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Thread: Confused as to my sexuality

  1. #1

    Default Confused as to my sexuality

    Now I know there have been a number of threads along these lines. I have read them and not gotten the answers I want. In fact, reading one of them made me more confused than I was before. So I thought it was better to ask for your advice/opinions.

    I am not sexually attracted to anyone. I can't not think of anyone I where I have seen them and thought they were sexy. I have had numerous occasions where people have used the phrase 'the hot one' to describe someone and it doesn't help because I have no idea who they mean. Normally, you could say that I was asexual and that was that...

    HOWEVER...

    I by definition can't be asexual because I want to have sex with people, almost as if it is the sex with someone else itself that is important. I would say I am bi but I am NOT attracted to anyone, male of female. It is simply a lack of caring who the sex is with, not seeing someone and going - ooh, they're hot. There are people I find unattractive but I can think of no one of either gender who I have found sexy - even if I would very willingly have sex with them because I want the sex itself.

    Simply I cannot be bi, gay or straight simply because I am not sexually attracted to people. Equally I cannot be asexual because I want to have sex with people for the sake of sex with someone else, even if I am not attracted to them.

    Can anyone help me work out what this means? Is there anyone who feels the same as me? What do you consider yourself to be?

    Thanks for your help.

    --- mzkkbprmt

  2. #2

  3. #3

    Default

    From what I can tell, it seems that your sexual attraction is geared more so to the idea of intimacy, and what is the most extreme form of intimacy than making love with a partner. I personally feel that there is a difference between considering someone sexy and beautiful, have you every found that another person looked beautiful?
    But I'm not sure I'd consider it too much of an affliction, you have the impossibility of falling in love with someone for all the wrong reasons, so all you can do is fall in love for the right reasons.

    I may come back an elaborate more on this later, if there appears to be a need to.

  4. #4

    Default

    Well, you said it yourself. You're apparently not asexual. As for being straight, gay or bi; does that really matter that much? I mean, do you really need to know?

    Right about your age I had pretty much the same kind of thoughts you have now, and I'm still not entirely sure about all of it. I just decided not to care that much about it and let things work out for themselves, and they did. I eventually met a guy who I'm now in a 2 year relationship with. During this relationship I've become pretty convinced that I'm almost exclusively gay. It appears that knowledge has also helped my subconscious realize what it's looking for when it comes to attraction.

    Hope you get something out of that. Finding yourself is never easy.

  5. #5

    Default

    Sounds almost like me. Personally, I'm not really attracted to either, or anyone really for that matter, but that doesn't mean I am not interested in sex. It's not something that's important to me, but doesn't mean I wouldn't, though due to the attraction issue, I classify myself mildly asexual, but even that label isn't really true.

    What is true is that not all people will fit into the well defined categories of anything, especially sexuality. If you feel you want to have relations with a certain person, and the feelings are mutual of course, then go with it. You'll save yourself a lot of aggravation down the road if you try not to put yourself in a box so to speak. I don't think that you really need to say that you are straight, bi, gay, asexual or whatever, what does it matter really in the grand scheme of things. What does matter is being happy, and if you can find someone else to share intimacy with, however you both want to do it, then go for it. I can tell you that sexuality is not a cut and dry, black and white sort of thing. Even myself, I don't think I can for sure place myself into any real category, even at 25 years of age. The important thing is that I don't stress about it and I don't make a big deal about it. Just be yourself, that's what I do. Sure, people wonder why I'm not in a relationship at the moment and several co-workers have tried to fix me up, but I just tell them I'm not interested in a relationship. That doesn't mean that I don't want to meet the person and perhaps develop a relationship on a platonic level, I like that. You just need to be yourself and what feels natural, within reason, of course.

  6. #6

  7. #7

    Default

    There are asexuals out there that have sex.

    You might want to check out this site. Asexual Visibility and Education Network - Home

    I am somewhat opposite of you, I have no desire to have sex with anyone, but can understand why people find others "sexy" male and female.

  8. #8
    Peachy

    Default

    Things get easier when you learn how to separate different levels of dealing with other people. There's beauty, sex, love, friendship or business relations.
    Mixing some of them is expected, mixing other areas is a real disadvantage. For example, I think it would be a bad idea to love your boss, or to have sexual relations with your colleagues. On the other hand, it's expected to also take a sexual interest in the person you love - too many people have betrayed their partner by cheating on them with someone they find more sexually interesting. And having no sexual interest in your spouse seems like asking for trouble.

    On the other hand, you can mix friendship with sexual activities (the term for that is "friend with benefits"), or sex can be a stand-alone activity (the term for that being "fuckbuddy"). So you see, you're not the only person who does not want to or (currently) feels unable to combine some of all those different relationship aspects into one person. At the end of the day, sexual activities are just a way to release some hormones in your brain that make you happy. It can be self-induced (masturbation) or induced by someone else, but does that really matter? The result is the same.
    That said, you don't have to find any beauty or attractiveness in someone. YOu and the other person are perfectly capable of having sex without being attracted to each other (although it probably wouldn't help if you find the other person repulsive), just like any one of us is perfectly capable of playing with ourselves. And quite frankly - people's looks rarely say anything about their performance in a horizontal position. In fact, some of the really hot people think their looks will excuse just about any mistake they make and so they don't even try to do well. So a certain lack of attractiveness may even enhance the experience

    Peachy

  9. #9

    Default

    Not being attracted to either sex seems to be a common shared experience for a lot of people on this site. I think its part of our fetish, part of what it is to be a paraphiliac. I'm not particularly attracted to any adult, though women certainly more than men. And some women I find very attractive, but not enough to go out of my way, if I were single. I have always been stimulated by diapers, and that's the trap of paraphilia. We are what we are. At some level I control my desires in one area, and act out on my infantilism, so that I do have sexual gratification at that level. Maybe this is you, and others on this site. Because of our infantilism, we stay emotionally at a younger level, experiencing sex more like a 12 year old or even younger, rather than at an adult level. Anyway, it's just a theory.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Not being attracted to either sex seems to be a common shared experience for a lot of people on this site. I think its part of our fetish, part of what it is to be a paraphiliac. I'm not particularly attracted to any adult, though women certainly more than men. And some women I find very attractive, but not enough to go out of my way, if I were single. I have always been stimulated by diapers, and that's the trap of paraphilia. We are what we are. At some level I control my desires in one area, and act out on my infantilism, so that I do have sexual gratification at that level. Maybe this is you, and others on this site. Because of our infantilism, we stay emotionally at a younger level, experiencing sex more like a 12 year old or even younger, rather than at an adult level. Anyway, it's just a theory.
    Heh, I believe that's the trap of a teenager more than a trap of a paraphilia. All teenagers feel this way about something, especially sexual things. I know I myself do not experience sex at a the age of a 12 year old at all. Yes I think about my fetish a lot in fact mostly all of the time, but that doesn't mean I view sex with others immaturely or find it outright confusing. It means that have different sexual sides, which almost all adults do. I think that the idea of people being sexually attractive has been pumped into your head mzkkbprmt so much that you think that you dont have a sexuality or you have the need to define it to figure out why. I think it's more along the lines where you need to wait for that one person who you like their personality and enjoy being around them and you find yourself thinking about them in your spare time. Then pursue that, rather than pursuing the aspect of sex. Know what I mean?

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