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Thread: Does anyone feel androgenous (rather than male/female)...?

  1. #1

    Question Does anyone feel androgenous (rather than male/female)...?

    The recent discussions about the proposed change in forum structure, and how there is a "sissy / little girl" board, but no "tomboy / little boy" board got me thinking...

    I'm male and I suppose (in the imaginary world where I'm little) I am more stereotypically boyish than girly... But... I've never really felt like a boy/man (if that makes sense). In my early 20s I briefly considered the idea that it might have been nice to have been born a girl, but... it was really just an "experimental state of mind" or an "exploration of possibilities" and not really something that I genuinely identified with...

    I hate stereotypically "manly" things like watching/playing sports, oggling women, fast cars, getting drunk on mass-produced lager, killing fluffy animals, violence, weapons and action films...

    But I also can't stand the colour pink, bows, ribbons, pyjama parties, rom-coms/chick-flicks, fashion, shopping or hairspray.



    So... having removed my tongue from my cheek... Does anyone else just feel androgynous; neither male or female...?

    Maybe it's because I'm more-or-less asexual and the whole concept of sex/gender doesn't really register in the same way as it would for others...

    I mentioned to my therapist that maybe one of the reasons I like diapers is that they cover up the bits that make me male... so I feel more androgynous...

    Well... I just wondered if this kind of thinking just means that I really am asexual or whether it's just down to ridiculous stereotypes that don't apply to me...

    Anyone else feel the same...?

  2. #2

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    Interesting point. I have never really thought about it.

  3. #3

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    I certainly agree that society has many ridiculous stereotypes for what is male or female. I have always felt comfortable as a guy, and I am attracted to women, but I think sex is not nearly as big of a deal for me as what it seems to be for many people. And I think our society is WAY over sexualized. The way I see it, it is in the interest of capitalism to push us to be more obsessed with sex. That means we will have more babies and spend more money.
    You mention enjoying the fact that the diaper hides your man parts, I have similar feelings. One aspect of diapers and regression that I enjoy, is just not having to think or worry about gender, sex and everything that goes along. So kudos to you and probably everyone here, for not fitting the stereotypes! I doubt that stereotypes and fixed gender, age and class roles will ever go away, but hopefully in the future they will matter less and less.

  4. #4

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    I have a friend that feels neutral when it comes to gender. There are some days when he's comfortable being male, but there are days where he wishes he were female. He doesn't was to be stuck as one or the other.
    I can't say that I completely understand where he's coming, since I'm content being female, but I do agree with him on the problems with gender stereotyping.

  5. #5

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    I definitely find gender stereotypes to be frustrating. This may sound odd but...I feel entirely like a girl, until it comes to being an AB and then...There's part of me that wants to act like a girl and part of me that wants to act like a boy. I've roleplayed as both online, and sometimes feel more comfortable as a boy, and offline have always played as a girl. I'm unsure what that is exactly.

  6. #6

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    Looks like my issue got ya thinking about something XD

    You know when I was exploring myself finding out about transgender and all that I started to think what my core personality would be if it was not for the body I am in. So I took these online tests and other things while looking at my interests. When I look at my toys in the past like Legos I would say my play things was more androgynous then anything. I was not into war things at all till later when there was starwars toys boom. Even though that is looked as more of a guy thing there is plenty of girls that like it and it was my mom that got my interest into it anyway.

    I was trying to explain that I had a more androgynous view on my toys to my mom when she said "well you did not like anything girly" because there was girl legos. She claimed my city lego interest was manlier because I had some that dealt with police and fire. But I also like plains and other things too. It was hard for me to explore "girly" things without being judged so I found likes without worrying about that. Of course I was not thinking about that when I was 4,5,6 etc. All I understood was it was bad to like girly things so I found things that was not girly that I could like.

    Anyways now I feel I would fit a girly-girl/androgynous type of personality. Like I can tolerate action films if there is not too much gore behind the violence. My mom has a stronger tolerance to violence then I do. Anytime a film has some sort of torture I turn away. Sometimes I watch films with my mom. I will turn away from something and she tells me when to look back.

