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Thread: Trying to introduce ABDL into a strong relationship

  1. #1

    Default Trying to introduce ABDL into a strong relationship

    New to the forum, and I'm sure this has been talked about elsewhere. Maybe someone with more experience could point me in the direction of some related threads.

    I have been dating my girlfriend now for 5 1/2 years. We have a very strong relationship, and we have discussed marriage and children as a possibility for us. We are both convinced that we want to be together.

    Back in July, I made the decision to tell her about my interest in diapers and being an adult baby. It was incredibly difficult, and she was initially shocked, which is understandable, but eventually we started talking about it. She has talked with a therapist at her school, and has said that she wants to support me and learn to deal with this side of me.

    We have been trying to work through it for the past few months. One night she was comfortable enough to let me wear a diaper and just cuddle for a while in bed. I enjoyed it, but it was quite awkward. Since then we have only talked about it.

    We are both trying to make this work, but we are both confused about how to proceed. Any advice would be appreciated.

  2. #2

    Default Trying to introduce ABDL into a strong relationship

    It has taken 3 years for me to feel comfortable enough not to feel embarrassed or shameful when I indulge my ABDL side in front of my partner. I have been with my partner for 4 years and I am the point where she will wear for me on occasion to keep things interesting in our sex life.

    3 years isn't overnight, but, from the sounds of it I get the impression you want to be with her for the long haul. Be prepared to be patient, especially if your partner is more vanilla or traditional when it comes to embracing or at the very least accepting this part of you. That being said, if she really loves you, she will accept you. The only question is, the level of acceptance you want isn't something she may be able to provide, not immediately anyway.

    Be patient. If she isn't comfortable with something, take baby steps forward, but if she gets distant, maybe take a break for a little while. You can always indulge your little side when you're alone.

    Make sure to cater to her needs as well. It's give and take in any good relationship, so be sure and spoil her with her favourite activities.

    Find a way to include your little side with activities that you both like, wearing while watching a movie, cooking, day to day activities to take the focus away from your little side and make it feel normal for her.

    Last, but not least, communicate. Be responsive to her feelings, needs, wants, apprehensions, etc...

    Take things slow. I can't stress that enough.

    Good luck! PM me if you have any questions.

  3. #3

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    Welcome cbgbaby,

    I'm married with adult children. I told my wife about this AB stuff shortly before our engagement. She is is more resigned to this part of me, rather than accepting. She tried a few things with me, and couldn't get into it. In the end,we agreed to boundries. That has worked for us for over 25 years now.

    You have been hiding this from her for over five years, so I think that if she ended up not being thrilled with this part of you, that you should be able to work something out. Just don't insist on her doing something that she dosen't like. It is enough that she knows what you like, and she can participate how and if she wants.

    Good luck to you both.

  4. #4

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    As girl has some great guidance. Taking things slowly can be very helpful. She, or you, rush the issue of your baby side it is likely to only result in confusion, awkwardness, and even bad feelings.

    Her letting you wear a diaper to bed then cuddling is a sign that she is willing to work and be flexible. Things like this will be awkward for both of you because it is unusual.

    Here are a couple of ideas. Instead of focusing on the awkwardness spend the time to recognize those things that draw the two of you together. Put the awkwardness away and enjoy the experience, even the sweet little things. This really works for both of you. Some of the guidance that I give to solo AB/DL's is to make the decision to accept yourself and this special part of you, for someone that is sharing a relationship I would extend that to not only be self acceptance but to accept each other. She may not want to completely play along and that should be ok, accept her.

    Look for little things that you can do and say to let her know that you love her. When things go wrong it is easy to just assume the worst, do not do this because it is a trap. ALWAYS assume that she loves you. If she ever does anything that hurts you, forgive her and continue loving her. Be honest even when the truth is hard. When things get really tough just take her into your arms and remind her how much you love and appreciate her.

    It would also be good if she did the same kinds of things.

    What I am saying is that coming to terms with your baby side and making it work in the relationship is more about fostering a loving relationship and then a little about both of you accepting this precious part of who you are.

  5. #5

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    Communication is key my friend. I'm in a similar boat. Maybe we're floating next to each other? Keep talking to her about it. Next time you're diapered and cuddling with her, ask her how she feels about it and if there's anything you can help explain. The articles on here and on understandinginfantilism.org are very helpful. they will help not only your girlfriend in understanding, but may also help you understand yourself better. PM me if you need anything (wait a couple of days, because I need to be an active member for seven days to get PMs)

  6. #6

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    Thank you all for the great advice! We definitely have been taking it slow and will continue to do so. I'm trying to walk a fine line by being honest and open about my feelings and desires but also sensitive to how new this all is to her (even after several months). I think she's still getting over the shock to some degree. For example, I recently ordered my first onesie, and I felt like I needed to tell her about it, not because I wanted to wear it with her, but because I just didn't want to hide it from her. And even though she said that it was ok, I think it freaked her out a little bit.

    One of the things she said following our cuddling time was that she felt uncomfortable and just didn't know what to do with me. I think that's where maybe trying to take the pressure off her by focusing on other things will help. I may try some of your suggestions to wear while doing other activities. But every time we talk, I always remind her that I don't want to make her do anything she's uncomfortable with and that she can always say no.

