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Thread: Struggling about why im AB

  1. #1

    Unhappy Struggling about why im AB

    Not sure where to put this if its in the wrong place please move it.

    Im strugglin a lot with my AB thing, because Im the way I am due to child abuse...I cant really control it a lot...
    and usully when I regress its because im in a lot of emotional pain and i had nobody to rock me or touch me in a safe way..

    so I find myself babbling nonsense and sucking my thumb...even when I dont mean to... I dont feel like an adult acting like a baby..I feel helpless little and like the only comfor I have access too is crying and sucking on a dummy/thumb and just whimpering. It doesnt feel like im playing or acting it feels utterly helpless like a real baby

    What can I do to make being an adult baby less about my childhood abuse and more about fun?
    Last edited by LittleHanah; 06-May-2012 at 23:51.

  2. #2


    You sound like the strong regressive AB type.

    I myself am not the strong regressive type but I know from what I read, usually you can control it a little bit if you try to do a little bit of deliberate regression for a small amount of time regularly, like a couple of hours a day if you live by yourself. Usually the purge cycle preceeding a binge affects strong regressive ABs like that and causes the "baby leakage" you are describing. I know this book is intended for spouses or partners of regressive ABs but it has excellent models which may help you: The Author is Rosalie Bent (I think she still is a member of this forum), she is an Aussie and a wife of a regressive AB, and the title is "There's a Baby In My Bed."

  3. #3


    Hi, LittleHanah. I am sorry for the abuse you suffered as a child. The emotional scars and painful memories will always be there, but you can try to distance your 'little', AB self from the memories of the unhappy times. Try to associate only happy, pleasent thoughts when you regress. Only wear diapers, and ' Baby ' clothes ( if you have them ) when you are in a happy mood, and make the activities you perform, while regressed, something that you enjoy doing. You might try drawing pretty, happy, child-like drawings when in Baby-mode, or watch cartoons, or a movie that makes you feel happy and childlike. Use regression as a reward for yourself, a special treat for having made it through another day in the grown-up, adult world. Think of your paci the same way, it's a way of rewarding yourself. Think of your adult self as your protector and guardian. She is always there, too, even when you regress. Imagine that your adult self is always there, watching over you, keeping you safe from any and all harm. These actions, and thoughts, are a form of both classical, and operant conditioning. Try to disassociate any feelings of pain and fear from being an AB, and replace the feelings with happy, joyful ones. I know this is much easier said, than done. With time, and practice, I hope you can turn your regression into happy times for a most deserving and, hopefully, happy Adult Baby. Take care, and best wishes.

  4. #4


    I think I know what you're saying LittleHanah. My birth parents didn't want me and put me up for adoption, but I wasn't adopted until I was 2 years old. I was talking and knew my name when my adoptive parents got me. I don't know what happened to me in the first 2 years of my life, but I suspect some of it was in an adoptive orphanage. As a result, I regress much like you. I can just be holding my teddy bear, and I regress. I can remember my first two teddy bears. One was brand new and the other was old and ragged. I'm sure the old one was from the orphanage.

    I deal with depression and feelings of anxiety. I find that if I'm very depressed, or anxious, I don't want to wear diapers. That doesn't mean I won't regress however. Like you, I might talk baby talk while I'm in the kitchen with my wife. It just happens.

    My suggestion is to embrace who you are and don't feel regret when you're regressing. We are people who have found this lifestyle in order to cope with something which happened to us in our early lives. Some have had happy experiences, and some have been sad. We are who we are. Find the part that makes you happy or at peace. This is what I have done. I think I'm a happier, easier person to live with when I've worn and wet the night before. I'm simply in this peaceful place. I'm happier with me. I hope you can find that person inside you. She must be there, hiding, so let her come out. Embrace that part of you and enjoy those little moments. Life is too short, and there are so many bad things which you can't control. They just come. Don't let them get you down. Find and love LittleHanah. We on this site, do.

  5. #5


    I am sorry to hear about your earlier abuse. Remember, you will always have the right to overcome your past and become who you wish to be. Sometimes this takes professional help, sometimes not.

