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Thread: Feeling a bit lonely these days

  1. #1

    Default Feeling a bit lonely these days

    I have to admit I've been feeling pretty lonely lately.
    Even with all the time I spend with others at school I still feel like I'm alone.

    I've never found it all that easy to make friends but even still when I was younger I knew a lot more people than I do today. Since moving to Maine I have lost contact with most of my friends (*B & Non *B) and I either haven't had the time or ambition to go out and meet others. It's hard to met others who aren't into this lifestyle to say nothing about those who are.

    Even my wife seems to be distant lately. Years ago we used to do more together and nowadays we barely see each other or speak more than a few words. I've talked with her about it but I can never get a straight answer. Needless to say I'm conflicted. I do love her but if my little side can't get the love and nurturing it needs I don't know how much longer our relationship will work. Then again I'm not sure if leaving her would change anything as I've said before I have trouble meeting others.

    I haven't even been as active on Adisc as much as I'd like to be but the thing is when I do participate I can't help but feel like I'm being ignored. I do hope that I am wrong in thinking like this.

  2. #2

    Default

    I'll talk about the last point first, as it's the easiest to respond to. In any community as large as adisc, interactions with it can sometimes feel impersonal, and your input may appear to be ignored. From my experience of the members of adisc, however, I can say with confidence that an overwhelming majority of them do, truly, care what you have to say. I don't think anyone here would deliberately ignore you.

    I can see how moving and losing your friends could be tough, and meeting new people is always difficult. But regardless of whether they're into ABDL-ism, you should really make an effort to find at least a few local friends. I can't really comment on your relationship, but if you need to work things out, it may be worth making it clear you'd like to have a serious discussion about your problem at some point, maybe give her a short while to mull it over, and then sit down and have that conversation.

    Regardless of whether you find my advice remotely useful (you probably won't, if my experience of my own advice is anything to go by), I wish you the best of luck and hope things get better soon. :-)

  3. #3

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    I can relate. The only thing I can say is "in time this will also pass". We have somewhat of a solitary existence given not many into same desire. I believe we go through phases and you happen to be in one now. I would strongly suggest that younfocus on your wife and marriage. Remind her why you married her to begin with. Not only will it take your mind off your current feelings of loneliness but also ensure your marriage stays intact. Don't do it for something in return, simply because you love her. It will get better. Best of luck.

  4. #4

    Default

    With a user base as large as this (somewhere in the vicinity of 20,600), it's easy to get overlooked. >_> It's a sad realization that all forums face.

    I know what you mean about meeting people, making friends, etcetera. I mean, in my last school, I was there for a year, I had no one there to talk to. There are many different cliques at school, I just didn't fit in any of them. I know, it get's lonely sometimes, but shit happens, I guess. Best you can do is get out on the town, go for a walk at night, or somesuch. Try to mingle, I guess.


    ~Eärendur Aldaríon

  5. #5

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    I can completely sympathize, my friend. Reading through your post, it almost felt as though I had written it.

    As you already know, I am stuck in a town I can't stand, working in a job I hate, and struggling with a marriage I don't understand. Of the few friends I bother with, none live here. Part of me knows that I need to build relationships outside of family, but it's as though my heart doesn't want to take the risk. I just am trying to hold my breath until we can move back to Washington State and then, maybe, I can figure everything else out.

    With regards to the marriage, my wife doesn't really interact on the 'little' level with me. Fortunately, that doesn't bug me so much; we can't seem to make that 'click' since we seem to be way too cautious about it to relax and enjoy it. To her credit, she's fine with me cubbing with others. Still, I feel like our marriage just operates in some sort of 'limbo', like we speak two different languages, if that makes sense.

    I'm not sure this answers any questions or solves your conundrum, but the whole point is to show that you aren't alone. If you and I share these many similarities, imagine how many others must, too. Being ABDLLF, more often than not, is accompanied by a sense of loneliness. This stems from both the fact that communicating openly about it is socially discouraged and that there aren't enough to make it easy to meet up on a whim, especially for us folks who live in the middle of nowhere.

    However, through it all, I hope you know that you aren't being ignored or brushed aside. Many of us, including me, struggle with the same dilemmas and know exactly where you're coming from. You have a home here and are most welcome in it. ^^

  6. #6
    Cherub

    Default

    MeDisneyBaby an onecho, I understand how both of you feel. I am going through some rather lonely feelings too. Similarly, I recently got married (2 years ago) and moved 3 states away. I now live in a different house, had to get a new job, try to make new friends, attend a new church, ect. My wife, at first seemed okay with me and diapers. Lately she has zero tolerance to it. Like onecho, I am not sure how much longer I can hang in there before I cut my losses and go back to my home state. Making new friends is also difficult for me. I guess the one thing that makes this situation I am in a little bit more tolerable, is that as an adult I have abilities and avenues open to me that,,if I were a teen I'd really be having a hard time adjusting to all this.

    onecho, If we lived closer, I'd look you up and try to hangout a time or two. I understand exactly where you guys are and how you are feeling. Hang in there! Maybe we can hook up on here or Skype or something. Being there for each other might help each other cope in their situation. Just a thought.