    I am fine with manly views, I can understand to a point why they act like that. The only time I really "Hate" stereotypically "manly" things is the competition thing though physical violence (to a lighter extent sports) The reason for that is because of the social pressure I got to join in. My core personality would be to reply with "You go do that and I will make fun of you later for getting hurt in some pointless act after I know you are ok" People got me to do that arm thing in high school to "test" who was stronger. The only amusement I got from that is that I could lose with my right hand easily but struggle to win with my left. I guess I am more balanced then most people. (I'm right handed but use my left hand to do many things.) So I was amused at the time because I just felt that was a bit weird.

    When it comes to films, what is androgynous? If you do not like action films or 'chick flicks' what do you watch? (More directed to Tiny but of course anyone can answer)


    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    I mentioned to my therapist that maybe one of the reasons I like diapers is that they cover up the bits that make me male... so I feel more androgynous...
    I read about something about transgender kids gravitating to like the little merman and such because of "What is between your legs" does not matter. I did like the little mermaid when I was little but who knows if that was one of the reasons. I was not conscious of caring what was between one's legs back then of it so I can't admit it or deny that being a reason or not for me liking the little mermaid back then. To me back then I just liked it because I liked it.



    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    Well... I just wondered if this kind of thinking just means that I really am asexual or whether it's just down to ridiculous stereotypes that don't apply to me...
    Asexual just means you are not attracted to anything sexually. For me I just want to be dominated in that sense so I do not care of the person is female or male body. I only need a “masculine” or a “Top” personality from my partner to get me interested sexually. That is why I listed Bi for my profile thing. (I found out my likes for a partner is a stereotypical girl view)


    Quote Originally Posted by petitewhimsy View Post
    I definitely find gender stereotypes to be frustrating. This may sound odd but...I feel entirely like a girl, until it comes to being an AB and then...There's part of me that wants to act like a girl and part of me that wants to act like a boy. I've roleplayed as both online, and sometimes feel more comfortable as a boy, and offline have always played as a girl. I'm unsure what that is exactly.
    What you play as being little is called gender fluid or gender queer, it means your fine with flipping between the two
    Last edited by CutePrincess; 21-Dec-2012 at 06:09.

  7. #7

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    I think we all have a little bit of 'male' and 'female' constituent to our personalities, and that even the expression of those... traits can change over time. I still struggle with decoupling masculinity and femininity (the stereotypes imposed by society) from actual gender identity. I was AMAB (assigned male at birth), however I realised I was a girl when I was 15 or so. Since then, I've explored a lot of ways to express my gender; mainly through what I wear and how I act/carry myself. At first I simply wanted to dress like other girls my age (or younger, I suppose). I bought skirts and tight, ill-fitting shirts, and tiny shoes and hair clips and whatnot, and generally acted rather feminine. Some of this was part of my personality (I fell on the feminine side of the masculinity-femininity slider); I'm very quiet and a bit deferential by nature.

    However, as time passed, I started to branch out a bit more (it's a bit of a long story). For example, about a month ago I started cross-dressing (ie, wearing clothes I hadn't worn since I transitioned from male to female, like polo shirts), because I really do enjoy it. I still feel, gender identity-wise, that I'm safely in the female range (I'll get to that in a minute), but my expression of that has changed from very feminine to somewhere in the middle. A lot of my 'natural' traits, like voice and the way I walk, are pretty ambiguous. Right now, I'd say that on average I present pretty androgynously. If I had the patience, I'd pick out some outfits that are more neutral, although people love to gender clothing (and bodies [!]), so that's a little difficult. Sometimes I do go all-out really girly, with makeup and a dress and usually a hairbow, and that feels great, but I don't want that every day. Most of the time I just want to throw on a shirt and pants and be done with it. >.>

    Anyway, like I said earlier, I most definitely feel like a girl. I like to mess with people's expectations to get a reaction, and also I just like what I like, but I see that as separate from my gender. And as for how (physical) sex plays into it all, I have no clue. One thing I find myself reminding people about constantly is that not all boys have (or want) penises, and not all girls have (or want) vaginas. This may sound crazy, especially if you've never heard of transsexual people before, but there are actually trans women (and men) who don't want 'the surgery', and still feel confident with their gender. Basically, how you feel about your sex doesn't necessarily dictate what your gender is. Dysphoria is how many trans people figure out that they are trans, but not every trans person experiences dysphoria. It's so intertwined in our (cissexist) society that all people are either men or women, and men have this body and act this way and women have this body and act that way, but it's so much more complicated than that. You could want an androgynous body and still be (ie feel like) a man, or perhaps you really do identify as a mixture of male and female (or perhaps neither, or something else altogether - there are more than two genders). I really don't know how you'd go about figuring it out, except trying out different things until you home in on something that feels like it fits. When it comes down to it, it's still an oversimplification (a label) of the person who is you!

