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Thread: Relationship issues due to sexuality

  1. #1

    Default Relationship issues due to sexuality

    Okay... I have had...in my nearly 25 years (Or well I'l be 25 in a weekish, Nov 19)...1 girlfriend. I had to "dump" her after only a couple weeks. Why? 2 reasons, 1, she was too controlling, we were neighbors and she wanted me to come over every single mourning as soon as I woke up...among other things, and 2 sex. I have no sex drive, due to my hormonal isses. I have never had sex, nor do I have any desire, nor am I aroused by sexual images. (I am turned off by porn or slutty clothing as well, disgusted mentally and physically by it.) I have SOME feelings for the opposite sex, women, but...it's not "I want to ahve sex with them" type feelings. If I were to have a girlfriend it would be a close emotinoal bond. (The one girls CLAIM to want, with a sensitive and caring partner not driven by sex) The Other reason I had to break up with her is because she was constantly pressuring me with sex. Wanting me to carress down there and all kinds of things like that. I don't mind giving some touch and massage, but it erally was going to a point where I was being pressured into something I have no desire to do. And to be honest, without any desire...or instinct...What would I do? The idea of getting on a woman and trying to figure out what to do other than the obvious (stick - in o...etc.) makes me feel awkward. How would a person with no sex drive have sex anyway, without that instinct? O.O

    But the problem is, as I mentioned above. Many girls CLAIM to want a sensitive, caring partner, but none are ever interested in me. I don't look manly and don't have a sex drive, so it seems like women will always cast me aside. It Confuses me and if I am to be honest, hurts me a bit. Here girls tend to talk about guys being slaves to there sex drives, and yet I get cast away for not being sexy or having a sex drive? It seems to my prospective that women are the ones who are driven only by sex from my point of view. How will I ever find a partner in life?

    Any advice? I don't mind having sex if I truly loved them... but...Will there likely be a girl I can find willing to accept that I probably will get no sexual arousal from it? That will probably be the worst sex partner ever the first few times at least?

  2. #2
    H0TWH33LS

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    Would your sex drive change if you were married? You said you would have sex if you it was with someone you truly loved but what if that person was waiting for marriage>

  3. #3

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    I am waiting for marriage. I have no sex drive. If I were to have sex it would not be for my pleasure but for my partners. To my knowledge women get pleasure from that as much as any guy. I am very old fashioned about that kinda thing to be honest. I am a christian, I don't even think kids shoould be dating before 18. After all the point of dating is to find your future spouse.... as teens are not ready for a spouce I really don't see much point dating and having a sex life before adulthood.

    I was saying that assuming said partner was already my wife.

    (24 year old guy who sounds like a 90 year old guy... I know.)

  4. #4
    Countdown

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    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousOne View Post
    But the problem is, as I mentioned above. Many girls CLAIM to want a sensitive, caring partner, but none are ever interested in me. I don't look manly and don't have a sex drive, so it seems like women will always cast me aside. It Confuses me and if I am to be honest, hurts me a bit. Here girls tend to talk about guys being slaves to there sex drives, and yet I get cast away for not being sexy or having a sex drive? It seems to my prospective that women are the ones who are driven only by sex from my point of view. How will I ever find a partner in life?
    most women do want caring/sensitive guys, but das not all...physical appearance is important & if you do not look manly, then you probably will not be viewed as attractive by many women (not trying to be offensive, es a fact of life :S :S)...also even though their sex drives tend to be lower, most women still wanna have sex... never havin sex is not an option for many people--male or female



    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousOne View Post
    Will there likely be a girl I can find willing to accept that I probably will get no sexual arousal from it? That will probably be the worst sex partner ever the first few times at least?
    think you will have better luck seekin out an asexual girl...but ya never know

    Good luck..

  5. #5

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    Just a thought:

    You're treating sex like it would be a chore. Maybe it would be since you have no desires. But said spouse might find your abdl ness to be a chore. If they're willing to parttake in that wouldn't you be willing to parttake in what they want to? Sorry if I'm overanalyzing anything :P

  6. #6

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    Chore? Not really. I really would be willing to partake in what they want to do. (Again, I was saying things such as having sex regardless of my not having a sex drive WOULD be me partaking in what they want.) As for my ABness... I wouldn't ask her to partake in that. But yeah I would not be with a partner I hated or felt indifferent to...So of course I would be willing to do anything I could for them.

    A lot of misunderstandings are going on. Wondering how badly I misworded this.

  7. #7
    Countdown

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    ^^ think I get what ya mean...no desire, but not disgusted by sex? i.e., willing to do it for the sake of your lover? in that case, think you got a better chance but it is true that many women like a passionate guy in bed, and I dunno how passionate you can be if ya don't really desire sex... :S

    Good luck..

  8. #8
    H0TWH33LS

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    I disagree with @Countdown... "never havin sex is not an option for many people--male or female" If two people respect their religious beliefs and morals to want to wait until marriage I do not see what is wrong with that? I think if you are going to be in a relationship where sex is put on hold until marriage you need to be very clear to your partner how they can best satisfy you which is something I know we are all seeking.

    I might have something in common with you btw @curiousone. I have been in several relationships but never had a one night stand. I tend to form bonds people before I like to have sex because sex in my eyes should be special and with the person you love.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by H0TWH33LS View Post
    I disagree with @Countdown... "never havin sex is not an option for many people--male or female" If two people respect their religious beliefs and morals to want to wait until marriage I do not see what is wrong with that? I think if you are going to be in a relationship where sex is put on hold until marriage you need to be very clear to your partner how they can best satisfy you which is something I know we are all seeking.
    was not stating a moral position...I have no moral beliefs about whether a couple does or does not have sex...if the curious one does not wish to have sex until marriage, that is his decision, and I don't think there's anythin wrong with that..

    what I meant was that the majority (but not the totality) of couples will require at least some level of sex...don't think many young people in this day and age are gonna be OK with waiting for marriage to have sex

  10. #10
    H0TWH33LS

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    so I am assuming if your partner asked you to wait you would say no?

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