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Thread: Advice! Boyfriend recently opened up about his fetish

  1. #1

    Default Advice! Boyfriend recently opened up about his fetish

    Hey, guys!

    So, I'm new here. My boyfriend recently confided in me that he has a diaper fetish, and recommended that I check out this site for further info. I’ve asked a ton of questions and tried to familiarize myself with the fetish, but as it varies so greatly among various DLs, I’ve almost found it more confusing to read about others. He told me that here he’s seen posts from people who are in my position right now, trying to understand a fetish that is, in some ways, difficult to fully comprehend when you don’t share the fantasy. I’ve had somewhat of a traumatizing sexual experience in the past, and therefore am particularly frightened by sex in general. However, I am not closed-minded – I’m as curious as I am irrationally nervous (yes, I understand that it's irrational). Regardless, I am willing and eager to accommodate his desires.

    His fetish is something that he’s kept secret, and I can’t talk to anybody about it except him. And he’s been great, but now that I’m involved I’d like to meet others who’ve gone through this like I have, so it feels real. Right now it’s just something that happens “behind closed doors” (which I quote, because he wears and uses his diapers in public from time to time.) In your experience, was there an adjustment period for whoever you told? I’m curious how other couples have taken this on, and about the fetish in general.

    He said it took him only until recently – he’s 25 yrs. old – to truly get comfortable with his fetish. I want to be as comfortable with it as he is, but in a fraction of that time.

    Info! Advice! Anything! I’m all ears. ☺

    Sincerely,
    Butterflysoup
    Last edited by butterflysoup; 26-Nov-2012 at 09:20.

  2. #2

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    Well, it sounds like you have already made a great start. I would point you towards this article, but is looks like you already know most of what it would say and are wanting some more 'actual' responses from others that have been through this. I, myself, can't provide any help there, but wish you the best of luck.

    And as someone that is still on the other side of things, not yet sharing my own desires with my mate, I want to say thank you on behalf of all of those too scared to tell. I can only hope my partner is as understanding as you when the time comes. Kudos to you.

  3. #3

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    I think LilMonkeyAlex hit the nail on the head. But everyone here are helpful. Just take your time.

  4. #4

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    He said it himself that it varies with each person in their DL side. You need to find out exactly what he wants. Some people might wear 24/7 for their enjoyment, myself I find maybe once a week good unless I'm really in the mood for it. Everyone has different desires with this side of them and you need to know what he wants and needs. Also if he told you he might be really really vulnerable right now. And it's ok if you don't have the desire or care as much for it as he does. He probably needs you now more than anything especially after telling you such a secret of his. I've had bad experiences telling girlfriends before and I'm sure it was a very difficult thing for him to do. And finally, you need to make it clear what you are and aren't willing to do. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do just to make him happy if you really really don't want to do it. He might just be happy enough he's allowed to do it without your involvement too. You probably need to talk things through a bit more.

    Adjustment period? Yeah my girlfriend started out saying she was just cool with my indulging myself however over time she has been more and more involved when I do stuff. I think she just likes to see me smile but it was weird especially wearing around her the first time. Sorry if my post is all over the place I've just had a million thoughts in my mind at the same time. Hope this helps!

  5. #5

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    butterflysoup, I hope the guidance I provide will help a little.

    Those who have an interest in diapers are often caught in a difficult situation that is typically very difficult to reconcile. To have such a strong interest in something that could be very embarrassing and humiliating if it were to ever be discovered. To be sure he has had at least a bit of an emotional battle growing up.

    Self acceptance issues often result and are part if that struggle. In my experience self acceptance comes with time but the acceptance of others can make a huge impact.

    The best thing that your boyfriend could have done was to open up and share this important part of who he is with you. The best thing that you could do was to be accepting, loving and most importantly understanding. For both of you, coming to a full understanding over time will help both of you to deal with the special needs that both of you will have.

    The things that foster the very best relations in a normal relationship are exactly the same when someone is interested in diapers. Love, respect, honesty, trust, kindness and compassion are all critical in building and maintaining that relationship.

    One of your questions was regarding what it will take for your to become truly comfortable with the diapers, but in a fraction of the time. Your acceptance really comes down to a choice to accept him and his interests as he is. I you feel the relationship might become more permanent this would mean accepting these interests as a permanent part of who he is. It is important to keep in mind that these feelings will likely be with him for his entire life. Always smile, always keep a open mind and always treat him with kindness. He will help you in the process by reciprocating the same things.

