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Thread: "Little Mode" Help Needed

  1. #1

    Default "Little Mode" Help Needed

    I am having a bit of a problem in terms of my "little" self. I have told my mother and grandmother, both of which accept it. My mother really is closer to indifference really. She accepts it, but can't understand it at all. I notice that in little mode I tend to feel not happy, but scared and rejected. While my grandmother knows and is very accepting and helpfull, it feels like if anyone I actualy live with caught me, they would be mad or unaccepted. Even my mother, though she knows, would be likely to be somewhat put off or outright ignoring it. My little self feels rejected, as if no one i see regularly cares or loves it. As such, when I regress, I am never really happy like some people.

    And because my little self desperately wants someone to acknowledge it, it sometimes tries to get caught. Like laying in such a way at night that if anyone walked in on me in the morning without knocking, they would see me sucking on my paci. (doubt I suck on it while asleep, but they would see it in my mouth.) My adult self has to step in and stop my little side's desperate need for some acknowledgment, which makes being happy while little even harder.

    What can I do? How can I get my little self to feel happy and not unloved and/or rejected?

    Also, my grandmother thinks I am this way, due to trauma as a baby/toddler. I was always very sick, and around the age of 2 I had to go to a big hostpital, where strange people kept poking me with needles and hurting me, and mommy didn't stop them. People I didn't know kept coming and going and hurting me. Even younger I had my first eye surgery and they didn't know I was blind in one eye, so the doctors made me sometimes switch eyes with the eyepatch, so that haf the time my one good eyes was covered. Etc. Could this be part of the cause of why my "inner child" is stuck at around the age of 1-2ish? Could it also be contributing to the above emotional situation?

    As for Therapy, I talk to my grandmother a lot, and she is as good or better than most therapists, as I can talk to her very easily. But talking about it and expressing it doesn't seem to really help my little side feel more loved.
    Last edited by CuriousOne; 04-Dec-2012 at 23:21.

  2. #2

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    Awe, that's so sad! Probably most of us feel the same way to a certain extent. However, I think its great that both mom and grandma know. Just keep talking. And when they listen, be sure to recipicate by taking an interest in them, or helping them out. Just as your little needs love and acceptance, they both need to know you appriciate and love them as well.

    Also, I think it's important for you to love your little side. I'm no experpt at this, but I'm learning how. In my little time play, I often pretend to have a loving caretaker. I do this to compensate for my wife's lack of interest in this.

    And finally, I'm sure Mom and Grandma love all of you very much. They are just having a little difficulty understanding the little side. o let me be the first from our community to give you a nice big hug Sweet dreams little one!

  3. #3
    Lindt

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    This actually reminded me of a passage from a psychologist's take on infantilism.


    "Dependency engenders neediness and a notion that one cannot be nurtured without the presence of another individual. This is a false assumption that may lead to desperation. A belief that infantile expressions can never be meaningful unless dependent on others can be catastrophic. Dependency creates a dependency on others for happiness.

    The infantile individual can nurture themselves with the advantage and use of transitional objects. The individual can simply be himself or herself and find happiness in being alive and able to experience regressive nurturing introspectively. An acceptance of self is the most nurturing aspect of life."

    In the end I think it comes down to feeling a bit rejected by others which can lead to sort of rejecting yourself when someone close such as your mother doesn't see eye-to-eye. I'd encourage you to talk with her but also try to lean a bit more on yourself for acceptance, I guess. I'm no psychologist but I used to be in the same place and things changed when my overall outlook on life became less self-conscious and more about just living and loving. I hope this isn't too technical but I tend to be technical.

    Anyways, I hope things improve for you!

  4. #4

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    Is your grandmother's theory about why your little side feels this way, or why you have a little side in the first place? At first I thought it was the latter, but after rereading it I'm not really sure. If it is the latter, that could be why. Personally I've given up on figuring out why I have AB/DL tendencies. While it's interesting to think about, I doubt I'll ever come up with a satisfactory answer. And if it's the former, AB's regressed selves don't always seem correlated to when they actually were little. It's a complicated subject. What do you think about that theory?

