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Thread: Dating and Marriage while being a DL/ABDL

  1. #1

    Default Dating and Marriage while being a DL/ABDL

    I'm a DL and my questions is how do people date being an abdl/dl especially if your girlfriend isn't one. I personally just refuse to date anyone because I personally don't want to have to explain about my fetish. I just feel like its such a huge lie to keep from someone, and even if I did I feel like I could never get married keeping something like that from my partner. I'm not saying its wrong or anything just that for some reason I can't do it, and I was wondering how people deal with it.

  2. #2

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    Then don't keep secrets. If your future girlfriend loves you then she will accept it.

    As for joining in or putting up with you wearing around her that's a different matter entirely. You'll have to think what your own expectations are there and where you draw the line.

    Don't let your fetish stop you finding someone.

  3. #3

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    After I had a couple of relationships fail because of the whole ABDL thing, I decided I was either going to find someone that was an ABDL or remain single. I also stopped actively seeking a relationship.

    I wound up meeting this really nice guy at an ABDL Halloween party in Chicago. We chatted for awhile, and I wound up going home with him that night. We spent the next day together as he gave me a bit of a tour of the town. Now, over three years on, he's moved to Michigan and we live together.

  4. #4

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    Oh my! If one holds out for another *BDL one is destined (most probably) for a life of utter loneliness. (Some exceptions do apply.)

    Seriously tho'...if you meet a nice person that you can contemplate spending the rest of your life with...why would you want to keep secrets from them??

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kano View Post
    I'm a DL and my questions is how do people date being an abdl/dl especially if your girlfriend isn't one. I personally just refuse to date anyone because I personally don't want to have to explain about my fetish.
    There are lots and lots of ways you can be compatible with a significant other. I was always pretty strict in my assessment of a partner. However, I never decided that they had to be an ABDL. The overwhelmingly vast majority of women are not. If you are gay, you might have better odds. In the end, I think there are more important things with which to have in common with a mate. If there is love, there needs to be acceptance as well.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Spaz View Post
    There are lots and lots of ways you can be compatible with a significant other. I was always pretty strict in my assessment of a partner. However, I never decided that they had to be an ABDL. The overwhelmingly vast majority of women are not. If you are gay, you might have better odds. In the end, I think there are more important things with which to have in common with a mate. If there is love, there needs to be acceptance as well.
    I completely agree with this, the chances of finding someone who is, are small and there are so many more important things in a relationship. But if you are into ab/dl and this means a lot to you, then secrecy isn't the answer and there should be some sort of acceptance and openness about it. Hiding things are difficult, difficult for you to do this in secrecy, but also difficult for your partner when they do find out.

    For instance, my girlfriend isn't into it at all. Would I like her to? of course! But I know that isn't going to happen and I accept that, while she accepts that I am. I don't know how I would have done it all without telling her about it. It was difficult but she understood. She doesn't mind me wearing them, even around her, she doesn't mind me using them and she doesn't mind me talking about them. So she tolerates it and accepts it as part of me. And I think that, in most cases, is the best you can hope for

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by ayanna View Post
    Oh my! If one holds out for another *BDL one is destined (most probably) for a life of utter loneliness. (Some exceptions do apply.)

    Seriously tho'...if you meet a nice person that you can contemplate spending the rest of your life with...why would you want to keep secrets from them??
    It does reduce the available pool of potential mates, but that was a risk I was willing to take. I had decided I couldn't give up being an ABDL and I had grown disinterested in dealing with non-ABDLs as far as relationships are concerned.

    As for the exception thing, while that may be true, the exceptions certainly exist, as I am amongst them. My boyfriend (as I mentioned I met him at an ABDL party) is a 24/7-wearing DL.

  8. #8

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    Married for over a decade, openly DL with a semi-participant spouse. I went the other route, built a foundation of experiences, trust and strength in our bond, them eased her into the understanding of this little aspect of my psychological make up. She surprised me as she said the part does not overshadow the whole and there it is we have a life together. Sometimes I think we, as in the AB/DL of the world, worry to much about what our infinitesimally (pun intended) small fetish as if we build up an expectation that the people around us will see us as disgusting monsters. I found that (as I got older) when people did discover this side of me I have treated it as if they had found out I like Scotch over Vodka. For example, my dear brother in law was helping me pack up some equipment and he found two un-used depend that i had forgot about. He looked at me an asked "what are these for" and I replied in the same way as if he was holding shoelaces. "Oh those are mine, I wear diapers from time to time, mostly for comfort and stress relief". He shrugged and said, well "you always were a bit fucked" and laughed. I told him not to worry, his sister knew all about it and its nothing sick, just something I do. He said "shit I don't care I still have my toy bear".
    I figure if I make a big deal out of it, then the other person may react by thinking "well if he is spun up nervous about this diaper thing than maybe I should be to and I don't want to deal with this shit."