    Of course it will be difficult to speak to his specific interests and desires. It is ok to mutually set limits and to work out how the relationship will function. Again this is a good place to maintain an open mind. Be willing to try things and to play. Remember that play is a very powerful tool in building and maintains a strong relationship. It is also ok to put away adult concerns and even feelings. This will help you to grow a stronger bond of love and acceptance.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by butterflysoup View Post
    Hey, guys!

    So, I'm new here. My boyfriend recently confided in me that he has a diaper fetish, and recommended that I check out this site for further info. I’ve asked a ton of questions and tried to familiarize myself with the fetish, but as it varies so greatly among various DLs, I’ve almost found it more confusing to read about others. He told me that here he’s seen posts from people who are in my position right now, trying to understand a fetish that is, in some ways, difficult to fully comprehend when you don’t share the fantasy. I’ve had somewhat of a traumatizing sexual experience in the past, and therefore am particularly frightened by sex in general. However, I am not closed-minded – I’m as curious as I am irrationally nervous (yes, I understand that it's irrational). Regardless, I am willing and eager to accommodate his desires.

    His fetish is something that he’s kept secret, and I can’t talk to anybody about it except him. And he’s been great, but now that I’m involved I’d like to meet others who’ve gone through this like I have, so it feels real. Right now it’s just something that happens “behind closed doors” (which I quote, because he wears and uses his diapers in public from time to time.) In your experience, was there an adjustment period for whoever you told? I’m curious how other couples have taken this on, and about the fetish in general.

    He said it took him only until recently – he’s 25 yrs. old – to truly get comfortable with his fetish. I want to be as comfortable with it as he is, but in a fraction of that time.

    Info! Advice! Anything! I’m all ears. ☺

    Sincerely,
    Butterflysoup
    Ey up! Welcome to ADISC!

    I actually posted pretty much this exact post when I first joined this forum in 2008. AAAAGGGESSSS ago! I've since come to accept it for the most part (although I do still find it a bit weird sometimes!).

    Have you got any concrete questions you would like to ask me?

  7. #7

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    Well I agree on what Alex said earlier and also other people opinion and I just want to add some things.

    Well from your post below it seems you are kinda afraid of the sex. Not every DL found diaper as an Sexual attraction. So you should ask your boyfriend about his DL. Did he found it as sexual attraction or other means?

    Well about so called "adjustment period" it depends on the people. Some people are easy to accept it. and some people are quite confuse about it. But it's a good thing you boyfriend being open to you and tell you his fetish. Oh also I don't know if you already ask him but. Did he wants you to do something for him? Like changing diaper or sorts?

    well sorry if I give you to much question rather than give you answer

  8. #8

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    Wow, thank you so much for all your responses!

    We've spoken about it a lot, and this is absolutely a sexual thing for him (although it does carry into his regular life sometimes). He's opened up to me a lot, and every time I think I know everything he tells me something else that he enjoys or is aroused by, haha. And for the most part I'm okay with it all, after overcoming the initial shock. He's told me that he'd like me to make him feel like he's being "punished", which is a concept I'm still trying to grasp. That's probably what I've been trying to understand the most in my research. I'm really, really confused about this no matter how many times he tries to explain it. I guess it's a mixture of him being a little vague, and me really just not getting it. I think he's been afraid of overwhelming me with too much info at one time.

    Talula, how long did it take you to truly be comfortable with it? Did you find yourself going back and forth? I know that my fears are not logical. But emotionally, the unfamiliarity of it all scares me from time to time. I was also just never very experimental with sex, so the idea of using any sort of tool to assist in arousal is very new for me. I don't want him to know when I'm afraid, though, because it's irrational I don't want him to close himself off to me or start feeling bad about it. And I love seeing the smile on his face when he puts his diaper on -- he gets so happy and calm-looking. So I was hoping to find somebody on here whose gone through a similar adjustment process, being unfamiliar with the fetish before it was introduced to you by your partner. What was your immediate reaction?

    Also, if somebody could help me get this "punishment" thing, I would greatly appreciate it. He's suggested things like reminding him to use the bathroom before we leave a restaurant, but I can't understand how that ties into punishment. I understand that everybody's fantasies are different, but some insight into this desire in general would be helpful.

    Again, thank you so much everybody! It's very reassuring to see how many other people are involved in this. The secretive aspect of it all makes it feel very isolating, I think. It's comforting to know that we're not so alone.
    Last edited by butterflysoup; 26-Nov-2012 at 16:58.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by butterflysoup View Post
    Wow, thank you so much for all your responses!