    Regression is a hugely tricky subject. When regressing try to focus on what made you feel good today instead of what is hurting now. It is perhaps one of the hardest tasks to dive into regression with feelings of indulgence rather than resentment or fear. The very natural disire to regress is to escape. You might try escaping the world outside your front door instead of your heart. Those matters can be dealt with when you feel stronger.

    I hope you find the comfort you are looking for and be strong

    ps. redefine your purpose. only you can do that!

  6. #6


    wow. thnk u so much guys. This really helps.
    Usually when I regressed I just thought about upsetting scary things, but I like all your replies, I also like the idea of having "big me" watch over "little me".
    That makes me feel safe

    Thank u so much! I love adisc and I hope soon i can be AB without so much sad stuff attached. Thank you thank you thank you!

  7. #7


    deep or uncontrolled regression isnt strictly AB orientated how far you go back depends alot on when the bad memories start from for instance if you regressing back to a point before something bad happened at the age of 9 you may only regress to an age of 6 or 7, unfortunately its easy to associate the bad thing with the regressing and the regressing with the bad thing so over time instead of escaping into your regression it only puts the bad thing into alot more focus.

    your feeling of needing a 'big me' watching over the 'little me' is a form of self protection you know why you go back but you also want to prevent the same thing happening to the regressed little you that happened to the real little you its a form of reliving your past sub consciously your mind is saying if the regressed you comes back unscathed then the real bad stuff will go away, unfortunately it wont.

    My advice to you would be to seek professional help with dealing with the abuse as I dont think you have to any great extent, regressing is only a coping mechanism and not a controlling or dealing one, thats not to say regressing is in any way bad but there is always a danger of it becoming to closely linked to what your escaping from that it will become a viscious circle.

    if your able to deal with your trauma in a proactive way it may lead to resolving your AB dilema and you will be able to either enjoy it as part of you or leave it behind altogether but which ever route you follow it will be your own choice and not something that in the back of your mind feels forced on you to get by.

    hope this helps and i wish you the very best in the future

    regression is no different to any other form of self medication i.e alcohol, non priscription drugs etc but like those things it may be completely wrong for the situation and lead to a form of addiction and instead of dealing with the problem you only mask it for shorter and shorter periods of time
    Last edited by bill1971; 11-May-2012 at 10:59. Reason: additional info

  8. #8


    I actually am going to therapy...but I never said anything about AB...
    but my therapist will tell me several times that sometimes I start acting like a little kid..
    and doing stuff..
    sometimes she tells me I do things I dont remember doing!! and I feel like I may regress to the point where Im in a completely other mindset...
    Its kind of scary..
    but regressing is comforting and also reliving a horrible experience kinda at the same time.

  9. #9


    The classic compensation for child abuse is a mind which fragments, sometimes into multiple personalities, or it loses focus, and hides in the shadows of its past. It sounds like your counselor is recognizing signs of this. Fragmenting personalities create a different personality, one that doesn't have to face the child abuse or even remember it. It's an obvious escape mechanism. For those of us who had bad or traumatic childhoods, regression may be a symptom of this. We retreat into our little self in order to create a new, more loving childhood, one that is of our own construction. I may do this. Who knows.

    I don't think this is necessarily bad as long as you have control over it, but if you're speaking with your counselor and forgetting recent events, or even what you're presently discussing, then it is problematic. Listen to your counselor and let that person help you. It probably is bigger than anything we on this site can help with, other than to wish you well and be there for you.

  10. #10


    Well, and here I thought we didn't have a strong network of psychologists here. Littlehannah, I trust you've heard some comforting words from us so far.
    I'm not as good as I want to be about DL/AB analysis, but here's my two cents.

    If you're not remembering things you did, that's cause for some serious alarm. Keep faith in your counselor; if you are religious or spiritual, I've seen people be successful that way as well. Whatever you're doing to help yourself, keep trying at it, and if your current methodology isn't working, consider alternatives. All that is pretty standard.

    I haven't struggled with memory loss, multiple personality, or any of the things listed above by our fellows, but I have known and been close to people who have. What I understand is this: It's a long and hard road to getting better. Diseases of the mind can be like a cancer. Above all, to get better requires a conscious commitment to doing so, and faith that it can and will happen.

    We're all here for you, as I'm sure you know.

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