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Thread: I need some advice on how to make new friends...

  1. #1

    Default I need some advice on how to make new friends...

    Hi everyone,

    I finished university last year, and all of my friends live 4 hours away from me. It is my birthday in a couple of weeks and I realised that I don't actually have anyone to celebrate it with, which is kind of rubbish and a bit sad when you are going to be 23!

    I'd like to make new friends because it sucks a bit not having anyone to go out and do things with, and no one to chat to. There is a guy I really really like but can't be with, and so I'd love to make lots of friends so that that situation doesn't bother me as much as it does now, as I'll have less time to think about it.

    So... how can I make new friends? I find that lots of people are secure in their friendship groups and aren't open to new people... has anyone got any tips/advice for me? How do you make friends?


  2. #2


    Just start talking to someone you may want to be friends with. See if you have any common interests; Maybe movies, sports, video games, etc. Once you find something you both like, roll with that topic for a bit. That'll open things up a little more, and then you can really find more out about the person. If all goes well, ask for a phone number so you can hang out again sometime.

  3. #3


    Hi Leah1234,

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend situation! That is never a fun circumstance, and no one should ever have to feel that way.

    What we could recommend completely depends on you as a person. Are you religious? Are you a social drinker (or don't drink at all)? Are you more of a laid back person who likes to take it easy? Depending on what you're interested in, we could recommend going to church and/or church events (a wonderful way to get to know new people), going to a bar or club, joining a choir or musical organization, or anything else for that matter. It could also be as easy as getting a job with good people! The options are endless, and considering that you live in London, you have lots of opportunities and places to explore.

    What has really worked well for me is consistently volunteering at the same organization (whether this be a soup kitchen, a school, an animal shelter, a library, etc.). I have been fortunate in making a lot of new friends through volunteering. When I first joined one of my volunteer efforts up here at school, a lot of the people in the program already knew each other. I certainly felt uncomfortable at first, but things definitely eased and got much better. The key is to give it time and to be persistent in your work. There's this cool thing called "putting your foot in the door." Once you show up to all the events (a.k.a "putting your foot in the door" for that particular organization), people are going to notice you and know that you're interested in whatever you're involved in.

    As for having the actual conversations that create friendships, just remember to be yourself and just as important, be a good listener. Find out if you have any common interests with that person and have small talk (the weather, how that person is doing, various stuff, etc.). You'd be surprised how many people just want someone to listen to them. If you lend an ear and it shows, you'd be surprised how much trust you can build.

    Yes, it might take a while and it might be difficult, but everything takes time and energy. If you really put your heart to it, you will definitely make some friends whatever you decide to do. I wish you the best of luck!

  4. #4


    first id say be yourself, you sound like a lovely person to be around, and dont fall for clicks or groups who wanna change your personallity,and dont try to hard to be freinds, id reccomend hitting up any place public ,start talking to pepole who you dont know, explore you know, anyways i wish you the vary best.

  5. #5


    You're lucky you're in London...! For ABDL friends, it's easy; Pop by the ABC one night. Outside of that, find a good quiz night mid week at a local pub. Get there in good time, and tell the organizer you don't have a team. You'll get partnered up with a good crew. At that point see where it goes. Don't go in planning to make friends, go in planning to have 1 fun night. If we were still in London I would offer to meet up. Best of luck...!

  6. #6


    Thank you, you are all so helpful. I think because I'm shy I worry about talking to people! I always think they'll wonder why I'm talking to them!
    I'm actually Catholic, but I don't like going to church anymore. I live in a town 20 miles out of London (I work in London so spend abouit 75% of my time there) and so I know everyone that goes to church, and they are all my parents age!
    Thank you for all the suggestions

  7. #7


    My usual tactic for picking up friends is normally not to try, at least not very hard. I just be myself, maybe cracking a few more jokes than normal, or starting conversations about various things instead of waiting for a topic to be brought to me. If someone won't like me for me being myself, I don't think they should be my friend, anyway.
    Might seem a tad anti-social, but I am that. I'm much more likeable in text form, I suppose, since I find my jokes/comments are funny, but the way I say them isn't, so when people read something I put which is meant to be funny, they naturally read it in the way which appeals to their sense of humour, while in person jokes tend to fall flat

  8. #8


    This is going to sound shoddy to a lot of people, but try giving How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie a read. The title sounds shallow and manipulative, but the book was written in good faith for people who simply want to be friendlier to those around them and help to create symbiotic relations. It's not exactly a book of secrets, either. A lot of the advice it gives seems like such common sense in retrospect, and some of the tips might be things you already know.

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