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Thread: What to do? :/

  1. #1

    Default What to do? :/

    Yesterday ranked as one of the worst days I have had for quite some time. My pre-order of Black Ops II didn't arrive, added to a crap work shift, I was really looking forward to chilling out on the Xbox with my friends.

    Not the end of the world but still, it was something that really made me quite angry.

    I was then told by my dad that I was cooking everyone dinner. No big deal. I like cooking, except our kitchen resembled something like a bomb site. Three calls of some help to clean up went unanswered, so not only did I have to cook everyone dinner, I had to clean up the mess my brother and sister had made that morning before they went to work and school.

    Then I had to visit my nans that we do every Tuesday. We play card games basically for 2 hours and I try my best to grin and beat it, except my brother and sister began to pick on me, saying how lazy I am and I do nothing at work and when I responded saying I do more work then they do in the house, they laughed at me and told me to shut up and get a life.

    Now. I love my family, but I almost walked out in anger because this happens almost daily now, and I don't know how to deal with this, without causing further arguments.

    For the record, I am a catering assistant for a small indipendant business which requires a lot of work in order to keep things ship shape. My sister actually got sacked because she was lazy and didn't take her job seriously. It's not the best job in the world, and I am looking elsewhere, but I always value my job and am thankful I am recieving some income.

    I am just sick of being targeted like this. I do more housework then them both and yet I am made to be the bad guy. They even make homophobic jokes about me which really gets me mad. I haven't told them I am gay and whether the realise or not, it really hurts me emotionally and I just don't know what to do anymore.

    I'm sorry if this rant has lingered on but I really need some advice. I feel like shit all of the time and the only time I am happy is when I am talking with my boyfriend on Skype

    *hugs to all and thanks for reading*

  2. #2

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    tkuk,

    imagine having only 50$ left at all.. no food in the fridge, no one to go to and being in a very bad spot in life overall... not knowing if tomorrow will bring you some relief.
    aye - I've been at that place and it's fucked up... but WORST? hell no... friend of mine was diagnosed two years ago with a brain tumor... nothing to be done... that thing killed him within 8 month... THAT's fucked up at 27... ...or how about being homeless, and sick? or... you see the list is long.
    I'm not looking down on your situation - I know that depending on what point in life you are at and depending on your personal experience it can be really a difference in what you'd define as your worst day....
    Sorry for this, but I think it's a bit important to get things into a bit of a relative view.... not getting an X-Box game on time, and having siblings throwing the book at you is hardly worth being considered the worst day I hope.

    Also, you're 20... prepare to move out of the house if your situation has come to the point where living in a shared home with your family is no longer "acceptable"...
    I moved out for personal reasons when I was around 16... wasn't easy, but was better than the alternative.

    And last but not least, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your siblings... but if it's any bit good, sit them down and have a good talk. tell them that it hurts you and that you don't find it ok.

    good luck.

  3. #3

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    These are all pretty much first world problems (in the broader sense rather than the silly meme sense) but that doesn't stop them from being vexing. I think stress tends to be relative and so even if you have a problem that someone in a tougher situation might find trivial, it's possible to generate similar levels of stress.

    It's probably not very helpful to suggest that you should just try to worry less and take pleasure out of what's good but I think it's about the best advice I can offer. Families create stress as well as relieve it. Things will never be exactly equal and I imagine if we were able to talk with other members of your family, they might well have a similar list of times that they were troubled by something inconsiderate you did. Whether it's real or imagined is not so important as trying to minimize those stresses for everyone as much as possible. The homophobic jokes from your siblings are likely not directed at you personally since you haven't told but just something they generally do without knowing any better. We don't get to pick who we grow up with. You'll probably like them a lot better after you aren't stuck living with them anymore.

    I hope this doesn't come across as dismissive. I certainly get that you're upset and what you describe is upsetting. Just try remember that while bad things happen, generally things are good. Keep trying to improve your relationships and minimize difficulties but accept that some difficulties and things that are downright unfair are unavoidable and get past them.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by EPO1 View Post
    tkuk,

    imagine having only 50$ left at all.. no food in the fridge, no one to go to and being in a very bad spot in life overall... not knowing if tomorrow will bring you some relief.
    aye - I've been at that place and it's fucked up... but WORST? hell no... friend of mine was diagnosed two years ago with a brain tumor... nothing to be done... that thing killed him within 8 month... THAT's fucked up at 27... ...or how about being homeless, and sick? or... you see the list is long.
    I'm not looking down on your situation - I know that depending on what point in life you are at and depending on your personal experience it can be really a difference in what you'd define as your worst day....
    Sorry for this, but I think it's a bit important to get things into a bit of a relative view.... not getting an X-Box game on time, and having siblings throwing the book at you is hardly worth being considered the worst day I hope.

