Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: Letter to my Mum Draft 1; thoughts?

  1. #1
    jj2jjj

    Default Letter to my Mum Draft 1; thoughts?

    Hi, so I've been working on this for a few days now. I'm pretty sure I'm going to tell my mum very soon. I'm actually pretty confident on how she'll react. I have taken extra steps recently to make sure we remain close.

    I originally wrote this a few days ago but after swapping and deleting some paragraphs, getting rid of certain words to make it easier sub-consciously I have ended up with this letter. I know many of you think it is wrong to tell anyone, especially a parent. But I'd love you all even more if you could support me. You are the only people I can really come to about this at the moment and talk with.

    All suggestions to improve the letter (Which I'll be sending by email) would be much appreciated. (The format has been slightly destroyed when I copy and pasted it)

    Thanks guys <3


    Hi mum.

    Please don't worry if you're reading this. This is just an email to tell you something I have wanted to bring up
    for the longest time. It is slightly embarassing for me telling anybody but after a large amount of thought I have
    decided to tell you. It's certainly a little strange, even more so for one who doesn't actually experience it. It
    isn't advertised anywhere and it isn't very wellknown either which can lead to uneducated assumptions.

    Please tell nobody about this. I am telling you this in complete confidence because you are my mum.

    Everybody has a form of stress relief in their lives. Something to take the edge off when the stresses of everyday
    work and life start straining you. You smoke to take off the edge, some people take drugs, some people drink.
    Everybody does different things. I do something that is even more different, but don't think for a
    second I am the only one. There are thousands, millions even, of people in the world who experience the same
    as me. There are communities everywhere online for what I share with so many people.

    You may remember many years ago when I came crying in your room. At the time I was starting puberty and I was
    experiencing brand new urges. At the time I told you I had a 'fetish' for girls wearing
    nappies (Diapers, the american term, is used more often and online) We discussed it and from what I can remember
    you were understanding of the situation (Which I can not thank you enough for and has helped me send this email
    today).

    Even on this day I still experience such urges. However, they have massively changed since that day. It is no
    longer a big 'sexual urge' but instead a very important stress relief.

    When NAMECENSORED was very ill I was very confused. I knew she was ill, but the child then felt nonexistant. I feel
    I missed out on a lot of interaction as for many years the major focus was on NAMECENSORED and her illness. I don't
    blame anybody. She was critically ill, the situation could not be helped. Still, it left me missing out on a lot
    of interaction. As if I missed part of my childhood.

    This sparked this urge inside of me. Some people experience 'regression'. I can assure you, this is not what I
    experience. What I am and do experience is 'DL' (Often accompanied with A/TB as ABDL's) DL stands for
    'Diaper Lover'

    What this means is that I am either (or both) sexually attracted to nappies OR am attracted to nappies to relieve
    myself from stress. I am the latter. I wear nappies (Not constantly, but in privacy when stressed) to escape
    stress. It just makes me feel calm and happy. As if I can just relax. It gives me a sense of security and
    carelessness which I missed out on in my childhood due to my sisters illness. Her illness and the immense focus
    meant my life became very stressful and that I HAD to grow up faster and take on more to get through the time.

    I know you knew. When I was young I had an odd thing with nappies and baby dolls which I'm sure you knew
    about. There was a time when I was at grandma's, I found a nappy in the toybox, and put it on in the bathroom
    (leaving it behind thinking it would not be found) which you may or may not remember. There is also our talk
    when I was younger which I mentioned earlier. It is something we have never talked about since and I never thought
    would.

    This is routed deep inside of me. It isn't like a phase where it has come recently. I have experienced it for years
    and events like NAMECENSORED's illness really caused it to reveal itself.

    Before I go further I have found some handy questions and answers from a AB/DL community website which
    may answer some initial questions.

    Is a person who wears diapers the only person like this?

    No! Certainly not. Whilst being interested in diapers is not something that people are likely to advertise,
    preferring to keep it private or between only a few close people, there are many people who are interested in diapers.
    There is a very active online community of people who enjoy diapers, and in some larger cities there may be regular
    events or meet-ups catering for people who enjoy diapers (I have never and don't plan to go to such meet-ups)

    What kind of people are interested in diapers?

