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Thread: Help a Concerned Mother who is trying to Understand

  1. #1

    Default Help a Concerned Mother who is trying to Understand

    I am a single parent of a teenage son, "Paul". Paul's father was never in the picture and I divorced Paul's step-father when he was seven so it's just been the two of us for a long time. Paul is fourteen now.

    I've had a very close relationship with my son but he's become more aloof over the past six months. I thought it was just the typical 'teenager' thing until I accidentally caught him at home a week and a half ago playing with himself in a pair of Depends adult diapers I admit I freaked out at the time and things have been rather awkward and tense since then.

    I did some online searches and learned that this is a sexual fetish that I hadn't heard of before.

    Then last night, Paul woke me up in the middle of the night to say he was sorry he had embarrassed me. He then slipped into bed and cuddled up with me like he used to do when he was a little boy.

    Absolutely nothing of a sexual nature happened but I was struck by how docile he was. When I hugged him, I noticed he put his thumb in his mouth and fell asleep in my arms.

    My son's response last night made me think this was more a psychological problem than a sexual one. I did a Google search of adult babies and counselors and it directed me to a thread on this board. After reading many of the threads here, I'm more confused than ever.

    I would greatly appreciate people here who can point me to online resources about this adult baby fetish. I would also appreciate hearing from people here who can help me understand what's going on with my son and how I can help him get through it.

    Thank you ever so much.

    Concerned Mother

  2. #2


    So a teenage son regressed, apologized for embracing you when you caught him masturbating , crawled in bed with you and started sucking his thumb?

  3. #3


    Honestly, I'd recommend talking to your son about this. It may be embarassing to bring it up, but this fetish is different for everyone. For some it is sexual, for others it is not, and for even more it is a bit of both. You can't really attack this from any angle until you learn more about this fetish, preferably from him. Being open is the best policy.

    I really wish you the best in trying to sort this out. Good luck.


  4. #4


    I can understand why this might concern you, but it only has to be a psychological problem if you treat it as one. Yes there are some adult baby fetishists who don't lead particularly psychologically healthy lives, but there are many of us who live normal lives with families and children of our own. If you treat this as a psychological problem then that could cause other psychological problems itself, your son might feel ashamed and distressed and think that there's something wrong with him, this could cause self esteem issues. Just my two cents, but you'd be better off dealing with this in the same way that you should if you found out your son had a sadomasochistic/BDSM fetish, e.g nothing particularly to worry about.

  5. #5


    Thank you for your feedback. I am not a prude, I get fetishes like S&M but I find it hard to understand what could be remotely sexual about pretending to be a baby. Also, it felt like Paul was acting like a baby last night when he came to my room. If this is a sexual fetish, why would he come to me? I've never, ever done anything in any way, shape, or form that would be considered inappropriate with my son. If this is an emotional thing, does it mean I wasn't nurturing enough when he was young?

    While I want to be understanding, this feels like a serious issue to me that requires a professional. What would be the harm in my son and I seeing a family counselor?

  6. #6


    For some, wearing diapers is primarily a sexual fetish and the diapers don't leave the bedroom. Others seem to find a security simply in wearing them under normal clothes and going about their everyday business. And for others, the diapers represent some kind of comforting regression to childhood and aren't sexual at all (and some "regress" without wanting to wear diapers at all). Most people are a bit of a mix of these broad "categories".

    Everyone is different, and it seems there are many different reasons that people think may have contributed to their desire to wear diapers and/or mentally regress to a childish state. There really is no single explanation, so the best way to understand your son better would be to discuss it with him (if that's not too emotionally traumatic for either of you!).

    When I was a young child it felt like I had not a care in the world. But the older I got the more anxious and stressed I became. I saw how much attention my younger sister got while she was still in diapers and maybe I felt left out. Maybe I felt like I had to be grown up... I was a smart kid so was often treated like an adult... which meant I probably became aware of terrifying things like death, disease, debt, corruption and probably came to the conclusion that being an adult is pretty horrific. I was expected to have a "stiff upper lip" and not show my emotions. So maybe diapers represent a return to a state where I could just be myself and show my emotions honestly without being judged and criticised for being myself.

    And my parents were nervous, socially anxious people, so maybe I subconsciously picked up on the idea that other people (and the big wide world out there) is a threatening place and a far cry from the safety of infanthood that I once knew. So at around 5 or 6 years old for some inexplicable reason I became fascinated with the idea of wearing a diaper... and that curiosity has never left my mind.

    So in my case, I think my desire to wear diapers and be a child again are a kind of coping mechanism to deal with the stress/anxiety/depression I experience in life. It's not a coping mechanism for everyone, although purely from anecdotal evidence, there seems to be a higher proportion of voluntary diaper-wearers who experience things like anxiety and depression, etc.

    It's rare (unheard of!) that such desires can simply be stopped outright, although if the behaviour is a kind of coping mechanism, dealing with the underlying issues can reduce the overwhelming desire to psychologically escape to the safer world of wearing diapers and being young again...

    I'm not sure if this helps, but as you can imagine, the idea of anyone knowing that I enjoy wearing diapers is intensely embarrassing. It can feel quite isolating when you have these urges yet feel you have to hide who you really are from everyone. If your son is worried about what you now think of it, it could really harm his self-esteem and make him feel more of a freak and more unloved and more stressed out by the adult world... paradoxically making the urge to escape to childhood even more intense.

