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Thread: Coming out?

  1. #1

    Default Coming out?

    Is it necessary to come out for being bi? I'm still not sure if I'm bi or just not ready to accept that I'm gay. Just curious to hear other's thoughts on the matter.

  2. #2

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    Why do people need to come out claiming they are gay or bi or lesbian? Why is it anyone's business? I don't see anyone saying they are straight or asexual or pansexual.

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    I'm with calico its only as a huge deal if you make it one. Be who you are and if other people don't like it then who cares its not their life or their decisions.

  4. #4

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    You only need to come out if you meet someone. Like I did not really admit being gay till there was someone I want to be with. In fact I do not think my mom knows if I am interested in girls or not. I am not even sure if I can be with girls sexually but I have a strong feeling I can be if they have a masculine personality.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    Why do people need to come out claiming they are gay or bi or lesbian? Why is it anyone's business? I don't see anyone saying they are straight or asexual or pansexual.
    Actually I tell people I'm pansexual all the time, hehe. To me, coming out is just knowing what you like and being able to tell people when you want to. If it comes up in conversation, under the right circumstances I don't mind bringing up that fact. Personally I love being "out", I feel very comfortable with who I am in that aspect.

    If you feel comfortable coming out then do it, even if it's just to a few close friends. Sometimes I go through "moods" of being more attracted to men and when I was younger this was very confusing. There is a large grey area between straight and gay and emotions vary from time to time. Do you feel attracted towards the opposite gender at least some of the time?

  6. #6

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    at first i was adamant that i was not bisexual. but when i was younger i would see men that i thought were really good looking to me. i also felt like this when looking at woman to. i used to find this confusing for a while. till i had my fisrt seual encounter. which was with a girl. i thought it was odd coz i was really sexually attracted to her. but theat relationship ended and the next one i had was with a guy. granted we aere both underage and doing it in secret. both of us felt it was really sexaully rousing for both of us. i found that there are some men or woman that are attracted to both sexes male and female. and i though that this could be me. so i did more research on it and finally decided at i am bisexual based on how i feel towards men and woman equally attracted to both.

    tennismad

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wazzle View Post
    Actually I tell people I'm pansexual all the time, hehe. To me, coming out is just knowing what you like and being able to tell people when you want to. If it comes up in conversation, under the right circumstances I don't mind bringing up that fact. Personally I love being "out", I feel very comfortable with who I am in that aspect.

    If you feel comfortable coming out then do it, even if it's just to a few close friends. Sometimes I go through "moods" of being more attracted to men and when I was younger this was very confusing. There is a large grey area between straight and gay and emotions vary from time to time. Do you feel attracted towards the opposite gender at least some of the time?
    I'm female so yeah. I also find some women attractive too and sexy but I don't want to have sex with them. I used to think I was bisexual but my husband told me I am bi curious because I heven't done it yet. Then he asked me if I ever want to do it and I said no so he told me I am no bi then and I am straight. I also read that it's common for females to be attracted to other females and they also wonder if they are lesbian and then they like a guy an wonder "Does this mean I am bi?"

    But I don't get the double standard, why is it fine for women to be attracted to other women and find them hot and cute and pretty but if men do that with other men, it means they are bi sexual or gay but for women it means they are still straight? I also notice straight men will not see another man as hot or attractive or handsome or have such thoughts. They don't think that way about their own gender while women do.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    I'm female so yeah. I also find some women attractive too and sexy but I don't want to have sex with them. I used to think I was bisexual but my husband told me I am bi curious because I heven't done it yet. Then he asked me if I ever want to do it and I said no so he told me I am no bi then and I am straight. I also read that it's common for females to be attracted to other females and they also wonder if they are lesbian and then they like a guy an wonder "Does this mean I am bi?"

    But I don't get the double standard, why is it fine for women to be attracted to other women and find them hot and cute and pretty but if men do that with other men, it means they are bi sexual or gay but for women it means they are still straight? I also notice straight men will not see another man as hot or attractive or handsome or have such thoughts. They don't think that way about their own gender while women do.
    I might be wrong but I think this is why guys get mixed signals when they see girls socialize (Since some guys are very interested of..... girls liking each other... in that way) I am trying to say girls usually act being socially closer then guys usually do. I also say that based on my personal experience of giving 'space'. Usually guys like more space then girls do (guessing) as I was told by other guys I would get too close to them but was never told that by a girl.

    I also think it could be the reason for the double standard for clothing. For girls to dress in stereotypical guy stuff like pants no one bats an eye. (There was once I got big in H.S. so I had big boys pants. Then I lost wight and stopped using them and my mom used them) But when a guy wears dresses, the guy is called a sissy, meaning they are weak or less then a man. So I guess in a way there is more social pressure for guys then girls to be "normal" In your example, around normal people, if a guy gave such a remark openly, then that guy would be mocked for being gay. I have no idea if girls would do this and if they don't that is another reason for the double standard.

    Anyways your husband is pretty much correct, that is how things are viewed for the most part. (Slightly different context but my Mom gave me the same message as your husband) I call myself Bi because I can easily see myself being dominated by ether gender but I only actually did it with a boy. (Well there was that one situation of being dry humped by a girl but lets not get into that =/)
    Last edited by CutePrincess; 27-Dec-2012 at 20:24.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    Why do people need to come out claiming they are gay or bi or lesbian? Why is it anyone's business? I don't see anyone saying they are straight or asexual or pansexual.
    I think it's mainly because everyone is assumed to be straight unless told otherwise. Also, as a gay person, I think 'broadcasting' could possibly help one's chances of finding a partner, since again, the default thing to assume about someone is that they are straight.



    Quote Originally Posted by MadeYouDerp View Post
    Is it necessary to come out for being bi? I'm still not sure if I'm bi or just not ready to accept that I'm gay. Just curious to hear other's thoughts on the matter.
    That's really up to you. Sexuality is a hard thing to pin down or fit into a box. And I think one's understanding of it can evolve over time, as well. I could understand being worried about being seen as flippant or unable to make up your mind if you come out as bi, and then later say you're gay, but there's nothing inherently wrong with that. FWIW I think I'm pan, but I usually just tell people I'm gay since I have such a high preference for girls. If I said I was pan, I'd have to put an asterisk next to it and explain all of that. If I say I'm gay, then again it's not really telling the whole truth. I'd say just go with whatever feels most comfortable for now, and maybe focus on what specifically attracts you (what physical traits, personality traits, etc) rather than wide swaths of 'male' and/or 'female'.

  10. #10

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    I read up on pan and I know I do not fit that just because it means you can find an attraction out of anything that is adult human (So any sexual identity is fine with you along with any physical make-up since there is intersex people as well. (intersex means having parts of both genders physically))

    I think I would have trouble being with someone else with a girly-girl personality because then it is like something is missing... as they say opposites attract. Just seems like there be some argument over who is the submissive one. (My first gay relationship had this issue) That is the main reason I am staying away from explaining I am pan.

    Anyways whitefox is right, you are assumed normal till you prove otherwise (Person not being AB/DL,GLBT. Being straight ><)

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