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Thread: Trans in the dorms.

  1. #1

    Default Trans in the dorms.

    well, It's college time again. I am busy registering for classes, getting meals set up... and dorms.

    This is the first year I will be introducing myself as a girl. I am not "going to be a girl" or "a girl at heart", I am inside and outside no different than any other girl, and you would not pick me out on the street.

    That being said, My residential life offices have been drafting policy because of me. This has never come up before, therefore I will be setting the precedence for all behind me.

    They have come up with the guideline that I cannot live on a floor without a gender neutral bathroom. This was discouraging, but I figured I would just ignore the idea that they wanted me to stay out of the girls stuff.

    But now... They have put me in my 3rd pick building in a 2 person room with no roomate on a co-ed floor. I am not allowed to use anything but the neutral bathrooms, and the only way I will get a roomate is if they find a lesbian or other undesirable to throw in with me. I am not sure if these neutral bathrooms are lockable with single shower and toilet, or even if they have a shower.

    They tell me that they worry about parents reactions. There have been no problems established yet, but they are "taking the safe road" and discriminating against me instead, basically putting me as far out of the way as possible, making me special.

    I explained to them in a recent email that I do not want to be special, and that I am not a threat. I told them that this arrangement does nothing but remind me that I am nothing but different instead of the reason why I wanted to be in the dorms in the first place- TO JUST BE ONE OF THE GIRLS.

    I am not stupid, I wont run around with my wiener in the air. It just hurts that they wont give me a chance, nor are they willing to look for a STRAIGHT roomate that wouldnt mind me.

  2. #2

    Default

    I for the life of me don't see how it's legal for your school to do this, i just, i cant even say what i think about this, it's not right and i'm so sorry you're going through this

  3. #3

    Default

    The situation the school is putting you in really sucks, I am surprised at the narrow-minded view the school administration has. This discrimination mirrors the way Blacks were treated in the 1960s, and Gays in the 1970s. I would have expected a more open-minded policy in today's higher education institutions. Hang in there, babyemo. I wish you the best.

  4. #4
    LittleDrummerGirl

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by babyemo View Post
    well, It's college time again. I am busy registering for classes, getting meals set up... and dorms.

    This is the first year I will be introducing myself as a girl. I am not "going to be a girl" or "a girl at heart", I am inside and outside no different than any other girl, and you would not pick me out on the street.

    That being said, My residential life offices have been drafting policy because of me. This has never come up before, therefore I will be setting the precedence for all behind me.

    They have come up with the guideline that I cannot live on a floor without a gender neutral bathroom. This was discouraging, but I figured I would just ignore the idea that they wanted me to stay out of the girls stuff.

    But now... They have put me in my 3rd pick building in a 2 person room with no roomate on a co-ed floor. I am not allowed to use anything but the neutral bathrooms, and the only way I will get a roomate is if they find a lesbian or other undesirable to throw in with me. I am not sure if these neutral bathrooms are lockable with single shower and toilet, or even if they have a shower.

    They tell me that they worry about parents reactions. There have been no problems established yet, but they are "taking the safe road" and discriminating against me instead, basically putting me as far out of the way as possible, making me special.

    I explained to them in a recent email that I do not want to be special, and that I am not a threat. I told them that this arrangement does nothing but remind me that I am nothing but different instead of the reason why I wanted to be in the dorms in the first place- TO JUST BE ONE OF THE GIRLS.

    I am not stupid, I wont run around with my wiener in the air. It just hurts that they wont give me a chance, nor are they willing to look for a STRAIGHT roomate that wouldnt mind me.
    So basically, 'We don't want to discriminate against you. But we're going to set you apart from all the normals and ensure you don't use any of our nice bathrooms. But we don't want to discriminate.'?

  5. #5

    Default

    This is ridiculous. I believe if you went to Westminster Choir College you would at least find a number of guys who would room with you. WCC is my alma mater, and is a music conservatory. Half the male student body was gay when I went there, and this was between 1966 and 1970 when being gay could land you in a mental institution, a place my mom took me to when she learned I was gay and liked diapers.

    The world is not really ready for anyone who strays from the majority. Just this week, a black couple was refused to be married in their own predominantly white church in Mississippi. We are not as far advanced as we would like to think.

  6. #6

    Default

    I remember hearing something like this that happened out in El Paso, but the only difference was that the person was not allowed to stay in any dorms of any kind. I believe the school was wrong and I do believe they are wrong in this case also. They want to do this to uphold what ever reputation they have and stay away form any bad public opinions they might get.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by babyemo View Post
    well, It's college time again. I am busy registering for classes, getting meals set up... and dorms.

