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Thread: Confused about Sexuality

  1. #1

    Default Confused about Sexuality

    I don't know why but recently I've been starting to question myself if I'm bi or not. I know for a fact that I like girls because I had two crushes in high school. One that lasted all four years and I currently have a crush on a girl in college. I know impossible for me to know what it is like to be in any kind of relationship since I've never had a girlfriend.

    For some reason, certain things about guy relationships that I normally would not like, don't seem... that bad now. Especially a few sexual things. I'm so confused because I feel like I'm developing a crush on a guy on this site.

    My mind is being pulled in so many directions that I can't even cleanly about this.

  2. #2

    Default

    Well, what I think you need (and what everyone needs) is an experimental relationship.

    What I mean is, you know friends with benefits? Find a girlfriend/boyfriend with no benefits and experiment with stuff you think a relationship is about. You need to experiment, and what people don't recognize is that relationships are NOT second nature to some people.

  3. #3
    Countdown

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    sounds like you are bi if you have had crushes on both males and females..

    would not worry about it too much if i were you anyway... they are just labels..

    Good luck..

  4. #4

    Default

    I consider myself straight. I have felt attraction to the same sex but it's been very very rare. I don't really worry about it, I'm just happy with whoever makes me happy. You should just be happy with who makes you happy too.

  5. #5

    Default

    If you have a crush on a guy on this site, but have never met in person that person, I would suggest it might be the allure of the internet, somewhat of a fantasy. If you have at least seen pictures, or know what this person looks like, and you are turned on, then yes, you may be bi. As I've said before, sexuality is fluid. It certainly is for me, and at times, it might be the Atlantic Ocean. I'm 100 percent faithful to my wife, but I certainly notice others. It's what makes us human, and warm blooded. It's normal.

  6. #6
    Countdown

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    It's what makes us human, and warm blooded. It's normal.
    what about us asexuals though??? aren't we in touch with humanity??? :S

    I'm In Touch With Humanity - YouTube

  7. #7

    Default

    I'm lesbian identified, but that's really just a rough guideline for everyone else. I know that I eventually want to be with a woman, but I get crushes on all kinds of people. Girls are pretty, boys are pretty, androgynes are pretty, everybody's pretty! :3
    I play with who I want to play with, regardless of any notions that sexuality's fixed. Because it isn't; it's fluid and evolving all the time. There's no need to stress over it, just go with the flow and do the things that feel right.

  8. #8
    LittleDrummerGirl

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by BabySweetieBelle View Post
    I don't know why but recently I've been starting to question myself if I'm bi or not. I know for a fact that I like girls because I had two crushes in high school. One that lasted all four years and I currently have a crush on a girl in college. I know impossible for me to know what it is like to be in any kind of relationship since I've never had a girlfriend.

    For some reason, certain things about guy relationships that I normally would not like, don't seem... that bad now. Especially a few sexual things. I'm so confused because I feel like I'm developing a crush on a guy on this site.

    My mind is being pulled in so many directions that I can't even cleanly about this.

    Trust me, I've been thru - no, I'm still going thru - this exact same thing. Here's my advice:

    Don't worry about it! Trying to figure out my sexuality only caused me worry. Try dating both genders, SEE what you like. Don't try to determine it by thinking and online quizzes and fantasizing and such. Just let it happen!

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Countdown View Post
    what about us asexuals though??? aren't we in touch with humanity??? :S

    I'm In Touch With Humanity - YouTube
    That raises an interesting question. Obviously, you are in touch with humanity unless you are a recluse, having no or little contact with others. Sexual contact is different, as it brings bodies, minds, and spirit all together at once. No wonder so many like it, so if you are asexual, you miss out on this most amazing experience. That reality is something that only you can assess and decide for yourself if it is enough. I have always needed someone else in my life, and once I was of age, I had a need to express that closeness, sexually. I'm glad for the experiences, but I can't speak for those who either don't feel it, or don't seek it. But then, it only has to make sense to you.

  10. #10

    Default

    Sexuality, gender, and how you feel on the inside are all complicated, and all different, things.

    Your sexuality is what you are sexually attracted to, and that is it. If you are sexually attracted to females and only females, then you are homosexual, which literally means of the same sex. If you are sexually attracted to guys and only guys, then you are heterosexual. If you are sexually attracted to both males and females, then you are bisexual. If you are not sexually attracted to any gender, then you are asexual. This is something that you cannot change, but you can alter. What I mean is that if you are sexually attracted to only men, you cannot, at least from what I have learned and the studies done by the APA, completely change your sexual attraction from one to another. However, if you are attracted to both sexes, you can decide which sex you'd like to engage with and let into the romanic part of your life, while repressing the other in a healthy manner (this means not denying, but instead making the conscious decision to ignore it while instead engaging in the other side of your sexuality).

    Then there is what I like to call your emotional sexuality. This is what gender you are attracted to on the level that you want to engage in an emotional relationship with a person, with or without sex. This will always be up to change, especially if you are unsure of your sexuality. This includes crushes, as long as they are crushes beyond or not even on a sexual level. If you want to spend the rest of your life with a woman, then you're emotionally attracted to woman, and vise-versa with men.

    Now, this is where things can make you feel flustered. Your emotional sexuality and your physical sexuality can differ. Completely.

    I'll use the example of a repressed, male homosexual to explain. If there is a man who is raised in an environment that condemns homosexuality and teaches that the only true family if one woman, one man, and 2.5 kids, then the male would become emotionally attracted to woman, thinking that the family model he was taught would make him happy, and/or that any other's were wrong. Though as the male reaches puberty his physical sexuality while become apparent to him as his sexual attraction to the opposite sex would be nonexistent. This is where the confusion is. It is possible for your sexual attraction and emotional attraction to be completely different.

    However, just because they're different doesn't mean you can't be happy or live a fulfilled life. There are two ways that I have found to go about this.

    1. Wait until your emotional and physical attraction match up enough to find a suitable life partner if that is what you want. This can be lonely, but you have to remember not to try to rush to find out your sexuality as this will only cause frustration and confusion.

    2. Explore your sexuality. If you are sexually attracted to men, have a sexual relationship with a man and see if the emotional connection develops. If it doesn't, then it doesn't, but don't focus on putting yourself into the metaphorical boxes. You can do the same with woman, and the emotional connection may arise. This can also be done in reverse, starting emotional relationships and seeing if they develop sexually.

    You need to remember that you can't get an immediate answer with this, and trying to label yourself when you're unsure might not work well. Just relax, and let the comfort of knowing come with time.

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