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Thread: Would you call this a binge and purge cycle?

  1. #1

    Default Would you call this a binge and purge cycle?

    I started liking diapers when i was nine and I always felt embarrassed about it. I always ignored it but I always thought about them. At age ten I would occasionally take one from my neighbor's and use it, I would also wear towels as diapers and sometimes use them as such. No guilt or shame there. In 6th grade I started to feel ashamed about it and sick about it because my mother brain washed me so I was in the closet about it for four years. I still went to the websites and read stories there. But thinking about wearing them would make me feel sick inside. Then when i got some, sometimes I would feel sick about it and some people would say that is actually a good feeling so that is why they wear them, they like to feel naughty about it. I hated that feeling so it wasn't a good feeling for me.

    I have lost interest in wearing them (not by choice) and wouldn't care if I wasn't in the mood for them nor care if I had no interest in wearing them anymore. Then the urges would come back and I would be wearing them again. Then I would lose interest again and stop. I have gone months without wearing one and I think the longest I had gone was eight months and that was after I had my son and it just felt sick to wear one when I had no interest in doing it so I didn't.


    I have questioned rather I have done the purge and binge thing and I have realized you don't need to throw them out and then buy them again to have one. But since I have lived in shame about it, lived in denial about it and then feeling sick about it sometimes, could it have been one? I have never taken a diaper off right after putting it on because I felt too sick about it. I have never bought a pack of diapers either and thrown it all out after wearing a few.

  2. #2

    Default

    what you are describing could be binge purge cycle. However, the thing that makes a binge purge cycle is the first part, the binging. From what i can see, it seems to me like when you get the desire to wear you dont go through the point where you feel like you want to wear all the time (or an equivalent) so therefore, you havent really binged with wearing diapers.

    What i would suggest however, is that this is 1 of 2 things:
    1) a psychological binge purge where your desire/acceptance swings about. In this circumstance, you kind of accept it because you wear diapers but then have a denial phase afterwards (where you then say you feel sick about the idea of wearing)
    2) this could just be a psychological struggle of you accepting it and rejecting if when there is a trigger of some description. Here, something sets you off and makes you feel sick about the concept of wearing diapers and therefore, you abstain from them.

    From what you have described above, i would suggest that it is the second of the two things. To be honest is seems like you dont really accept this as part of who you are and that as soon as there is an instance where diapers comes up (outside of your own experiences) you feel guilty and horrible about it and begin to go into denial about the whole thing.

    The reason why i dont think this is a binge purge cycle is due to the fact that it seems to me that the times that you are wearing you dont really enjoy at all (but wear because you feel you need to). And i think this is where the problem lies. The fact that you are trying to accept it but cant and yet you still feel that you want/need to wear them (on a subconscious level). It seems that it is this subconscious urge and the fact that you are concerned about opinions/beliefs/outside events that clash together and causes these cycles that you are going through.

  3. #3

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    I completely understand where you're coming from, but just to help you get a clearer picture of the binge/purge cycle - try this article:

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/content/1...rge-cycle.html

    I binge/purge and know that I'm not ready to accept it completely either.

  4. #4

    Default

    The other responses are pretty good but I would add that binge/purge can take on some unique attributes from person to person. Like it is not necessary to have an actual binge. Indulging in the diapers for a period of time, even if seemingly sparingly, for some people is a sort of binge. Purging can be triggered by that sick feeling, fear, a loss of interest, tiring of the diapers, and many other reasons.

    This is normal for those who are interested in diapers.

    For me the cycle ended when I resolved some of my fear and guilt issues, and even more when I consciously made the decision to embrace my diaper interests. This did not mean that I was to start wearing all the time. My wearing patterns have changed but sometimes are very similar I what they once were. It has, however, ended the purge and made me happier and more self accepting most of the time.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    I started liking diapers when i was nine and I always felt embarrassed about it. I always ignored it but I always thought about them. At age ten I would occasionally take one from my neighbor's and use it, I would also wear towels as diapers and sometimes use them as such. No guilt or shame there. In 6th grade I started to feel ashamed about it and sick about it because my mother brain washed me so I was in the closet about it for four years. I still went to the websites and read stories there. But thinking about wearing them would make me feel sick inside. Then when i got some, sometimes I would feel sick about it and some people would say that is actually a good feeling so that is why they wear them, they like to feel naughty about it. I hated that feeling so it wasn't a good feeling for me.

    I have lost interest in wearing them (not by choice) and wouldn't care if I wasn't in the mood for them nor care if I had no interest in wearing them anymore. Then the urges would come back and I would be wearing them again. Then I would lose interest again and stop. I have gone months without wearing one and I think the longest I had gone was eight months and that was after I had my son and it just felt sick to wear one when I had no interest in doing it so I didn't.
    It sounds like you're describing a couple of different things. What you went through as a child sounds a lot like a binge-and-purge cycle, which I always understood to be swinging from intense interest to disgust in diapers. When I do things in diapers that I later regret, like spending too much time in them and ignoring other obligations, I do feel disgusted by them. But sometimes I'm just not interested in them for a long time. And that sounds like what you're experiencing (I'm inferring a bit here, so correct me if I'm wrong). Sometimes we lose interest in them, and that's OK. I love ice cream, but sometimes I just don't feel like it. It's the same with diapers.

    Whether it's a binge-purge or a loss of interest depends on whether you're reacting out of guilt and self-loathing. And the big difference is that while binging is harmful (I've felt like garbage for days after a purge), a loss of interest is natural and harmless. It's OK to not be interested in diapers all the time.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Would you call this a binge and purge cycle?

    It also has something to do with guilt from not accepting yourself. We all go through this as well. Its not a total full acceptance, but one that just relaxes your guiltness. You just have to understand that though our thing for diapers are weird to other people, people have other kinds of kinks. By the way, its just another form of underwear. The more you accept this side of you, the better you feel about yourself beyond the diaper thing. There's far worse to be into. Me, I'm also into medical fetish and bondage.

    You are not hurting anyone or even yourself participating in this.

    Just accept it. Put one on and tell yourself that you aren't a freak. There's so many of us. This isn't a disease. It's OK.

    This is a very hard thing to get rid of. To me, the more and more you try to stop and quit. The worse it becomes emotionally. It will indeed cross your mind. You will tell yourself that this is disgusting, who am I? Why? Just wear and get it out of the way. Don't think those thoughts. They can damage you emotionally and be easily agitated when around others.

    My urges could come more often than yours. I've liked diapers since I can remember. I grew up in my tween and teen years closing myself off to everyone. I hated this. But I couldn't stop thinking about them. The more I thought of myself as disgusting, the less social, un-confident, moody I was. Some people say they were able to quit successfully, but I don't think they completely gotten over it.

    The guilt also never fully goes away, but, its not as bad as it was.

    Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk 2

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