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Thread: non understanding partner

  1. #1

    Default non understanding partner

    Recently after 30 years of keeping my desire to wear diapers secret from my wife one evening after she had been away I decided to wear plastic pants to bed because I wanted to wear more often,but she freaked out saying I was a dirty old man and a pervert and refused looking at websites to get an idea ofwhatinfantalism was about and told me to get rid of my plastic pants.I have now been left to wearing when she's gone to bed or out my wife said she spoke to my daughter about this but my daughter has not said a word o about it to me.does anyone think my wife will come round to my wearing diapers please does anyone else have this problem with their spouse.

  2. #2

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    Well, I have not told my husband....dont really know if I should Sorry you had such a bad experience. But I think we need alittle more detail as to what happened. How did she find out? Were just wearing the plastic pants and nothing over them? What did she say and what did you tell her? We need to know a little more about what was said to gauge what you might be able to do a little better/ help her better understand more. But I will say you should have probably told her first rather than letting her find out. Most people take it badly when they just happen to find out their partner wears....but like I said I havent told my husband so I'm not an expert.

  3. #3

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    I don't really have much experience with these situations, but my advice is to sit down with your wife and discuss this, rationally. Reassure her that you love her and would never want anything to come between the two of you. Be tactful and sincere, yelling will not solve anything. If you talk to her and are genuine, she will have an easier time listening to you and may realize why this part of you is so important to you. Take your time and conduct yourself in a mature manner.

    I wish you the best of luck my friend, this is a very touchy situation. Good luck.

    -Ron

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by boroughbaby View Post
    Recently after 30 years of keeping my desire to wear diapers secret from my wife one evening after she had been away I decided to wear plastic pants to bed because I wanted to wear more often,but she freaked out saying I was a dirty old man and a pervert and refused looking at websites to get an idea ofwhatinfantalism was about and told me to get rid of my plastic pants.I have now been left to wearing when she's gone to bed or out my wife said she spoke to my daughter about this but my daughter has not said a word o about it to me.does anyone think my wife will come round to my wearing diapers please does anyone else have this problem with their spouse.

    Yes, yes. I think I've spotted the problem. Anyways the simple fact she told your child I *really* don't think she's going to come around and accept this anytime soon at all.


    anyways how did she freak out about you being in plastic pants but she was away?

  5. #5

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    Yes I think I should have said something first that was a mistake instead of just letting her see me naked except for a pair of plastic pants. I said that I enjoyed wearing for comfort and had done so for all our married life in secret but she said why tell her now and she felt repulsed looking at me in old man's in co pants. the reason I wanted her to know was that I would like to wear at night to bed but she said no sex if I wore to bed, I tried to get her to read the understanding infantalism website but she refused and thinks I get aroused when wearing the plastic pants,this I used to do but now I like the comfort and feel of being padded.u

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by boroughbaby View Post
    Yes I think I should have said something first that was a mistake instead of just letting her see me naked except for a pair of plastic pants. I said that I enjoyed wearing for comfort and had done so for all our married life in secret but she said why tell her now and she felt repulsed looking at me in old man's in co pants.
    OK I've had to change my reply after seeing this but it will mostly stay the same. The bits in bold are the mistakes made, one is obvious as you revealed it poorly (couldn't have done it worse if I am honest) and should have been done with a conversation rather simply exposing it to her and would go partly towards explaining her reaction as she must have been very shocked to see this and even more so to have it done so after 30 years of being together. That's the second mistake, you've done this for 30 years and she has had no idea and I'm guessing she feels very betrayed right now and has no output for her emotions as she can't discuss this problem with her friends as it is too intimate. She has some very complex emotions and thoughts going through her head right now and may not be coping well, you need to be supportive and more so than you have ever been in your time together and certainly do not wear plastic pants for a while (and don't bring up the idea of wearing in bed for a long time either as it will probably make things a hell of a lot worse).

    You need to sit down and talk with her about it, you've waited 30 years which is way too long to begin with and now the only way to move forward is to talk about despite her protests over it. She may want to pretend it never happened but it did and she needs to understand where you are coming from but at the same time you need to realise that she may never come around (judging by her reaction this may be a distinct possibility). It's not the end of anything yet but she probably feels betrayed because you've hidden this from her all these years and doesn't know how to properly communicate her anguish, she's upset and angry and confused and has no one to really confide in right now. I'd recommend counselling to get this out in the open in a professional environment and try to negotiate and reach a compromise.

    The thing to stress is that you and her cannot keep silent about this or it will wreck your marriage quickly, communication and compromise now and not later. Good luck to you both and hopefully you can sort this out.