    If you can let him know that you accept who he is, love him as much as you always have and aren't going to publicly out him, then that level of understanding is likely to be far better for his mental health in the long run and your relationship with him. That doesn't mean you need to tolerate him using diapers indiscreetly -- I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect him to not expose his diapers deliberately or make any unpleasant smells or even wear them outside his bedroom (your house, your rules). But I suspect that trying to stop him outright would simply cause him to go behind your back (and feel a truckload of guilt and shame as result).

    Many people can be (or learn to be) quite comfortable with their desire to wear diapers, so nothing really needs to be done other than to leave them to it. But some may have issues with self-acceptance because of their urges and others still may be using diapers as a coping mechanism to deal with unrelated issues. Psychotherapy can be helpful if your son considers diapers "a problem" in some way (or indicative of a problem). But if not, it can probably be considered a harmless quirk... perhaps even a gift. Can you remember the sense of wonderment you had at the world when you were little and how safe and simple everything seemed back then...?

    Good luck to you both! Hope this helps a little...

  7. #7


    Hey gina, congrats on searching for info to understand your son.
    He definitely sounds like a Teen Baby, which is a teenager that likes to act like a baby, and also as a diaper lover (I know it's not a good term, but it's somewhat standardized) which are people who like to wear diapers, be it for a sexual reason, or just because they enjoy it.
    You see, not everything on it is of sexual nature, the part when he went to your room the other night, I think he was just overrun with emotions, from being discovered and maybe from the fear or doubts about what you might have think about him, a good chunk if not most of AB's and TB's tend to do it as a way of coping with life and stress, and I believe him cuddling and talking with you, was just a way to try and make things better and less awkward.
    Still, I'd say that you should talk to him, he already got caught by you, so, you could try to talk it out, to understand more of this side of him, but please, if you do talk to him, remain calm, and open minded, don't make it seem like an interrogation because if he feels threatened he will step back and won't say much.
    best of wishes ;3

  8. #8


    I think it's better if you talked to him about it but be calm and don't make any critical comments about it or else he will shut down and won't open up about it. Also if you accept it, it won't be aloof anymore because it be a lot easier for him to do diapers and he wouldn't have to hide it anymore. If he is letting it run his life so it is keeping him from his friends, then I would say he should learn to balance it and put the diapers second instead of first. Wearing them as a teen is tough because you have to be careful to not get caught and if kids find out, they can tease you about it and make fun of you in school and harass you about it.

    Liking diapers doesn't always mean you did something wrong as a parent. It seems pretty common for parents to blame themselves when they find out their kid likes diapers. But it's harmless and nothing wrong with it. But if it's taking over their life, then they should seek help if they can't fix it themselves. I don't see any harm in taking them to someone but don't try and get it out of him because it's something you don't get over and suppressing the urges can cause you distress and other issues. Sometimes people to get over the diapers when they find a problem that was causing them wanting to wear diapers and once that issue gets fixed and worked on, they lose the desires to wear and don't have interest in it anymore. But don't count on that happening because everyone is different.

    It can be a sexual fetish and also a comfort and it can be both for some people.

  9. #9


    Quote Originally Posted by GinaW View Post
    Thank you for your feedback. I am not a prude, I get fetishes like S&M but I find it hard to understand what could be remotely sexual about pretending to be a baby. Also, it felt like Paul was acting like a baby last night when he came to my room. If this is a sexual fetish, why would he come to me? I've never, ever done anything in any way, shape, or form that would be considered inappropriate with my son. If this is an emotional thing, does it mean I wasn't nurturing enough when he was young?
    There isn't really anything sexual about being a baby, per se, it's simply that babies wear diapers and (particularly in a teen/adult) such physical contact with the family jewels is likely to result in some kind of arousal... particularly when the hormones are in full swing.

    Your son may find comfort mainly in the regressive state of mind and the (non-sexual) tactile sense of wearing a diaper (which reinforces the regressive state). At brief moments, adult arousal may mean that the "genuine" regressive urges go out of the window or are over-laid with a kinky-fetish-like pleasure of the physical sensations and the idea of being a baby changes from something that is safe, sexually innocent and reassuring into something roughly parallel to the S&M concept of master & slave (i.e. mummy and child), where the fantasy becomes more about control or humiliation or whatever. Once again everyone is different so this is just a theory.

    I would be very surprised if there was any kind of sexual thought in your son's mind when he came to cuddle up with you in bed. Inappropriate sexual behaviour isn't a normal part of the desire to wear diapers.

    And don't torture yourself over whether you were or weren't nurturing enough. I received so much love and nurture and had such a happy childhood that... well... everything since has been a gradual disappointment and I crave the love and attention that was so readily lavished on me as a child. Very few people that I've spoken to can attribute their urges directly to any kind of lack of parenting.

    Put it this way: what kind of a parent signs up to a weird forum as a way to understand and help/nurture their teenage son? Probably a very good one. An un-nurturing parent would have shouted, "Stop that at once! And I don't need a discussion about it!"

    Quote Originally Posted by GinaW View Post
    While I want to be understanding, this feels like a serious issue to me that requires a professional. What would be the harm in my son and I seeing a family counselor?
    None at all (as long you get a decent counsellor) -- and probably a good idea if either of you is at all concerned.

  10. #10


    What's so sexual about being a baby? It's all about being submissive and giving up control. It's like BDSM. It's also all about humiliation. It's not about regressing and feeling safe and to relax and for comfort.

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