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Thread: Absolute confusion/anxiety. Purge looming.

  1. #1

    Unhappy Absolute confusion/anxiety. Purge looming.

    Hello all,

    So, long story short, I've been using 2 beers 5x/week to "assist" with the proper usage of my product. I seemed to find a unique balance in my life: work was going great, I was kicking butt at home (doing all the cooking/cleaning etc) and I actually started going to Neighborhood Watch meetings and was even thinking about leading a group of Gay Straight Alliance folks where I work.

    Then, last night, my wife (who is very supportive of my little quirk) read me the riot act about drinking. In all fairness, my drinking has, in the past, negatively impacted our marriage. For the last month, though, things had been going rather well.

    Well, now that we had that conversation, the guilt and shame of having my beer flooded into guilt and shame about why I was drinking my beer. I'm on the edge of a brutal purge. Now that I know how my wife feels I am very depressed. My life is in the crapper.

    You see, I only have about 90 minutes in which to relax in my preferred manner. I'd pad up, drink my 2 beers (along with water and gatoraid), do the cooking and cleaning, make kids lunches (sometimes), "aaaahhhhhhh", then have a snack and head off to bed. In a perfect world, I could start my activities at 9pm and "aaaahhhhh" (wet) at midnight. However, I love to put the wife to bed, hang with her, watch TV with her. That puts me at about 10:30, and I like to be in bed by midnight. So, I've been using beer to compress the time I spend in our particular activity.

    Nowadays I don't like being drunk--I don't really like the feeling of it. I honestly--honestly--use beer (Bud Light Lime, no less--about 4.2%APV) to help wet in a timely fashion.

    So, I guess I need set straight. Right now, I'd love to be electroshocked out of this desire. I know it can't be done, but I went from a place of peace to a place of depression and suicidal thoughts literally overnight. I'm almost 40, and what am I doing? Pissing in a diaper? By all accounts, I have about 25 more years on this planet. I want to be a loving husband and father while wedging in a manner of peace in my life.

    Any advice? I'm seriously hurting here.

    xtrabulk

  2. #2

    Default

    Before I start getting too long winded here with my post, my advice, right now, is to perhaps compromise a little with yourself on the matter of the diapers. What caused the disagreement with your wife was over the alcohol, not the diapers. When I get upset or yelled at by the people I care about on something, I tend to get in the same mind set and stop other behaviors even mildly associated with it (sort of purging them). So I know what ya feel. It's kind of best in these situations to talk about it if it's really bothering you that bad. I would go talk to your wife about it honestly concerning the alcohol thing.

    I can see why you would feel bad though. You're feeling really good being on top of things at home, you're pursuing other projects ya want to, and top of that you feel balanced in your life. Then something comes around and disrupts that and ya want to prevent that from happening again. It's even worse that that we're men. We view ourselves as the providers and want to be pretty amazing at that to our family, and we try and get rid of the things that distort that image.

    I know you view the booze as just a tool, but if it's going to be a cause of concern between you and your wife, then merely stop using it. Tea, coffee, pop, can be suitable substitutes along with a little change in schedule (plus Bud Light? Yuck! lol)

    So first things first: take a breath. Realize it's not too big of a deal, you can still enjoy this side of yourself, talk to your wife, and find a different substitute to aid in your enjoyment. Just keep in mind your accomplishments in the now and what your capable of, it will help you pull yourself out of the hole too. Even mention those types of feelings to your wife, as if she's supportive about the diaper thing, I'm sure she will be there.

    Honestly the best of us still get a little down and out sometimes about this little quirk. It happens. A friend of mine was actually talking about seeing an AB/DL in the media the other day and how weird it was or how someone could be like that. I feel pretty balanced myself, but stuff like that still hits ya home. And the conversation with your wife inadvertently probably hit ya in the same spot.

    Regards man, things work out. Even though I'm just a youngin', I hope that helps.
    Last edited by Geno; 06-Oct-2012 at 00:49.

  3. #3

    Default

    Thank you, sir. You are wise beyond your years. Things are better...like you say, it's a matter of compromise-both with myself and my wife. I'm no longer haunted by death. A little confused, but that comes with our territory. I'm glad I didn't purge. If I had, some lucky duck would've scored big time. Maybe I just need some non-premiums so I can wear privately earlier. Thanks so much. You exemplify the kindness that adisc promotes. Bless you.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by xtrabulk View Post
    Nowadays I don't like being drunk--I don't really like the feeling of it. I honestly--honestly--use beer (Bud Light Lime, no less--about 4.2%APV) to help wet in a timely fashion.

    So, I guess I need set straight. Right now, I'd love to be electroshocked out of this desire. I know it can't be done, but I went from a place of peace to a place of depression and suicidal thoughts literally overnight. I'm almost 40, and what am I doing? Pissing in a diaper? By all accounts, I have about 25 more years on this planet. I want to be a loving husband and father while wedging in a manner of peace in my life.

    Any advice? I'm seriously hurting here.
    If you don't like being drunk, then there are other things you can drink as an alternative that's relaxing such as chamomile tea, and tea tends to be a diuretic, so you know... a double dose of some strong chamomile or similarly relaxing tea might do the trick.



    Quote Originally Posted by xtrabulk View Post
    However, I love to put the wife to bed, hang with her, watch TV with her.
    It sounds more like you are feeling guilty. What children (and wives especially) often want most is time with whom they love, and so long as your hobby isn't taking away time from your family, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. Time with your wife and family should feel as good and matter as much to you as your hobby does. If it IS cutting into your family life, then refocus your priorities and cut back in order to balance things out more. Also, is their room for additional compromise? Why can't you watch TV with your wife while in a diaper sometimes? A pair of loose comfy sweats can hide a lot, if you can avoid wearing crinkly ones around your kids chances are they will never notice. Maybe your wife could be okay with?

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