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Thread: How did you tell your therapist?

  1. #1

    Smile How did you tell your therapist?

    There have been quite a few threads where people have sought advice about how to tell their therapist/counsellor that they are an AB and/or wear diapers. And a lot of random posts where people have said that they told their therapist, but not gone into details.

    So I was wondering, for those who have told their therapist already, how exactly they brought up the subject. I thought it might be interesting (particularly for anyone wanting to tell, but not sure how to) to have a thread without any advice or suggestions, just "this is what I did".

    So... I'll start!

    At first, I mentioned that I don't feel like a "real" adult; I feel like there's a little kid inside me... (And my shrink said, "Oh, I think everyone has an inner child" which made me feel better... but I didn't feel like he really understood the scale of the situation!)

    And then (a few months later), I felt like keeping quiet was causing me to censor myself and hinder a completely open and honest debate, but I couldn't work out how to explain any further. I'd tried and the words just wouldn't come out. There was absolutely no way I could say that I wear nappies. I'm so afraid of what people might think. And for me, especially nowadays, it's about so much more than padding... it's the emotional side that I wanted to show. I thought that saying, "I wear nappies" would be too blunt; too graphic and too... incomplete and incomprehensible.

    He always said I should write things down if I can't say them. But when I tried, I'd read back what I'd written later and I couldn't identify with it; it felt like an emotionless alien had written it about someone else! And anyway, the idea of writing something so personal and potentially humiliating down on paper felt like I was providing documentary evidence in support of my defamation.

    So... I found a picture of a super-cute set of children's duvet covers (which I shall be buying shortly), and a few photos of models on Privatina, wearing some very childish all-in one pyjamas and sucking a dummy, and I just printed them out and showed them to him.

    We haven't discussed it too much further yet, but I think he sort of "gets" it now... or at least how much of an integral part of me it is... But I'm not sure if he has guessed that I wear nappies... And I've no idea how to tell him that or how to talk about the subject further... And the "difficulties" that causes. But I feel like he's 90% of the way there, so telling him that tiny little detail doesn't seem like such an impossible task as it was before I had mentioned anything at all.

    So... What's your story?

  2. #2
    FairyCakes

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    I told a family member and THEY told my psychologist. She was totally weirded out. (I don't like her that much, tbh.) The next time I went, I took along some of Understanding Infantilism, When Kids Love Diapers, and ADISC's FAQ thing. She just sat there and was like... "so you like to put on diapers and piss yourself?" and I was so embarrassed. But, your therapist seems like a keeper xD The pictures thing is a really good idea

  3. #3

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    I came out to my shrink in a roundabout way after nearly ten years of therapy. I have dolls too, life size anatomically correct silicone solid, (OK one is inflatable had to buy a cheep one first.), boinkable sleep companions. Think cute girl plushies. I finally told him about them and the forum I'm in like this one for doll fans and showed him some photos on my phone. By the next week he had looked at my posts and photo sets and was still OK with it and even impressed. I used the same user name, NamRepaid, no spaces allowed there, and feeling bold I asked him if he noticed my user name. His reply was "something about Vietnam". I clued him in and we had another talk that was uncomfortable for me. He had never heard about ABDL either but was cool with it as long as like the dolls it is not a life altering obsession. He perfers to think it connects me to the only time my parents cared for me, not as a sexual fetish though it is both. I think I'm training my shrink sometimes, a year later he started asking DL questions out of the blue so I asked him if he had another patient in to diapers. He admited to it though obviously he sould say nothing about this person.

  4. #4

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    I actually just told my therapist last week, so I am pretty excited to tell this story.

    I have had a long history of anxiety problems starting at age 12 after a traumatic therapy experience (I am 28 now, so it has been 16 years.) My husband and I had been going to couples counseling, but this past January it became apparent that we would make no more progress as a couple until my anxiety issues had been dealt with. I started seeing him for individual counseling and for the first month and a half I was making great progress.

    And then I realized I was DL. I had repressed and denied all DL feelings for 16 years until one day I just couldn't do it anymore. I quickly found this site and the articles on buying and hiding diapers, which I promptly did. While in many ways this made me feel a whole lot better, I was filled with immense amounts of self-loathing and I was faced with the issue of hiding being DL from my husband. I knew I absolutely could not let him know about this because he had a girlfriend who revealed to him that she was AB and he promptly dumped her, specifically because of the part about diapers. I also have had to endure hearing him insult her and people who are DL. For some reason he still insists on bringing her up every month or two just to get a laugh.

    So at this point my anxiety continued to worsen. I couldn't tell my therapist what was going on at all. It's not that I didn't know he would be accepting- he is a sex therapist who is a transplant from the Castro and has worked with people in BDSM/Leather/Kink/Polyamory groups his entire career. I was just so terrified of myself and had put up such a defense mechanism inside my head that it was impossible for me to get it out even though I wanted to.

