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Thread: how do i tell my girlfriend that im abdl?

  1. #1
    RileyMae

    Default how do i tell my girlfriend that im abdl?

    Sorry if it looks like this is in the wrong section. it's not; at least, not to me.
    Hello there, I'm Riley (or Austin if you wanna go by my boy name). I would like some advice on how to tell my girlfriend that im a abdl. After telling her that I wanted to be a girl, she was fully supportive. But that isn't the reason why I'm hesitant to tell her. The reason is because she is what you call a sex addict, and I am completely and utterly repulsed by the subject. Long story. Anyway, she said that if I wasn't okay with it, that she would wait until the future (meaning after i had become a girl) to try anything. I told her that that sounded fine because it was possible that my pure hatred towards my body could be one of the contributing factors of why i hate sex so much. But if I tell her that im an abdl, how would she react to that? I wouldn't really want to have sex if I had a partner who was committed to be my mommy or daddy. The bond would have some sort of interference. What should i do?

  2. #2

    Default

    Hello Riley! Welcome to ADISC!

    Now to answer your question, I wouldn't tell you're girlfriend at all. At least right now. You're 14 and in High School and as many people have learned, things in high school can go very south very quickly. I'm sure the last thing you want is your entire school knowing you like diapers. Not that your girlfriend would want to tell anyone, it's just who knows.

    Ask yourself if there is really any reason for her to know you're an abdl? You two are not living together or anything of that nature so it isn't like you're having to hide it from her. And also, if she does know, what is she going to gain from knowing and what are you going to gain from her knowing. Just all stuff to keep in mind, but I would not tell her at all. But all that is just my opinion.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    PacifierBabyKaru

    Default

    ok sorry freddy but i 100% disagree with your statement riley sweetie im an AB to the fullest extent when i was in high school the first thing i did is tell the person that would make sure it got around the whole school cause if you hide it its gonna be this huge dark shadow looming over you cause your always gonna be afraid of every one finding out AB/DL is a life style not a world wide crime and not some huge conspiracy secret the longer it stays in the dark the longer people hate us

    with this i say just come straight out and tell her the truth otherwise shes gonna find out your keeping secrets from here and then shell think that you dont trust her witch will in the long run ruin your relationship

    strong camunication is key in relation ships if u dont camunicate you wont last together this is just the simple facts of life i dont make the rules i just speake them with out camunication the is no hope for a lasting relationship

    your best bet is to sit her down tell her how you feel and i mean exactly how you feel and then discuss how you want to work things out and listen to you perdicament you might try have her be like a sexually involved nurse or cartaker then a mommy or daddy

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by PacifierBabyKaru View Post
    ok sorry freddy but i 100% disagree with your statement riley sweetie im an AB to the fullest extent when i was in high school the first thing i did is tell the person that would make sure it got around the whole school cause if you hide it its gonna be this huge dark shadow looming over you cause your always gonna be afraid of every one finding out AB/DL is a life style not a world wide crime and not some huge conspiracy secret the longer it stays in the dark the longer people hate us
    This is the single worst piece of advice I have ever heard.

    Riley I don't know if San Antonio is the same conservative hell hole that parts of north Texas (I should know I've lived in several of those parts) are but even if it's not telling the whole school you like diapers/ like to get babied would be social suicide and could easily lead to violence/bulling. Obviously you never suggested telling everyone, I just giving reasons to ignore this destructive advice. For example nothings wrong with homosexuality but if I still lived in Wolfe City or Cumby Texas I would have to worry about it getting out. If it did I would have been socially isolated, bullied and likely gotten the shit beat out of me on a regular basis. Just because nothings wrong with it doesn't mean you should tell everyone.

    Now some advise for your situation. I don't think you should tell her simply because there are three likely outcomes. 1. She freaks out and breaks up with you and tells your secret to everyone. 2. She loves the idea and decides to try Caretakering you. This ruins your relationship by your own reasoning since you wouldn't feel comfortable have sex with her even after you become post op. 3. she gives a kind of "oh good for you" response and nothing happens so nothing is gained or lost making it pointless. So overall I don't see a good outcome from telling her.

    But if you feel you have to tell her for some reason, you should test the water first. This is fairly easy to do. You have to bring up a show that used AB's as a freak show, don't go directly to the ab segment but for example start talking about 1000 Ways to Die. Then after talking about some of the funny/stupid ways people die, you can bring up the AB one and say something to the effect of "They were really hard on that guy. I don't see anything wrong with it, to each their own." and gauge her reaction. If she's whole heartedly agrees than chances are she'll be ok with it but if she gets upset and talks about how disgust and freaky it is, don't tell her.

  5. #5

    Default



    This is the single worst piece of advice I have ever heard.
    I second that. In what case will your entire high school knowing you like diapers going to work out in your favor? Karu, you have every right to disagree, but I think what you are suggesting is very drastic.

    I also further agree with what ChriscoStick said. It's good advice.

  6. #6

    Default

    Wow... I have to third that. It is heading you to utter social suicide if you go that route as Texas is a bit rough in regards to anything different, and this qualifies as different. So does wanting to be a girl.

    I would perhaps start with dealing with yourself. At 14 you barely have a clue who you are and anything about you. I think you are right and that your own issues towards sex are linked to your own body image issues. You really could use a therapist to help you deal with these issues but that would probably mean letting your parents in on at least the girl part of the equation. If not, there are a lot of good trans sites out there you can go to in order to help you think about this some more. That would at least help you on that side of things. Until you deal with that larger issue, maybe you should keep the AB/DL stuff safe. One major issue at a time, so you don't break anyone's little head.

    I know it's difficult and you want acceptance all at once but that almost never happens. So, slow down and deal with this one huge issue first. After all it can change your life.

  7. #7

    Default

    im ThePinkZombieWolf.. and I approve this message!^^^^

    for the love of all things holy and not... please do not do something as crazy as tell a high school girl about your fetishes, and feeling regarding them...
    They WILL end up all over the school like wildfire... and then where are you? your outed to your whole school community.. and your parents..
    High school girls have the largest mouths... not that they mean too , but they do none the less...
    and i should know i was one!

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