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Thread: Gender, little's & psychiatrists..... Oh my!

  1. #1

    Default Gender, little's & psychiatrists..... Oh my!

    i was in to see my psychiatrist tuesday for my monthly ADD ritalin-thing. somehow the talk got into my gender, a subject that she and i had really never talked of in the two years i have been seeing her. other than of course to give her my history.

    she had as always asked how the ritalin was doing and among other things, i said that i noticed it seemed to be facilitating inside communion. and putting our gender in a far more flexible state across the system. and i guess that seemed like an invitation to her as the next thing i knew she is asking about my name, trying to get little's to come out and tell her stuff. and when i block that, she ask me about how being with Karen makes it easier to go-little. so i talked of that and tried to stay away from gender. but really, i couldn't stay away from thinking about it as the only time i have any control over gender is as an adult. where-in i try to stay neutral. because if i go ether to the girl or the boy side of gender presentation; i got little's out and playing.....

    (deep sigh) it was a most unsettling visit indeed....

    (in hindsight)
    i mean there was a time (long ago) i thought SRS would help a lot of these issues, and the op did move a good many aside. and being in a female body makes it way easier to exercise gender fluidity.... but still, sometimes i think it will never end......

    do other people need, or want, to stay gender-neutral in order to function as an adult (or in an adult world)....?

    pre-op.. post-op.. non-op or other gender variation with little's or a little-side.
    (there, did i cover all the sissified possibilities... LOL)

    lodge wrecker...

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    I will stay gender neuteral, but desperately want SrS, as I can come off as male without it!

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    I can't say that I understand the whole gender issue. I'm male and have never acted, thought, or imagined anything other than being masculine. However, reading your post the thought occurs to me that gender may not be the issue. You said



    Quote Originally Posted by littlelodgewrecker View Post
    i try to stay neutral. because if i go ether to the girl or the boy side of gender presentation; i got little's out and playing.
    It would seem that your "little" personas are dominating your psyche. Have you discussed the issue of control? I'm not licensed, nor am I certain that I ever will be, but from my limited study I am concerned that you are loosing yourself, or at least loosing the dominance of your adult self and struggling to keep whatever semblance of cohesion still exists.

    I think it is beautiful when an adult is truly able to connect with the child portion of their mentality, but the child cannot be allowed to run the household as it were or you risk loosing quite a bit in the process.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Khaymen View Post
    I can't say that I understand the whole gender issue. I'm male and have never acted, thought, or imagined anything other than being masculine. However, reading your post the thought occurs to me that gender may not be the issue. You said



    It would seem that your "little" personas are dominating your psyche. Have you discussed the issue of control? I'm not licensed, nor am I certain that I ever will be, but from my limited study I am concerned that you are loosing yourself, or at least loosing the dominance of your adult self and struggling to keep whatever semblance of cohesion still exists.

    I think it is beautiful when an adult is truly able to connect with the child portion of their mentality, but the child cannot be allowed to run the household as it were or you risk loosing quite a bit in the process.
    why hello, Mr. Khaymen......

    actually, the title of the thread was a play on a line out of the movie "wizard of oz"... (lions & tiger's & bears oh my). denoting the fear of three entities coming together and causing greater havoc then they could individually.

    as you so carefully put it, my little-personas.... are in possession of the vast majority of the real estate between my ears (figuratively specking). the modern term for it is DID, although when i was first told about it they called it MPD.

    going little is no problem for people like me. but in my case, i have found that the use of clothing can encourage or discourage my alters/little's from toping from the bottom as it were. in my case, with both boy and girl little's; it takes gender-neutrality.... but as luck would have it, my spouse actually likes having the children out whenever possible.... it's just very uncomfortable to be switching in-front of my psychiatrist...

    ---------- Post added at 00:45 ---------- Previous post was at 00:40 ----------

    (waves at baby Emo)
    i hope you are doing well girl friend.....

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    Quote Originally Posted by littlelodgewrecker View Post
    i
    do other people need, or want, to stay gender-neutral in order to function as an adult (or in an adult world)....?
    I tried, for a long time, because I thought it would be easier to be seen by others as tom-boy or butch rather than go through with the whole FTM transition. But it wasn't enough, and it made me very depressed. The depression didn't go away until I acknowledged that I was transsexual and not just gender-queer.

    (I'm pre-op FTM, on hormone therapy).

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    Quote Originally Posted by downtide View Post
    I tried, for a long time, because I thought it would be easier to be seen by others as tom-boy or butch rather than go through with the whole FTM transition. But it wasn't enough, and it made me very depressed. The depression didn't go away until I acknowledged that I was transsexual and not just gender-queer.

    (I'm pre-op FTM, on hormone therapy).
    hello, DownTide;
    (i like your screen name and have wondered for a while about the meaning.....)

    as a kid i remember strongly resisting the male stereotypical clothing as soon as i noticed there was a difference. my mother wanted me to be her "little man". can hear her words even now, just as i can feel those stiff little suits. and how people would address you when you wear clothes like that.

    in high school i started wearing big sloppy neutral looking wool sweaters. my hair had been long for years already. took a lot of grief over the way i looked. when i got out of the service i slowly got back into gender-neutrality.

    living in the closed all male culture of a sub didn't seem to cause gender problems for me. but then that culture strangely enough, allowed for some variations (as expressed by more experienced mentoring/looking-after the less experienced).

    i wonder if in a gender-binary society, those who identify as gender-neutral (for whatever reason) feel forced into "fixing" their sex roll or identity as opposite from their berth in order to legitimately claim all of their gender expression...... of course that is said looking back in 20/20 hindsight.

