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Thread: Looking down on a good person, how could you

  1. #1

    Angry Looking down on a good person, how could you

    Something I really hate is when someone looks down on a good person. Not just people that we think are good or whatever, but I mean a seriously good person. Such as a boyfriend who treats his girlfriend well. That is the situation I am in. My friends and my mother all look down on him. Like he beats me or something, like he never takes me out and he ignores me. When that is not true. In fact, he treats me so well that I have agreed to marry him in secrecy (so far, we will tell everyone before we actually start planning the wedding. but the engagement story is for a different time!)

    He takes me on dates constantly, he accepts me in every way, he is very nice to me, he stands up for me. I do not talk bad to my mother or my friends about him, but they still think he is bad. They are convinced that we never go anywhere and that he is stingy with money, when in fact we are saving it for our lives together in the future and what we do buy, we buy together.

    I swear, this is one of the most frustrating things in the world!!!! Anyone else experience anything like this? Or even anyone who has been on the retrieving end of the insults?

    I don't know what to do, I hate when they talk bad about him so much, but no matter what I say they keep on.

  2. #2
    Cherub

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    Back when I was dating my wife ( who back then was my GF obviously), people were skeptical of me. We were 550 miles apart though, and I did everything I could to be there for her. However, only time would tell the tale to others. Today, we are married, just had our first child and are living happily together in Wisconsin. Those that were skeptical now have to shut their mouths. However, in their defense, I am sure they were just trying to protect my wife from possibly getting hurt in a long distance relationship.

    So, yea, in a round about way I know what you are feeling. Just be patient and eventually the truth will show itself to all.

  3. #3

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    It may not be "looking down," per se, so much as jealousy, and perhaps feeling threatened. Then again, perhaps it is "looking down." How does he dress? Do he say "ain't" and "I's" a lot? KIDDING!

    My biological family -- mainly my mom and sister -- have never seemed to care for any of my SO's, and even after 13+ years of marriage, there's still a bit of tension between them and my wife. It's really silly. I don't think they're "looking down," nor do I think they're jealous of anything. Rather, they are both very competitive people who like to be right, like to give advice and see it followed, etc., and when things seem to be succeeding without their input, I think they feel a bit threatened. Some people are just that way. The best therapy for it so far has been to get together with them more frequently and prove to them that their little objections, subtle digs, and other signs of disapproval aren't leading anywhere. I've told them it bothers me, and that's done some good. If you haven't already done so, you might say something!

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cherub View Post
    Back when I was dating my wife ( who back then was my GF obviously), people were skeptical of me. We were 550 miles apart though, and I did everything I could to be there for her. However, only time would tell the tale to others. Today, we are married, just had our first child and are living happily together in Wisconsin. Those that were skeptical now have to shut their mouths. However, in their defense, I am sure they were just trying to protect my wife from possibly getting hurt in a long distance relationship.

    So, yea, in a round about way I know what you are feeling. Just be patient and eventually the truth will show itself to all.
    I hope my relationship turns out this well!

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by Cottontail View Post
    It may not be "looking down," per se, so much as jealousy, and perhaps feeling threatened. Then again, perhaps it is "looking down." How does he dress? Do he say "ain't" and "I's" a lot? KIDDING!

    My biological family -- mainly my mom and sister -- have never seemed to care for any of my SO's, and even after 13+ years of marriage, there's still a bit of tension between them and my wife. It's really silly. I don't think they're "looking down," nor do I think they're jealous of anything. Rather, they are both very competitive people who like to be right, like to give advice and see it followed, etc., and when things seem to be succeeding without their input, I think they feel a bit threatened. Some people are just that way. The best therapy for it so far has been to get together with them more frequently and prove to them that their little objections, subtle digs, and other signs of disapproval aren't leading anywhere. I've told them it bothers me, and that's done some good. If you haven't already done so, you might say something!
    haha! He uses proper English better than most people I know!

    And thank you, your story sounds like him and my mother. I think my mother is jealous of how much time I spend with him also. But she is hardly ever around...you know?

  5. #5

    Default

    I look down on a whole lot of people. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. I look down on fat people, black people, asian people, disabled people, gay people, in fact, almost everybody. But they all look up to me. You wan't to know why?


  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Arlisauce View Post
    I look down on a whole lot of people. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. I look down on fat people, black people, asian people, disabled people, gay people, in fact, almost everybody. But they all look up to me. You wan't to know why?

    I am only like 5 feet tall O.O

  7. #7

    Default

    The same happens to me: A lot of people see me as asshole, stupid, miserable etc. (and not for be AB/DL,) but I know they only envy me. I don't give a shit what are thinking others. The most important is my way: The ignorance kills.

  8. #8

    Default

    This is just one of those negative attributes that is a part of lots of people. I certainty can attest to how frustrating it can be.

    One of my favorite motivational books talks about this very subject, although in more general terms. It turns out that most of us are negatively conditioned throughout our lives. Often with biases, judgmental attitudes, etc. How we deal with these negative influences really just comes down to a choice, either we accept it or we take a stand and reject it. Many allow there lives to be influenced, often very profoundly, to the point that they take on the same attributes.

    Part of this may well be nature, literally a part of our competitive natural underpinnings. The force that supposedly drives only the fittest to survive.

    Thee are a lot of people in my life that do this same sort if thing, or similar. My own father is one of the most judgmental, biased, bigoted persons that I regularly spend time around. My ex wife was horribly negative as well. So my choice is to create distance, and to not allow the influence in my life. I can love them, well all except my ex, but I also distance myself when I feel the influence is present.

    Others will be negative and hurtful but there is no reason on this earth to allow these negative attributes to shape our lives. I live my life, applying the values that are most important to me and I refuse to allow the negative influences of others to undermine who I am.

    Each and every one of us have the power to choose who and what we want to be. I choose what we want out of life. To choose whether, or not, to love and inspire our fellow mankind.

    The best advice I can give you is to live your life, marry your love and then forever foster that bond of love. Others will disapprove, just ignore them. If they get in your face about it, literally tell them that you love than but that you can not subject yourself to there negativity. Then live your life. Be kind to those who have been unkind to you, remember that good examples have the same power that bad examples have. So take the higher road, and be the better example.

  9. #9

    Default

    They are entitled to have an opinon different than yours, you are entitled to have an opinion different than theirs, everybody is happy.
    You make choices, take advantage of good ones and pay for the wrong ones.
    If the advice of persons with opinions different than yours has been proved useful for you in the past, seek it. If not look somewhere else.

    You may say that they still can condition your choices: true, there's always a price to pay when you disagree with someone (it cannot be you vs. the rest of the world... )

    ...but it's a price that it's better paid soon than later, as it tends to have high interests...

    Bottom line: consultants are useful as mirrors for your ideas, to explore them better and from different perspectives. Consultants that do not start by listening you are useless.

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