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Thread: selfishness

  1. #1

    Default selfishness

    Well this is slightly on the mature topic side of things but oh well, this is the audience i want anyway.
    I felt like i used to be a very unselfish person for a long time. It wasn't until i felt like i had to defend my personality as an infantilist, that i started to become somewhat selfish, i felt like i had to defend myself and therefore myself was number one in the book of persons I was thinking about. Now that the drama of infantilist vs parents is at a continued hight, selfishness appears to be at a maximum height. I don't want to be selfish, but I can't allow myself to put down my defenses and allow myself to be influenced to purge again in the case that somebody tries to work towards that.
    Have any of you noticed that about your situation? If so what do you figure is a good way to not be selfish, while keeping a good defense so you aren't influenced to purge?

  2. #2

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    I don't believe that defending your personality is selfish. If anything the ones that want you to change are the ones being selfish. Nobody has any right to say you can't be who you are.

    If you are concerned with the fact that you spend money on yourself, don't let it get to you, but if you still feel the need to give back, donate to the Red Cross or work a soup kitchen in your free time.

    My situation I do sometimes feel like the money I use to purge could be put to better use and thus do what I said above or be a better help around the house or to friends.

  3. #3
    lilstinkybutt

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    Being an AB/DL doesn't make you selfish. It's when you begin to sacrifice your personal relationships with friends and family for the sake of your hobby/job/whatever that it begins to be selfish.

  4. #4

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    Its not selfish to be who you are. You have looked inside yourself and accepted that you are an infantilist. Whats selfish is that your parents are not open minded and refuse to stop and wonder what makes you happy and whole as a person. Its not selfish to ask others to be open minded and unbiased towards something that doesn't fall into mundane social norms of today's society.

    I hate to say if but life is MUCH harder when trying to please everyone else around you. Sometimes life is much more enjoyable when you yourself are content with your decisions and life choices.

  5. #5

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    Some may think of me as selfish because I like to wear my diapers and I refuse to not do it around people. I wear them everywhere and use them for wetting, I don't mess in mine in public nor around other people and I don't walk around in a messy diaper around people. That is something I do privately or around my husband. I know no one likes to smell a messy diaper on someone, even I don't like smelling it either on others.

    But however if I stayed in my diapers and let them smell because I wanted to use them to full capacity or staying in them too long they leak, yeah that be selfish because I am not taking proper care of myself and I shouldn't be leaking onto other peoples furniture or on public furniture where other people may sit.

    Sure if I was throwing away my used diapers in the kitchen and letting it smell and my parents having to smell my diapers, that be selfish because I am not throwing them away out in the garage in the trash can or even throwing them away in my room in a air tight trash can.

    I use good diapers than cheap ones because they leak less. I also use baby powder too. I also try and make sure I don't smell so I always ask my husband if I smell or not. I also throw my clothes in the dirty pile when they smell like my used diapers because that is how I avoid smelling like pee. If they smell like baby powder, I don't toss them in the pile.

  6. #6

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    Thanks everyone, I do agree. I want to please other people but I want to be happy myself. I know that its important to try and focus on other people more than yourself, but i feel like its also important to keep an eye out for yourself every once in a while.
    I don't know, i guess that the reason that i'm asking this is because i know it is breaking my moms heart that i'm not giving this up. I want her to be happy, but i want to be happy too. My parents keep saying that they want me to be happy and have what they have, but to me that just means that they want me to live life the way that they did, and that just isn't my thing. It makes my mom cry when we talk about it and i almost feel like its abusive emotionally to the both of us. Me because I feel guilty for being myself, and exploring life a little bit. As for her i guess it is because I've shut them off a little bit, only because i am trying to keep them out of my AB/DL lifestyle that they don't want to see anyway. I still try to hang out with them and stuff, but part of what makes me a fun person, is my little side.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Thanks everyone, I do agree. I want to please other people but I want to be happy myself. I know that its important to try and focus on other people more than yourself, but i feel like its also important to keep an eye out for yourself every once in a while.
    I don't know, i guess that the reason that i'm asking this is because i know it is breaking my moms heart that i'm not giving this up. I want her to be happy, but i want to be happy too. My parents keep saying that they want me to be happy and have what they have, but to me that just means that they want me to live life the way that they did, and that just isn't my thing. It makes my mom cry when we talk about it and i almost feel like its abusive emotionally to the both of us. Me because I feel guilty for being myself, and exploring life a little bit. As for her i guess it is because I've shut them off a little bit, only because i am trying to keep them out of my AB/DL lifestyle that they don't want to see anyway. I still try to hang out with them and stuff, but part of what makes me a fun person, is my little side.