    So yeah. I think about this stuff a lot....

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by bean View Post
    You mention enjoying the fact that the diaper hides your man parts, I have similar feelings. One aspect of diapers and regression that I enjoy, is just not having to think or worry about gender, sex and everything that goes along.
    Exactly! I can put on a diaper and connect with the "real me". I wonder if, by hiding those parts of me, I'm also hiding from society's stereotyped gender roles... (Or am I reading too much into this...?)



    Quote Originally Posted by Piplup View Post
    I have a friend that feels neutral when it comes to gender. There are some days when he's comfortable being male, but there are days where he wishes he were female. He doesn't was to be stuck as one or the other.
    I can't say that I completely understand where he's coming, since I'm content being female, but I do agree with him on the problems with gender stereotyping.
    Interesting... I'd say that was ambivalence rather than neutrality, but whatever... For me, it's not that I want to be male one day and female the next... I don't really think about feeling male or female at all. It's like my own gender doesn't even register... (Does that make sense?!)

    A few times (but certainly not often) people have wondered if I was gay or have implied that I'd done something they saw as "girly", but as far as gender is concerned, I just do what I want.
    Maybe that's why society's stereotyped roles of "male" and "female" haven't really seemed important to me.

    Maybe it was down to the way I was brought up. My parents were a great team and treated each other equally. Although my mum stayed at home and dad went out to work, I was never really aware that "men should be like X and women should be like Y"...



    Quote Originally Posted by CutePrincess View Post
    Looks like my issue got ya thinking about something XD
    Ha ha - yeah, you could say that!



    Quote Originally Posted by CutePrincess View Post
    So I took these online tests and other things while looking at my interests. When I look at my toys in the past like Legos I would say my play things was more androgynous then anything. I was not into war things at all till later when there was starwars toys boom...
    Ha ha -- I did an online "guess your gender" test and the damn thing couldn't figure me out. The result was that I was equally likely to be male as female, according to the analysis of my answers!

    I loved Lego too (and hated action figures). I had a Meccano set, which I suppose is quite boyish and electronics kits, chemistry kits, and was obsessed with computers from the moment I first saw one in school. But... that's just what I liked. In the first few years at primary school, most of my friends were girls and I remember taking a skipping rope to school (which most boys would have found very odd!)



    Quote Originally Posted by CutePrincess View Post
    I am fine with manly views, I can understand to a point why they act like that. The only time I really "Hate" stereotypically "manly" things is the competition thing though physical violence (to a lighter extent sports) The reason for that is because of the social pressure I got to join in.
    I don't really understand anyone who watches people they don't even know play sports! And even harder to understand why they tend to support particular teams! If you like football, isn't it more exciting to see it played skilfully than to have a boring game where "your" team wins? Obviously not... But in that case... why watch the match at all, why not just wait for the result and say "boo" or "hooray"...? :-/

    I understand why people might want to play sports themselves, though. Unfortunately I'm not very good (and usually worried about getting hit in the face with a damp wet ball covered in mud). Fortunately my lack of particular talent meant that I wasn't put under any pressure to do sports (outside the 1 or 2hrs a week in games lessons).



    Quote Originally Posted by CutePrincess View Post
    When it comes to films, what is androgynous? If you do not like action films or 'chick flicks' what do you watch? (More directed to Tiny but of course anyone can answer)
    Drama, mainly. Stuff that has a point to make, rather than a chick-flick that manipulates your emotions so you empathise with some made-up romantic plight, or action films that just want to show you stuff going "bang", "boom" or "kapow". (I'm half-joking here -- there's nothing wrong with those genres if you like them!)

