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Thread: Having problems opening up to a therapist

  1. #1

    Unhappy Having problems opening up to a therapist

    Hey guys,

    So, I've been having a lot of personal issues in regards to being AB/DL (yes, yes, I know, it isn't hurting anybody). It really affects my sense of self-worth, self-esteem, and belonging in a negative way. As a result, I've been trying to open up to my shrink about being AB/DL in order to work through this stuff....

    But the thing is, I don't know how to open up and it feels almost impossible for me to say that I'm AB/DL out loud. It's hard enough for me to say it in private by myself, and my brain sort of freezes up whenever I try to tell my therapist. She knows that there's something up with me (because I've told her as much), but I can't seem to relax and just tell her. I guess I'm afraid of judgement, being thought less of, and knowing that she knows when we're talking. I've got toxic shame, lol

    Any tips? I mean, I know that she's not going to tell anyone, and that the whole point of therapy is to get a safe, judgement free space -- but that doesn't make it any easier. Thanks in advance for your help!

  2. #2

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    The first time opening up with a therapist was very difficult for me as well. It is something that just takes time. I noticed I could barely say the word diapers out loud - I had thought the word and read it so many times, but I had almost never actually spoken the word to anyone. Anyways, eventually I was able to and it got easier and easier with time (especially after having to read my story during a group therapy exercise).

    I still struggle with self-esteem issues but I can say that therapy helped me a great deal. My therapist always made me feel like a normal person no matter how crazy I thought I sounded. Best of luck!

    - - - Updated - - -

    Also, it helps if you have a therapist that you feel you can relate to. My first therapist was well-intentioned but we never made that connection. It wasn't until I switched to a therapist that I really connected with that I truly started making progress. Just something to consider.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperArrow View Post
    Hey guys,

    So, I've been having a lot of personal issues in regards to being AB/DL (yes, yes, I know, it isn't hurting anybody). It really affects my sense of self-worth, self-esteem, and belonging in a negative way. As a result, I've been trying to open up to my shrink about being AB/DL in order to work through this stuff....

    But the thing is, I don't know how to open up and it feels almost impossible for me to say that I'm AB/DL out loud. It's hard enough for me to say it in private by myself, and my brain sort of freezes up whenever I try to tell my therapist. She knows that there's something up with me (because I've told her as much), but I can't seem to relax and just tell her. I guess I'm afraid of judgement, being thought less of, and knowing that she knows when we're talking. I've got toxic shame, lol

    Any tips? I mean, I know that she's not going to tell anyone, and that the whole point of therapy is to get a safe, judgement free space -- but that doesn't make it any easier. Thanks in advance for your help!
    I've never talked to a therapist about my abdl side but in general I find it easier to communicate in writing. Perhaps you could write down what you want to say and then print it and just hand it to her. I'm sure you wont be the first one to do so. You might want to include some of the articles here on ADISC aswell just incase she's unfamiliar with the whole abdl world.

    If handing the prints in person would be just as hard for you, you could also consider emailing it to her, but be sure to ask her to send you a notification once she has received it (or you'll go crazy wondering about whether or not the email arrived, if she read it or not etc.). By sending an email you basically break up this issue in serveral parts as opposed to doing it all in one session. You put your thoughts in writing, you share those thoughts via email and the next time you meet her you'll know that she knows and talking about it will be unavoidable.

    Anyway, just my 2 cents. It helped me to get help for my own problems (non-abdl related) so it might do the same for you.

  4. #4

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    It took me a lot of psyching-up to tell my therapist. I started off saying how I sometimes felt like a little kid inside... then I showed him some photos from the Privatina (AB-wear) website and (eventually) I told him I like to wear nappies. I think I've only ever used that word once... Now I mumble on obliquely about "comfort clothes" and "childish things"...

