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Thread: Telling friends about incontinence

  1. #1

    Default Telling friends about incontinence

    How do you tell your friends that you wear without having to be embarrassed or made fun of. And when you tell them what's the best way to get them to understand about having to wear for need.

  2. #2

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    I have had to deal with this a lot. Here's what I do:

    First, I tell them on a need-to-know basis. In college I told my roommate and a couple close friends. That was it. If others figured it out, good for them, but no one ever said anything.

    Second, I only tell people I trust. Interestingly, telling them often leads to empathy and their own sharing of something personal. If I think someone might use it against me, there's no way I tell him or her.

    Third, I treat it like it's no big deal. If I'm OK with it and state it matter-of-fact, others will be OK with it, too. If I state it like it's a huge problem or I'm embarrassed, then they will also react out of embarrassment, essentially mirroring the emotions I project.

    Finally, I always act with utmost respect. I never changed in the dorm room with my roommate present. I always carried an extra couple diapers in my backpack and would often change in little-used restrooms around the college campus when I knew my dorm wing restroom would likely be busy and/or my roommate would likely be in the room. You could exercise similar courtesies around your friends in any situation.

    By doing these things, I made it through and continue to do well while dealing with incontinence. I hope this is helpful for you. Feel free to ask additional questions. Wishing you the very best.

  3. #3

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    I think the problem we often face is not having enough confidence in ourselves and showing to others that we feel like failures because we have this problem. Once upon a time all kinds of disability was laughed at but nowadays it is only mental illness and incontinence that seem to be lampooned. How we present to others is very important - if we look embarrassed and weak we may be inviting the wrong kind of attention. If we are confident about saying we are who we are and that our personality etc. is not defined by an unfortunate medical condition people tend to be more understanding and respectful. As Bachbrahms says, managing out problem well do it is not in other peoples faces helps a lot.

  4. #4

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    I am very nervous telling anyone because i'm afraid that they will look at me differently. I had an accident yesterday and don't want to end up with friends and they notice or something. How do I go about's and explaining if they find out.

  5. #5

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    I have only ever told people on a need-to-know basis; for instance friends that I was staying overnight with. I always treat it as an "ordinary" thing, like it's no big deal, after all it's just a medical issue, and I treat it no differently from any other medical condition (say for instance I was diabetic). Also once told, that's it; I never mention it again, and I keep everything discreet and hidden. They might see a packet of unused diapers in my room but I certainly wouldn't change or wear openly in front of anyone else.

    I have yet to be confronted by anyone who found out or guessed without me telling them, but if they did I would just shrug and say I have a medical problem with my bladder. And that's it.

  6. #6

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    To me it's personal. I wouldn't tell anybody unless they have a need too know. In my situation I haven't told any of my friends or family. I also try to conceal my diaper when I wear
    in public which is everyday.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by BachBrahms View Post
    I have had to deal with this a lot. Here's what I do:

    First, I tell them on a need-to-know basis. In college I told my roommate and a couple close friends. That was it. If others figured it out, good for them, but no one ever said anything.

    Second, I only tell people I trust. Interestingly, telling them often leads to empathy and their own sharing of something personal. If I think someone might use it against me, there's no way I tell him or her.

    Third, I treat it like it's no big deal. If I'm OK with it and state it matter-of-fact, others will be OK with it, too. If I state it like it's a huge problem or I'm embarrassed, then they will also react out of embarrassment, essentially mirroring the emotions I project.

    Finally, I always act with utmost respect. I never changed in the dorm room with my roommate present. I always carried an extra couple diapers in my backpack and would often change in little-used restrooms around the college campus when I knew my dorm wing restroom would likely be busy and/or my roommate would likely be in the room. You could exercise similar courtesies around your friends in any situation.

    By doing these things, I made it through and continue to do well while dealing with incontinence. I hope this is helpful for you. Feel free to ask additional questions. Wishing you the very best.
    This is very good advise. I have also delt with IC for a long time. I have had a few ask outright and depending on how well I know them I tell them nicely it is personal and none of their Business or answer their question outright.
    The most fun was a three year old boy on a train ride across the country. Children at that age will outright ask anything much to their parents horror.
    But I answered honestly and told him what happened to put me in diapers. He told me he still wore pull-up at night but was very proud of being dry during the day. That was the end of it and we talked at length about trains which we both love.
    As I was exiting the train he ran up to me gave me a hug and said he was sorry my side got hurt.
    It made my whole trip

  8. #8

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    Well I only mentioned it to close people around me. I started first explaining.that I have an overactive bladder and went from there. act like its no big deal you'd be surprisedthe reactions, just be prepared to explain a little bit since people know whats going on with me they are cool with it. I would never let them.show ever.on purpose or anything its none of their business and us quite embarrassing to say the least...

  9. #9

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    i think telling someone... anyone... has more to do with the personality of the person doing the telling than the people that are being told.

    as an example, every time Karen my SO goes to se almost any Doctor and they take Her blood pressure... it reads high... well except for this one Doctor who She has been seeing for almost 20 years. and who Karen is very comfortable with... and of course, when Karen checks Her blood pressure on Her own it is very stable (normal). the point is that Karen isn't the person to be telling anyone anything... She isn't all that comfortable in stressful situations.

    i on the other hand am very easy-going were it comes to just flopping something out there.... and i actually like to do that sort of thing just to see if i can make someone else squirm just a little.... that is to say, i work very well under stress.

    about 9 months back when i had to take a lot of NSIDS... i couldn't control my IC at all, and was wearing all the time. as a resolute one night in a rather large local transgender support group during check-in... when it was my turn, i talked about my little problem... and of course, added in the appropriate jokes about myself to keep it light. it was just an off-the-wall sort of thing in front of maybe 40 or so folks. but that is how it's been my whole life with everything. and that is why i feel that it has more to do with who is doing the telling then what is being told or who your telling....

    try and let everyone else be embarrassed, you just keep a straight face and have a good time with it....

  10. #10

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    I pretty much just tell people who need to know, or people who I think I might become romantically or sexually involved with.

    If I'm going to stay the night at someone's house, I'm going to tell them.

    So far, I haven't had a single negative reaction. Then again, a lot of my friends are very cool peeps :3

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