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Thread: super scared about telling her my secret...

  1. #1

    Exclamation super scared about telling her my secret...

    I've really close friends with this girl my age for about 7 years now, she's my best friend, she means the world to me. I've never had a girlfriend, so I've been reluctant to take our relationship any further until this year. I'm planning on asking her to be my girlfriend pretty soon (this wkend maybe?) so I'm pretty nervous since I've never done anything like this before...

    Although we tell each other everything, there's one problem... I've never told anyone I know in real life about this side of me. I have no clue how to even go about doing such a thing, I mean I always worry about what other people think about me and I don't want to ruin any of the friendships I've made.

    Anyway, I feel like I should tell her this before hand and if she still accepts me, then I know we can have a relationship together. But I worry that if I wait to tell her after we're in a relationship (like people have suggested I do in the past), this would possibly ruin her perspective of me and completely ruin the relationship.

    Anyone else deal with a similar situation and have any suggestions? I'd greatly appreciate it...

  2. #2
    GravityHart

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    If she doesn't accept it, she probably wasn't a good friend in the first place, OTHERWISE good luck!!

  3. #3
    Cherub

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    I think the timing of telling someone is a very delicate balancing act. Yes you want to tell the person, but you don't want to disclose such personal information to someone with whom you may not remain in a relationship with. Tell the person too soon before they get to know you and you could risk scaring them off. Tell them too late and you could loose them because they may be upset tyhat you didn't tell them sooner.

    Since you already know this girl, and are good friends already and are just about to begin dating, I would recommend not telling just yet and see how the whole dating thing pans out. Being friends with someone and having them as a significant other while dating are two entirely different levels of friendship. Take things slow, be patient and see how things go with the dating, then, once you have a better feel for this new situation you could tell her. Just remember, once you tell someone you can't un-tell them.

    Best of luck!

  4. #4

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    Honesty is the best policy!!! She has been your friend for a long time do you think she would disclose your secret? If not then I think as a long time friend it would be a good idea to tell her about your AB side and see what happens. If you wait until you are dating then you risk losing your friend. If she still shows interest in you then I would ask for a real date. This should allow you to stay friends at the least and could lead to a life of love and acceptance. I have been married for 10 years now and I still remember wanting to crawl out of my skin over the thought of telling my wife so I know how it feels.

  5. #5

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    I have to agree with Cherub. Two things are happening, one, asking her to be your girlfriend, and the other, telling her about your fetish. I have to agree with Cherub in that you should take one step at a time. Start with asking her to be your girlfriend. If she says yes, and if she is really excited about that, there should be a euphoric honeymoon period. During that period would be a good time to introduce the other, as she should be most accepting.

    If she's not, because you have been good friends, you want to salvage the friendship. For that reason, I would not tell her everything when you first break the news. Starting with regression, wanting to feel much younger might be a starting place, as well as some history. It would be important to understand yourself, and why you think you feel this way, because she is probably going to ask. Take it slowly, and don't tell everything unless she leads the conversation.

    First however, work on your relationship as it is still fledgling, and good luck.

  6. #6

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    For someone that has little to no romantic relationship experience, I would advise taking things slow. Keep in mind that romantic relationships and friendships are two entirely different ball games. I've been there twice myself with long time lady friends. The nice thing about starting from a friendship is that most of the ground work is already laid down for it. If she is really your friend, she will accept you as you are, but will that suit your sexual and other romantic needs? Can't be for sure.



    Quote Originally Posted by Cherub
    Since you already know this girl, and are good friends already and are just about to begin dating, I would recommend not telling just yet and see how the whole dating thing pans out. Being friends with someone and having them as a significant other while dating are two entirely different levels of friendship. Take things slow, be patient and see how things go with the dating, then, once you have a better feel for this new situation you could tell her. Just remember, once you tell someone you can't un-tell them.
    I'm going to have to strongly disagree. If he wants to tell her about his AB/DL side, it should be during their friendship to gauge it. In the dating world that is the best policy rather than tell someone so far into their relationship it actually becomes a deal breaker for the relationship later. I've had 3 adult relationships and been on the dating scene for a while, that is my best advice from experience.

    It will be ok for a friendship, but I have to stress that romance and friendship are two totally different ball games. My sub tendencies was a deal breaker for my last potential girlfriend. After a month of getting to know each other, the sex topic came up and our "secret quirks" came up. The sexual chemistry just wasn't there and a few other things. So we decided not to pursuit it and remained friends for a while before parting ways. That may sound like playing it safe, but I'd rather go in with a good hand than a lousy hand if it might end up in heartache. I had a lousy hand for that one.