    Works for me.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kano View Post
    I'm a DL and my questions is how do people date being an abdl/dl especially if your girlfriend isn't one. I personally just refuse to date anyone because I personally don't want to have to explain about my fetish. I just feel like its such a huge lie to keep from someone, and even if I did I feel like I could never get married keeping something like that from my partner. I'm not saying its wrong or anything just that for some reason I can't do it, and I was wondering how people deal with it.
    You deal with it the same way you deal with many situations in which you and a partner don't see eye-to-eye: compromise.

    All people have their secrets, and all people keep some things to themselves. While there are some people who insist on sharing every facet of themselves with every other person they ever meet, by doing such they usually put themselves on a short path to being pariahs, if they aren't there already. Say you've been given a project at work, and you're working with a guy from a different department named Frank. You don't know him well, and so after work, you and Frank go out for some beers. After all, you'll be working very closely together for the next year so it pays to get to know each other a bit. You order some chicken wings, and offer one to him. What does he say? Oh no, that's alright- I have a medical condition that means I shouldn't touch them. Oh hell, I actually should just tell you this now- I have a *huge* problem with flatulence. I mean, to be honest, you're going to want to get some good noseplugs and invest in a warehouse pallet of air freshener right now, considering we'll be working together in enclosed conference rooms. If I *ate* one of those wings, I'd *literally* be shitting my intestines out all over this barstool, just like this. ***Clutches his stomach and makes farting noises***

    Sound a bit ridiculous? Of course it does. While everything Frank says may be true, we generally don't share everything about ourselves, and we also tend to dampen down descriptions if it's something the other person would rather not know, but should for one reason or another. More than likely, Frank would say no and simply tell you he doesn't feel well after greasy food.

    Now of course, Frank is a guy at work, not a guy you're going to marry. Let's say he's dating Michelle and thinks that this relationship might go somewhere. If Michelle's going to live with this, she needs to know what she's getting into for two reasons. The first is honesty- you don't marry a person who's going to withhold who they are. The second is inevitability- Michelle's going to find out about Frank's flatulence sooner or later. And maybe when he tells her, he's going to use that hypothetical language I used above with the italics and asterisks and stuff. This is a case where he probably needs to be forthcoming. But the fact of the matter is he probably isn't doing it on the first or second date. Could you imagine?

    Frank: ... and so yea, all things considered, I'd have to say rock climbing is my biggest hobby. What about you?

    Michelle: Oh, thanks for asking! I love talking about it, and so few people ever want to

    Frank: Oh hey, I see our food coming! Before we eat, I should tell you about my flatulence. You know, if I ate just one bite of that cheeseburger you ordered...

    See? Michelle's probably not interested in his embarrassing habits yet, and Frank shouldn't be at a point where he's eager to cast himself in an unflattering manner. There are ways around this, like not doing dinner dates or doing them at restaurants he knows he can stomach. This doesn't mean he won't have to tell her eventually. Just not yet.

    Note that Frank may have to tell her more than he's telling you at work. In fact, given enough time, he'll have to. But here's the distinction- loving someone romantically and loving them as a friend aren't the same thing. If you love someone, then you love them no matter what. Maybe you don't love everything about them- my fiancee isn't thrilled that I don't feel a need to wash my sheets more than once every 2 to 3 months- but you still love them, no matter what the details are. I suggest you go look at Adventurer's thread on telling his fiancee- there's a ton of great advice in there. But the bottom line is that you don't not date someone because you might need to tell them something embarrassing one day. You date them because you want to have some fun, or because you want to have someone to love. I think it's entirely fine to plan to just tell them later, once you know that they're a person you think is worth telling. You just need to find an amount of time that's acceptable as "later"- still early enough that if they want out, they can leave without hard feelings.

  10. #10

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    I'd like to weigh in and say I am picky, picky, picky! Embarrassingly so. I have hated a date from the first moment because of the way he walked, or his mannerisms, or his...you name it! I'm not proud of being so quick to judge. But I know what I *don't* like...it's just a matter of finding someone with whom we are compatible. That's the task we are given as we walk this earth. Notice I didn't say I wanted to find someone "like me". I needed to find someone better than me. Someone who made *me* better.

    At 19, I was pretty narrow minded about how life was going to go...what I expected from myself and my relationships. I honestly can't say I would have entertained a partner with a diaper fetish at that point.

    Well, fast forward 20+ years and I meet this wonderful man, someone with whom I can enjoy all parts of my life *more* than when I'm without him. Well, he just happens to be a DL. Whoops. What to do? My love for him grew and grew and I couldn't imagine changing any part of him because I find him to be just perfect *for me*. Would I seek out a DL as a partner? No. But my true love just happens to be one. I can't ask him to change part of himself; and as a bonus, he understands that it would be unreasonable to ask that of me.

    I don't drink coffee or eat pickles. But when he has coffee or pickle breath, I still want to kiss him. Catch my drift?

    You will find someone. It's just so hard to know where to look.

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