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Thread: Wearing for a Friend

  1. #1

    Default Wearing for a Friend

    I recently started sleeping with a friend of mine on a strictly friends-with-benefits basis. After a few weeks the topic of sexual fantasies came up and we started talking about our experiences, things that we secretly wanted to try and our fetishes. He dared me to try and guess what his fetish was so I named as many as I could think of. He declined being "into" any of the ones I listed. He started to get rather uncomfortable and began saying how much he wanted to tell me what he liked but he was scared of what I would think. I didn't pressure him because I could tell how much of a strain and effort emotionally it was for him to be even considering telling me. He finally, and nervously, spilled the beans and explained that he was into Diapers (he wanted his partner to wear one etc). He said he had only ever told an ex about his desire and it hadn't ended well - much embarrassment etc. It has been on my mind ever since he told me and we even talked about trying it out.
    We continued to sleep together but nothing out of the ordinary happened until the last time we saw each other and he asked if I wanted to wear one for him. I declined, saying I wasn't comfortable with the idea yet because he sprung it on me but over the last few days I had been thinking about fulfilling his fantasy more and more. So, I went and bought some adult Diapers from the chemist, we arranged to meet up and I surprised him by dressing up in a German beer wench costume with the Diaper on under it. He LOVED it. I stayed the night and we used more Diapers in the morning. About 5 min after we had finished he was suddenly saying how guilty he felt and how disgusting he was, how we should just forget it ever happened because it was "wrong" for him to like Diapers. I told him i didn't regret anything and that I had lots of fun, that the only person who thought he was disgusting was himself.

    I just don't know how to go about making him see that it is OK to have fantasies and fetishes and that I am enjoying helping him fulfill them. I want to make him feel less guilty. I think he hates himself for wanting to do these things. How can I go about doing this!? HELP!

  2. #2

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    I think what you could do is talk about when you wore a diaper for him.

    Did you enjoy it at all? Even if you didn't you could speak to the positives as to why you enjoyed doing it for him.

    I've told two girlfriends about my fetish. One when I was 15, she would wear diapers with me and wet them and play. the other who I'm currently with knows and I wear diapers around her (and constantly break her "no wet diapers in bed" rule) and she even helps diaper me every noe and again but finds it weird... not gross or anything just a strange fetish... She really enjoys dominance and being tied up.

    So what will I do soon? I'ma tie her up and put her in a diaper!

    She may not like it, but she will most likely let me diaper her and maybe I can convince her to wet it to be "let free"

    If you're accepting of his fetish, he shouldn't be ashamed. It's a private life, nobody else needs to know and he should feel free to do what he wants to feel good.

  3. #3

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    Welcome Rabbitt, you pose a very interesting question but also I think a very common one in a way. As a male I have noticed that after I ejaculate I have feelings of guilt and remorse, these have faded plenty over time. I have never done a poll but it seems that is a common issue for a lot of a/t/b/dl's.
    In my opinion the best thing you can do is to positively encourage your friend throughout and after your love making. I really wish you two the best of luck in working through this issue.

  4. #4

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    I think you're very nice for sharing this with him. Yes, it's not unusual to feel guilt after sex. Like mrtowtruck said, all you can do is to continue to build him up about this, reassuring him that there is nothing to be ashamed over this. I suspect that when the sap rises again, as it always does, he will show interest in it. It's just part of the cycle. After you participate in it many times, the guilt tends to wain.

  5. #5

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    What is sap?? :s I did try to prepare myself going into this, reading about different forms of diaper fetish, the psychology behind the purge and binge and I also tried watching some of the diaper porn out there - just to see how it made me feel. I'm still learning. I feel like this is something that really eats him up inside. I realised I might be able to help him deal with it and I was comfortable/ I trusted him enough but now I dont know if I'm in over my head!

  6. #6

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    Your not in over your head. You are being an awesome friend for being open minded and willing to experiment. One thing you can do is express to him that you are ok with him having a fetish and you understand he can't change that. I used to feel very guilty about my diaper fetish and indulging in it. I even tried to cure myself of this fetish. It wasn't until I excepted myself for being the way I am that I was able to find peace with it. Understanding Infantilism that website helped me a lot. I am on fetlife more than I am on here so if you have any more questions you can find me there, my username is DLking.

  7. #7

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    You are very sweet for both keeping an open mind and doing your homework for this lucky guy. You have come to the right place.