    I suppose action films are supposed to get the adrenaline pumping, but... I know the protagonist isn't going to die ten minutes into the film and he hasn't really been shot at by "the baddies"... so I just get incredibly bored and impatient with the lack of storyline during the "action sequences"...

    So... a few films I've liked are Naked Lunch, Withnail & I, Trainspotting, Shutter Island, A Scanner Darkly, Memento, Pulp Fiction, The Beach, I Heart Huckabees, In Bruges, Being John Malkovich, Four Lions...



    Quote Originally Posted by CutePrincess View Post
    Asexual just means you are not attracted to anything sexually. For me I just want to be dominated in that sense so I do not care of the person is female or male body. I only need a “masculine” or a “Top” personality from my partner to get me interested sexually. That is why I listed Bi for my profile thing. (I found out my likes for a partner is a stereotypical girl view)
    Hmmm... well, I'm romantically attracted to women... but I suppose my idea of romance is more like "exclusive super best friends"... I'd like to have a wonderful female partner, but not because I "feel male"... I suppose it's because I'm more-or-less asexual that I don't feel like I have to "fit in" with any preconceptions of masculinity or femininity... :-/

    I just came across the definition of "androgyne", so maybe that fits me best...? (But I'm not big on labels, so whatever...)
    Androgyne - Gender Wiki
    TransWhat? • Confused? Start here.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Androgyny

    (Wow -- sorry that was a looong post!)

  9. #9

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    My mom got me into sports at a young age like 6-9 i think? is when I played baseball and basketball in young kids leagues. She also got me into swimming and skiing. I am not actually that good in swimming and skiing but those are the sports I really enjoy doing. I also like watching Olympic sports more then 'normal sports' like gymnastics (omg at rymthic gymnstaics you try doing that, way harder then it looks), skiing, swimming and figure-skating. Then in High school I had a friend that liked to play football (American football) and basketball so I did that with him. I would never do that on my own and once we drifted a part I stopped doing that.

    Ya every test I took had me really on the feminine side, like there might of been one or two questions that might of kept me from answering completely feminine. I ran across one test I remember really well because it had an androgynous tally. It was something like 7 points for feminine, 5 for androgynous and 1 for masculine lol

    It would be nice to throw out labels out the window but in a way they can explain how someone is. If I had a body of a girl I would fit so neatly under the girly-girl label and I have no problem with that. That is me and a quick way of explaining my likes and dislikes.

    Your sexually though I want to help with since it seems you are most confused about that. Label or not it just comes down to who you want to be with? I think my transgender issues had an impact who I want to be with as I only care about personality. I can be physically attracted to ether gender physically. So the other thing that is the breaking point who I want to be with is the personality side. When I compared my likes and preferences to "Stereotypes" I fit in what a stereotypical girl wants. I want someone to hold me, be taller than me, understand me.. so on.... I do want to be with that one special person to "Express" my love with them. (Personality is my main thing like I can look past height easily but I still can admit that I would prefer for them to be taller than me)

    So my gender Identity is female but Bi sexually. It is two different things. If you feel you are split down the middle and have no interest in sex then you’re androgynous/Asexual


    For friends I just want someone to talk to that understands me.

  10. #10

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    Unfortunately, yes, I feel "androgynous" because, as an FtM transgender who is unable to get hormones and/or surgeries for a slew of reasons (financial being the biggest), it seems as though I must live-out the rest of my life as a short-haired, pants-only female who is NOT attracted to males. I cannot be hyper-masculine because it doesn't make sense, considering how high my voice is, nor am I willing to be feminine to any extent, let alone hyper-feminine! Some people assume I'm either a butch lesbian or a young woman too "retarded" to care for long hair, wear high-heels, or use make-up due to this binary view of gender and how women are somehow "incomplete" without some drastic signs of a desire for male attention. But I'm starting to think that maybe this dysphoria doesn't mean I was born into the wrong body, but rather the wrong society, because I'm just not entirely convinced I have a "male brain" afterall, since I detest sports and most things men love to do just as much as I hate the thought of wearing dresses or make-up. That leaves me feeling like I'm in a purple "no man's land" between male and female.

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