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Thread: How do you meet women at my age?

  1. #1

    Question How do you meet women at my age?

    The last 4 years since I graduated college, I have not been anywhere near to going on a single date. I have plenty of friends from college that met their wife/husband and were engaged by their senior year. I had a couple dates in college, but never met the right person. The last 4 years, it seems that no matter what I try, I just can't meet anyone. Anytime I get out, it seems all the people I see are too young or too old for what I would consider appropriate for my age to date.

    Anyways, I'm looking for advice on meeting people. I'm leery of using anything on the internet because it's too easy for people to lie about themselves. I'm not into the whole dance club thing. I do drink some, but I NEVER drive if I've had anything to drink. Of course, since I live on my own I don't usually have access to a designated driver.

    Also on this topic, how would I find someone who's at least accepting of me being a ab/dl? It would be nice to have a someone that shares in these interests with me, but I could live with them not sharing in this if they are at least accepting.

  2. #2

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    People can lie just as easily in real life as they can online. If they lie about what they look like, just tell them before the date properly starts that you aren't interested in a person that's not willing to be honest with you, and don't even bother going through with the date.

    I don't really see anything that would be a lie online that a person wouldn't lie about in real life other than looks.

    So my advice... unless you want to go clubbing to meet the girl of your dreams (personally, I don't want to date a girl that likes clubbing, but meh), then online is probably your best bet.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zephy View Post
    So my advice... unless you want to go clubbing to meet the girl of your dreams (personally, I don't want to date a girl that likes clubbing, but meh), then online is probably your best bet.
    Even if you enjoy clubbing it's not a fantastic way to meet women as you can't talk and get to know them, it's basically all about physical attraction which doesn't appeal to everyone. Online is a good way if you go for match.com or OKcupid and just give that a shot; nothing ventured, nothing gained really. Alternatively seeing if any of your friends could hook you up with a girl would be an option.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by pajamakitten View Post
    nothing ventured, nothing gained really.
    This is the simplest description of all forms of dating really. You just need to go out somewhere and try your luck. Bowling is a decent option if you get on a lane next to some women, bar's aren't too bad of an option if you use discretion, hell next time you're in a long line with a woman nearby just start talking to her. If you do strike gold then ask for a date, the worst she can say is no, and you're still in the same situation you were in before.

    My cousin actually went to HS with his now wife. They hadn't spoken in years and he started talking to her on Facebook one day. It evolved into a relationship, and eventually into a wedding. There are plenty of way to find that someone you're after.

    As for the acceptance of your being an ab/dl, well that's trickier. Acceptance is very hard to find. I personally am willing to settle for tolerance of it. Relate it to a kid crying on a plane; it can piss you off to no end, but you TOLERATE it because that's just what kids do. If you find someone that isn't into it herself but is willing to let you go about your business with it, you're still in better shape than some of the other people in our community that came out about it to their s/o. And if you find a woman that IS into it consider yourself really lucky (and let me know where you found her :P )

    Best of luck to ya!!

  5. #5

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    My son uses a couple different on-line dating services and has been happy with the results. He's dating a girl presently whom he met with one of these services. Quite frankly, you can narrow the field to your advantage by what you reveal about yourself and listing your wants in others. It would seem to me that it would save a lot of time and effort.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zephy View Post
    People can lie just as easily in real life as they can online. If they lie about what they look like, just tell them before the date properly starts that you aren't interested in a person that's not willing to be honest with you, and don't even bother going through with the date.

    I don't really see anything that would be a lie online that a person wouldn't lie about in real life other than looks.

    So my advice... unless you want to go clubbing to meet the girl of your dreams (personally, I don't want to date a girl that likes clubbing, but meh), then online is probably your best bet.
    Agreed.

    The only ... and I really hesitate to use the word... negative thing I've thought about online dating (as in the sites dedicated to finding a romantic partner) is that it's a group of people that have typically decided that something is missing in their life without a spouse/partner. Hence their actively seeking to fill that need. High school and college are really ideal places to meet romantic partners, because you're both thrown into the same environment and are around each other for reasons that are not focused on relationships. They're more spontaneous if you will. You see people function in day to day activities without necessarily putting on a show specifically for you (as most people are putting on some form of a show all the time ).

    However, I'd say it's more than a bit ridiculous for those to be your only place to potentially meet a romantic partner. So... online means are really not a bad thing. If you're into some social activity, this obviously makes things easier for you, because you can just meet others through that. Dating sites place a large pool of prospects in front of you that are easily searchable. (Though how well a query match actually matters is debatable). The nice thing about everyone being there for the same purpose is that... well, you know basically that you both have an end goal.

    Also, you can use online means other than dating sites. I've met many people through friends on Facebook. While I haven't dated anyone based on this, I've certainly met new people that I like from friends of friends posting on things.

    And of course going out in general with your friends... dinners at peoples' houses etc. Board games... eating out... going places like out of town concerts... They bring their friends... you bring yours... The social circle potentially grows, and you can meet others that way. I'm pretty ridiculously anti-social, but I meet a lot of people through a good friend of mine and his wife. Not necessarily dating potentials (though sometimes), but I'm not specifically looking for that, and they know that, so they don't bring people in specifically for that. Actually, in my case it's mostly one sided. I don't bring others into the group, because I've never been a fan of mixing my individually known friends. Partly due to the fact that the few people I regularly converse with are vastly different from one another, and I doubt they'd really all get along.

    Anyway...

    --Don't write off online dating. I see no real reason that most people think of to be applicable.
    --Social networking in general... online and off. This would be my chosen path, but like I said, it's not necessarily very efficient, and I'm not actively seeking a partner.

  7. #7
    AmericanDlSecretary

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    Here's an example of something I do if I want to meet some new people or a possible girlfriend:
    How To Approach a Group of Girls - OBZ - YouTube

    Not me - just very similar to what I do!
    Be confident! Be happy - use the smile! The smile is the most important part of you!

  8. #8
    EmeraldsAndLime

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    Go to a bar and use cheesy pick up lines.

    I believe you are what you eat, and tomorrow I want to be you.

    If they laugh, reply with something witty or begin to talk to you, then you know they aren't some upmarket, high maintenance, snobby bitch. Stop when she threatens pepper spray or calling security.

    And don't put yourself down over rejection. Remember, menopause is nature's way of paying women back for thinking all those men were out of their league.

  9. #9

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    well, walking down the street with a puppy is a sure-fire way of gaining the interest of females.......they could be 9, though (or 90!).
    more reasonably, if you're not into pubs and clubs, taking up a hobby or learning a craft can get you out and about with likeminded people; thenceforth, it's all down to that little turd with his bow and arrow.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by EmeraldsAndLime View Post
    If they laugh, reply with something witty or begin to talk to you, then you know they aren't some upmarket, high maintenance, snobby bitch. Stop when she threatens pepper spray or calling security.

    And don't put yourself down over rejection. Remember, menopause is nature's way of paying women back for thinking all those men were out of their league.
    Oh God...please, this is a joke right? Please let it be a joke... 'If a woman doesn't want to date you, she's a bitch'...people don't honestly think that way, do they?!

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