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Thread: Coming out to my GF about my DL-ism

  1. #1

    Default Coming out to my GF about my DL-ism

    I told my longtime (now ex) girlfriend after 2 years of dating. I figured, what the hell, we're in college, we're adults, she was a psychology major so she was knowledgable in human sexuality and was able to accept it quite readily. We broke up shortly after (not related to my DL-ism at all, she graduated and moved to the other side of the country).

    I wanted to tell you all how I told my ex and get yalls opinion on it, and maybe see if yall have any other methods of coming out.

    The way I went about telling her was through a typed message I had written up in Word (very easy to say exactly what you want, no studdering or stumbling on your words), describing a little background info on what I was trying to tell her, that it was very embarrassing, and critical that she reads everything thoroughly. I explained how everyone has their vices and security blankets that they use to shut out the troubles of the world and all that and how everyone has their kinks, and slowly progressed to a point where I flat out said "I like diapers, and I want to wear diapers". She said "is that all?" and we drove to CVS and I had a field day!

    Now with my new girlfriend I can tell this relationship is different, its better than I could ever have imagined. Insert ridiculous mushy cliche here kinda thing. However the difference here is, not to sound like a arrogant ass, but, in my last long-term relationship I was the "better looking one", as in everyone said "how did she get him?" well now the tables are reversed, I feel like that lucky as hell nerdy guy who somehow wooed a supermodel with my personality. So to put it simply, I'm slightly insecure about it. So telling her is well, way more intimidating because I feel like if she is at all put off by it that she could literally get any other guy she wants (she's completely loyal to me, I trust her but when an unusual fetish gets involved you never know).

    A few things I have working in my favor are the fact that she is interested in "kinks" (she took a human sexuality psych class and loved it) and she is very adventurous in bed and willing to try anything once. So I don't think it would honestly send her running. My biggest concern is her not finding me attractive or sexy anymore, which can lead to real relationship stress! I mean how sexy and manly is a guy sucking on a binky in a diaper?!

    How have you all come out to your significant others and if so, how did it go, what (if anything) do you think you could have done to make it go better?

    Edit: There was supposed to be a poll, but it didn't post for some reason

  2. #2


    If your relationship is based on sex and appearance, then yeah, you'd be in trouble.
    If you have a great partnership, complicity and mutual respect, then your fetish should not change the way she see you. Unless you get weird and impose it on her. She might see it as a golden way to spice your sex life.

    It's all in the way you will present it to her.

  3. #3


    Well it sounds like she would understand perfectly. Sometimes you just gotta man up with these kinda things.
    Plus I think being in a diaper and sucking on a binky is supposed to be more cute, which is still a good thing.
    I have come out to 2 of my past long term relationships, one of which I'm still currently in. Once you get it out there in the open you can talk about it freely. They thought it was cute, a bit strange but cute and they were more curious than anything.
    As long as the person you're dating isn't closed minded you should be fine.

  4. #4


    Hi ej24.

    Sounds like your new girl could also be accepting of this. Perhaps loosen yourselves up with some alcohol first (if you do both drink), and confess to your interests that way. I usually start with: "I can't explain why, but for some strange reason I really like....".

    My main advice to you - if she does accept it, and even play along, try not to over do it. Try to keep it to an occasional thing. Chances are she wants you in your grown-up mode, not diaper wearing paci sucking mode. We need to understand and respect our partners, and respect that we are different, to have these slightly unusual, but quite wonderful desires. Just remember - Occasional play with the partner you love is better than nothing.


  5. #5


    I told my current spouse after a year of dating and she was very accepting.

    I think everybody who is in love always thinks that their opposite is "out of their league." I don't think you're alone in that regard.

    I guess you might want to ask yourself if this is a relationship that you would like to continue and build on? Have you gotten to the point where you feel that the level of trust requires you to be open up to her? Are you finding that it's hard to keep it a secret?

    I would say go for it because by keeping it a secret you're probably hurting your relationship in the long run if you keep burying it and it MAY manifest itself negatively by resentment with not being honest with yourself and her by opening up and allowing you to be yourself rather than hiding your identity.

    Rather than full out telling her, perhaps let her open up to you about her fantasies so that you can gauge her level of comfort with secrets, fantasies, fetishism, etc... and form a
    better decision based on that.

    I may be an optimist, but you never know until you try. The risk could be greater than the reward, but that's for you to decide, not us.

  6. #6


    I told my girlfriend after a little over a year. I told her over Facebook chat. It resulted in a lot of clarifying what I actually meant when I said "I like diapers." But it's worked out okay. We've been together 3 years and now live together so something must be working.

  7. #7


    When I was 15 I had my first serious 'omg I love you and will die without you' relationship.

    I honestly can't even remember how long it took, but I told her 6+ months in (felt like an eternity I'm sure) I was incredibly sexual at that young of an age so we had sex all of the time, and I had no problem saying that I wanted her to wear diapers with me.

    She would, seemingly a little reluctantly but in the end wearing them. At one point, I found some used diapers that she had hidden before throwing out and I stated we hadent done that in a while... turns out she was wearing them at night.

    All the years later after dating off and on she would still sometimes let me diaper her.

    That ended and I've now been with my current GF for 6 years. I wear diapers a lot and in bed too. The rule is no wetting but I ignore that :P

    She's not interested in wearing diapers at all. She doesn't see anything sexual to them. She hates pads, and a diaper is a bigger pad she says.

    I decided I would tell her because, as an adult I want to wear diapers. I hopes she might try it someday as well.. who knows.

    I probably waited almost two years before telling her, I'm glad I did wait a while and I can only hope whatever happens with us, she keeps it to herself.

  8. #8


    Hi ej24! Recently, my boyfriend of a year came out to tell me that he is a DL - so I think I might have some great advice for you!

    I think the most important thing to remember is that its going to be completely new to your girlfriend - I didnt know that AB/DL communities even existed before my boyfriend told me. With that said, I think the best way is to introduce her slowly.

    My boyfriend told me that he is a DL through text message. I understood that it was a difficult confession for him, so I don't hold it against him, but I would have liked to have had a more personal conversation with him face-to-face about it. Ideally, it would be in a place where she feels comfortable, like her house or apartment, so that if she needs some personal space to think she doesn't have to awkwardly leave or drive distracted. Ease her into it by telling her that you have a secret to share, and I think she'll be more likely to see that you are being vulnerable and be more willing to accept this side of you.

    As a girl, I can say that I really appreciate it when significant others show sensitivity, because it shows us that you trust us. When you trust us, we are more likely to be understanding and considerate.

    It sounds like your new girlfriend will be accepting of your lifestyle choice, but you need to remember that it won't necessarily be her lifestyle choice too. If she wants to, she'll wear for you to make you happy, but remember that's a two-way street. You're going to have to make her happy too - and sometimes that might be diaper free.

    In my opinion, everything can be good in moderation. She will be more likely to react positively if you assure her that while diapers make you happy, you do not need to rely on them to make you happy. Tell your new girlfriend if you're ready, and be ready if she has some reservations and needs time to absorb! I felt a little overwhelmed when I was first exposed too, but time helped me accept it more and see the benefits of my boyfriend's love for diapers, so don't get discouraged right away. I wish you the best of luck!

  9. #9


    I really appreciate the responses, i guess my main concern is she might feel like im attracted to diapers more than her sexually, or perhaps that i like them more than her, i guess i really am just worried it will mess up our sex life more than help it and thusly screw up our relationship overall. Plus the idea of being around her in a diaper is actually not that appealing because it'd be intimidating i guess. I mean she's a runway model in her spare time haha thats intimidating to let your machoism down around her.

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