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Thread: My parents And I will likely see a councilor together.

  1. #1

    Default My parents And I will likely see a councilor together.

    Well, I have already seen a psychologist in the past, and decided it was a terrible experience. I respect the guy, and think he is pretty cool, but i felt like he was trying to go behind my back to try and work me out of being an infantilist, and that bugged me.
    Anyway. I have told my parents that i don't want to see one anymore, and I have made up my choice.

    My mom however is a tough to convince, my dad just figures that this will all go away when i get married, whenever that is, but i can respect that, because if it does or doesn't, he gives me my space.
    Anyway, my parents and I kind of butt heads still, so I have agreed/suggested that they, and I would have a councillor involved if we ever go into detail on this subject again. I also told my mom that i feel like i'm the one putting in all of the effort for it to work out (considering its them asking me to change, while I just want my privacy.)

    Anyhow, off with the rant, I'm hoping that by having a councilor involved, he might see some of my point of view, at least a little, and maybe my mom will see that its getting a little overbearing. We'll see, I'm sure thought that she is hoping to see me dump my little side from this, doubtful it will happen.

  2. #2

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    I hope I'm not being too blunt with this.

    You're 23, why are you going to counseling for this WITH your parents? At this point, this has nothing to do with them and I don't see why dragging it up would be a positive thing.

  3. #3

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    yeah, I know what you mean. There really is no reason for me to have to. Mostly i'm doing this so that my mom can find a way to calm down. I am the last one at home, and so I get a lot of attention that i don't really want, and my mom gets a little too investigative. So, mostly i'm doing this so that hopefully the two of us can come to terms.
    I had a box of teddies shipped to my house, and per agreement with my parents, my dad said that i could do so, and take it directly to my room. Instead though, my mom had it sitting in the computer room and then started to talk to me about it, trying to get me to change my ways.

  4. #4

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    I look at it this way. And tell them this. Either have them (your mother) accept your desire to be how you want to be, and let you have your privacy, or you will eventually move out, and not hear from you because they cant respect you. Which is it gonna be ?

  5. #5

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    It seems reasonable to expect some privacy at 23 even if you're still living at home.

    I'm surprised you thought the first counselor was trying to change you from being an infantilist - hopefully you're seeing someone different this time. While I haven't talked to my shrink about by AB/DL desires (yeah, I know I should), my impression is that most therapists don't view it as a problem, or only view it as a problem that needs to be changed if that's what you want (and most would advice against that, I think).

    Look at it this way - perhaps seeing a therapist will help you get the privacy that you want.
    Last edited by LittleAcorn; 30-Nov-2012 at 17:44. Reason: typo

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by LittleAcorn View Post
    Look at it this way - perhaps seeing a therapist will help you get the privacy that you want.
    That is what i am hoping for. Pretty much, i hope that a Councillor will see that by my parents saying that "they want to see me happy" is a way for them to pretty much force their expectations, hopes, and morals on me.

    My mom tells me that she can tell that i'm not happy and this is causing me not to be. The funny thing is, is that the more you tell somebody that they are not happy, the more likely they are not going to be happy. It seriously drives me nuts, and makes me unhappy when she keeps trying to convince me.

    I'm just hoping that by the three of us going, maybe things will turn in my favor, and somebody will tell them that they need to get off my back. Otherwise, yes i'll move out. But i'd like that not to have to be so, because It helps getting through school when i'm not worried about so many expenses. Plus, they are getting a little old, and it helps when i can do things around the house that is getting a little more difficult for them. For my sanity though, if i have to, i might just need to move out. Problem is, i will probably have to put school off a little.

  7. #7

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    I think your parents will be able to understand that you need privacy at age 23. However, as your parents they love you (I hope so, though) and they might feel at least a bit insulted when they know that you are hiding something from them. Personally, I think the worst thing you can do is, sorry to put this bluntly, "make use" of a councillor to get your parents to leave you alone. As LittleAcorn pointed out, when you move out, you might want to keep a healthy relationship with your parents. It would be too bad (to put an understatement here) if you would never speak with your parents again after you move out because there is a respect issue between the two of them.

    TL;DR: You might have to be a little more transparent. Transparency is a need in any close relationship. Second, your parents need to understand that you are 23 and not a little boy anymore - or at least, not THEIR little boy anymore. You are an adult, even by USA law, so they should have no right to go through possessions that are strictly yours. However, this shouldn't escalate into either of your parents saying: well, then get out of my house.

    I hope this helped. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk. FYI, my parents know about infantillism.

  8. #8

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    Here's the whole thing in a nutshell...

    The human mind IS a complicated thing. I understand a lot about the human mind, and if I knew more about your life and current mindset I could offer far better advice, crafted to meet your situation.

