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Thread: Could I get some relationship advice?

  1. #1

    Default Could I get some relationship advice?

    First off, I'd like to say that this post doesn't have anything to do with my fetish, as my fetish isn't causing any conflict or negativities in the relationship. If anything, my fetish is something that we both have fun with. Now, on to the parts I need help with.

    I love my girlfriend, and have for over 2 years, without hesitation. Sounds great, right? Well, it is, except for a few little things. the first of those is the fact that I'm always so exhausted. I do 28 hours of classes a week in various engineering courses, plus around 3 or 4 hours of homework a night. Add to that the fact that I have to cook my supper and clean the apartment when I get home, I'm usually pretty tired. This tends to create problems, as my girlfriend always wants to hang out and go do something but I just don't have any energy by the end of the day it seems. I really wish I could do something about it, but I'm so flustered with school that my brain just goes on autopilot when I get home and it crashes a few hours later.

    The second problem, the fact that things are becoming routine. It's not very often that we do something new or explore anymore. I don't have an income and I live on a very tight budget with only a few dollars a month to throw towards leisure. That usually leads to just hanging out at the apartment, not doing anything really amazing. I want to be able to make things fun again, but I can't really think of anything to do?

    The third problem, my girlfriend thinks that I've become less affectionate over the last little while. I kind of have to agree with her, but then again, I haven't really noticed a shift? I mean, I'm still affectionate, but she says I'm not the same as I used to be? I don't know what I can do about that or even if I can change that.

    Well, I don't really know what else to say, I just hope that some of the collective ADISC wisdom will help solve some of these problems or give me advice as to how I can solve them myself. Thank you.

    -Ron

  2. #2

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    Every relationship has a honeymoon period which fades and things become routine, it cannot always be amazing all the time as life is not like that. The first thing with every relationship is communication is key, it sounds like you are communicating and you may want to ask your girlfriend what she would like to change or do to up the affection. You are on a limited budget but there are little things like a flower now and again or setting up a romantic bath that can up the romantic spontaneity.

    She says you are not the same, that might be right as people change and that is how things are as we are not static. She also may have an idea in her head of what she thought you used to be like.

    If you are looking for activities look around your city, there are usually things going on that are free and if you are active you can find places to hike though being tired may make that difficult. There is not much you can do about being tired because of your schedule and the both of you will have to cope with it till you are done school. Working may make things better though when you start a new job you do spend a lot of time there but since there is no homework you will have more time.

  3. #3

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    From what you say, you are being a responsible student. Your girlfriend will have to accept that majoring in an engineering degree demands a lot of work and study time. She should be supportive of this, not antagonistic. She needs to understand that you will eventually be providing the both of you a good future. There is a time and place for all things, and when things become limited, they are all the more valuable and appreciated.

    When my wife and I were first married, we didn't have any extra income. Our entertainment was simple, but we enjoyed what little we had. If your girlfriend complains, you may have to have a conversation about this. The key is to remain calm and loving in your demeanor. It sounds to me like you're a good catch. I hope she continues to realize this.

  4. #4

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    The second problem, the fact that things are becoming routine. It's not very often that we do something new or explore anymore. I don't have an income and I live on a very tight budget with only a few dollars a month to throw towards leisure. That usually leads to just hanging out at the apartment, not doing anything really amazing. I want to be able to make things fun again, but I can't really think of anything to do?

    The third problem, my girlfriend thinks that I've become less affectionate over the last little while. I kind of have to agree with her, but then again, I haven't really noticed a shift? I mean, I'm still affectionate, but she says I'm not the same as I used to be? I don't know what I can do about that or even if I can change that.

    Well, I don't really know what else to say, I just hope that some of the collective ADISC wisdom will help solve some of these problems or give me advice as to how I can solve them myself. Thank you.
    Well, I think I can give you some advice on this part. I'm 17, dating since I was 14. I have seen lots of relationships going wrong around me during this time, most of'em ending around 1-2 years.

    I've passed through the situation you're going through a couple times, and, honestly, it was one of the hardest parts of my entire relationship. It means that you're getting used to live together and be together, and that 'flame' you started out with is getting weaker and weaker; creating, maybe, the illusion that you're going into a routine, meaning you don't love each other or shouldn't be together anymore and all that stuff. This is not necessarily true.

