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Thread: Question for everyone who have told there therapist/shrink about **/DL

  1. #1

    Default Question for everyone who have told there therapist/shrink about **/DL

    How was your experience when you told your doctor about your fetish? I am considering telling mine once I get a little more comfortable with him. He has, so far, hit on the cause of a lot of issues I am currently having that started when I was an infant & that I had long suspected where the cause of many of my issues. I am just wondering if he can find, if there is one, the source of my DL'isum. Guess the big question is DO I want him to find it. Not sure I really want to give up my padding just yet :P

  2. #2

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    I've been easing my therapist into the concept, if you know what I mean! First I said I feel like a kid inside... then (when he seemed to think that everyone was like that and it was perfectly normal) I showed him some photos of cute AB clothes from the Privatina site. His reaction was... not in the slightest bit judgmental and... he seemed really grateful that I trusted him enough to be open about it. He suddenly seemed to understand that my "wanting to be little" isn't the same as the sense of feeling childish or insecure that everyone has.

    I've been building up to telling him about diapers and... it's got to the point where I'm having to bite my tongue and... I feel like he doesn't have "the big picture" that would maybe fill in a few blanks for him.

    I don't think anyone but you will be able to determine the source of your DL-ism, though. Therapists can guide you through some possibilities but no one can say for sure what causes someone to be as they are. And even if you knew the cause, would that make you give up your padding?

    I like the smell of pine... If I look into my past, I can remember walking through the pine woods surrounding my college and occasionally getting a whiff of that subtle pine smell. It was a happy time in my life, so I suppose I associate that happy time with the smell of pine so that now the smell of pine makes me happy. But figuring that out doesn't mean that I suddenly stop liking the smell of pine! The smell is still nice even though I know why I like it. I don't want to give up those experiences and stop smelling it in future. I think it'll be the same with diapers.

    My therapist (even though he doesn't know about the diapers) thinks that my "childishness" is a coping mechanism that psychologically takes me back to a time when I was safe and had nothing to worry about. His opinion is that this isn't something I'll ever be able to just "turn off"; it's a part of my personality. But, since it's also a coping mechanism, if I can find ways to reduce the stress/anxiety/depression of life, then naturally I won't have such an overwhelming urge to be a little kid. It can be a part-time hobby instead of... whatever it is now... (nearly-full-time obsession?)...



    Quote Originally Posted by Grizz View Post
    He has, so far, hit on the cause of a lot of issues I am currently having that started when I was an infant & that I had long suspected where the cause of many of my issues.
    It's amazing, isn't it? My therapist has made a lot of connections between things that happened when I was a kid and the way I "turned out" as an adult... I used to be highly sceptical of psychotherapy, but it's been surprisingly helpful so far. I just wish it worked faster and cost less...

    Hope it goes well for you!

  3. #3

    Default Question for everyone who have told there therapist/shrink about **/DL

    It's possible your therapist might be able to help you find what causes you to be a DL. Part of their job is to also find healthy substitutes for unhealthy behaviour if they feel that such behaviour is causing distress in your daily life. If you decide to tell make sure that you convey that you have no intention to change because you feel it's part of who you are and that you want to know why this particular paraphilia is your 'thing.'

    I told mine and she had some very odd questions about it, wondering what uses they had and when I would indulge. It was a little bit embarrassing but from a Psychologists perspective it gives them more insight into how you function as an individual. Obviously you feel that it is an important part of who you are, so leaving it out you may feel like you aren't showing your true self. On the other hand, it takes a lot of trust in one's therapist to come out with such information to a complete stranger. I didn't tell mine until about the 10th session together when I felt 100% comfortable.

    Thus far I haven't regretted it whatsoever and it has allowed us to explore my background and upbringing and how it has affected me socially and how I function within relationships and allowed me to accept myself just a little bit more for who I am.

    I would say go for it, but just be sure it's the right time and place. Remember, you are the one in control and don't feel pressured to explain or defend who you are, your DL side is just another character trait that you want to add into the mix.

    Hope that helps.

  4. #4

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    I've seen several therapists (5) over the past ten years or so and I've told each of them about diapers.

    Each of them have reacted differently - and in each case they kind of mirrored where I was at with diapers at the time. So when I was "at war" with wearing diapers, my therapists reflected that, treated it as a problem, and helped me come up with strategies for not giving into the desires. As I've grown, I've come to the conclusion to be at peace with them and to find a place in my life for them and my therapists have likewise responded in kind: that it would be unwise/impossible to get rid of it and that it is a good idea to find balance. I have not had an experience however, where the therapist shifted in viewpoint midstream (i.e. they either saw the diapers as a problem at the beginning and continued with that opinion until our relationship was over or vice versa).

