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Thread: She's Dropping Hints...

  1. #1

    Default She's Dropping Hints...

    My girlfriend and I have been together for about 3 years, living together over 2 years. She is starting to hint about marriage and kids. I knew this would eventually happen, especially because her family is religious and they frown on us "shacking up," as her dad apparently calls it. I love her deeply and she is great, but I have never told her about my AB side and feel guilty getting married without being completely honest with her. Frankly, marriage in general kind of scares me. Advice???

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by heybaby View Post
    I have never told her about my AB side and feel guilty getting married without being completely honest with her. Frankly, marriage in general kind of scares me. Advice???
    Yes, start being honest. A relationship built on secrets and dishonesty is destined for trouble. Be that reconcilable trouble is up to the two of you, but this relationship would be better suited to prosper if both of you are honest.

  3. #3

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    hard to tell. but well, if you plany to live with her for the rest of your life, i think you should both be honest with each others in every way.

  4. #4

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    I agree! You need to tell her. You owe her that. Truth is good!





    Quote Originally Posted by Khaymen View Post
    Yes, start being honest. A relationship built on secrets and dishonesty is destined for trouble. Be that reconcilable trouble is up to the two of you, but this relationship would be better suited to prosper if both of you are honest.

  5. #5

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    First off don't marry her unless you really want to, don't let her family pressure you into making a decision that you don't want to make yet. Secondly yes you'll need to tell her if you want to marry her but after 3 years together you should tell her anyway, it's been long enough and this shouldn't be kept a secret for as long as you have done. Just sit her down and be honest and see what happens.

  6. #6
    regressedneutrino

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    I promise, thread starter: this ramble is worth reading.

    First of all, and this goes for both marriage and telling: it is your choice. That's the single most important thing anyone could ever try to tell you in response. If you want to marry her, then ask her. From what you say, it would take her to the seventh heaven for sure. You questioning whether it's the right thing for you to do is wonderful, regardless of what you end up doing. It is, after all, one of the most important decisions of your lives. Being scared by the thought of marriage is completely natural. Nevertheless, I'm sure you'd love it. You obviously like her a lot; that doesn't mean you have to marry her. What her family says and thinks should never dictate your relationship. In conclusion: if you don't want to marry her, you shouldn't. If you do, that's wonderful. But whatever you do, you should really talk openly to her about it and what you think. It's terribly hard working up the courage to do so, but I think you know that's the only right thing to do.

    Much of the same goes for telling: you don't have to if you don't want to. However, when it comes to this, I feel like I can give you my honest opinion: I think you should.Telling is probably one of the hardest things you will ever have done, considering that you don't seem to ever have told anyone. I won't lie to you: it will feel wrong on so many levels, regardless of how much you love- and trust her. That being said, most people, including me, find it more than worth the endeavor. The relief of having shared it with someone is, in my experience, beyond words. It still feels wrong in many ways, but I don't regret it. However, it should be noted that I don't think I could ever have told anyone I didn't trust 100%. Not figuratively, quite literally 100%. The only person I've told is the single most amazing human to ever have walked this earth, and you couldn't convince me otherwise in a million years. I don't see how knowing that is immediately helpful to you, but if your love is anything like that, then go for it. She won't think any less of you, you have my word (and she will agree), and as such, you have nothing to loose.
    Last edited by regressedneutrino; 30-Sep-2012 at 12:19. Reason: My writing is poor on sickdays

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by heybaby View Post
    My girlfriend and I have been together for about 3 years, living together over 2 years. She is starting to hint about marriage and kids. I knew this would eventually happen, especially because her family is religious and they frown on us "shacking up," as her dad apparently calls it. I love her deeply and she is great, but I have never told her about my AB side and feel guilty getting married without being completely honest with her. Frankly, marriage in general kind of scares me. Advice???
    This is a tough one.

    I don't need to tell you about the reactions of the spouses/girlfriends that have found out about ABDL'ism.
    The truth needs to be told, however the consequences could be a break up, after potential initial shock and disgust.

    Fortunately Adisc has some lovely articles you and her could read to make this situation a little easier.

    It might also not be a huge deal to her, i don't know what type of person she is, but if she is overly conservative it could be a harder a pill for her to swallow.
    She could also tell her parents/friends if she cannot deal with it in a personal capacity.

    Now onto the positives, you will have an incredible weight lifted off your shoulders.
    If this is one of the reasons you don't want to marry or you are not totally sure if she is the one for you, i urge you to tell her because there is no way this will remain a secret, and the consequences as pointed out could be dire.

    Remember that saying love is like a dove, you need to set it free, and if it was meant to be it will return, if not it was never meant be.

    This situation is perhaps a good thing for the both of you, because marriage is a life time commitment, and you both need to know if your individual mannerisms could be tolerated for life.

    Good luck.

  8. #8

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    Thanks for the advice. I have known for a while that I should probably tell her but can't quite work up the courage to tell her. I am really afraid of her rejecting and leaving, but I guess if I don't hurry up, she might leave anyway.

  9. #9

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    I agree with others... I recommend you to tell her as soon as you can especially after 3 years together. Also, never let anyone to pressure you into marriage or kids... do what makes you two happy... it's up to you two together... don't let others decide what your lives' path should be.

    Personally, I would have tell her much earlier in the relationship so I can know whether she'll accept my DL side or not... so I can know if I should move on instead waiting and put 3 years relationship in drain if things go wrong.

    Anyway, I wish you nothing but the best for you on whatever you decide what's right for you.

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