    Also, you're 20... prepare to move out of the house if your situation has come to the point where living in a shared home with your family is no longer "acceptable"...
    I moved out for personal reasons when I was around 16... wasn't easy, but was better than the alternative.

    And last but not least, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your siblings... but if it's any bit good, sit them down and have a good talk. tell them that it hurts you and that you don't find it ok.

    good luck.

    Oh no, I fully understand things can be a lot worse, hence why I put in "not the end of the world" I didn't mean to offend anyone if they thought that I was over reacting or anything. I'm just a bit emotionally stressed out right now. I've lost close friends and family in the past and it is a horrible time. But when I said "in quite some time", I was looking at the last few weeks rather than months or years, although I understand where you are coming from.

    I've been close to ending my life before, it was not a pleasant experience but I managed to find the will to fight on and I am so glad I did. The bullies nearly killed me, but I fought back.

    I'm feeling better now anyway. I guess I'm not too good when it comes to expressing my emotions, but I was just so down today, I really needed someone to reach out too.

    And thanks for your input too Trevor. TBH, i'm just glad somebody replied to this thread, it makes me feel glad that people do care about me.

  5. #5
    SkarTiger

    Default

    Hi tkuk,

    I'll just start off by saying I know exactly how you feel. Like I'm the predominant worker in my house trying to keep things from toppling over. I'm the one who usually sweeps the floors, sorts out the dishwasher, cleans up the floor if my dog has an accident, cleans out my guinea pigs, taking out the rubbish, hoovering, wiping the surfaces and the odd job that crops up every once in a while like painting or shifting some stuff about.

    Yet, I'm the oldest child in my family; my brother hardly helps. He usually just disappears somewhere to play Minecraft and we don't see him until dinner. Yet we keep arguing that "I take all the glory" and yet I'm the one who does these jobs without being asked and he lazes about. So I feel like lecturing him to get off his computer and help out with the chores but I end up not as he just ignores my point.

    So yes, I understand how it feels to be the working force of the household but just remember. You're showing and developing dedication, willingness, working skills, loyalty, routine and a whole lot of other things. So so don't get worried and upset about it. It's not the end of the world that you have to cook and clean up the kitchen, yes I know it's a real pain clearing up other people's mess but I get a nice feeling of fulfilment out of it.

    Anyway, cheer up! At the end of the day, if they don't have the work ethics that you have, then how will your brother and sister get on in life? Getting their dream jobs or dream careers doesn't happen by being lazy and waiting for the fairies to do it for them. They need to learn that life isn't gonna a joy-ride for them if they ignore the work that needs doing. If they tell you to get a life, then tell them they should help you do the chores so they can get one also!

    Skar

  6. #6
    Countdown

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    Quote Originally Posted by tkuk View Post
    Yesterday ranked as one of the worst days I have had for quite some time

    [...]

    My pre-order of Black Ops II didn't arrive

    [...]

    not only did I have to cook everyone dinner, I had to clean up the mess my brother and sister had made that morning

    [...]

    my brother and sister began to pick on me




    Quote Originally Posted by tkuk
    *hugs to all and thanks for reading*
    welcome

  7. #7

    Default

    I've always thought that the best plan to thwart those who make your life miserable is to improve your own life and do well. That should be your plan. Work towards finding a better paying job. Since you're gay, if you found someone to share your life, two can live cheaper than one. Your goal is to move out. It will be interesting to see how those "left behind" will fend for themselves. They might actually have to wash dishes.

    I started life with nothing, making 6,000 a year. I now live in a four bedroom brick colonial, two fireplaces, three bathrooms and a family room the size of two school classrooms. My cousins bullied me unmercifully when I was little, and I suspect they still live in both stupidity and poverty. I wouldn't know as I cut off ties from them when I left home.

    Have reasonable goals and work hard to achieve them. That's what we do in this world. It takes times, but most of us arrive. Don't let your family pull you down, but rather, pull yourself up. I wish you well in this.

