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Thread: told family about my Incontinence

  1. #1

    Default told family about my Incontinence

    One of the hardest things in dealing with incontinence has been talking about it. It's something I knew that I would have to do at one point though because while it's known that I wear diapers at home, I've never been fully clear on why. Because of being treated for crown's and that's been going fine, Mum has had this idea that once it's gone I'll never need them again. I've never felt comfortable talking about it and really being open about things.

    Lately though I've noticed a change in how stuff is at home. Not only am I more comfortable wearing and accepting them, I've even been able to mention them a little more as well. There was even a joke about it one day when a drynites ad was on. Because of this, for a time I I wanted to be more open about what's wrong and I wanted to feel comfortable wearing them at home and not having to be fully dressed at times, even if it means someone would see them. Last night, I was able to do that.

    Last night I went out of my room but I was dressed more for when I'm in bed or too hot so because of that, the diaper was on show. I didn't make any effort though to draw attention so just did what I needed and kept quiet. Mum made a comment about me not doing something like that in a while though and in the end we just started talking. It was nice to be able to do so at lest, but also just how relaxed it was and that she didn't mind or seem fazed by me sitting there with a diaper showing

    I think some things might still be misunderstood like why I wet myself and feeling more comfortable over all in these, but it had to be done.I may never be able to feel comfortable in pants again so it's only fair that such is made aware of. Now I can feel free to just carry on just how things are and no pressure about "getting out of them" soon. I think that can only be a good thing.

    I guess with that behind me now and no longer feeling like I'm hiding something, I can go about my like and being in diapers in a much more relaxed way then before.

  2. #2

    Default

    I don't freely speak of my incontinence issues with family. It's just too embarrassing, I suppose. Mine started 7 years ago when something went wrong during a kidney stone removal procedure. My spouse is the only one who knows about it (so I think!). It's really good that you can speak more freely about your incontinence without feeling the need to hide it!

  3. #3

    Default

    I've recently become a lot more open with it. I've told both my siblings and an entire radio audience, still can't get the courage to bring it up with my parents though. For 1 I don't feel they need to know, and for 2 I don't think they'd really understand it if they did. probably just my hatred of being back in diapers coming through in those thoughts.

  4. #4

    Default

    As far as my mother and two sisters were concerned they have known from the start. It's a little hard to hide at 21 years old comming home from Viet Nam in a diaper. They were just glad I was still alive.
    My wife was easy. As a nurse she came in to shave me before my last surgery and knew I was permently incontinent.
    I had more of a problem with my in-laws. I finally sat down with my father in law and showed him the scars and explained what happened. He had been with Patton in WW2 and that was the end of it as far as he was concerned.
    My mother in law was another story. I had no end of grief from her until one day my father in law told her in no uncertain terms to shut up. I was a wounded vet and he didn't want to hear her say another word about it.
    When my wife became pregnant we spent a lot of time deciding how we were going to explain this to the children.
    We finally decided this was like any other disability and not to hide it. To be honest I don't know how you can hide something like that fron anyone living in the same house. We compaired it to my father in law walking with a cane.
    I showed them the scars and explained to them why their father was in a diaper from the start. Like kids do they accepted it as this was who Dad was.

  5. #5
    funseeker

    Default

    This is always difficult for family members to understand. When I told my family members I gave them all the details and thank goodness they understood and are very supportive. When you have it all on the table and no longer have to hide anything you will have less stress.

  6. #6

    Default

    For me, it is going to stay as need to know with anyone that I know. My wife has been very supportive in helping me keep my need for diapers private. i am glad that your father-in-law stood up for you. It scares me to think if/when my family and in-laws find out how they might react so the longer I don't have say anything the better I feel it is.

  7. #7

    Default

    Perhaps the key question is "Do they need to know?" There are very few circumstances where other family members apart from partners need to know - and if they don't there is no need to feel bad about not telling them.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by dayannight View Post
    Perhaps the key question is "Do they need to know?" There are very few circumstances where other family members apart from partners need to know - and if they don't there is no need to feel bad about not telling them.
    I do agree with you there in a way, but due to how things are I don't think it could have worked out that way. The 1st thing that I needed to tell is because I currently live at home with my Mother and I know for sure she had figured out all of my ways of trying to hide that I was wearing and using them. The other thing is that she knew that I started to wear them before the talk, but not fully why. Because of that there was a lot of talk about being able to stop wearing them and being normal again. That may not be the case though so I thought is was about time that she knew that.

    Sense I did come out with this I can't help but feel things have got easier. My wearing of them has become much more accepted and I feel more comfortable around with them on. If in the morning I feel an urgent need to go, theres no worrying all the time about getting dressed 1st before I can try go to the toilet and risk being too late. They are just seen as my normal underwear now. Also I've been able to get more help when it comes to the disposal side of things as well. Even the few times they come up in conversation is much easier then it was before. All in all, I think coming out was the right thing to do.

  9. #9

    Default

    People are far more willing to accept IC as a reason than just liking them and because IC is 24/7 it means people treat you like they would if you needed crutches to walk, they're sympathetic and won't bring it up unless there's a genuine need to.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by whoknows View Post
    My wearing of them has become much more accepted and I feel more comfortable around with them on. If in the morning I feel an urgent need to go, theres no worrying all the time about getting dressed 1st before I can try go to the toilet and risk being too late. They are just seen as my normal underwear now.
    This is great news for you!! At some point, if you haven't worn diapers much since you a baby and you find yourself back wearing them, they eventually become just your underwear. And that's a good thing. My wife walks around the house all the time in her undies. I do too. The only difference is my underwear are diapers and hers are a bit thinner.

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