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Thread: From an outsider...

  1. #1

    Default From an outsider...

    Hello! I'm new to this site (and message boards). I'm not AB/DL. I'm reaching out for input, straight from the source. Basically- I am seeing a guy who is DL and I really care about him. He is handsome, kind, so very smart... He's got it all. I want to love him completely but I feel like his DL interest is this canyon between us. So... I don't know what I'm asking for here... Can you talk me into it? Why is DL ... reasonable? I'm into being logical. But at the same time, being a music snob, I can subscribe to the seemingly Sesame Street idea that "everyone is different and likes different things." I've had to accept this since leaving high school, LOL, where I used to choose friends based partly on music preference. Hehe. I guess what I mean is that I used to think that what mattered to me was truly important, that I was "right". Now as a grown-up I'm reminded that my preferences are probably the result of upbringing, life experiences, and that my identity is based on a bunch of basically random circumstances. So it's sorta invalid.

    I know that part of my "wtf" reaction is my ingrained, sorta pre-programmed assumption that certain activities are absolutely not sexual in nature. Like, for example, I have no interest in eating food for sexual pleasure. It's never occurred to me that it's a sexual activity. So I'm willing to open up my mind, but I don't know how.

  2. #2

    Default

    Hey, first, welcome. It's nice to have you. Second, its good that you picked this site over other. People here seem to be more intelligent and thoughtful.

    Lastly, It must be really hard for you. I'm not in exactly the same position. I am female, and my boyfriend is not a DL. I feel that the way you should look at this, if he's just a DL, then act like it's a toy. To my understanding, Diaper Lovers usually get sexual gratification out of diapers. If he is strictly a DL, then act like his diaper is a sex toy. No different than a dildo or anal beads, or even porn. Those are strange, but well accepted. Diapers are basically the same thing. Just a toy for him to get off possibly.

    Maybe if it's uncomfortable for you, you can act like it's porn. Personally, I hate porn and wouldn't watch it without being coerced. But the point of porn usually is for foreplay, to get things going then you either start to ignore it or shut it off. Maybe you could compromise with him, let him wear while he either pleasures you, or during foreplay, then ask him to remove it, and act like an adult.

    As for that relating to non-sexual things. To be honest it's not really any different than underwear. If he was incontinent and had to use a diaper or risk ruining the furniture you wouldn't love him any less right? If he chose to wear thongs, it'd be strange but again, you could deal with it right? Diapers would be the same thing. Maybe ask him to only wear one if he's covered up (wearing pants or underwear over it).

    If he's more than just a DL and wants the whole shabang. Changing, feeding, caring, ect. Then that would be a bit harder. First off, he shouldn't be pushing you to do anything you aren't comfortable with. If he is, yell at him or something haha. Personally I don't think I'd be able to change a boy/guy/man's diaper. It'd be too weird. But the other things, like playing around with the fact that he's a baby could be compromised. Let him know your limits. Discussion is everything.

    Whatever you do, make sure that its not all give give give and no take. Compromise with him, maybe you let him wear if he does the dishes or something. A good way to get household chores done too.

    Just remember that it's not really a choice. If it's a fetish for him, he can't change it. People don't really pick their fetishes. Best of luck!

  3. #3

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    First of all it is great that you are looking into this. Try this article for starters, it's a pretty good introduction for people like you are new to this idea; http://www.adisc.org/forum/content/1...d-diapers.html, secondly I recommend having an open talk with your BF about this side of him as every one of us is different and while we can give you some great advice only he can tell you exactly what he'd like when it comes to you and diapers.

    You may lose the "WTF factor" over time as you become more familiar/used to the idea and then you may feel interested in trying this out for your BF but remember to only do this when/if you feel comfortable and only do what you feel comfortable doing, don't let him force you to do what you aren't comfortable doing and remember it is OK to not want to participate if you never feel that way, as your BF he should understand this. We can't talk you into doing anything, that has to come from within I'm afraid.

  4. #4

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    I like that perspective... Sex toy. Likely very good advice, i'll give it a try. There's no pressure whatsoever from him, i just want to understand and connect. Great link, too. Input very much appreciated.

  5. #5

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    DL is an object oriented fetish. If he's truly DL (as opposed to AB), you may never connect on a diaper level, and it may make no difference to him whether you indulge or not. That's not to say it will be an obstacle to a relationship, just one of those things that you don't do together. I like 60's acid rock. My wife of 30 years likes country. If we accidentally swapped ipods, our heads would explode. There are lots of things we enjoy together, music isn't one of them.

    If I were in a relationship with you (as a DL myself), it would be enough that it didn't turn you off, and that I had freedom to indulge myself now and then without causing problems.

    AB is a whole different story. There your participation and acceptance would be welcome and desired.

    The distinction may seem trivial to an outsider, but it really is key. There are some here who seem to be somewhere in between. I guess my advice would be to determine where your partner lies on the spectrum between AB and DL.

    I've never heard of anyone acquiring a taste for diapers. Everything I've seen on this forum suggests that you either like them or you don't, and if you do, you would have known about it from a young age. Sort of like being gay.

    Anyway, I'm sure your partner appreciates your open-mindedness.

  6. #6

    Smile



    Quote Originally Posted by Roflmae View Post
    I know that part of my "wtf" reaction is my ingrained, sorta pre-programmed assumption that certain activities are absolutely not sexual in nature. Like, for example, I have no interest in eating food for sexual pleasure. It's never occurred to me that it's a sexual activity. So I'm willing to open up my mind, but I don't know how.
    I'm not sure that being open means you completely get over the "wtf factor". I'm an AB/DL and, to be honest, I regularly think "wtf?!". I guess it's always going to be a strange thing to do -- I mean, I'm never going to say, "X happened when I was young, so it makes perfect sense that I like wearing nappies"... It just defies logical explanation!



    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    I've never heard of anyone acquiring a taste for diapers. Everything I've seen on this forum suggests that you either like them or you don't, and if you do, you would have known about it from a young age. Sort of like being gay.
    Actually, I've read a couple of posts here somewhere where (usually female) partners have developed an enjoyment of age-play or nappies. If I remember rightly, I read about someone who's boyfriend got her into AB/DLism and she was upset that she had no one to continue sharing it with when they split up.

    It seems pretty rare, though, and I've no idea if the posts were genuine (they seemed to be)...

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