    In any case, I too have not regretted telling them and even when I was at a different place in my life, it was helpful to have someone to talk with about it. For me, it was a little scary telling them in the first place but they have consistently been accepting and kind about it (although none of them had ever encountered such a thing before). I'm not sure what the law is in America for minors, but for adults, unless you tell them that you plan to hurt someone else or yourself, they are legally bound to keep it a secret. This fact was encouraging to me as well.

    As a general rule, I've really found therapy helpful - primarily it has helped reduce my underlying shame about it (admitting it and talking about it with any accepting person tends to do that). Identifying the underlying causes of my DLism has tended to give me more confidence about myself and really just a better understanding of how/why I 'tick'. In fact, talking about it has opened up all kinds of other 'rabbit holes' in my family's past that I never would have gone down or seen as related. I'd say, if you trust your therapist, take courage and tell him/her.

  5. #5

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    Some may be fine with it and some may not. I had one who didn't seem fine with it. It was "socially inappropriate" and "regressive" and "taboo" and they were like "drugs and alcohol and carrying guns."

    But the rest seemed fine with it.

  6. #6

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    It took about 8 years for me to tell mine and it was like nothing when I did, just another thing. My shrink knew nothing about the AB/DL thing but after some explanation he accepted it as it is a diversion, not an obsession and he likes to think it links me to the only time my parents took care of me. (I was kinda expected to "be a man" and take care of myself from a very early age.) A few years later he started asking me questions about it out of the blue which struck me as odd so I asked him if he had another patient into diapers. It turned out he did and was looking to learn more about it. Of course he could say nothing about this other AB/DL patient but it left me feeling good knowing I'm not the only one at his office.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Grizz View Post
    How was your experience when you told your doctor about your fetish? I am considering telling mine once I get a little more comfortable with him. He has, so far, hit on the cause of a lot of issues I am currently having that started when I was an infant & that I had long suspected where the cause of many of my issues. I am just wondering if he can find, if there is one, the source of my DL'isum.
    I told mine (it was somewhat relevant to what we were talking about). He asked one question: is it causing you any problems or stress? I said no and we just moved on to the next thing.

    I think that's the right approach: unusual isn't the same as dysfunctional; the former is just who you are, the latter is what your shrink is there to fix. If you think it's relevant to your other issues you should bring it up. If you're enjoying your padding you don't have to give it up, and he shouldn't push you that way. Just be clear that you're comfortable with it and you just want to know how that fits into the big picture. Or if you'd rather, you can just tell him for his information, but be clear that you don't want to pry into the root cause of this one.




    Guess the big question is DO I want him to find it. Not sure I really want to give up my padding just yet :P
    It's possible that finding the root cause may diminish your interest, but as long as it happens naturally and not because it's forced on you, then I don't think it'd be bad; it's just another development in your life... But that's a personal decision for you.

    In my experience DLism tends to be pretty deep seated, and if prying out your other issues hasn't caused that to change already it likely won't.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by tiny View Post
    I've been building up to telling him about diapers and... it's got to the point where I'm having to bite my tongue and... I feel like he doesn't have "the big picture" that would maybe fill in a few blanks for him.
    Well... after an hour-or-so of squirming and vague hints in my last therapy session, I actually managed to explain how I became interested in nappies as a kid. I couldn't believe what I was saying and almost expected him to freak out or run out of the door. But it didn't faze him at all. I think he knew (or suspected) for quite a while. He said that it's surprisingly common and asked whether I preferred cloth or disposables as most people enjoy what they were brought up in, which I thought was incredibly insightful... or he's done a lot of research! But he didn't make any assumptions about it or me and I imagine we'll spend a fair bit of time talking about it some more.

    Anyway, it was nice to be able to talk to someone about it face-to-face (for the first time in my life!) without being seen as a freak. I was soooo anxious about telling my therapist that, having done it, I feel quite relieved; like it's not a big thing at all now. Yay!

  9. #9

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    Is there any way to rep+ the whole thread?
    Thanks to OP for opening the thread and thanks to all of you who responded so thoughtfully.
    I'm more convinced than ever that this is the sanest place in the WWW.

    FWIW I did not tell my therapist, but we were kind of busy on other things. I did eventually tell my wife, and I can say that being able to talk about it with someone is a big help

  10. #10

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    I think that someone's decision to include their therapist in knowing may or may not be productive for them, and should depend on their level of self-acceptance. If there's inner turmoil linked to the AB/DL part of their lifestyle, therapy or counseling can be helpful for them to cope with past events. If there isn't, then AB/DL-friendly support groups are probably the best option to reach out to others.

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