    What i want to weigh in on is the aftermath. Like Dogboy and others have stated, ranging from a few minutes to a few hours after climax, we seem to get very ashamed of ourselves. But when we are experiencing this by ourselves, it is easier to bounce back and cope with our guilt. A kind of a "well at least no one needs to know.. moving on" notion. But with someone else, it can get harsher because there isn't a safety net of privacy. Post orgasm can be like being smacked out of a trance or a deep REM sleep. Kind of like a "Oh god! What have I done! You think I'm weird! PANIC! PANIC!" Type thing. And please don't get me wrong, 95% of us who don't already have partners who participate with our fetish would do anything for one. It just an adjustment that needs to be made after a whole life of keeping our fetish to ourselves.

    Most likely, he has already regretted telling you to forget it.. and he's completely embarrassed and confused, knowing that you are confused. Please be assured that you did a very amazing thing that made him very happy, he just wasn't prepared for the aftermath part just yet. If you care, maybe you bring it up and note something of the things that we all have explained here. Say something like "Look, I know this makes you happy and you just had a little bit of a guilt attack.. nothing is ruined, don't panic" He will feel better and you guy can resume your activities unscathed. If he is anything like me, he will definitely want to experiment with diapers again

    this guy also BETTER be doing something really really nice for YOU too. Make sure that happens! Good luck buddy.

  8. #8

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    Thank you so much for your advice. It's really great to get this kind of feed back. I think you are so right about him being overwhelmed by the fact that it is all out in the open with me. I hadn't really looked at it from the perspective of it being such a big secret to suddenly being accepted by someone - it much be such a shock. I know initially right after he told me he didn't really mention it again - probably thinking that once he told me I would go running for the hills but I stuck around. So then he felt more relaxed. I know I just need to keep reassuring him that I'm not freaked out by what he enjoys but at the same time I get the feeling he will put up his guard and block me out. Since we aren't romantically attached (even though I care deeply for him) I don't have the same re-assuring stance that perhaps a girlfriend would have in this situation. But, then again, I guess it would be easier for him to tell a fuck-buddy about his secret than it would have been to tell someone who he was in love with. There is much less for him to lose with me. I so deeply want him to overcome this mentality that he is crazy and sick because he has this fetish. I KNOW he thinks its holding him back in life. I KNOW it is on his mind constantly as a nagging thing he feels weakens him.

    ---------- Post added at 18:09 ---------- Previous post was at 18:06 ----------

    Also, after I left in the morning I texted him saying how I had fun doing it and I knew he did as well. I also said I didn't think anything we did was "wrong" and that I wished he could see he wasn't hurting anybody by liking it.

  9. #9

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    Introduce him to this site! It has helped me and many other people accept it and feel comfortable about it.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I think you're very nice for sharing this with him. Yes, it's not unusual to feel guilt after sex. Like mrtowtruck said, all you can do is to continue to build him up about this, reassuring him that there is nothing to be ashamed over this. I suspect that when the sap rises again, as it always does, he will show interest in it. It's just part of the cycle. After you participate in it many times, the guilt tends to wain.


    Quote Originally Posted by Rabbitt View Post
    What is sap?? :s I did try to prepare myself going into this, reading about different forms of diaper fetish, the psychology behind the purge and binge and I also tried watching some of the diaper porn out there - just to see how it made me feel. I'm still learning. I feel like this is something that really eats him up inside. I realised I might be able to help him deal with it and I was comfortable/ I trusted him enough but now I dont know if I'm in over my head!
    In this case, sap is just a euphemism for desire, like sap in trees is purported to rise in spring, apparently erroneously. Our urges tend to rise and fall as you've read. Not an ABDL-ism, just a Dogboy-ism. Coincidentally, SAP refers to Super Absorbant Polymer, one of the big active components of a diaper, so in that form it's a word that comes around from time to time in our conversations.

    As to your original question, you've gotten some very good feedback here and I'll just mostly echo that. You're doing exactly the right thing already. Many (most) of us harbor these feelings of guilt and essential wrongness of our desires. They go in opposition of pretty deep-seated cultural training to grow up, be a man, and stop pissing yourself. Expect that it will take a little time, but when he sees that it's not like murdering puppies, odds are he'll start to relate better to it. Lastly be advised that the guilt may be some part of his whole scenario and in some measure may provide some enjoyment, but that's more for the advanced class. For now, in this, I think you're going about it properly. Make sure he's keeping up his end of the bargain and doing things pleasurable for you as well. Continue to be kind and supportive and good to each other and have a good time!

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