    We've spoken about it a lot, and this is absolutely a sexual thing for him (although it does carry into his regular life sometimes). He's opened up to me a lot, and every time I think I know everything he tells me something else that he enjoys or is aroused by, haha. And for the most part I'm okay with it all, after overcoming the initial shock. He's told me that he'd like me to make him feel like he's being "punished", which is a concept I'm still trying to grasp. That's probably what I've been trying to understand the most in my research. I'm really, really confused about this no matter how many times he tries to explain it. I guess it's a mixture of him being a little vague, and me really just not getting it. I think he's been afraid of overwhelming me with too much info at one time.

    Talula, how long did it take you to truly be comfortable with it? Did you find yourself going back and forth? I know that my fears are not logical. But emotionally, the unfamiliarity of it all scares me from time to time. I was also just never very experimental with sex, so the idea of using any sort of tool to assist in arousal is very new for me. I don't want him to know when I'm afraid, though, because it's irrational I don't want him to close himself off to me or start feeling bad about it. And I love seeing the smile on his face when he puts his diaper on -- he gets so happy and calm-looking. So I was hoping to find somebody on here whose gone through a similar adjustment process, being unfamiliar with the fetish before it was introduced to you by your partner. What was your immediate reaction?

    Also, if somebody could help me get this "punishment" thing, I would greatly appreciate it. He's suggested things like reminding him to use the bathroom before we leave a restaurant, but I can't understand how that ties into punishment. I understand that everybody's fantasies are different, but some insight into this desire in general would be helpful.

    Again, thank you so much everybody! It's very reassuring to see how many other people are involved in this. The secretive aspect of it all makes it feel very isolating, I think. It's comforting to know that we're not so alone.
    I'm a bit older than your boyfriend, and I only recently came to terms with this myself. This is probably very difficult for him, and it sounds like you're very accepting and supportive, which is good. I haven't told my SO yet, so take this with a several grains of salt, but I think the best thing you can do is communicate.

    You wrote:


    I don't want him to know when I'm afraid, though, because it's irrational I don't want him to close himself off to me or start feeling bad about it.
    I'd actually disagree with that - if you're afraid, or uncomfortable with something you should let him know, even if it doesn't make sense. Yeah, it's better if you're nice about it, so saying "Ewww, gross!" probably isn't the best approach, but I think it's totally fine to say "I'm not comfortable with that right now." If you can say why you're not comfortable/don't like something, that's even better, but not knowing is fine too. If he's into BDSM (more on that in the next paragraph, but it sounds like he is from the punishment thing), he should get that, since consent is a really important for that.

    As for the "punishment thing," that's a big part of BDSM for some people. I'm not really sure why, but then again I'm not sure why I like wearing diapers. I think it's similar to the reasons that some people are turned on by pain - Wikipedia claims that humiliation and pain stimulate the same part of the brain. These wikipedia articles may be a good starting point for further research:

    BDSM - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Erotic humiliation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Also, have you asked him why he likes being punished? He may not know (which is fine), which is why he's been vague, but it can't hurt to ask, and ties back into the whole communication thing.

    I don't know if this helps - hopefully it does. Let me know if you have any more specific questions and I can try to answer them.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by butterflysoup View Post

    Talula, how long did it take you to truly be comfortable with it? Did you find yourself going back and forth? I know that my fears are not logical. But emotionally, the unfamiliarity of it all scares me from time to time. I was also just never very experimental with sex, so the idea of using any sort of tool to assist in arousal is very new for me. I don't want him to know when I'm afraid, though, because it's irrational I don't want him to close himself off to me or start feeling bad about it. And I love seeing the smile on his face when he puts his diaper on -- he gets so happy and calm-looking. So I was hoping to find somebody on here whose gone through a similar adjustment process, being unfamiliar with the fetish before it was introduced to you by your partner. What was your immediate reaction?
    It's taken me years to get fully comfortable with it, and truthfully sometimes I'm still not 100% ok with it. I do still find it weird - just like I find it weird that Americans can have PB & J Sandwiches (like seriously - jam and peanut butter?!). And from time to time I find the whole idea icky, but my (now) fiance and I are close and communicative, so I'm able to just say that, and then it becomes something we don't do together for a while. My immediate reaction was peadophilia, and then, like you, I was recommended this site by my boyfriend. He suggested ADISC due to it's wiki that it had at the time (which has now been replaced by the articles we have here), but I wanted to speak to people!

    I think what you're going through is perfectly normal. Although, I will say, there's nothing to fear with this. I can understand why you're apprehensive though - especially if fetishes are something you've not really come across before.

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