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Thread: I think I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship.

  1. #1

    Default I think I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship.

    And I don't know what to do. I'm young and this is the longest relationship I've ever had. I don't have enough experience to know what is right and what is wrong in a relationship...

    I feel as though my girlfriend/mommy is abusing me emotionally. I always feel like I'm trying to avoid conflicts with her (because they happen so frequently) and I always feel like everything is my fault, even though part of me knows that she is wrong...

    I looked up a lot of articles and this one seems to be very specific to what I deal with in my home life : 10 Signs Your Girlfriend or Wife is an Emotional Bully A Shrink for Men

    Honestly, out of those 10 examples, I can say I've dealt with at least 8 in this relationship.

    I just don't know what to do. I don't want this turmoil in my life, but the most common recommendation for escaping this abuse is to just end the relationship. But after 3 years, that's easier said than done.

    I'm so confused, I've been depressed for months. I don't really have anyone to talk to because I feel as though any relationships with my friends have become weakened due to the fact that I don't see them anymore. I hang out with people maybe once a month.. and that usually leads to being attacked because I did something without her.

    I live away from home, but I love to visit home in order to see my family and friends. I used to go home every week, if not every two weeks. At this point I've been home only twice in the last 3 and a half months. I can't leave her here for extended periods of time because she "Doesn't like being alone". Then when I put my foot down and say I'm going home, I'm automatically a jerk and am only thinking of myself.

    It's to the point where she is trying to convince me that I'm the one who is always crooked and I'm the one who lashes out. But everyone who knows me knows that I am very patient and try to avoid conflict at all costs. She on the other hand has a reputation of being aggressive and stubborn...

    I know that with a lot of the information I have posted, I'm kinda pushing myself to my own conclusion.... but it's just so hard to drop these things and I really can't handle this emotional strain anymore...

    Somebody please help me... I don't know where else to turn...

    -Ron

  2. #2

    Default

    Newfoundland, Canada: domestic violence information Hot Peach Pages International

    Domestic Violence

    here are two links that i found in the Canadian data base... (there are many more in the US)
    in opinion and with my experience, you are indeed living with domestic abuse. you can't fix it, but i understand your wanting to do so. i have tried the same on several occasions myself. if i tell you to get out of there i know that it just isn't that simple. it must be planed and you must be mentally ready to do so first. sometimes that means that you have to go through enough abuse to have your fill of it and be done with it, or that you simply need a path out of it.... what ever it is that you need, i hope that you find it.... in the meantime, please reconnect with your family and friends for support and encouragement. and please don't be ashamed for what your going through, it happens to the best of us....

    lodge wrecker
    PM me if you would like.....

  3. #3
    H0TWH33LS

    Default I think I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship.

    No none said love was easy man. My best advice is to communicate this with her and try to get her to maybe seek some help. You might also suggest going to see someone together? Finially if she refuses to see someone, you still might benefit from going to talk to someone and learn ways to push back. True Love is a precious commodity and id hate to see you both end a relationship over something that couples deal with everyday. If this relationship means anything to you, you will not throw in the towel. I strongly believe open communication and honesty are two of the most vital characteristics in any relationship.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by H0TWH33LS View Post
    No none said love was easy man. My best advice is to communicate this with her and try to get her to maybe seek some help. You might also suggest going to see someone together? Finially if she refuses to see someone, you still might benefit from going to talk to someone and learn ways to push back. True Love is a precious commodity and id hate to see you both end a relationship over something that couples deal with everyday. If this relationship means anything to you, you will not throw in the towel. I strongly believe open communication and honesty are two of the most vital characteristics in any relationship.
    I try to communicate with her, but that usually ends with her yelling and me beeing called a jerk or inconsiderate. I've been dealing with the abusive side of this relationship for about 2 and a half year. The first few months were excellent and I loved every bit of it, then everything changed and has been changing.

    -Ron

  5. #5

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    Sounds very similar to what I was involved in, while I was married. All i can say is this. Get out now. I was also emotionally and verbally abused. Not only by the person I loved, but also by her 10 year old daughter who would cut me down and berate me. I would leave for work 10 minutes early, and my wife would accuse me of leaving that much earlier to go meet up with a female coworker (whom she had met, and said they were cute).

