Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Funny How the Human Mind Works

  1. #1

    Default Funny How the Human Mind Works

    Greetings everyone,

    It has been quite a while since I posted anything here, but this has been on mind for a while and I thought we could discuss it.

    So, with out rambling on for too long, I will give you a "spark notes" version of this story.

    So a year ago I met this girl at my university. We met up by chance during the start of the new semester. She was incredibly shy and didn't have many friends. Over the course of time we began to spend more time with each other. Despite her incredible shyness, she was actually very interest once you got her to open up. We had a lot of things in common, were studying the same subject, etc.

    Now, I have a bit of a soft spot for shy girls, let alone cute shy girls. Naturally, these factors combined with the fact that her personality was aligned pretty well with mine and we actually had a lot in common. I began to develop "more than friend"feelings for her, but never told. The reason I never told her was based on prior experiences that had gone horribly wrong. So, I never told her, no big deal though.

    The semester starts to come to an end and she tells me out of the blue one day "I don't want to hang out with you anymore" after asking her if she wanted to grab some coffee. I was taken back by this b/c I had no idea why she literally went from being friendly the prior week to this response. She later told me that she was seeing someone and no longer wanted to associate with me. I was saddened, to say the least. Painful as it was (actually the first time I legitly cried in over 2 years) I had to put it aside since I was getting ready to depart to China for my solo journey/work assignment across China for the summer.

    We end up not speaking much over the summer and we are "on our guard" with each other when ever one of us did speak. Now, the fall semester starts and things begin to get better. As of lately, we ran into each other out of the blue and she is happy to see me and wants to catch up over break. A few days later we have a 2 hour long Skype convo and she details how she is glad to have me as a friend, how I helped her become more self confident, less shy, etc etc. I was touched...a lot by hearing her say that. We are now really good friends again.

    This is where my question comes in. Every time I see her on facebook, or think about her, I begin to feel that feeling of, well "love" again. I know that nothing can work out (or so I assume) and that it would be foolish to think of pursuing anything. However, I can't help thinking to myself: "Why are we as humans able to fall for someone, be hurt by them, then begin to fall back in love with them"? Logically, it makes no sense. I mean, if you had a pet that warmed up to you, then later had it attack you, you wouldn't really ever trust that pet again in the future, right? So how come we are able to go through these cycles with humans? It baffles me and I would like to hear of anyone's own in put on this topic. Why do you think we are able to be hurt by someone, then start to get pulled back in by them?

    And for the record, I don't plan on pursuing anything with this girl. I plan to just ignore these feelings and let the dissipate. We should also note that I have still yet to have a relationship with a women. I went through (including this girl) 3 potential girls this past year and had no luck in making that leap from friendship to relationship. Could this be a problem to seriously take a look at, or is it normal-ish?

    As always, thanks for your in put!

  2. #2

    Default

    If I were you I would tell her that I would enjoy seeing her as a bit more than a friend. If she shuts you down, then simply tell her that that is fine and that you would love to still be regular friends with her if she were still up for it.

    You do not have all that much to lose it seems like and if the worst comes of it, than at least you know.

    Good Luck and keep us posted

  3. #3

    Default

    This is the nature of love DT. Love is never rational, because it is rooted in pure emotion. I've been there when I was your age, and it was always painful. Mine was more complicated as they were sometimes same sex, but the pain was the same. Eventually I grew a little more emotionally, and met the woman who would become my wife and the mother of my children. Life and love is a journey, and you will probably meet many different girls before you both find each other.

    From what you tell us, she sounds a little off center, so to speak. Usually people handle breakups a little better than she did, and you can see the signs that the breakup is coming. I think it's perfectly fine to be friends with her, but you already know that she's probably not going to become romantically close. I would look for someone else, in my opinion.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by diaperedteenager View Post
    "Why are we as humans able to fall for someone, be hurt by them, then begin to fall back in love with them"? Logically, it makes no sense. I mean, if you had a pet that warmed up to you, then later had it attack you, you wouldn't really ever trust that pet again in the future, right? So how come we are able to go through these cycles with humans? It baffles me and I would like to hear of anyone's own in put on this topic. Why do you think we are able to be hurt by someone, then start to get pulled back in by them?
    Short answer: because humans are f***ing insane!

    As Dogboy says, love is emotional rather than rational. The rational part of the "heterosexual mating ritual" would be to find someone with desirable physical traits and a good degree of genetic diversity to ensure that your combined DNA (wrapped up neatly in biological packages called "children") has the greatest possible chance of survival. Romantic, eh?

    In my cynical morbidly-depressed world view, I view "love" as a kind of emotional delusion. Which isn't to say that it's a bad thing... it's the "glue" that holds people together through the tough times, making it worthwhile to invest time and effort into maintaining a relationship and potentially take care of a family, rather than coldly and logically disseminating your DNA to as many women as possible and leaving them to bring up your children... It would be a bit rubbish if love was rational... The random illogical unpredictability of love makes life... "interesting"... to say the least...



    Quote Originally Posted by diaperedteenager View Post
    We should also note that I have still yet to have a relationship with a women. I went through (including this girl) 3 potential girls this past year and had no luck in making that leap from friendship to relationship. Could this be a problem to seriously take a look at, or is it normal-ish?
    You're 20 -- I'd say that was fairly normal. Trying to convert three friendships into romance in a year sounds like pretty good going. I've probably only tried to convert three relationships into "something more" three times in my life... which probably explains why I'm still single... :-/

  5. #5

    Default

    I had a similar thing in my first year, fell in love with a friend of mine but decided never to tell her to avoid it being awkward but by the end of the year she had figured it out and she confronted me. Told me she didn't feel the same way (or ever would) and I told her that I never planned to ask her out and we're still friends to this day. I do still have feelings for her and have tried to move on but what few chances I have had with women have gone nowhere and I find myself drawn back to her regularly, nowhere near as strong as it once was but it's still there for definite. It sucks sometimes and really did at first but we've moved past it and have never brought it up since.

    They time heals all wounds and this is one of those times, just power through and talk to her like you would a friend and maybe one day you will find someone who likes you back and the feelings you had for her will disappear.

Similar Threads

  1. Hello im a Human with the name Jakob
    By SonicundMario in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-Aug-2012, 04:29
  2. Anyone works out?
    By dlman23 in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 24-Jun-2012, 05:41
  3. Human Evolution
    By Snaps in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 75
    Last Post: 02-Jun-2010, 23:25
  4. How the mind works
    By BerkoBear in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-Jan-2010, 23:56

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.