    This is the first year I will be introducing myself as a girl. I am not "going to be a girl" or "a girl at heart", I am inside and outside no different than any other girl, and you would not pick me out on the street.

    That being said, My residential life offices have been drafting policy because of me. This has never come up before, therefore I will be setting the precedence for all behind me.

    They have come up with the guideline that I cannot live on a floor without a gender neutral bathroom. This was discouraging, but I figured I would just ignore the idea that they wanted me to stay out of the girls stuff.

    But now... They have put me in my 3rd pick building in a 2 person room with no roomate on a co-ed floor. I am not allowed to use anything but the neutral bathrooms, and the only way I will get a roomate is if they find a lesbian or other undesirable to throw in with me. I am not sure if these neutral bathrooms are lockable with single shower and toilet, or even if they have a shower.

    They tell me that they worry about parents reactions. There have been no problems established yet, but they are "taking the safe road" and discriminating against me instead, basically putting me as far out of the way as possible, making me special.

    I explained to them in a recent email that I do not want to be special, and that I am not a threat. I told them that this arrangement does nothing but remind me that I am nothing but different instead of the reason why I wanted to be in the dorms in the first place- TO JUST BE ONE OF THE GIRLS.

    I am not stupid, I wont run around with my wiener in the air. It just hurts that they wont give me a chance, nor are they willing to look for a STRAIGHT roomate that wouldnt mind me.
    Yeah they should not be doing this, I jut wonder if your local student union could help we have an entire dept. dedicated to making sure this kind of stuff does happen at my college. I am wondering whether change.org petition and your local equality of minorities group could help. With all their dodging around and false accommodations they are making if this went public with the current political of our president on such things I cannot see them not changing. I would just beware to start it in away that could not traced back to you or implicate you if this how they are acting they might do something even more stupid if the public eye is cast on their behavior.

  8. #8

    Default

    To play a very terse devil's advocate, and I do this only to try and offer an alternate perspective, legally speaking - though to say nothing of the morality - the school is entitled to treat you as it would any other student identified with the same gender on your birth certificate. The fact that they're coming to an arrangement is actually a step in the right direction, if a little misguided. Perhaps you could have a meeting with the school faculty and discuss your current set of issues with the proposed scenario.

    Thing is, ten years ago there'd be no concession at all - you may not even be able to be out at school. Progress is progress, even if sometimes a little slow. I know that you feel very 'I'm the avatar and you gotta deal with it' at the moment, especially being open and you. But sometimes patience and concession are virtues. Communicate and educate; those're our most potent weapons.

  9. #9

    Default

    Not knowing what state or university you are attending, I would become intimately familiar with the nondiscrimination policy of the university, city, and state. You should be in contact with the LGBT office/group at the university.

    I attended classes occasionally dressed while getting my BSW. I became VERY familiar as a result of discrimination from one of my professors in social work and filing a grievence. The department was very proactive and the professor lost her job.

    By federal law you do have rights and most schools are aware of that, so I will respectfully disagree with the previous poster. There is a Legal section on The Gender Tree that has specific cases and a PowerPoint presentation on school legal rights.

  10. #10

    Default

    Sounds like your school cares more about potential losses of money in the future than about you. If you've had your documentation changes done but no SRS then the way they're treating you is actually partially correct. They may be wording it badly, but the neutral bathrooms are actually a good thing for you to be using, and almost all schools require trans* people to be in co-ed dorms. They are being unfair on the roommate thing no matter how you look at it though. When I was looking to going to college a few years ago I looked into the policies at the places I was considering and all but one allowed female roommates for m2f transgender (Yes, I did use gender and not sexual for a reason) students as long as the roommate was told of the situation.

    Now, to be fair on the bathroom thing I'm going to ask you to think entirely like a typical genetic female for a moment. How would you react if you walked into a ladies room and saw a man there? You're not going to react well to it.

    As an actual example a girl I dated back in 2003 went to a school that allowed m2f transgender individuals to use the regular ladies rooms and live in the female dorms. There was an incident with a door that didn't quite lock correctly and a pre-op transgirl got walked in on by a female student who was unaware of the situation. The school covered it up, but the transgirl was hospitalized for a week as a result of the injuries inflicted by the other student.

    Schools don't want situations like that coming up so it's actually common for pre-op/non-op students (the latter would be me btw) to be required to use gender neutral facilities when available. It's as much as safety issue as anything else.

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