    In short, anybody can be interested in diapers. People who are interested in diapers can be of any gender, any
    sexuality, any age, any country and come from any background. Although online communities cater mainly for teens
    and adults interested in diapers many members report their interest in diapers starting in childhood. Having an
    interest in diapers should not affect your friend/loved one from leading a successful life. We have members from
    a range of background here, including parents, lawyers, teachers, nurses, engineers, students etc.

    Is there something wrong with people who wear diapers? Do they need therapy?

    No, there is nothing wrong with having an interest in diapers. Whilst it is unusual it is not an interest which
    should cause any psychological or physiological harm to a person, or others around them. It is unlikely to be
    something they can change about themselves, with the interest and desires that stem from it usually being
    deep-rooted within individuals. Members of the community who have been to therapy in attempts to suppress
    this desire usually report that the therapy had no effect on their interest in diapers and attempting to
    suppress an intrinsic desire may result in causing a person psychological harm.

    What does this have to do with real babies/children?

    Nothing! People who have an interest in diapers are interested either in wearing and using diapers, and
    sometimes other items from baby/childhood. The interest in no way involves real babies/children on any
    level. (Basically - I am NOT a pedophile! xD)

    What is a DL?

    The abbreviation DL comes from the term ‘Diaper Lover.’ A diaper lover is generally described as a person who
    enjoys wearing diapers

    How can I support somebody with an interest in diapers?

    The main thing that people who are interested in diapers wish for is almost always acceptance. They are aware
    that there interest is unusual, and of a taboo nature, and as such many people who are interested in diapers
    are scared of disclosing that side of themselves. The best thing you can do is assure the person that, whether
    you understand their interest or not, you accept it as part of them.


    So those are the questions I found that apply to my current situation. Now there is a reason I have told you
    all this. It isn't because I want to engage with you or anyone I currently know with this. It is because,
    although I have access to items that help me fulfill this stress relief they can be very hard to access on
    my part as you may get to such a parcel first or see its contents. Second of all I have to find a place
    to store such items where there is low chance of you finding them. This in itself creates its own stress! I'd
    never want you to come across them and be left with no explanation.

    I never wanted to have you find out, it would leave you with so many more questions than it would me actually
    coming clean, being honest and explaining.

    I have told you so that I can fulfill my stress relief desires without actually creating more stress with
    fear of getting found out and leaving you without answers.

    This side of me is completely private. I do it in private, it is my thing. You're the first person I have ever
    and probably will ever tell. Why? Because you're my mum. You have always told me that you will accept me
    however I am, that I can talk to you about anything and most of all that you love me! So this is me, talking
    about 'anything'. No matter how moody I get or whatever I say to you (Puberty has and still occasionally causes
    immense moodswings as you may have already found out! :P) you're my mum and I love you. I hope that telling
    you this (Which has taken an intense amount of thought, effort and stress to do!) hasn't changed that!

    I just want to be able to fulfill my desires in private without knowing you could potentially find out and be
    left utterly confused!

    I have been researching this for many many years now. I understand it completely. I know that you won't. If
    you want I am willing to spend as much time as you'd like explaining this to you as I am sure, despite my best
    efforts, you may still be confused and unsure what to do with this information!

    Lastly; please do not make up any assumptions about this until we have talked about it properly. There can
    often be uneducated negative stereotypes attached to this.

    All I want is for you to still love me and accept this unchangable side of me (Trust me I've tried to change it!)

    I love you forever mum. You cannot believe what a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that you know and I
    hope with all the strength I have that you accept me and understand.

    Your son,

    xxxxx

  2. #2

    Default

    I guess a lot of people reading it might think the same thing, what's the need to tell her anyway. My Mum hasn't come to me with a letter detailing weird sexual fetishes she is just bursting to tell me - Id be more than shocked if she did.
    Like you wrote "This side of me is completely private" - if that's the case then how will telling you mum alleviate anything.

    Sorry I didn't really add anything in favour of sending her this. But maybe other people will have different views

  3. #3
    jj2jjj

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Squirtle View Post
    I guess a lot of people reading it might think the same thing, what's the need to tell her anyway. My Mum hasn't come to me with a letter detailing weird sexual fetishes she is just bursting to tell me - Id be more than shocked if she did.
    Like you wrote "This side of me is completely private" - if that's the case then how will telling you mum alleviate anything.