  8. #8

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    we all have a hard time every now and then and completely understand about the siblings moaning, my sister always moans i do nothing yet its me that does most things around the house, and as for being in a bad spot if i took a photo of the food in my fridge which has to last untill next week i think you would be shocked, maybe moving out my be a good option for you if you can afford it, if not then stay at home invest in some headphones and just ignore everyone else and get on with things in your own way

    wolfie

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by tkuk View Post
    Yesterday ranked as one of the worst days I have had for quite some time. My pre-order of Black Ops II didn't arrive, added to a crap work shift, I was really looking forward to chilling out on the Xbox with my friends.

    Not the end of the world but still, it was something that really made me quite angry.

    I was then told by my dad that I was cooking everyone dinner. No big deal. I like cooking, except our kitchen resembled something like a bomb site. Three calls of some help to clean up went unanswered, so not only did I have to cook everyone dinner, I had to clean up the mess my brother and sister had made that morning before they went to work and school.

    Then I had to visit my nans that we do every Tuesday. We play card games basically for 2 hours and I try my best to grin and beat it, except my brother and sister began to pick on me, saying how lazy I am and I do nothing at work and when I responded saying I do more work then they do in the house, they laughed at me and told me to shut up and get a life.

    Now. I love my family, but I almost walked out in anger because this happens almost daily now, and I don't know how to deal with this, without causing further arguments.

    For the record, I am a catering assistant for a small indipendant business which requires a lot of work in order to keep things ship shape. My sister actually got sacked because she was lazy and didn't take her job seriously. It's not the best job in the world, and I am looking elsewhere, but I always value my job and am thankful I am recieving some income.

    I am just sick of being targeted like this. I do more housework then them both and yet I am made to be the bad guy. They even make homophobic jokes about me which really gets me mad. I haven't told them I am gay and whether the realise or not, it really hurts me emotionally and I just don't know what to do anymore.

    I'm sorry if this rant has lingered on but I really need some advice. I feel like shit all of the time and the only time I am happy is when I am talking with my boyfriend on Skype

    *hugs to all and thanks for reading*

    Hello,

    Your family life sounds very dysfunctional and reminds me a lot of my youth. People underestimate how depressing/frustrating a basic situation like a dysfunctional modest family can be on a person.

    My suggestion is to develop barriers between your self and the negative experiences. It's not a glorified fix but it can create some relief from daunting family life. Don't force your self to visit your nan every week, learn to say no and become lord of the excuses. My grandmother is in her 90s and if I don't *Need* to be there I would rather not be there because frankly she is so far gone it's just depressing.

    Homophobic jokes are unfortunately part of society just like any other jokes. However that being said most people do not mean harm behind them. As someone who was bi and grew up in a wicked anti-homosexual community I know exactly how hateful that can get. I had a bus driver who by all other means was the stereotypical soccer mom. But holy smokes if you mentioned anything about what she thought about gay people. Didn't even matter if we were kids she would paint them to you as if they were some kind of devious criminals who choose to be "sick".

    Your best bet is to develop a thick skin to it because unfortunately international norms will not change that drastically in our lifetime. Anyway, look at the bright side~ you have friends, a job, and a future. Your doing something with your self and that is a lot more then any of my local furry. I find that because people are different (ABs-furries-etc) they let their devience rule their life style and let everything else all go to crap. People loose their educational edge, their motivation, their hygiene and self esteem go down.

    Your going in the right direction and that's what you need to hold onto.

    Troubles

  10. #10

    Default

    These are first world problems but they are also pretty normal. I have seen lots of cases where a kid is about your age, or nearing it, and conflicts literally help to push the kid out of the door. I know this is harsh but it is time to move out.

    You also bring up the homophobic comment issue. It is unreasonable for you to expect a sibling to be sensitive or understanding when they have no idea how you feel. This would be a great opportunity to either have a heart to heart about it, or simply decide to grow thicker skin (so to speak). Really there are three ways that I see of dealing with it, come out and have the heart to heart, grow thick skin, or the third option is to move out so that you are not subjected to hurtful comments.

    None of this is really new or original advice, it is pretty standard stuff. The world is a pretty harsh place and sometimes others will do things that seem insensitive, insulting or even to be taking advantage. It may be that they have just not matured enough to really see there place in the world. It is also pretty common for kids, and sometimes even young adults, to be pretty self centered and to seemingly not care about others. This changes over time.

    Moving out might be hard. Find a roommate, a second job, or whatever you need to make this possible. You will find the freedom and privacy will be well worth the trouble, and the amount of work this will require will only serve to boost your own self image and confidence.

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