I am a rape victim. I was raped the weekend before Labor Day holiday in 2012. I wanted to say it because I am tired of nobody knowing. I told nobody, I pressed no charges and the only one I told was a counselor (whom I do not visit for the rape, it is a different reason.) I do not take the fact that most movies have rape in them. Has anyone heard about the horrible movie I Spit On Your Grave? The entire first half of it is a woman getting raped by a group of men.

    Did you know that there are thousands of untested rape kits in America? And that if you are a devout Republican, you define rape along with the requirement that the woman cannot be drunk? If the woman is drunk and you rape her, it isn't rape. You can hardly tell that people even care about it can't you? I want to read opinions on it here.

  2. #2

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    I think to say no one cares is a bit of a stretch. I certainly do think it is an issue that gets blown off more than it should.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by WingDog View Post
    I think to say no one cares is a bit of a stretch. I certainly do think it is an issue that gets blown off more than it should.
    well of course there has to be SOME people that care or else it wouldn't even be an issue. I was just exaggerating.

  4. #4

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    I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. I can sympathize with you as it has happened to me on a number of occasions when I was in college, and again as a married man. My sophomore year in college was such a disaster for me. My boy friend had simply lost interest in me, and suddenly I had no one I cared to be with. A senior took me "under his wing" so to speak, but what he really wanted was to get me drunk and have his way, which was easy as I had Borderline Personality disorder, and drank heavily. In fact, I'd do almost anything for alcohol, and so the rest was history.

    The other incident was not my fault. As a church organist, the music director (who was a senior when I was a freshman at college, and knew my past reputation) had me rooming with him when we took the high school aged choir on tour. On night he had his way with me, and I submitted because I needed the job. I was married, had a kid, a house, and couldn't be unemployed. I know that this isn't the same as a woman being raped. I get that, and believe me, I am sorry.

    It's amazing that we experience these things and keep our sanity. I pushed mine back into my subconscious for so many years, really until my wife's health collapsed and I came on this site. Talking about these things brings more to the surface. What happens next is that you suddenly realize how used you were, and then comes the anger. Like you, and never told anyone, not even my college boyfriend when we got back together again my junior year.

    We like to think that living in the 21st century should give us an almost perfect life, but nothing could be further from the truth. The world is still a jungle, and survival of the fittest sometimes takes precedence over civility. There are so many things beyond our control. I've just gotten my wife on the dialysis machine, and every day I watch her get weaker and weaker. I know what is coming. As for myself, as I age, and get stiff and sore, and other aspects are starting to deteriorate. But there are children who die of cancer, mothers with cancer, and others who succumb to a variety of terrible diseases. There is the massacre in Connecticut and all sorts of random violence, including your rape. What I hope for is that there is some kind of eternal justice in the next life, the one after this. I pray for peace and the beauty that can come with existence.

    There is beauty in our world, and one needs to seek it out. I listen to great music, and make a fire in my wood stove, sit back and enjoy. I ride my bike on our nature trail and enjoy the wind in my face as I ride through the woods which is in the foot hills of the Shenandoah Mountains. There are great ideas and thoughts in literature, and most of all, a message of hope, waiting to be read. All you can do is move on and fill yourself with good things, to overcome the bad which has filled you. Despite all the bad things that have been done to me, I try and do good things for others. It makes me feel good, and with that, I find peace.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. I can sympathize with you as it has happened to me on a number of occasions when I was in college, and again as a married man. My sophomore year in college was such a disaster for me. My boy friend had simply lost interest in me, and suddenly I had no one I cared to be with. A senior took me "under his wing" so to speak, but what he really wanted was to get me drunk and have his way, which was easy as I had Borderline Personality disorder, and drank heavily. In fact, I'd do almost anything for alcohol, and so the rest was history.

    The other incident was not my fault. As a church organist, the music director (who was a senior when I was a freshman at college, and knew my past reputation) had me rooming with him when we took the high school aged choir on tour. On night he had his way with me, and I submitted because I needed the job. I was married, had a kid, a house, and couldn't be unemployed. I know that this isn't the same as a woman being raped. I get that, and believe me, I am sorry.

    It's amazing that we experience these things and keep our sanity. I pushed mine back into my subconscious for so many years, really until my wife's health collapsed and I came on this site. Talking about these things brings more to the surface. What happens next is that you suddenly realize how used you were, and then comes the anger. Like you, and never told anyone, not even my college boyfriend when we got back together again my junior year.

