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Thread: I am grateful that this community is here; I wish I wasn't here though.

  1. #1

    Default I am grateful that this community is here; I wish I wasn't here though.

    I hope my title doesn't seem rude.
    Up front, I don't want this; I wish I could delete this part of my mind. I don't mean to sound so appallingly judgmental; I don't believe I am judging others, because I'm thrilled for anyone who can enjoy any sexuality, but I seem to have trouble with mine, and just wish it was gone. It makes me feel so upset.

    I am here because I think repressing these feelings has contributed to my becoming very unwell, and I'm now trying to recover, but I need to face this part of myself to continue making progress. I apparently need to accept myself for all my facets but am struggling.

    I found this site whilst searching for ways of just getting rid of the fetish and read Moo's article on self-acceptance. Right now I don't want to accept it but it was a beautiful message.

    I'd like to private message Moo or anyone perhaps. I don't know where to start and don't want to offend anyone. I think it is amazing that you can talk (those who do) and I think any safe and legal sexual things are absolutely fine (in appropriate circumstances); I hope people don't think I disapprove, because I don't... I just disapprove of my own things.

    I'm worried that someone will realise that this is me.

  2. #2


    i think i understand how you feel. long time ago i felt the same way. i wondered and pondered this concept for hours ceaselessly and couldnt work out its meaning or purpose and ended up concluding that questioning it would lead to an inconclusive result. i still wonder sometimes, but i dont dwell on it while it solely depends on the individual, I have chosen to accept the role i seem pre-programmed to play.

    i think everybody struggles with their sexuality at some point, me included. dont worry, you arent being judgemental, not at all. everybody is entitled to their opinion after all. just know you are not alone in your journey. this is a safe place. a place where you can speak your opinion without having to fear or worry. you can express your ideas and concerns to us and we'll be sure to help

    you can talk to me privately if you like as well

  3. #3


    Very kind of you to reply and to offer to talk. I'll get in touch.
    I really appreciate your sharing your experience, thank you.

  4. #4


    youre welcome, its a privalege to be able to help as ive been helped many a time by this place already. ive sent you a private messege detailing more. and im glad somebody appreciates it, not many have told me so so it means something every time i hear it.

  5. #5


    Many of us have gone through some of the same exact feelings you are going through atm. If you want to chat send me a message.

  6. #6


    Hi there Anxious, and welcome. Good to see another music lover from the UK! I've been through all of these feelings and they still come back to haunt me every now and again. I hope you find the support you're looking for here. Please feel free to send me a message if you have any questions about this, I've been through it all

  7. #7


    Try to not be ashamed of yourself. Give up the shame. You are not hurting anyone. Compare yourself to someone who likes to collect stamps. You are no better or worse than that. It is best to not try to compare yourself to the rest of the world. Everybody has a secret part of their life, but it can be a secret and still not a cause of shame.
    Best of luck to you and try to not be so hard on yourself.

  8. #8


    Thank you all for replying; it really means a lot and has offered some genuine reassurance (which I didn't anticipate), and everyone seems friendly and genuine.
    I understand that this is something I can't get rid of, so I ought to work on acceptance, but I still feel so much like I should just fight it and resist rather than live with it.
    I have a mental block between understanding the situation, and my emotional response which is despair and "this is incompatible with my life".
    It makes me feel desperate I'm not comfortable with experiencing sexuality; so sexuality with a kink seems even less acceptable ("unfair").
    I am listening though; I hope it doesn't sound like I'm rejecting your advice and experience. I think it just has a whole lot of defence mechanisms and baggage to battle through.
    Last edited by Anxious; 29-Jun-2012 at 21:06.

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