    Lindt's point about self-acceptance is a good one. I know it's something I struggle with, although I don't really have a little side myself, so I'm not quite sure how that would affect my personality when regressed. I also have a little theory that all the "should I tell my parents?" posts in the TB forum are due to them not entirely accepting their TB/DL side themselves, and looking for external validation. This sounds vaguely similar. I'm not sure if it's true, but if so it might lead some credence that you should work on accepting yourself. Maybe it's not a problem for you, but looking at your introduction post it sounds like it might be worth some thought. I wish I had the secret for self-acceptance, but alas I don't.

    Another thought - do you have someone else you can confide in? It may not be a good idea, and normally I think telling people about AB/DL tendencies isn't a good idea, but it might not be a horrible idea in this case.

    Also, how comfortable are you with your mother and grandmother knowing? I find that fairly interesting, as I'm not that much older than you and I definitely would not want my parents knowing.

  5. #5

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    I think Lindt hit the nail on the head. Because you are not being completely accepted by your mother, and certainly other family members outside your mom, you are transferring genuine external feelings of non-acceptance to your "little self" which is a construct of your mind's ability to fantasize. Again I have to agree with Lindt that in order to feel the peace created by successful regression, you will have to throw everyone else out of your fantasy.

    I do exactly what you do, showing my diaper when I sleep with my wife. But she accepts my infantilism, so it works for me. In fact, she suggested I drink from a sippy cup in the evening, and just recently, she has found toddler interactive stories for her Ipod, which we read together, she being the mother, and me the toddler. So this works because I have an accepting and participating partner. But you don't, and in fact, you're afraid that your mom merely puts up with it, which really is a mild form of disapproval.

    You will have to internalize your fantasy and thus, regression until you are on your own. I can tell you that having someone else to share this with is beyond wonderful, so don't give up. Become independent, and start your search for your "other".

  6. #6

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    I can relate to your feelings, and to be honest, I think it is tied to the fact that we desperately want the love and nurture that we had as babies. When regressed this sensation is going to be heightened, so if it is not forthcoming then we are naturally going to feel a sense of rejection or abandonment. Unfortunately, you are not likely to receive the kind of nurture you are seeking from either your mother or grandmother. As dog boy has said, one day you may be fortunate enough to have an 'other' who is willing to provide this nurture. he's one lucky dude by the sounds of it.

    It's funny cause I've been experiencing a similar dilemma, something I've been discussing with my partner. while I understand she is getting used to the whole AB thing, I have asked that she try to acknowledge my 'little' a bit more. What your experiencing, if anything like me, is a very real feeling, and can leave you a bit flat. It's not holding m back though, Little time leaves me feeling so happy.

  7. #7

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    I think Lindt and dogboy have pretty much summed it and then wrapped it and put a bow on top...

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousOne View Post
    Also, my grandmother thinks I am this way, due to trauma as a baby/toddler. I was always very sick, and around the age of 2 I had to go to a big hostpital, where strange people kept poking me with needles and hurting me, and mommy didn't stop them. People I didn't know kept coming and going and hurting me. Even younger I had my first eye surgery and they didn't know I was blind in one eye, so the doctors made me sometimes switch eyes with the eyepatch, so that haf the time my one good eyes was covered. Etc. Could this be part of the cause of why my "inner child" is stuck at around the age of 1-2ish? Could it also be contributing to the above emotional situation?
    It's funny you say this OP, because I too was hospitalized at a young age for asthma. They had me in an oxygen tent for some time. I don't know how old I was (I will try to find out), but I would guess between 2-6 years old. I do have a single memory of looking up at watch the hospital TV, and not being able to tell what was happening because the tent was too opaque...

  9. #9

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    Wow. What amazingly insightful replies! I pretty much agree with everything, and have found it all quite helpful to ponder... A hundred gold stars to you all!

  10. #10

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    Well I don't wnat anyone to participate with me. Nor do I want anyone else to nurture me. In the end I guess my little self just wants someone who isn't indifferent. My grandmother definitely helps as she is far more understanding and accepting than I would have thought. She just accepts it as a quirk. My little self mostly simply fears that if someone did walk in on me they would get mad or laugh at me. I don't want nurtured so much as not having to be afraid of others.

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