    We like to think that living in the 21st century should give us an almost perfect life, but nothing could be further from the truth. The world is still a jungle, and survival of the fittest sometimes takes precedence over civility. There are so many things beyond our control. I've just gotten my wife on the dialysis machine, and every day I watch her get weaker and weaker. I know what is coming. As for myself, as I age, and get stiff and sore, and other aspects are starting to deteriorate. But there are children who die of cancer, mothers with cancer, and others who succumb to a variety of terrible diseases. There is the massacre in Connecticut and all sorts of random violence, including your rape. What I hope for is that there is some kind of eternal justice in the next life, the one after this. I pray for peace and the beauty that can come with existence.

    There is beauty in our world, and one needs to seek it out. I listen to great music, and make a fire in my wood stove, sit back and enjoy. I ride my bike on our nature trail and enjoy the wind in my face as I ride through the woods which is in the foot hills of the Shenandoah Mountains. There are great ideas and thoughts in literature, and most of all, a message of hope, waiting to be read. All you can do is move on and fill yourself with good things, to overcome the bad which has filled you. Despite all the bad things that have been done to me, I try and do good things for others. It makes me feel good, and with that, I find peace.
    Everything you say is very touching

  6. #6

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    I'm also very sorry for what happened. I know that it does not mean alot from someone online, but I just want you to know that I do care about this issue. It's something I've been thinking alot about lately as I try to figure out my views on feminisim and it's related issues.

    I will say that I don't think it's fair to say that all republicans think that rape can't take place if the women is drunk. People are more then one thing, and republicans can have a range of views reguarding rape. I can garentee that nat all republicans feel this way. It's like how I have read (and been told) that if you have sex with someone who is drunk, it is rape since they could not give reasoned concent. By that metric I and almost everyone I know is both a rape victim and a rapist. Don't take this to mean that I am belittling your expiriance, as that is not my intent at all. I'm just saying that it is a tricky issue of what is and is not rape in some cases. I also think that it is important to keep the discussion open on the issue, as dialog leads to education on issues.

    All the best, and be well. I sure hope that such a thing never happens again.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyemma7473 View Post
    And that if you are a devout Republican, you define rape along with the requirement that the woman cannot be drunk? If the woman is drunk and you rape her, it isn't rape. You can hardly tell that people even care about it can't you? I want to read opinions on it here.
    This is blatantly untrue and is pretty damn insulting. Last time I checked, I had some pretty right wing views, but I can't remember the part when I think it's OK for a woman to be raped.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyemma7473 View Post
    I am a rape victim. I was raped the weekend before Labor Day holiday in 2012. I wanted to say it because I am tired of nobody knowing. I told nobody, I pressed no charges and the only one I told was a counselor (whom I do not visit for the rape, it is a different reason.) I do not take the fact that most movies have rape in them. Has anyone heard about the horrible movie I Spit On Your Grave? The entire first half of it is a woman getting raped by a group of men.

    Did you know that there are thousands of untested rape kits in America? And that if you are a devout Republican, you define rape along with the requirement that the woman cannot be drunk? If the woman is drunk and you rape her, it isn't rape. You can hardly tell that people even care about it can't you? I want to read opinions on it here.
    I will start by saying that I do not know the circumstances of your situation and I am sorry that it happened to you. I am a Republican and what you are saying about their views on rape could not be further from the truth.

    First of all legally speaking if you are drunk you cannot give Consent, rape is sex without consent.

    Second rape seems over looked and thousands of rape kits go untested because of the fear, and embarresment that comes with the crime and the unwillingness to face rapeist and the scrutiny of an investigation/ trial. If you push the subject and demand results you will get them. I would recomend that if you had a rape kit done afterwords press charges, not sure for where you are but I know for a fact in California the kit is retained for a year in case you change your mind.

    good luck, stay safe and get the asshole who wronged you.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by RetrieverPup View Post
    This is blatantly untrue and is pretty damn insulting. Last time I checked, I had some pretty right wing views, but I can't remember the part when I think it's OK for a woman to be raped.
    As a registered Republican I find it as stupid as....



    Also anyone else find it odd the TC dint press charges, just wants people to know they were raped but hates that people "don't care" about rape? Which totally isn't true at all.

  10. #10

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    There is a lot of reasons people do, and don't report, press charges, and so forth...which is even more difficult to understand...if you haven't been raped. Telling about it, usually comes after the denial to yourself, but all the reasons (perhaps more) that were stated above...why people don't, and the assumption that it's too late...the always feeling that somehow you were at fault...even if you later realized that your beverage was spiked... I put that realization away for a few years...hard to believe, isn't it?

    So...keep talking OP, to any of us, more to your counselor, and consider reporting it to law enforcement...the guy could be under suspicion for similar activities...

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