    I dunno if it helps but I started a thread a while back asking how people had opened up to a therapist:
    https://www.adisc.org/forum/mature-t...therapist.html

  5. #5

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    It may sound dumb but write it down on a note card and read it of to your shrink. If you can't tell her you're too embarrassed and just hand it to her.

  6. #6
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    idea: print out a page explaining it & hand it to the therapist & maybe say u feel a bit awkward talking bout it out loud... they r (supposed to be) understandin people... she wont think ur weird...

    good luck

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperArrow View Post

    But the thing is, I don't know how to open up and it feels almost impossible for me to say that I'm AB/DL out loud. It's hard enough for me to say it in private by myself, and my brain sort of freezes up whenever I try to tell my therapist.
    The first couple of times i ever told anyone, i couldn't say it out loud either, actually, it is still hard anyway. Best thing to do is write it down and then hand it to her. Or go and print off a copy of What is True Infantilism? and hand it to her.

    If you are battling self acceptance, then it is very important to have her help. But if you are telling her because you want to escape it, probably wont work.

  8. #8

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    Same with me when I was 22 and my mom sent me to a psychiatrist. He knew why I was coming, so it was something we discussed first hand. I was also there for many other reasons, and some of those were worse, so it's all relative. I think you'll find that a therapist will be more understanding than you think. Believe me, they hear much worse. I was much worse, having a psychotic break at the time. I was a danger to myself and to others. It was weird sitting in the waiting room for the first time, looking at other patients who were there, some my age. We all looked down.

    In his office, I said what I had to say, and things progressed from there with him leading much of it. You just take things one step at a time. I did feel like I was either crazy, or the weirdest person in the world, but I don't feel that way now, and that's what's important. I hope you can reach that place. Yes we have this crazy fetish, but it could be much worse. We don't hurt others nor ourselves. We simply enjoy wearing diapers and using them. Life moves on, and we with it. Good luck.

  9. #9

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    I would try bringing in something from your "little" side such as a plushie. Move on from that and eventually the topic will "sort of" come naturally. Believe me, you're therapist has heard a million things worse then some fetish. Just ease into it and let it come naturally.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperArrow View Post
    Hey guys, So, I've been having a lot of personal issues in regards to being AB/DL (yes, yes, I know, it isn't hurting anybody). It really affects my sense of self-worth, self-esteem, and belonging in a negative way. As a result, I've been trying to open up to my shrink about being AB/DL in order to work through this stuff.... But the thing is, I don't know how to open up and it feels almost impossible for me to say that I'm AB/DL out loud. It's hard enough for me to say it in private by myself, and my brain sort of freezes up whenever I try to tell my therapist. She knows that there's something up with me (because I've told her as much), but I can't seem to relax and just tell her. I guess I'm afraid of judgement, being thought less of, and knowing that she knows when we're talking. I've got toxic shame, lol Any tips? I mean, I know that she's not going to tell anyone, and that the whole point of therapy is to get a safe, judgement free space -- but that doesn't make it any easier. Thanks in advance for your help!
    I'd say the first thing is to come to terms...a truce with yourself if you will...on a moment-by moment basis first.


    Somehow, a contengency of your self-worth, has become attached to your view of the AB/DL-ism. Probably too many possabilities to go into here, and now...


    I am a proponent, by experience...with the Cognative Behavioural Therapy...because, the primary focus...is NOT to unravel all the peices from "...well it all started when...". Though some aspects of sorded details may come about, at a a later time...


    It would seem, that your primary issue at hand is the loss of your self-esteme, etc.


    Ask your therapist how to deal with the esteme loss...in the moment.





    Now, I'll read the rest of the replies...wanted to get that out, while I had it assimalated in my head ;-)


    I was already in counseling at the time...I was caught by my online dabbling, by my SO...it was easier to tell the therapist after that (though by no means 'easy')...and it turned out fine with the therapist...not as well for the SO...


    So, what other things 'tank' your self-esteem? How do you feel about the rest of us?


    Standing by, -Marka

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