    Sorry I didn't really add anything in favour of sending her this. But maybe other people will have different views
    My point in telling her is to be able to carry on with this form of stress relief without knowing that at some point soon she's going to find such items and be left without an explanation or turn to the wrong resources for help.

    This isn't very sexual for me any more and I certainly have no plans to go into the sexual side with her as that is uncalled for and not required.

  4. #4

    Default

    This is a great letter and expressed in a very reassuring way.

    As a parent, I have a couple of thoughts.

    • Most important, I think, is to talk about how this is not interfering with the rest of your life. While only you know, I imagine it may even be helping you with the rest of your life. This is likely to be your Mum's biggest concern.
    • Again, only you know, but I would back off on the stuff about NAMECENSORED. This may be very clear to you, but no one really knows for certain how these needs develop. It is tempting to latch onto a pat explanation, but things like this seem to have very complicated roots. It may be the case that this experience triggered this for you, but it is not likely to be the only factor.

      The reason I think you should back off is that your Mum almost certainly is aware of how the illness affected you and she almost certainly feels very badly about it. If you thought that she was not going to be supportive, it would be something you could use as a kind of emotional blackmail, but I'm pretty certain that isn't your intention. Unfortunately, it is likely to feel like that to her, at least a little bit, whether you intend it that way or not.

      You don't really need this part. She is, in all likelihood, going to come to the same conclusion as you have about how your feelings developed, but she will be able to deal with it herself, in her own private way. Meanwhile, the rest of the letter is solidly rational (maybe the most important thing about a letter or conversation about this kind of thing) and, unless she is panicked by the whole idea (in which case guilt won't really help), it will be more than adequately convincing without this.


    You have put this is a very reassuring and non-coercive way, just reassuring her ahead of time about the inevitable surprise that will come when she intercepts a package or finds your stash. This is a kind thing to do. I expect she will respond in kind.

    Finally, do be ready to discuss it with her if she wishes, but don't bring it up, even indirectly, unless she does. Repeating something I've said before, the conventional (and good) wisdom about having difficult talks with your children is to never give them more information than they have expressed a genuine interest in knowing. The same holds for parents.

    Best of luck in this and in the rest of your life.

  5. #5
    jj2jjj

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by adasterix View Post
    This is a great letter and expressed in a very reassuring way.

    As a parent, I have a couple of thoughts.

    • Most important, I think, is to talk about how this is not interfering with the rest of your life. While only you know, I imagine it may even be helping you with the rest of your life. This is likely to be your Mum's biggest concern.
    • Again, only you know, but I would back off on the stuff about NAMECENSORED. This may be very clear to you, but no one really knows for certain how these needs develop. It is tempting to latch onto a pat explanation, but things like this seem to have very complicated roots. It may be the case that this experience triggered this for you, but it is not likely to be the only factor.

      The reason I think you should back off is that your Mum almost certainly is aware of how the illness affected you and she almost certainly feels very badly about it. If you thought that she was not going to be supportive, it would be something you could use as a kind of emotional blackmail, but I'm pretty certain that isn't your intention. Unfortunately, it is likely to feel like that to her, at least a little bit, whether you intend it that way or not.

      You don't really need this part. She is, in all likelihood, going to come to the same conclusion as you have about how your feelings developed, but she will be able to deal with it herself, in her own private way. Meanwhile, the rest of the letter is solidly rational (maybe the most important thing about a letter or conversation about this kind of thing) and, unless she is panicked by the whole idea (in which case guilt won't really help), it will be more than adequately convincing without this.


    You have put this is a very reassuring and non-coercive way, just reassuring her ahead of time about the inevitable surprise that will come when she intercepts a package or finds your stash. This is a kind thing to do. I expect she will respond in kind.

    Finally, do be ready to discuss it with her if she wishes, but don't bring it up, even indirectly, unless she does. Repeating something I've said before, the conventional (and good) wisdom about having difficult talks with your children is to never give them more information than they have expressed a genuine interest in knowing. The same holds for parents.