    My anxiety continued to worsen over the next several months to the bafflement of my therapist. I continued to think of ways to get across to him that something else was going on besides what he already knew about me and my life, but it was impossible. That defense mechanism caused me to lie and withhold information so that he wouldn't even find out that there was a secret for him to find out. I was driving myself absolutely bonkers because I desperately wanted to tell him, but everything I did made it impossible for him to find out.

    Then one day my husband and I were playing a party game where he managed to find a way to bring up his ex girlfriend "diaper girl" and get everyone at the party to ridicule her. It was crushing. And then the next day we were snuggling in bed and he brought her up again- this time to make me promise to him that we would never play with diapers because it was just that disturbing to him. He needed this promise that I wouldn't be like his ex girlfriend and want to play with diapers. He even held out his hand for us to shake on it. Of course I shook his hand and promised him we wouldn't- it's not like I was about to out myself in that situation- but in my heart I had essentially promised him that I would never share with him one of the deepest and most essential parts of my sexuality.

    When I next went to therapy I was a mess and it was at this point that my therapist realized there was something more going on. I couldn't say much of anything to him, just that something my husband said had upset me terribly and that it wasn't something that would be obvious to my husband was something hurtful. My therapist continued to poke and prod in whatever ways he could until my anxiety got the best of me and I shut down.

    It was then that I started talking to him about my previous traumatic experience of therapy. I had previously never talked to him about this because it was just too hard and the experience too traumatic, but I realized that he needed to know this if I was ever going to have a chance of telling him what my real problem was. Through this he learned much better how to work with me and get me to willingly give him information. After a couple months of this I was finally able to communicate to him that I had a secret, a sexual secret, that I really needed help with.

    This was 2 months ago. He decided to treat me not being able to say what it was as a phobia. He would give me assignments to desensitize me to saying it: type it on the computer and delete it, say it out loud, write it down. For one assignment I actually wrote out "I <3 diapers" in rainbow colors on a piece of paper. It was covered front and back and said "I <3 diapers" 330 times. I started bringing it with me to therapy and he would have me hold it folded up in my hand as part of the desensitization process. He would have me look at it and read it in a way such that he couldn't see.

    We talked about my fear of telling him. I told him how I was scared that if I told him and he didn't react well, I would never be able to go to anyone else for help. I was terrified that I would end up hiding forever, all alone. Despite his extensive experience working with all kinds of sexual minorities, I was terrified that he wouldn't be okay with me, that he wouldn't be able to help me. He acknowledged that it was a totally rational fear and also couldn't tell me he wouldn't react badly since he didn't know what it was. His truthfulness about that was helpful somehow. He wouldn't falsely tell me that he promised not to be disgusted or anything of the sort. But it was also becoming clear that my internal pressure was building and at some point I would have to risk it.

    And then last week I finally got tired of not telling him and tossed him the piece of paper. It was the most terrifying thing I have ever done. I started panicking and almost ran out the door (which he had given me permission to do if I got too overwhelmed by the process.) I chose to stay despite feeling like I was going to die. I asked him for the piece of paper back, which he refolded and handed to me. I sat there in terror as he told me it was okay, that he was totally fine with it, that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was going to be okay. He told me he was proud of me, that I had done a really difficult thing. He also told me that from this point onward things were going to change for me, that things would get better. Now, instead of having a secret, I just have this thing about me that I may or may not reveal to people as I choose. At the moment it didn't feel that way. I didn't feel drastically different. I felt more anxious, not less. But now I am beginning to see what he meant. Already here I am on this forum wanting to connect with people instead of hide. There are a great many obstacles I still have to face, most notably what to do about my husband. But, as my therapist put it, it's not me who has the problem- it's my husband for being so judgmental.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by CycleChick View Post
    it's not me who has the problem- it's my husband for being so judgmental.
    First of all, I must say this must feel like a load of bricks off your chest, but also another weight entirely added. One weight is lifted off your chest in the fact you have the let the cat out of the bag with the therapist, but the other weight is there to keep it hidden. I SO TOTALLY understand.

    I once told a young man in a thread on here, if your father doesnt accept this part of you, its not you losing your father, its your father losing you. I also told him in an IM, which I will tell you. You will be able to move on, and without a doubt grow from it. He is the one that will be left behind, and wondering "wheres the love".

    Question that I have to ask. Why would you want to be with someone who is so hateful, and so badgering to another individual? Sounds like he never left highschool. He sounds like he was the bully then, and continues to be so to this day. I would look to hook up with his ex and have a diaper party. !! Bottles of wine and all.