    I guess you should sit down and talk about all this with her, leaving no doubt about what you really feel and how this is just a phase you're going through. That things are gonna get better, and being in a routine does not necessarily mean you're gonna live on it for the rest of your lives. Try, together, to understand that this is purely temporary.

    Also, for now, try to turn this situation around through little attitudes. Women usually not only notice your effort, but it also means a lot to them. It kind of provides them confidence and safety around the relationship. Maybe some surprise breakfast / dinner, a silly movie with ice-cream, a walk in the park, and, above all those, making some effort to listen to her and everything she has or wants to say. Those are all the tips I can give to turn out this 'routine' into something desirable and comfortable.

    Hope that helps a little =)

  5. #5

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    As busy as you may be, if she is concerned about your affection and time for her, it is a legitimate concern. I ended things with my last girlfriend over that very reason (she being the busy and affectionate one). If she is a serious part of your life, it's necessary to muster up a little more energy.

    And if you're really busy, at least let her know you still care about her. Strong communication is key, and she'll understand (I hope).

  6. #6

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    You could try moving in together. Then you would spend more time together, get out of your routine, have more money, etc...
    As for the affection, my girlfriend will bring that up sometimes and as a male I have a hard time comprehending. If she ever brings it up I just try to kiss her, give her hugs and compliment her more. But ya, communication and stuff.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wazzle View Post
    You could try moving in together. Then you would spend more time together, get out of your routine, have more money, etc...
    As for the affection, my girlfriend will bring that up sometimes and as a male I have a hard time comprehending. If she ever brings it up I just try to kiss her, give her hugs and compliment her more. But ya, communication and stuff.
    I probably should have made that clearer in my first post, we do live together right now. We moved in with each other about a month ago.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ronbeast View Post
    First off, I'd like to say that this post doesn't have anything to do with my fetish, as my fetish isn't causing any conflict or negativities in the relationship. If anything, my fetish is something that we both have fun with. Now, on to the parts I need help with.
    In this alone you seem to more fortunate than most, so it may be good to be grateful for that.



    Quote Originally Posted by Ronbeast View Post
    I love my girlfriend, and have for over 2 years, without hesitation. Sounds great, right? Well, it is, except for a few little things. the first of those is the fact that I'm always so exhausted. I do 28 hours of classes a week in various engineering courses, plus around 3 or 4 hours of homework a night. Add to that the fact that I have to cook my supper and clean the apartment when I get home, I'm usually pretty tired. This tends to create problems, as my girlfriend always wants to hang out and go do something but I just don't have any energy by the end of the day it seems. I really wish I could do something about it, but I'm so flustered with school that my brain just goes on autopilot when I get home and it crashes a few hours later.
    Are you the only one cleaning and cooking? Doesn't she do anything to help out since she lives with you? Maybe she could help out more and free up some time for you to spend together. I think going out seems a little much, but just wanting to spend time with you is not. My husband and I find ourselves working from home a lot in the evenings. We share an office so we can spend more time together. If she really needs to go get out for a bit, does she have other friends she can go hang out with while you study?



    Quote Originally Posted by Ronbeast View Post
    The second problem, the fact that things are becoming routine. It's not very often that we do something new or explore anymore. I don't have an income and I live on a very tight budget with only a few dollars a month to throw towards leisure. That usually leads to just hanging out at the apartment, not doing anything really amazing. I want to be able to make things fun again, but I can't really think of anything to do?
    If you are so tired and stressed out from all the homework, it might be good that you don't have more things on your plate to distract you. Routines can be good, don't take them for granted. When crap really hits the fan at times, you'll wish for the down time you're experiencing now. Amazing can also be a frame of mind, you don't need have to be spelunking abandoned mansions or racing home rainstorms for life to be amazing.



    Quote Originally Posted by Ronbeast View Post
    The third problem, my girlfriend thinks that I've become less affectionate over the last little while. I kind of have to agree with her, but then again, I haven't really noticed a shift? I mean, I'm still affectionate, but she says I'm not the same as I used to be? I don't know what I can do about that or even if I can change that.
    If she thinks maybe you've been less affectionate maybe she is feeling a little insecure. Even if you're busy, try to at least spend five minutes looking her in the eyes and talking to her. Of course, that goes in hand with every one else's communication suggestions. Tell her you love her whenever you are saying hello or goodbye, and fit in some extra hugs and kisses.

