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Thread: Advice needed to find a balance

  1. #1

    Default Advice needed to find a balance

    My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. He told me very early into our relationship that he is an AB/DL. As a psychology major, I had heard of infantilism and had seen it on shows like CSI, so I knew what kind of activities and props he enjoyed. As time has gone by, he's slept in and wet his diaper, we've played with toys in the bathtub, bottle feed with formula and wore AB clothes. More recently, we incorporated me wearing a diaper into a bondage situation, which I enjoyed. I haven't been comfortable doing an AB weekend for him, but am working towards it.

    My struggle has been separating the AB/DL and sex. I recently realized that he only orgasms when I talk about what mommy will do to her naughty boy or talk about diapers. I finally got up the courage to ask him about his masterbation routine as a teen. I knew he wasn't a huge porn viewer, so I was curious to know what he was thinking/doing. He said he was thinking about AB/DL things, so he's conditioned himself to orgasm to AB/DL thoughts. I'm supportive of him and what makes him happy, but want to be able to find a balance between mature sexual encounters (no baby references) and AB/DL encounters. Any suggestions on approaching this with him? Or helping him orgasm without AB/DL conversation?

  2. #2


    I'd advise you to just try talking to him about it, be honest, tell him how you feel. Don't seem disapproving or judgemental, just say that sometimes you quite like vanilla sex without ABDL dirty talk.

    You say you engage in other forms of BDSM. Maybe you could try mistress/slave roleplay instead of mommy/baby, and see how that works out. Or maybe petplay!
    Last edited by x000017; 05-Jul-2012 at 10:49.

  3. #3


    I have to agree with x000... (Really?) on this one.

    There are a few other kinky things maybe you can get him interested in, by trying some of the other Sub/Dom scenarios may have you in a non mom/baby roleplay.

    But the best thing to do, as you already know is sit down and have a mature conversation with him about your feelings. This is the same kind of thing an AB/DL would do in coming out to his or her partner. I'm sure that he will understand that it can't always be the same thing, make sure to let him know you enjoy making him happy as well, and doing what he wants. But you want the same in return from him!

    Good luck =)

  4. #4


    Agree with Lobie. There has to be vanilla time. Otherwise he is being selfish and unfair to you. Both of you need to be happy. One weekend a month of ABDL activities should be sufficient, otherwise it becomes an unhealthy obsession that effects your sex life.

  5. #5


    Both partners in a relationship have rights. I do recommend counseling as a third party can help put things in perspective.

  6. #6


    We always talk about balance on this site. I'm wondering if he had a membership here on adisc if our discussions might not help him. We are a support group and we all have a lot of combined experience. I think it's normal for sexual partners to fantasize while having sex. He simply needs to expand his fantasy base. Maybe you should, as a couple, find a different role playing theme. It might be fun.

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