    It's almost always beneficial to be able to talk to a psychologist. It is a great way to talk out issues and share secrets that you need to get out in the open so you can reason things out and deal with them. The primary issue, as I see it, is exactly why they want you to see a psychologist. If it is ONLY because of the diaper thing, It's ludicrous. But, if you have other issues, living at home, no job, lie around playing video games all day long, possibly doing drugs etc. Then by all means you NEED help. Please understand I am not saying this describes you in any way. I am simply saying a person in that position needs help. If you have a job, are going to classes and just happen to like diapers on the side but are maintaining a healthy emotional/mental balance, then seeing a psychologist is... as I said... ludicrous.

    So, think about your situation and mindset. Maybe it's the parents that need the psychologist. ;-)

  9. #9

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    ...and, what your mother sees as unhappiness on you...may be her own reflection. Obviously, you know that she (in particular) is disapproving, or at least overly concerned...so, when you see her...you may be giving her a look, or posture that shows your unhappiness with her disapproval. So technically speaking she may be 'right' that you're not happy...further reinforced, because now...you've come to expect her to tell you that you're not happy. Something along the lines of projection meets self fulfilling prophecy... Theoretically, you might be able to break this cycle without her direct compliance...associate something happy, and remember/project that every time you see her...and, be as confident (not arrogant) and as comfortable in your own skin as you can be... It should then conceivably become a non-issue...and she just might respect your privacy, by respecting you more in general. Warmest regards, -Marka

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vexxus View Post
    I think your parents will be able to understand that you need privacy at age 23. However, as your parents they love you (I hope so, though) and they might feel at least a bit insulted when they know that you are hiding something from them. Personally, I think the worst thing you can do is, sorry to put this bluntly, "make use" of a councillor to get your parents to leave you alone. As LittleAcorn pointed out, when you move out, you might want to keep a healthy relationship with your parents. It would be too bad (to put an understatement here) if you would never speak with your parents again after you move out because there is a respect issue between the two of them.

    TL;DR: You might have to be a little more transparent. Transparency is a need in any close relationship. Second, your parents need to understand that you are 23 and not a little boy anymore - or at least, not THEIR little boy anymore. You are an adult, even by USA law, so they should have no right to go through possessions that are strictly yours. However, this shouldn't escalate into either of your parents saying: well, then get out of my house.

    I hope this helped. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk. FYI, my parents know about infantillism.
    thanks, Yeah, i am hoping that it doesn't escalate. I really do value a good relationship with my parents, but i feel like the type of pressure that they have put on me is not helpful towards my growth towards independence, and development of my identity.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyMitchy View Post
    Here's the whole thing in a nutshell...

    The human mind IS a complicated thing. I understand a lot about the human mind, and if I knew more about your life and current mindset I could offer far better advice, crafted to meet your situation.

    It's almost always beneficial to be able to talk to a psychologist. It is a great way to talk out issues and share secrets that you need to get out in the open so you can reason things out and deal with them. The primary issue, as I see it, is exactly why they want you to see a psychologist. If it is ONLY because of the diaper thing, It's ludicrous. But, if you have other issues, living at home, no job, lie around playing video games all day long, possibly doing drugs etc. Then by all means you NEED help. Please understand I am not saying this describes you in any way. I am simply saying a person in that position needs help. If you have a job, are going to classes and just happen to like diapers on the side but are maintaining a healthy emotional/mental balance, then seeing a psychologist is... as I said... ludicrous.

    So, think about your situation and mindset. Maybe it's the parents that need the psychologist. ;-)
    I feel like they are the ones who could use it, I feel bad saying it, but honestly, I think they don't know how to cope with somebody being the black sheep of the family. They usually talk about what a shame it is that so and so in the family decided to go live with their girl friend etc, and the only thing i think about is the fact that, all they are doing is talking behind peoples backs, and not really making a productive conversation. If they want to say things like "oh well that is too bad, I'm sure they would have been happier waiting" or something like that, that is totally cool, but it always feels like they are shaming the person instead.

    Anyway, I do have a job though, and i'm going to school. I keep fairly busy, but when i'm not busy, i spend my time on the computer usually, which they don't like that much, but i feel like I deserve it. Plus, the things i would really like to do, such as spending time working on ceramics, are not available to me at the time, because I don't have a studio i can work out of. So yes i sit around a bit, but in all reality, I have my reasons, and i do hold a healthy adult life anyway.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marka View Post
    ...and, what your mother sees as unhappiness on you...may be her own reflection. Obviously, you know that she (in particular) is disapproving, or at least overly concerned...so, when you see her...you may be giving her a look, or posture that shows your unhappiness with her disapproval. So technically speaking she may be 'right' that you're not happy...further reinforced, because now...you've come to expect her to tell you that you're not happy. Something along the lines of projection meets self fulfilling prophecy... Theoretically, you might be able to break this cycle without her direct compliance...associate something happy, and remember/project that every time you see her...and, be as confident (not arrogant) and as comfortable in your own skin as you can be... It should then conceivably become a non-issue...and she just might respect your privacy, by respecting you more in general. Warmest regards, -Marka
    I think this is an excellent and perfect explination of what is pretty much happening here. Thanks for the post. I will certainly try to put off a happier attitude.

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