    Why is your mom unhappy about this? Does she think she did something wrong raising you?

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Calico View Post
    Why is your mom unhappy about this? Does she think she did something wrong raising you?
    Yeah, I can tell that that is part of it, I tell her that she didn't and that they are good parents, but when I talk about how I wish they would treat this situation differently they think i'm telling them they are bad parents. Its super annoying.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Thanks everyone, I do agree. I want to please other people but I want to be happy myself. I know that its important to try and focus on other people more than yourself, but i feel like its also important to keep an eye out for yourself every once in a while.
    I don't know, i guess that the reason that i'm asking this is because i know it is breaking my moms heart that i'm not giving this up. I want her to be happy, but i want to be happy too. My parents keep saying that they want me to be happy and have what they have, but to me that just means that they want me to live life the way that they did, and that just isn't my thing. It makes my mom cry when we talk about it and i almost feel like its abusive emotionally to the both of us. Me because I feel guilty for being myself, and exploring life a little bit. As for her i guess it is because I've shut them off a little bit, only because i am trying to keep them out of my AB/DL lifestyle that they don't want to see anyway. I still try to hang out with them and stuff, but part of what makes me a fun person, is my little side.
    Hey Tyger,

    It's important to remember what selfishness actually is. Being selfish means that you ONLY care about yourself. From your posts, it's obvious you're not selfish. You care about how your parents feel. You've tried to reassure them. You're not behaving in a selfish manner at all, as shown by the fact that you care about those close to you.

    Yes, you're being an ABDL because it's something you enjoy. And there's nothing selfish about that. We all do things we enjoy. Am I selfish because I watch baseball? No - everyone has the right to pursue their hobbies, if they're not harming others. Now, if baseball was preventing me from fulfilling my responsibilities or helping others, it'd be selfish. Same with ABDL. And that's a call only you can make, since only you know your situation.

    You might think that since your parents are upset over your lifestyle, that it must be selfish. But here's a thought: is it your lifestyle that's hurting them, or their response to your lifestyle? They may not agree with it, but they need to let you live your life. It'd be pretty...selfish...not to let you do that. It sounds like you're not putting this in their faces or demanding their acceptance, so you're doing everything you can reasonably do for them. They have to decide how they're going to respond to your decision. But don't ever feel like you're being selfish by being who you are. If you just try to please everybody, you'll destroy yourself emotionally.

    I know how much it hurts when your parents are upset. You'd do anything to make it stop. But remember: you're not selfish, you're you. Other people can't dictate who you are. And you are OK as an adult baby.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adventurer View Post
    Hey Tyger,

    It's important to remember what selfishness actually is. Being selfish means that you ONLY care about yourself. From your posts, it's obvious you're not selfish. You care about how your parents feel. You've tried to reassure them. You're not behaving in a selfish manner at all, as shown by the fact that you care about those close to you.
    Thanks, honestly i think it is their responce to my lifestyle that is hurting things, (if the ever saw this, sorry i'm so blunt about this, but that is the way i feel about it.)
    I just wanted somebody that i could feel safe talking about it to if i needed too, somebody that would be open minded enough that if i needed some real advice, I could approach them about it. I wanted them to know because i wanted them to understand how much harder it is for me to have a relationship with a girl so that they could have a full understanding of what is troubling me(as an example). I didn't want them to know so they would try and convince me to change. My troubles aren't my infantilism, they are the way people react to my infantilism. I really don't feel safe with certain of my feelings with them anymore because i'm worried that they won't approach it with an open mind, instead they are going to just make a judgement on if something is right or wrong almost instantly. I don't want them to tell me if it is right or wrong, I just wanted them to understand the way i think, I can determine for myself moral issues.
    I guess that part of the reason i feel like i am becoming selfish is because I almost don't want to care about how they feel about it. Its too much pressure to purge again, and i'm afraid of that. I don't want to feel guilty when I know they are praying for me, and because of that i don't want them to pray for me, because i don't want to change. I feel like, that if i were capable of ignoring their grief then i would be free. But then, i don't want to ignore their sadness, i don't want to be heartless, but it is so much conflict.

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