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Thread: An epiphany I didn't want to have, I think...

  1. #1

    Default An epiphany I didn't want to have, I think...

    I mean, I knew from the very first time my wife agreed to participate in a roleplay session with me that it wasn't going to work - she just wasn't connecting at all, and the whole thing really grossed her out in the end. Even more so now, the very idea of it is repulsive to her, and I find myself more and more self-limiting my involvement with the physical ageplay to not only times when I'm by myself, but specifically opportunities where she is going to be gone most of the day, which are few and far between...

    It didn't really dawn on me until very recently that there just is no way to avoid the simple fact that this is a component of my sexuality that is, so long as I am married to her, going to be limited to my mind and my pen, never to be fulfilled on a physical level.

    And, as I consider this fact, it hurts. It hurts because I know my thoughts wander regularly now, as I participate here and on other forums.

    It hurts because I fear I'm devolving into an HNG, taking multiple extra glances at every adult female profile I encounter, each one in the back of my mind potentially a new mate, someone that could fulfill this lust for playing the role of Daddy to a naughty little girl.

    It hurts because I do love the woman in that next room, and I know there's not another woman on the planet that would tolerate my idiosyncracies the way she does, my gaming addictions, my lack of attention to housework, my bouts of inexplicable melancholy, my struggles with completing tasks I take on, and I can't imagine me looking at her and saying "I don't want to be with you because of this" in spite of how much I care for her and how much I know she cares for me.

    So I'm just sitting here and hurting, because I really just don't know what to do with this epiphany, this realization, this cold pronouncement of finality regarding this issue. I just don't know what the fuck to do, and that hurts worse than all the rest of it.

  2. #2

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    Well, first of all, I feel you need to be honest with her about how this is making you feel. I mean, maybe there is some sort of balance you two can find that will better satisfy your desires without making her too horribly disgusted. If things are really interfering that significantly with your relationship, then perhaps it's time the two of you tried going to marriage counseling or couple's therapy. Something has got to give. It's not a safe or healthy relationship if you aren't allowed to be yourself. Perhaps there is some sort of fantasy you can fulfill for her in exchange?

    I wouldn't be too worried about the HNG thing. Most HNGs that I've come across seem to do nothing but that (as in they are often incapable of making sound, logical posts like you do, lol). I do agree, however, that it really isn't great that you're looking around at other women. While some wayward thoughts and fantasies may not be devastating to a relationship (and may even be healthy in a way), it is not good if you find that consuming a lot of your time, or interfering further in your relationship. Just a few thoughts that come to mind from reading this.

    Edit: to clarify, as long as your heart and thoughts always come back to her, then I think your love of her is solid and that, while it would be great to not be looking at anyone else, it's not the end of the world.
    Last edited by spddan; 09-Jul-2012 at 16:56. Reason: adding more

  3. #3
    CrinklySiren

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    Quote Originally Posted by WBDaddy View Post
    I mean, I knew from the very first time my wife agreed to participate in a roleplay session with me that it wasn't going to work - she just wasn't connecting at all, and the whole thing really grossed her out in the end. Even more so now, the very idea of it is repulsive to her, and I find myself more and more self-limiting my involvement with the physical ageplay to not only times when I'm by myself, but specifically opportunities where she is going to be gone most of the day, which are few and far between...

    It didn't really dawn on me until very recently that there just is no way to avoid the simple fact that this is a component of my sexuality that is, so long as I am married to her, going to be limited to my mind and my pen, never to be fulfilled on a physical level.

    And, as I consider this fact, it hurts. It hurts because I know my thoughts wander regularly now, as I participate here and on other forums.

    It hurts because I fear I'm devolving into an HNG, taking multiple extra glances at every adult female profile I encounter, each one in the back of my mind potentially a new mate, someone that could fulfill this lust for playing the role of Daddy to a naughty little girl.

    It hurts because I do love the woman in that next room, and I know there's not another woman on the planet that would tolerate my idiosyncracies the way she does, my gaming addictions, my lack of attention to housework, my bouts of inexplicable melancholy, my struggles with completing tasks I take on, and I can't imagine me looking at her and saying "I don't want to be with you because of this" in spite of how much I care for her and how much I know she cares for me.