  7. #7

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    When I was a kid, I always had friends, and of them, one very good, if not, great friend. We would do everything together, and share the secrets of our lives. I write about this in my novel, and to some extent, in short stories. When in college, I had to have that one close friend, and I did. For what ever reasons, it was sexual, and he was my soul mate. But then it all seems to change when we become adults and out on our own.

    Theoretically, our spouse is supposed to become that one, close friend, our soul mate. But half of all marriage fail, and that can leave one lonely, and feeling socially stranded. I know I will never have the "kid" friend again. As an adult, I just can't feel it. For me, my wife is that person, but that doesn't work out for everyone. The best I can suggest is that you find an outside interest, if that's possible, and one that involves other people.

    I am a church musician, so I've made some friends in my church. They tend to be choir members, but we do enjoy each other's company. My wife and I are supposed to go out to dinner with a couple from the church. You do have to make some sort of effort, because adults don't make friends like children in school. I do feel your pain, because there are times that I feel lonely. My wife is not well as she is diabetic and stuck to a dialysis machine. Still, we find ways to enjoy life. They are simple things like going out to dinner, or to a store. She recently has discovered The Sweet Frog, and we'll go out for frozen yogurt.

    Don't give up on your wife. Be inventive and find things to do with her, whether it's a restaurant or movie, the mall....something. I wish you the best. Hugs.

  8. #8

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    Thank you so much. Reading all your replies has made me feel so much better.

    With that said, I wish that my mind was in a better place tonight to come up with a better reply but unfortunately that's just not the case.
    I'm really all over the place and haven't been able to concentrate. In addition to everything else going on right now, I'm stressed out over school! For some reason the last few months have been really hard on me. In fact I came close to calling it quits but I slogged through.
    Thankfully, the semester is almost over but I do have finals coming up. I still have a few more semesters to get through and in an attempt to shorten that I was planning on taking a summer class but now I'm not so sure it would be the best move on my part.

    I do go through phases where I feel down; I wouldn't say it was depression though. Perhaps a more fitting term would be, melancholy and it appears that it's once again reared it's ugly head. It's likely this why I mentioned I felt like I was being ignored. I know it's not true but my current psyche has me feeling vulnerable and irritable at the moment. I apologize if I have offended anyone.

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by MeDisneyBaby View Post
    Thank you so much. Reading all your replies has made me feel so much better.

    With that said, I wish that my mind was in a better place tonight to come up with a better reply but unfortunately that's just not the case.
    I'm really all over the place and haven't been able to concentrate. In addition to everything else going on right now, I'm stressed out over school! For some reason the last few months have been really hard on me. In fact I came close to calling it quits but I slogged through.
    Thankfully, the semester is almost over but I do have finals coming up. I still have a few more semesters to get through and in an attempt to shorten that I was planning on taking a summer class but now I'm not so sure it would be the best move on my part.

    I do go through phases where I feel down; I wouldn't say it was depression though. Perhaps a more fitting term would be, melancholy and it appears that it's once again reared it's ugly head. It's likely this why I mentioned I felt like I was being ignored. I know it's not true but my current psyche has me feeling vulnerable and irritable at the moment. I apologize if I have offended anyone.
    I am here for you, MeDisneyBaby! I understand how you feel, and if you feel you need to rant somewhere, you can always rant to me in a message. That goes for all of you who read this. I love you guys and will do my best to help any of you.

  10. #10

    Default

    I really get where you're coming from. It sounds like this is as much about your relationships in general as it is with your little side. As others have said us adults don't make friends easily so sometimes it really takes an effort to force ourselves out there and interact with people. Easy to say but not easy to do, at least for me!

    Sometimes these things can be a bit of a spiral: You feel down, so you don't do things which you enjoy, so people don't talk to you as much because you don't respond like they hope, so you feel even more down. I think this applies in marriage as well and friendship. Try going out for the day, or away for the weekend doing something you know you both enjoy so you can spend some time together laughing - I often find this helps me.

    It must be worse for you guys in the states as people seem to habitually move a *long* way away from their friends.

    I really hope you manage to pull out of this, and I'm here for you if you want to talk.

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