    Congrats


    David
    Last edited by Trevor; 30-Aug-2012 at 23:25. Reason: removing auto-merged duplicate post.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by CycleChick View Post
    I actually just told my therapist last week, so I am pretty excited to tell this story.

    I have had a long history of anxiety problems starting at age 12 after a traumatic therapy experience (I am 28 now, so it has been 16 years.) My husband and I had been going to couples counseling, but this past January it became apparent that we would make no more progress as a couple until my anxiety issues had been dealt with. I started seeing him for individual counseling and for the first month and a half I was making great progress.


    Wow! What a concise account! You in a VERY elegant way summarized your experience in so little space. Not easy to do!

    It amazes me that it took that much work to render your secret to the therapist and sounds like you went through a great deal of torment in getting there. The reason I only quoted your first paragraph is because it sounds like that is where the story started. You were adversely affected by something at a young age and may be altering your sense of strength and security. You may find that through time you can tackle these areas of concern. You certainly can open up when the risk is low per-say on a site like this or to a therapist.. The big hurdle is with your husband. He is obviously more insecure than yourself and seems threatened by something else that he may not even know exists in his own life. The fact that he has dated someone in the past who is abdl is not a coincidence. I think that your anxiety issues are elevated because you sense more about this. You feared the same type of turmoil in telling your therapist as you would to your husband.

    Stick with your therapist as long as you feel he can understand and help you. If you ever feel differently do not hesitate to switch. It is perhaps one of the biggest reasons that some quit therapy and never go back or waste years in-between. They hang on to "the tree" not realizing that they are getting nowhere and stay for the eventual hours of respite sitting in the therapists office. A good therapist can "crack a coconut by staring at it".

    I appreciate your story and the honesty and bravery it took to tell it. It is through these experiences of listening and reading that we can discover more about our own struggles or conflicts. It is forums like these that reiterate that we are not alone in this universe. Sometimes we need "crutches" for a short period or instead use the kindred forums to learn more about ourselves. Kinda like either a hospital bed or the frequented shady tree in the secret field just out of view of the cruel world. We need both from time-to-time.

    My best wishes to your happiness on this sometimes bumpy and chaotic journey. May you find a serene ambient place to take a breath

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  7. #7

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    [QUOTE=DONeill73;938331]Question that I have to ask. Why would you want to be with someone who is so hateful, and so badgering to another individual? Sounds like he never left highschool. He sounds like he was the bully then, and continues to be so to this day.[COLOR="silver"]

    When we first started dating he wasn't like that! When he told me about her he said that it wasn't something he was interested in, but he was fine with her being into it. Over time (ie. after we were engaged and especially after we were married) his comments continued to get worse, despite my continued objections to the insults. Even though I didn't know I was DL at that point I just had a huge problem with him judging another for her kink- it's not like anyone chooses them and it was even more absurd because he and I share a whole laundry list of *other* kinks too! His terrible comments also got more frequent and more insulting after I realized I was DL (maybe he's picking up on it subconsciously?) As I told my therapist, he and I would have both chosen not to date each other if we'd both known.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ilostthesheriff View Post
    The fact that he has dated someone in the past who is abdl is not a coincidence.
    LOL yes. I keep wondering about that myself! Finding two of us by accident, one of us not even knowing? There's definitely something about him that's attracting us that he doesn't yet know about himself!

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    Quote Originally Posted by ilostthesheriff View Post
    Stick with your therapist as long as you feel he can understand and help you. If you ever feel differently do not hesitate to switch. It is perhaps one of the biggest reasons that some quit therapy and never go back or waste years in-between. They hang on to "the tree" not realizing that they are getting nowhere and stay for the eventual hours of respite sitting in the therapists office. A good therapist can "crack a coconut by staring at it".
    He is seriously amazing. I am very lucky to find someone like him anywhere near me. There are no other qualified sex therapists anywhere in my area, so finding someone else who not only isn't judgmental of my kinks, but who also has an understanding and experience with them would be impossible to find. He has restored my faith that therapy actually can be useful and not harmful. I will stick with him until I am ready to go without therapy (which may be a long time considering what I am and will be going through) since he is awesome and there also isn't really an alternative. I highly doubt that it would ever get to the point of making no progress with him. He is a cognitive behavioral therapist, very results oriented, and not a talk therapist. While we do often have to delve into the how and why of things, it is only so that we can understand them enough to change my thought and behavior patterns. He would simply never allow a client to sit there and chat with him without having a goal they are trying to accomplish. So, I am not worried about him being a crutch!
    Last edited by Trevor; 30-Aug-2012 at 23:27. Reason: removing auto-merged duplicate posts.

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