Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: How to choose a friend to come out to / why do so many people choose a female?

  1. #1

    Question How to choose a friend to come out to / why do so many people choose a female?

    (I think this would be the right forum, because people have talked about coming out here...)

    Title basically explains the thread (seems to be better if you do that rather than expecting people to actually read the post )

    I have told my two closest friends about being ABDL.
    I picked my first friend to tell because I felt like I had to tell *someone* if I wasn't ashamed about being ABDL (which I'm not, embarrassed yes, ashamed, no.)
    I picked her because she and I were close (obviously she's not a gossip; we'd had conversations where we'd both shared private information about each other (including her telling me she was asexual I knew she had heard of other kinds of kinks; plus at the time she was the one out of my three good friends who I got to see on a regular basis. There wasn't any *need* for her to know, but I wanted to tell someone and I thought she wouldn't mind carrying the burden of me telling her, and because of above reasons I thought she was unlikely to abandon me over it.
    That was a year ago, it went fine and we're still great friends

    Very nice for me... but opening it up to discussion
    1) Is there anything people want to put down as good criteria for a friend to confide in about being ABDL?
    I'd add "age" to my list, although it wasn't an issue for us as we're both in our twenties.

    and


    2) it seems like in a lot of the coming out stories people chose female friends or their mothers to talk to - what's with that?

    I have a bit of a problem getting along with men (see the fact that 2/3 best friends are women) so it doesn't surprise me that my case is what it is, but why is that the case for so many other people?
    Can anyone comment on why they chose a female friend over their male friends or their mum over their dad?
    My simple guess that a) people find the women in their lives more caring than the men, so easier to confide in & b) men not wanting to tell other men stuff that makes them look un-manly, because even if they do accept you, they'll probably rip you about it at least a little bit

    Thoughts....

    if anyone cares.

  2. #2

    Default

    I'm glad you were able to come out to friends, it gives you a real sense of freedom and, if they're accepting, it makes the friendship even stronger.

    As for good criteria? Firstly you need trust, obviously. It won't do to tell a friend that's a bit of a gossip.
    The second is open-mindedness. Friends are friends no matter what, but if the friend doesn't have an open-mind about stuff, no matter how close you are, they may either reject it, or meet you halfway and say it's fine, but refuse to talk about it ever.

    As for coming out to a girl before your mother, I have a theory. Woman in general tend to be far more accepting and open-minded than men. I know some people will disagree, but in my experience, most men have the standard 'man mentality". If the guy isn't ABDL himself, odds are pretty good he'll think it's weird if the one confessing is also male. On the flip side, if the one confessing is female, chances are good the guy will be okay with it. In my own experience, I've found telling my female friends has always gone better than when I told a male about it. Might be gender politic stuff, might be something else.

    When it comes to hesitation about telling parents anything, it's probably to do with a deep-seated desire to always have your parents approval, and telling them about any kind of fetish risks that. That's my reasoning for not having told my own mother yet.

    So you want to be accepted by friends first, so if the parents DO reject it, at least you'll have friends to catch you on the way down. That's how I see it, anyway.

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Raiyuki View Post
    As for coming out to a girl before your mother, I have a theory. Woman in general tend to be far more accepting and open-minded than men. I know some people will disagree, but in my experience, most men have the standard 'man mentality". If the guy isn't ABDL himself, odds are pretty good he'll think it's weird if the one confessing is also male.
    I don't want to disagree with you 100%, but I'll just say this,
    it's a stereotype that females are more open and males or not; and because of this, some females and males will live up to such stereotypes, because they feel it is "incorrect" if they do not.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by MrKittyKat View Post
    I don't want to disagree with you 100%, but I'll just say this,
    it's a stereotype that females are more open and males or not; and because of this, some females and males will live up to such stereotypes, because they feel it is "incorrect" if they do not.
    Indeed, you're absolutely right. Mass media is partly to blame for that for the way they portray gender roles, but sadly, following a stereotype only serves to support said stereotype. It's a vicious cycle. But as I said, I knew some would disagree and it's mostly based on my own personal experiences. Obviously some will go against the grain, so to speak.

  5. #5

    Default

    Well as for the male and female thing, I've actually told 2 males, and only one female.
    My dad knew first, he is actually a little more understanding of things than my mom is, we are very religious, and my mom likes to avoid any situation that has the potential of being bad, I don't disagree with her doing that, but I can't live that way. Anyhow, my dad was very non-judgmental about it (doesn't like it but can stand it). Once i told my mom she didn't judge me for it, but she has always been acting like i'm working on getting rid of it, I don't think she is capable of accepting that i'm leaning the other way. So i guess that is one story to show that the role can be different, although it was frightening to tell my dad, because he is very much a manly man.

    As for the third, who actually came before telling my mom, he is one of my best friends, and i'd say a good example for picking out a person.
    1[probably my main point, the others are pretty much a given already]) We had previously helped each other through personal struggles before, I think if you have someone that has done that for you, you can have good trust that they care enough not to ruin your life with what you tell.
    2) Genuine concern: he knew that i had something on my mind and offered to listen if that is what i wanted, and even though i warned him that it would be weird, he acted like he would deal with whatever it was.
    3) Open mind: I knew he had one, just from being around him, but also because he was going into psychology so he was learning all sorts of different types of ways of thinking. He actually told me that he had heard of Infantilism briefly in a class, and it wasn't really that odd in his opinion.

    With him, i'm able to talk to him about it if i ever need to and he is totally cool about it. He actually acts encouraging, because he can tell that i feel better when i'm free from fighting it, and that it makes me feel happier being an infantilist.

  6. #6

    Default

    Although I can't tell you how to choose which friend you would like to tell other then make sure you trust them, I can try and answer why people usually tell females. Females are generally more accepting of change and more excepting of sexual differences. Also, females have that mother like touch to things that all men no matter how tough crave. So in short we tell females because we tend to trust them and see them as a mother figure. I could be wrong, this is just my opinion.

Similar Threads

  1. Which would you choose?
    By cr5311 in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 12-Jan-2012, 20:33
  2. Help me Choose?
    By Allie Cat666 in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 09-Oct-2011, 23:11
  3. if you had to choose
    By babyjasonabdl in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 18-Jun-2011, 20:42

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.