    Im telling you, get out while you can, for your own wellbeing, and your own happiness. Leave, while you have the opportunity to still reclaim your happiness, and your sunshine, before its to far gone.

  6. #6

    Default

    Ronbeast, I'm so sorry to hear that. From what you've shared, this really does sound like an emotionally abusive relationship.

    Someone likely has more experience on what helps or not, but I wanted to respond to one thing:


    Quote Originally Posted by Ronbeast View Post
    I'm so confused, I've been depressed for months. I don't really have anyone to talk to because I feel as though any relationships with my friends have become weakened due to the fact that I don't see them anymore. I hang out with people maybe once a month.. and that usually leads to being attacked because I did something without her.
    It's very likely that your friends have noticed, realize your girlfriend is partly to blame, and want to hear from you. You are going to need support. Find them. Talk to them. Eventually you will need to decide for yourself what you want from the relationship and what you're willing to give. You will need an exit plan for when that line is crossed. Your friends and family will be a big part of that exit plan. Let them know what's going on. Anyone who might be an ally, anyone who might have a couch you can sleep on.

  7. #7
    H0TWH33LS

    Default I think I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship.

    If you can not have a civil conversation with someone you love than that should be a red flag. Girls like guys can be crazy sometimes but I strongly believe if you're mentally tough enough to stick if out you will demonstrate how much you love her. Good luck feel free to pm if you need someone to talk too.

  8. #8

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    I think I've taken the first step in getting help with this. I messaged my older sister. She's quite possibly one of the only people in my life who I feel completely comfortable opening up to. I really wish she was here so that I could talk with her face-to-face but alas she is half way around the world right now.

    I feel really vulnerable right now. I've started crying in random sporadic bursts, even though previous to this I've barely cried in almost 9 years. This is starting to grind me down... I think I've got to make a decision really soon...

    -Ron

  9. #9

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    I had family, coworkers, and lots of people telling me that I had to get out, and quick, but I was to content on trying to make it work, to finding the right time to have a conversation that would iron and smooth everything out, but it never happened, and I finally left, and the feeling that I had my first night alone was so magical and tension free, it was wonderful. You'll miss the pleasent side to her, but all in all, you need to get out. Good Luck

  10. #10

    Default

    Some of it sounds like my ex boyfriend and good thing I am not with him. Sometimes I worry about that I am abusing my husband due to my anxiety and autism. But he always assures me I am a good wife and he isn't complaining and he doesn't let things I do bother him.

    Only thing I am guilty of is withholding sex and affection but that is because I can't stand touch and I don't like to stop what I am doing to do other things someone wants and it's hard to switch gears in my head. But with the daddy little girl relationship, that has improved.

    My husband has felt rejected by me but it's not that I am ignoring him, I need my alone time.

    I am guilty of threatening to leave and I eventually did. IMO if you are always talking about wanting to leave someone, then the relationship is bad and just get out and make up your mind about it, don't say it when you are ranting and then change your mind and stay. I may have done some abuse myself in my last two relationships and didn't even realize it. Mental illnesses can cause it or disorders, anyone can be abusive. But it's so easy to make excuses and deny the problems if the person has a disability or a mental illness, especially if they have PTSD. I made excuses for my last two boyfriends because they had problems. But then I decided enough and left. You can't help someone and it's not like you tell them something and bam they are over it. It takes a therapist and patience to do that and it only works if they want to change that about themselves.

    I didn't even know I was in a emotionally abusive relationship until I read an article about it three years ago in a seventeen magazine. At first I was in denial about it and felt upset about it at the same time and kept thinking it's all different because he had this and that. Then I wondered if abuse is abuse and it doesn't matter if it's intentional or not or if someone has a disability that is causing them to be that way, especially if they have PTSD and are very paranoid and care too much what people think of them, it makes them act like control freaks. Then I felt I had no right to say i was in one if I was maybe abusive myself because of stuff I did in them. Sometimes you don't even realize you are in a abusive relationship because you see the extreme kinds and whenever you hear about abusive relationships, they are nothing like yours. So you don't think it's happening. Then you may be in denial about it when you find out so you start making excuses for their behavior and then looking at the things they do that are good to justify what they do to you and to convince yourself they are not so bad. It's like Stockholm syndrome.

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