    So I guess it's just a balancing act. I'm taking a break from talking about it with her because of the onesie thing and the fact that I'm still doing my own "soul-searching." One of the things she has asked is that I try to "figure out exactly what I need from her." I've told her that I don't really see it as a "need," and I don't want to push her away by saying "I need you to do this or this or this." I'm not even sure of exactly what I like yet, and I don't have a list of demands. Honestly, the fact that she has been so supportive and accepting is way more than I could have hoped for. I've told her these things, but she has still brought it up several times in conversations. Any ideas as to how I can respond?

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by cbgbaby View Post
    Any ideas as to how I can respond?
    Just tell her all you need is her love.

    All this AB stuff is something you enjoy. It would be special if she played along.

  8. #8

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    From what you're explaining, it seems like you will have to go very slowly. One thought that comes to me is that your girlfriend may benefit from reading about us, what we do and why (if that's answerable). There is that book, "There's a Baby In My Bed" which I think deals with what she's asking, what to do with us. I can understand that you might be hesitant, because she may not like what she find's, in which case, you are going to have to tell her. In that case, start with little steps, or as they say, (and forgive me), baby steps. There's also "Understanding Infantilism".

    My wife found out about me 5 years ago, and I had a lot of explaining to do. I started from the very beginning, telling her about the desire from when I was 4. I also told her what a diaper lover is and also what an adult baby is. She was very understanding and supported me completely. She has bought me two plushies, a couple of onsies, footed jammies and sippy cups. But she is diabetic and I have saved her life countless times. There is a lot I do for her and she knows I love her unconditionally. We are a partnership. As for my infantilism, she says I'm the silliest person she knows, but she finds toddler stories for me on her Ipad, and plays them for me at night, treating me as if I am two or three. I go to bed diapered maybe two or three times a night, but I time things so I don't smell. At least I try to contain that aspect of diaper wetting. Somehow, we have made this work.

    I think that you will have to have many discussions with your girlfriend, taking it very slowly, a little bit at a time. For her, acceptance is key, so you don't want to overwhelm her. Judging by what you have said, you already know this, and it is what you are doing. I would just keep on the track in what you are going, because I think you and handling it as best as it could be handled.

  9. #9

    Default Trying to introduce ABDL into a strong relationship



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    One thought that comes to me is that your girlfriend may benefit from reading about us, what we do and why (if that's answerable). There is that book, "There's a Baby In My Bed" which I think deals with what she's asking, what to do with us. I can understand that you might be hesitant, because she may not like what she find's, in which case, you are going to have to tell her. In that case, start with little steps, or as they say, (and forgive me), baby steps. There's also "Understanding Infantilism".
    When we were first trying to approach the subject and talk about it, I showed her understanding infantilism and some of the articles on this site. They seemed to help explain it, but also sparked a lot of questions as well. I just try to answer honestly and help her understand...even when I don't always fully understand what I want or why I like certain things.

    We also read the beginning of "There's a Baby in My Bed" together, which is available as a sample from iBooks. Again, it was a good way to get the discussion going, but I found that some things didn't really apply to me, and she was pretty turned off by how much it talks about the "Parent/Child relationship." That led into a whole discussion about how this could work if i wanted to have children of my own in the future (which I do). So we didn't end up getting the book. Do you think we should take another look at it?

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by cbgbaby View Post
    When we were first trying to approach the subject and talk about it, I showed her understanding infantilism and some of the articles on this site. They seemed to help explain it, but also sparked a lot of questions as well. I just try to answer honestly and help her understand...even when I don't always fully understand what I want or why I like certain things.

    We also read the beginning of "There's a Baby in My Bed" together, which is available as a sample from iBooks. Again, it was a good way to get the discussion going, but I found that some things didn't really apply to me, and she was pretty turned off by how much it talks about the "Parent/Child relationship." That led into a whole discussion about how this could work if i wanted to have children of my own in the future (which I do). So we didn't end up getting the book. Do you think we should take another look at it?
    I've not read the book, but everything you've said on this thread makes me trust in your judgement. Everything you've said sounds very sound, and I think you've handled it as well as one possibly could.

    If it will help you feel better, I have three grown children, and I kept it hidden from them through all those years. For the most part, I engaged only when I was home alone, which was every Friday, which I had off when my wife had to work. That worked until she had to retire on full disability. Our children are the best part of both me and my wife's lives, and I would never trade wearing diapers for the fulfillment a family has given me. I was able to make having both work, and you can too. You just have to compromise and find some common ground. Your girlfriend has come this far in accepting you and that's a very good indication that the two of you can work this out.

    Again I'll reiterate what you already know, that taking it slowly, with one little thing perhaps added is the way to go. I don't go full baby with my wife, but I sometimes talk in little talk, and she will sometimes do the same. We make a few jokes, and I freely admit to her that I'm a bit weird in that way. I've told her that I know I'm a bit crazy, but I don't harm anyone, and in fact, I'm a very loving and caring person. Everyone is a little crazy in some way, and I wouldn't trade my crazy for theirs. We laugh and go on, and it works. We're human, and because of that, we are imperfect and have our frailties. It could be much worse. I think being "little" often gives us some of the better qualities of being a child, loving unconditionally, being gentle and caring about others. Wearing a diaper isn't a bad trade off.

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