  9. #9

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    I'm not gonna pretend to be a genius on relationships, but I've seen my fair share of both successful and unsuccessful relationships so hopefully I can give a different perspective on this. In my opinion I agree whats been said communication IS key but I also think there are other factors involved. Now I'm not gonna say school isn't hard because TRUST me I'm in college I totally understand but being a girl i also understand the importance of MAKING time. I feel like this is one of those problems that guys and girls often get their wires crossed, because girls judge how much they love (or like ) someone by how much they are willing to give up for said person. That is also a key factor on how they judge how others care as well. (there are others of course but that is a main one.) So when guys ( or even people in general.) get busy and don't make time it makes girls feel neglected. Now don't misunderstand me I'm not saying your doing anything wrong but that doesn't mean the feelings aren't there just the same. Something I think will help would be to designate a certain day and time frame (ex: Saturday from 12-3 or Wednesday from 7-8) the exact time doesn't matter heck it could be a couple days a week for only an hour at a time, what matters is that during this time you set aside it is only for the two of you! you don't have to go anywhere in particular. I mean you could and if you do there's places you can go/do that are free like take a walk or go on a hike go to the zoo ect ect... what's important is that you designate a certain amount of time a week (preferably nothing under 3 hours.. remember this is per week) and you STICK to that time and make a conscious effort to devote that time to not just her but the two of you. Now for you being "less affectionate" being affectionate to a guy is sooooooooooo much different than a girls definition of being affectionate. To a girl being affectionate means touches that aren't necessarily sexual in nature but about how you touch and in actuality you will get more points for touching her in a strictly platonic way. Now when i say platonic what i mean is don't touch her in the thought process of "oh this is what she wants or this will have an "end" result that I'm wanting i.e. sex" Personally I think this is one of the easiest things to rectify for guys if they know how. you don't have to be constantly kissing or making out to be more "affectionate" this is something you can easily do while doing homework, you can sit on the couch next to her while she does homework or watches a movie or whatever (sometimes proximity can be a world of difference) late at night after your done with work and school try to set aside 15-30 minutes reserved to just sit and snuggle, hold hands, stroke her hair (girls love that ) just sit and enjoy each other (this one ANY one can do 15-30 minutes that's not even a whole episode of law an order. that's less time than it takes to do a load of laundry point this IS totally doable.) Remember when you first started dating think of how much you wanted to be near her and vice versa if your having problems trying to be more affectionate take a few minutes to try and remember why you loved it in the beginning. Was it the smell of her hair? or maybe you loved the way she fit into your arms, Or maybe it was how soft her skin felt when you touched her. Doing these things might help you rekindle the so called "lost flame" But ultimately the main thing you have to remember is that relationships TAKE WORK. they are NEVER going to be "convenient" or easy there will always be things that get in the way but that's just something you have to work through (and it is worth the work!) There are sometimes going to be low patches, and maybe that's just where you guys are at right now. Your go through many more "lovey dovey" phases and many more rocky roads. But that's part of being in a relationship the most important thing to remember is it WILL get better. But not on its own you have to do the work, and if you do i can say it will be worth the end result when you guys get past this hump just keep at it and i wish you guys the best of luck you guys sound like a REALLY cute couple! please keep us posted just remember "the sun will come out tomorrow" it might be cloudy now but there will be sunny days ahead! good luck!

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Disneyprincess View Post
    Remember when you first started dating think of how much you wanted to be near her and vice versa if your having problems trying to be more affectionate take a few minutes to try and remember why you loved it in the beginning. Was it the smell of her hair? or maybe you loved the way she fit into your arms, Or maybe it was how soft her skin felt when you touched her. Doing these things might help you rekindle the so called "lost flame" But ultimately the main thing you have to remember is that relationships TAKE WORK. they are NEVER going to be "convenient" or easy there will always be things that get in the way but that's just something you have to work through (and it is worth the work!) There are sometimes going to be low patches, and maybe that's just where you guys are at right now. Your go through many more "lovey dovey" phases and many more rocky roads. But that's part of being in a relationship the most important thing to remember is it WILL get better. But not on its own you have to do the work, and if you do i can say it will be worth the end result when you guys get past this hump just keep at it and i wish you guys the best of luck you guys sound like a REALLY cute couple! please keep us posted just remember "the sun will come out tomorrow" it might be cloudy now but there will be sunny days ahead! good luck!
    Totally agree with Disney Princess on this. Relationships do require a conscious effort and maintenance. Good luck also!

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