    Best of luck in this and in the rest of your life.
    Thank you very much! The name censored thing is just something I have done to post on here because I don't want to publicly post the persons name out of respect.
    How about replacing the paragraph about the persons illness with;

    "This is something I have always had. However there are lots of things that bought it out. I believe Dan's illness
    was one of them as I had to grow up much faster to deal with it.
    This sparked this urge inside of me. Some people experience 'regression'. I can assure you, this is not what I
    experience. What I am and do experience is 'DL' (Often accompanied with A/TB as ABDL's) DL stands for
    'Diaper Lover'"

    I also added this in;

    "Before we continue I'd like to reassure you that this is not something that interferes negatively with anything
    else in my life. If anything it makes things much more positive. It takes away my stress and leaves me with a much
    clearer mind to do thing. It's actually a major factor to how I manage to always get my work done and get such
    good grades on them. The stress does not overwhelm me. "

    Thoughts?

  6. #6

    Default

    I didn't mean the NAMECENSORED thing itself. I meant the whole issue of your sibling's illness.
    I'd still drop it completely, but you should do what feels best to you.

    The last paragraph is great. Really the whole thing is fine how it stands.

    You'll be fine.

  7. #7

    Default

    Hi jj2jjj,
    Wow, what a wonderful letter. I cannot think about changing anything, except for one detail. The only thing I can imagine is that things might raise questions by your mum. In your letter you write "What this means is that I am either (or both) sexually attracted to nappies OR am attracted to nappies to relieve myself from stress. I am the latter". May I suggest to keep the word 'sexual' out completely? I think this may rise questions to her ( she will in her mind try to connect diapers / sexual part or not / NAMECENSORED) That is all I can think of. Wonderful letter, but it is better not to mention the sexual part. You might ask yourself why I find this.... hold on....

    I wished that I did tell my mom like the way you are going to do with your letter. Because this is much much better than the way I did it. The point is that I did not write her a letter. I invited her and I told her. Frustrated as I was at that time I HAD to tell someone about my fetish / habits. I started slowly to tell her. Somewhere on a terras (at a bar, on a quiet sunny afternoon). The first question she had is: "You are not a pedophile, are you!?" I thought I was going to vaporate.... This was the worst of a reaction one can imagine. I explained her that DL has NOTHING to do with pedophiles, but until today I have the feeling she never understood and will understand my DL fetish. All and all this was a bad experience for me and a very unwise thing to tell her my story that way, at that place, with that setup without giving her the chance to absorb some information about the subject first. Another fact is that my mum has some narcism over her. But she is my mum and I love her. My mum with her narcism means that she is quite busy with herself. Everything and everyone has to adjust according to her ways and her views. So I sat there: Gay and loving diapers. For her: No grandchildren, no marriage, no standard setting as a male family member to continue our family name, etc. etc. (Lots of mums think this way)
    OK that said, back to you.

    So your letter will help you enormously to let her understand what it is all about. Thoughts come to my mind, like the Den of Bittergrey, the first internet-sign-of-life for me that there were more 'strangers' around like I am. Today I have no more problems: It is easy to find diapers here at my place if you want. I don't hide them, but I do not show it off either. (except when I have one on, that is one of my fantasies, the diaper peeking out a little under my track pants ;-) and -good for all of us- it is easy to get good information about our fetish and to share this.

    I wish you good luck and a good warm experience with your mum telling her your story.

    ****

    Oh, before I forget: English is not my native language. Small mistakes here and there in building up sentences etc. may generate some confusion. But now you know this and you will hopefully read between the lines. Anyway, your letter is written in such an intelligent way that I am certain that you will understand what I mean ;-)

  8. #8
    Cushiebabe

    Default

    Two things: one, I know exactly what if feels like to be very young diaper lover. I began stashing diapers I had lifted from nearby diaper bags (obviously someone with an infant was visiting). I also tried them on in the bathroom. Nothing sexual about it at that age. I just had this irrepressible urge to wear a diaper and wet it. I was caught many times as my habit was uncontrollable. I took many risks and wore diapers any time I could score one. At age 3-6, that's not easy to do. I know you need support but I have to stick to my policy which is tell no one. Maybe I am just overprotective of my fetish. Wish you best whatever you decide. Your letter was thoughtful.

  9. #9
    jj2jjj

    Default

    Thanks every single one of you for your help :-) I appreciate it so much thank you.

    I have taken every single one of your suggestions on board and have been editing the letter accordingly.

  10. #10

    Default

    I personally think you should not mention the sexual side and I would be more vague about feeling you missed out on your child hood because while i know you are not blaming anyone it could be interpretted that way

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
ADISC.org - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community.
ADISC.org is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.