    But yes, be slow and go ahead and tell her now if you want to when the environment's right. Pursuit a relationship later, and remember dating for a couple weeks what feels different is not the same as a committed relationship, if that's what you want to pursuit. My experience tells me that, but hey I could be wrong too.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Geno View Post
    I'm going to have to strongly disagree. If he wants to tell her about his AB/DL side, it should be during their friendship to gauge it. In the dating world that is the best policy rather than tell someone so far into their relationship it actually becomes a deal breaker for the relationship later.
    Ah but there is a difference between being friends with someone who is an AB/DL and going out with someone who is an AB/DL, it could be that he tells her his secret first and she accepts it then asks her out and is reluctant to because she finds the idea of being with an AB/DL weird. Honesty is the best policy in a relationship but with friends you can keep a secret like this and it is not such a big deal because of the nature of this issue.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by pajamakitten
    Ah but there is a difference between being friends with someone who is an AB/DL and going out with someone who is an AB/DL, it could be that he tells her his secret first and she accepts it then asks her out and is reluctant to because she finds the idea of being with an AB/DL weird. Honesty is the best policy in a relationship but with friends you can keep a secret like this and it is not such a big deal because of the nature of this issue.
    I'll clarify a little more (guess I was too wordy) but that's pretty much exactly what I meant. You can date and still be friends, when you reach a certain level of commitment your're in a relationship. He can tell her when they start dating but like in my example I provided, it could end there and not mature into the full fledged relationship I'm sure he wants with this girl. Hell, they could be incompatible in other areas too! She will end up knowing one way or the other if he pursuits somewhere down the line, it should be during the dating period. You are correct he doesn't have to tell her friendship wise, but he wants to pursuit a relationship which is why I recommend it. If it does end, then they are back to being friends with her knowing. Any possible outcome on this by asking her to date him she's going to know sometime. That's bottom line. Mind as well tell her as a friend if that's his ultimate goal, if she's not understanding and accepting, then already that's a red flag not to pursuit.

    That's true she could find it reluctant to date him because of that, and it would be far worse for her to break up with him later down the line when he tells her that while committed because it affects other compatibility issues and alienates them for a while. The former testing the waters is the best option.

  9. #9
    Cherub

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    Geno, If I may borrow your words


    Quote Originally Posted by Geno View Post
    I'll clarify a little more (guess I was too wordy) but that's pretty much exactly what I meant.
    I think we’re saying the same thing here.


    Quote Originally Posted by Cherub View Post
    . Being friends with someone and having them as a significant other while dating are two entirely different levels of friendship. Take things slow


    Quote Originally Posted by Geno View Post
    Keep in mind that romantic relationships and friendships are two entirely different ball games.
    My whole point was finding that time in which it will have the best possibility to yield the results EmoCowMoo is looking for.



    Quote Originally Posted by Geno View Post
    I'm going to have to strongly disagree. If he wants to tell her about his AB/DL side, it should be during their friendship to gauge it.
    I’m not saying he should not tell her, indeed, just the opposite. He should tell her. Sorta like the cliché “pick you battles”, well in this case it would be ‘pick the best time to tell her’. I agree it should be during the dating stage. Dogboy worded it better then I did as to the best possible time.


    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    . Start with asking her to be your girlfriend. If she says yes, and if she is really excited about that, there should be a euphoric honeymoon period. During that period would be a good time to introduce the other, as she should be most accepting.


    Quote Originally Posted by Cherub View Post
    I would recommend not telling just yet
    I didn’t say “don’t tell her” I said “not just yet”


    Quote Originally Posted by Cherub View Post
    I think the timing of telling someone is a very delicate balancing act.
    I’m all for telling someone, the big questions is,,,,when?


    Quote Originally Posted by Geno View Post
    But yes, be slow and go ahead and tell her now if you want to when the environment's right. .
    I agree with everything you and dogboy said. I was saying the same thing, I guess the point I was making didn’t make it across possibly because of how I worded my post. Like I said, the main point behind my posts was, be patient and find that right time to tell her. I supposed I probably could have just typed that short sentence, but then the post would have felt underdeveloped.

  10. #10
    nappiboy

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    Quote Originally Posted by EmoCowMoo View Post
    I've really close friends with this girl my age for about 7 years now, she's my best friend, she means the world to me. I've never had a girlfriend, so I've been reluctant to take our relationship any further until this year. I'm planning on asking her to be my girlfriend pretty soon (this wkend maybe?) so I'm pretty nervous since I've never done anything like this before...

    Although we tell each other everything, there's one problem... I've never told anyone I know in real life about this side of me. I have no clue how to even go about doing such a thing, I mean I always worry about what other people think about me and I don't want to ruin any of the friendships I've made.

    Anyway, I feel like I should tell her this before hand and if she still accepts me, then I know we can have a relationship together. But I worry that if I wait to tell her after we're in a relationship (like people have suggested I do in the past), this would possibly ruin her perspective of me and completely ruin the relationship.

    Anyone else deal with a similar situation and have any suggestions? I'd greatly appreciate it...
    Man DO NOT TELL HER YET !!!!!
    I will proberly get shot for this but wait to tell. Enjoy being together, experiance love and friendship and see if you are compatable as a couple first. Then in a few months or more when the moment is right then tall to her.

    Go and let yourself enjoy having a girlfriend. Love is the most wonderfull thing in the world.

    Dont even think about your diaper side. Trust me. I have been there. When the time is right then tall to her, BUT THIS IS NOT THE TIME or you will scare her away.

    Hope this helps and I dont get kicked to much for this everyone but it needed to be said. Let him be a young man and enjoy love outside this crap (diapers).

    Sent from my GT-S5830T using Tapatalk 2

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