    So I'm just sitting here and hurting, because I really just don't know what to do with this epiphany, this realization, this cold pronouncement of finality regarding this issue. I just don't know what the fuck to do, and that hurts worse than all the rest of it.
    I have to say, reading this gave me a tickle in the back of my throat because I feel like im reading something I wouldve been writing 26 years from now :P I use to feel the exact same way, though our stories differ in the sense that for me its not entirely sexual when it comes to me regressing, however when it comes to me playing the dominant daddy role, it is most definately sexual but im lucky enough that my wife embraces it and participates in it with no problem. Now i dont mean to brag or anything I was just differentiating between your story and my story. You remind me of how I am now lol in EVERY way, "my gaming addictions, my lack of attention to housework, my bouts of inexplicable melancholy, my struggles with completing tasks I take on" im the exact same way lol.

    What I would tell you is, have you tried explaining to her that this is part of you? I mean im not gonna pretend I know more than you because you are older than me and undoubtedly have more experience than I do, but me and my wife (when we first got married) we encountered HELL in our first 4 years because she wouldnt accept this part of me AT ALL. It wasnt until recent events that she grew to accept me and ONLY now does she accept and indulge in it with me because she realized that it wasnt harmful towards me or her and it wasnt entirely sexual. As for the sexual part of it, she had less of a problem with that because as long as it ended in sex, she didnt care, which is what I think your wife should understand, just like I assume you are willing to satisfy any sexual fetish or fantasy she has, she should be able to do the same for you...

    So I guess what Im trying to say is that maybe you guys should talk about it :P idk

  4. #4

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    Honestly, I'm completely terrified of this specific conversation. We've had conversations about the fetish itself before, and all have wound up with me just resigning myself to the reality that she tried as best as she could to participate in this with me, as both the sub and the dom in the scenario, and it's just not something that she can do for me anymore. The idea of re-raising the issue like this? I'd be terrified that somehow it'd come off like me holding our relationship hostage to my sexual need.

    (edit)

    And no, this isn't 100% sexual for me, but I don't need her to necessarily participate in my non-sexual play to satisfy that part of it for me. I can survive confining myself to "home alone" times for that part.

  5. #5

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    Nice thread.
    My wife lets me indulge, yet isn't a part of the diaper thing.
    However for me thats enough to make me happy for years....
    Although im only a DL, i get to wear it as underwear and our love isn't affected by it, its enhanced.
    Which brings me to this point....
    Is it the diapers specifically or the regression that turns her off from roleplaying?
    No matter what though, you are one the luckiest guys in the world as you have affirmed and i really don't think you can allow your fantasy to become reality, when she accepts so much already.
    I know it ain't much but we spend a third of our life sleeping, so any fantasy you require should be satisfied in your dreams along with your allowance of ABDL activities.

    Think about finding a person who is a fellow ABDL and you get to roleplay for the next, however many years.
    Now remember your wife whilst you are with this dream partner.
    The love you feel for her should be enough to deter you from actively seeking a abdl partner, because in reality the odds of you actually finding a woman as compatible for you as your wife are very, very slim even if she were an ABDL.

  6. #6
    CrinklySiren

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    Quote Originally Posted by WBDaddy View Post
    Honestly, I'm completely terrified of this specific conversation. We've had conversations about the fetish itself before, and all have wound up with me just resigning myself to the reality that she tried as best as she could to participate in this with me, as both the sub and the dom in the scenario, and it's just not something that she can do for me anymore. The idea of re-raising the issue like this? I'd be terrified that somehow it'd come off like me holding our relationship hostage to my sexual need.

    (edit)

    And no, this isn't 100% sexual for me, but I don't need her to necessarily participate in my non-sexual play to satisfy that part of it for me. I can survive confining myself to "home alone" times for that part.