    Quote Originally Posted by boroughbaby View Post
    Just started wearing disposables during the day,I usually wear a wet one for about 2 to 3 hours before I change into a nice dry one however when my wife was away for a few days and I wore them to bed I did stay wet for about 8 hours max
    OK I just noticed this post of yours in another thread, should you really be wearing diapers during the day at a time like this? Unless you are genuinely experiencing incontinence you should stop this as well as your wife is not going to appreciate this either.
    Last edited by pajamakitten; 16-Jun-2012 at 23:18.

  7. #7

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    As I live in a glass house, I'll be very selective about the stones I throw--the hollow rubber ones seem like a good choice!

    My wife of 13 years only recently discovered that I like to wear diapers. Perhaps like you, I'd gotten so used to it being my little secret (since age six!) that I almost never wondered whether I should tell her or not. The answer was obvious: No.

    So, she found some of my diapers a couple of months ago, asked me what they were for, and I told her. Things are still somewhat unresolved, as she asked no more questions and I didn't gush information either. Our relationship since has been as loving and intimate as it ever was, and my use of diapers has been as secret as it ever was. Is that right? I don't know. But I'd never wanted her involvement in this, and I take her silence on the matter (and continued approval of the rest of me) as an indication that things are generally ok. If we discuss it again, and it comes to making compromises, I will do so. No marriage is without compromise, and there are so many things about ours that are more important to me than wearing diapers.

    My suggestion would be: Go easy on your wife. Making her aware of some hitherto unknown part of you is enough of a disruption, especially as you've been married for so long. Immediately requiring her to be involved by seeing you in diapers is asking a lot of her. As you've survived for so long without her involvement, is it really necessary now?

    There's a lot of talk of acceptance here on ADISC, finding partners that accept you, etc. But when you're already married as we are, you've taken a risk and you need to be prepared to give a little.

  8. #8

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    I'm one of the lucky ones in that my wife discovered my diaper order several years ago, and I had to explain everything. She was very accepting and asked if I had enough supplies. Since then she has bought me plushies, sippy cups, and even babyish onsies from Big Baby Boutique. I should add that I am her dialysis partner and get her on her dialysis machine 5 nights a week, so we work as a team.

    This brings up the subject that marriages are a partnership and almost always involve compromises. We all have some sort of baggage and imperfections. We learn to accept these imperfections when we get interested in each other and get married. That's why it's a good idea to share these strange quirks before we tie the knot. Then no one is surprised. I didn't do that because I was too embarrassed over this strange attraction to diapers. Eventually though, I had to face it.

  9. #9

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    Boroughbaby, it was a pretty brutal way to introduce your wife to all this! It must have been quite a shock for her.

    I think Cottontail's words are particularly wise. I think you should accept that, if there is ANY possibility of your wife becoming more accepting, it can't be as a result of you introducing the subject again. She'll feel pressured, nagged, and she'll respond badly. Leave well alone, continue with your private dressing routine whenever she's out of the house or away; and it's faintly possible that she might - in her own time, and after a lot of thought - visit the websites whose titles you mentioned. But given the strength of her reaction I fear you must accept that the likeliest outcome is a continued unwillingness on her part to involve herself in this side of your sexuality, or discuss it any further.

    Like you, I've been pursuing this side of myself secretly - throughout my life as both a single and a married man. On a couple of occasions my wife has found web addresses for AB sites in our computer browser, etc. Because her reaction has always been one of distaste and concern, I've always lied - 'just a site I came across, don't worry'; I suspect, given the number of occasions on which this sort of thing has happened (three or four, including her once finding a pair of plastic pants! I told her I'd become worried about loose, uncontrollable bowel movements, which was true enough at the time) that she knows the truth, and has sensibly taken opportunities to make it clear to me, in an apparently 'theoretical' way, that 'if this turned out to be a fetish of yours, i would NOT want to explore it with you'. As I say, it's happened often enough that I'm sure she's put two and two together by now.

    And that is entirely fair, entirely her right. So actually Boroughbaby I think we're in relatively similar situations.

    From my point of view, I realised long ago that if I ever revealed my AB side to a partner, and she was accepting, I would be unable to restrain myself - I would dress as often and as completely as possible, and almost certainly find myself justly accused of ignoring her desire for mainstream sex. So as I've written in other posts, I stand at the opposite end of the spectrum from those who regularly post here, insisting that only complete honesty in any lasting relationship will do. That's all very well if you're happy to base your entire relationship around this fetish, and perfectly right if both partners are drawn rather than driven to AB/DL play. But for people like myself - for whom it is definitely a fetish, a compulsion - I think compromise and the closet is the only solution that ensures I remain a part of 'adult' society.

    In other words, I'm ultimately grateful that my partner has shown herself unwilling to explore AB/DL activities. Maybe - just maybe - you should be too?

  10. #10

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    This sounds like she has a big problem, to tell your kid shows she has no idea about these things and where lines should be drawn, though I do think you've made a rod for own back here a long sit down and a chat were probably the best way to go!

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