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    There is a new sort of thinking going around the psychiatric community at large. It boils down to "if its not causing a problem, then its not a problem" Your little sides running around all day could be absolutely no problem if it does not get in the way of work or relationships. If it does, then its time to reign 'em in.

    I would not be worried. you make it sound like an onsetting psychosis! I would say that your littles etc. are just part of your personality that you have compartmentalized. Those walls are now coming down, and everyone gets to play together! I say embrace it, control it, and go with it! It sounds like fun at the end of it all!

    ---------- Post added at 22:51 ---------- Previous post was at 22:40 ----------

    "i wonder if in a gender-binary society, those who identify as gender-neutral (for whatever reason) feel forced into "fixing" their sex roll or identity as opposite from their berth in order to legitimately claim all of their gender expression...... of course that is said looking back in 20/20 hindsight."

    That is an amazingly deep question. There really is no way to determine what we really need until we do it, but I could see that in such a binary society we have been socialized to the black and white, and faced with non-conforming practice within ourselves, we try to "make things right" by hopping over to the other side instead of embracing our differences.

    In my case though, I felt robbed of things such as girls clothes, hips, lack of hair, BOOBS... things that are not based on personality, but are actually a physical problem. THAT is why I am transitioning

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyemo View Post

    In my case though, I felt robbed of things such as girls clothes, hips, lack of hair, BOOBS... things that are not based on personality, but are actually a physical problem. THAT is why I am transitioning
    Ah Yes, the important stuff for m2f's! boobs, box and appropriate accessories.......
    but then what happens when that battle is over?
    we become a perfectly well adjusted member of society, right.
    or maybe for some, once they open Pandora box.........

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    Quote Originally Posted by littlelodgewrecker View Post
    hello, DownTide;
    (i like your screen name and have wondered for a while about the meaning.....)
    I stole it from an ancestor of mine who was a fisherman about a hundred years ago. I come from a whole family of fishermen & life-boat men. My grandfather was the first to decline to go to sea. I've been sailing once, and utterly loved it. I think the ocean is in my blood.



    Quote Originally Posted by littlelodgewrecker View Post
    as a kid i remember strongly resisting the male stereotypical clothing as soon as i noticed there was a difference. my mother wanted me to be her "little man". can hear her words even now, just as i can feel those stiff little suits. and how people would address you when you wear clothes like that.

    in high school i started wearing big sloppy neutral looking wool sweaters. my hair had been long for years already. took a lot of grief over the way i looked. when i got out of the service i slowly got back into gender-neutrality.

    living in the closed all male culture of a sub didn't seem to cause gender problems for me. but then that culture strangely enough, allowed for some variations (as expressed by more experienced mentoring/looking-after the less experienced).

    i wonder if in a gender-binary society, those who identify as gender-neutral (for whatever reason) feel forced into "fixing" their sex roll or identity as opposite from their berth in order to legitimately claim all of their gender expression...... of course that is said looking back in 20/20 hindsight.
    I'm not so convinced it would work to be honest. When I was growing up I was naturally a tomboy, and my parents didn't try to fit me into a female role at all. I had the freedom to express myself as I wished: I had my hair cut short, I wore jeans and sweatshirts, I spent most of my spare time mucking about on farms and in rivers (grew up in a farming community in rural east-England). I certainly wasn't conditioned to a typical female gender role. In fact the only girly thing about me was a rabid obsession with horses, an affliction which seems to affect girls much more than boys.

    The other point is that for people like me, who are masculine but born with a female body, it's far more acceptable to be a butch woman than it is to be an effeminate man. There's far less stigma and less pressure from society to conform to a certain standard; indeed there's often a silent approval of women who have masculine traits (an effect of male - or masculine - priviledge).

    So in my case I don't feel that it was society pressure or family pressure that caused me to feel the way I do. I have never been constrained in my gender expression, but it was still never enough, I still have this need to fix my body.

    If you haven't read it already, I highly reccommend a book called Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein. In it, she explores many aspects of gender expression including gender-neutrality. I think you'd find it very interesting.

    ---------- Post added at 20:17 ---------- Previous post was at 20:15 ----------



    Quote Originally Posted by babyemo View Post
    In my case though, I felt robbed of things such as girls clothes, hips, lack of hair, BOOBS... things that are not based on personality, but are actually a physical problem. THAT is why I am transitioning
    ^^THIS, in spades.

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    Quote Originally Posted by downtide View Post
    I stole it from an ancestor of mine who was a fisherman about a hundred years ago. I come from a whole family of fishermen & life-boat men. My grandfather was the first to decline to go to sea. I've been sailing once, and utterly loved it. I think the ocean is in my blood.





    If you haven't read it already, I highly reccommend a book called Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein. In it, she explores many aspects of gender expression including gender-neutrality. I think you'd find it very interesting.
    .
    yesssss............ sailing, there is nothing like it... it makes you work for it. and going to sea as well. making a life on the sea gives one a feel for it. it looks like you picked a good name.
    *******************

    yea, Kate; i have had the...... privilege..... she had quite the following in portland and seattle at one time.
    she and i may have been doing transition around the same time, but she definitely ran in different cycles/crowd then i did.........

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