    Sex is necessary for a healthy relationship, every psychologist, therapist, marriage counselar, what have you, will say the same thing. She needs to satisfy your sexual needs just like you need to satisfy hers so long as they are safe. The reason most marriages fail is 1. Money, 2. Lack of Sex, 3. Lack of Commitment 4. Lack of Communication and 5. Children.

    To be honest with you, i was afraid for a long time too, to have that conversation with my wife, but at one point I decided "fuck it, i need to be who I am and if she cant accept that then this is gonna be a bumpy road", i know it sounds selfish or like an ultimatum, but if you're anything like me, there is not ONE thing you wouldnt do for that woman, so it would only seem fair that she would do you the simple sexual or non sexual favor which is indulging in your fantasy. I told my wife "either you accept this part of me, or leave me, because as much as I dont wanna lose you, this part of me is here to stay and I cant get rid of it". She didnt want to leave me so she stayed, but when she did I told her just that "you better start learning how to accept me or we are going to have a rough marriage", and sadly, its the truth. I made her understand that i have put up with a LOT of shit from her and i did it with a smile on my face because all I wanted was for her to be happy, and I also made it clear to her how I could be into something MUCH worse and she should consider herself lucky that i'm not.

    It took some time... 4 years of time to be exact, but eventually she accepted me because she realized that it wasnt going anywhere. Now im not saying that she indulges in it a lot, but every now and then she does, and im happy with that, and im sure you would be happy with that too (correct me if im wrong), just as long as you dont shove it down her throat :P

    Most of us dont want to live a 100% abdl life with our spouses, we just want them to let us indulge/indulge with us every now and then, and the only way you can get there is communication, because I managed to get there and to this day I ask myself "how the fuck did I ever manage this?" but its achievable !

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by spddan View Post
    as long as your heart and thoughts always come back to her, then I think your love of her is solid and that, while it would be great to not be looking at anyone else, it's not the end of the world.
    This also, dont bring yourself down, we all get desperate urges both men and women, our logic and priority is what makes us make the rational decision.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by WBDaddy View Post
    It didn't really dawn on me until very recently that there just is no way to avoid the simple fact that this is a component of my sexuality that is, so long as I am married to her, going to be limited to my mind and my pen, never to be fulfilled on a physical level.

    And, as I consider this fact, it hurts. It hurts because I know my thoughts wander regularly now, as I participate here and on other forums.
    I generally tend to accept that there will always be some desires I'll never fulfill, so I might as well focus on fulfilling the desires that are within my reach.

    Sometimes, very strong desires can be destructive. You can easily make yourself unhappier, or take stupid risks, in the process of trying to fulfill them. And who's to say you would be more satisfied in the end? Hedonic adaptation means that even if your life were perfect, you wouldn't really be much more satisfied than you already are.

  8. #8

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    Sorry to necrobump, but I figured it'd be better than starting a new thread.

    My wife and I talked last night, and it seems I'm not the only one who is having issues with this stuff. She admitted to me that things have been weird for her ever since I "came out" to her, nearly 2 years ago, and it's in large part because of my "binge" behavior over that first eight months (not saying I binged non-stop, but rather when I did, it creeped her out).

    I don't know if we're going to stay together much longer. This isn't the only divide between us, but it's a big one, and it put a magnifying glass on all the other ones, too.

  9. #9
    Astra

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    Quote Originally Posted by WBDaddy View Post
    this is a component of my sexuality that is, so long as I am married to her, going to be limited to my mind and my pen, never to be fulfilled on a physical level.
    This struck a chord with me because that's basically why writing stories here. I haven't told any of my girlfriends about this interest, or anyone else for that matter, so writing gives me an outlet for this that I wouldn't otherwise have.

    Anyway, I'm really sorry and I can only imagine how bad you must feel. I hope the gulf isn't too far to bridge and that you and your wife are able to patch things up, even if her attitude toward AB/DL isn't ideal.

  10. #10

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    I can't think of much to tell you now WBDaddy...except, that I'm thinking on this one...and I'm available, to listen and 'talk' this out...on your request. In other words, you have my support, and considerations!

    Best regards,
    -Marka

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