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Thread: I need help

  1. #1

    Default I need help

    I am going crazy. Let me start off from where it started. . .

    If anybody knows me, they probably know I smoke cannabis. I'm coming to a realization of why I smoke it. I haven't smoked in over a month and my mind is clearing off the fog that casts over it. And because of this my intelligence is on the rise. I am acting more and more like a sociopath. If someone gets on my nerves I will get in their head and cause them pain, whether it be from saying something they don't want to hear or just insulting them on a deep level.

    So me and some friends were taking a ride to go play poker, and I was talking to one of the guys, then all of a sudden the one in the front seat says, Shut up you fat retard!" and me being me, I did what I have been doing. I got in his head, and made some comments about him and his girlfriend(his girlfriend wasn't there). He just said, "Shut the f*ck u!" and that was that, and we didn't talk for the rest of the night. Although he kept giving me looks of disgust when I kept winning hand after hand in poker.

    Ever since I stopped smoking cannabis, my abilities to read faces, and tones of voice have rapidly increased. I even to the point of being able to tell whats going through somebody's' head when they're talking to me through instant messages. It's a blessing and a curse. I don't like it one bit right now.

    A lot of repressed memories have popped up ever since I stopped smoking, too many at once. I can't handle any of them right now. I truly miss being a happy go lucky panda.

    And please don't suggest anti-depressants, I have tried them, and because of that I get random muscle movements, I can tell you for a fact that no amount of dope would ever do that.

    I need some advice or something. Any help is good help, please and thanks.

  2. #2

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    I'll tell you what I suggest. Then I'll tell you squarely that it comes with risks and you should ignore it until you talk to a professional. No one here, myself included, can offer those kinds of services on this platform.

    Repression of memories is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it avoids dealing with things we find painful. On the other, there's no free lunch in psychological pain: if you repress it, it'll get back at you in other ways. Depression is one of them. I used to counsel rape victims. In some cases, I had victims tell me about attacks that had happened years or decades ago. No matter how hard they tried to not face it, they had to. And on the other end a phone line, when they finally did, they found me. We all need to face our fears and our pain, whatever they may be. You're at a head at that point now. You may need to tell someone- it could be a friend or a family member. It could be a stranger: feel free to call 1-800-SUICIDE*. Or if you're not at the point of telling someone, open up a word processor on your computer and just start typing.

    Now I'll tell you to ignore that. There are risks to this, and they boil down to the fact that digging up old memories can be an extremely painful experience. I can testify to this: I nearly killed myself when I reached a point that I couldn't hide my bisexuality from my friends and family any more. I'm not saying don't face these memories. But don't face them without a qualified professional available to help you through the process.

    *This is where I used to work, and don't worry, non-suicidal people call all the time. Just say you need to talk about something. You won't be judged. If the person you talk to sucks- there are a few bad apples, sadly, call back another time. I can't reveal too much about how the system works, but I can tell you that subsequent calls usually go to the same phone. However, since they're an all-volunteer group, you're likely to hear a different person pick up once the first person's shift ends.

  3. #3

    Default

    Stop self medicating and go seek professional help, it sounds like you want it and definitely sounds like you need it.

  4. #4

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Rooky View Post
    I am going crazy. Let me start off from where it started. . .

    If anybody knows me, they probably know I smoke cannabis. I'm coming to a realization of why I smoke it. I haven't smoked in over a month and my mind is clearing off the fog that casts over it. And because of this my intelligence is on the rise. I am acting more and more like a sociopath. If someone gets on my nerves I will get in their head and cause them pain, whether it be from saying something they don't want to hear or just insulting them on a deep level.



    So me and some friends were taking a ride to go play poker, and I was talking to one of the guys, then all of a sudden the one in the front seat says, Shut up you fat retard!" and me being me, I did what I have been doing. I got in his head, and made some comments about him and his girlfriend(his girlfriend wasn't there). He just said, "Shut the f*ck u!" and that was that, and we didn't talk for the rest of the night. Although he kept giving me looks of disgust when I kept winning hand after hand in poker.

    Ever since I stopped smoking cannabis, my abilities to read faces, and tones of voice have rapidly increased. I even to the point of being able to tell whats going through somebody's' head when they're talking to me through instant messages. It's a blessing and a curse. I don't like it one bit right now.

    A lot of repressed memories have popped up ever since I stopped smoking, too many at once. I can't handle any of them right now. I truly miss being a happy go lucky panda.

    And please don't suggest anti-depressants, I have tried them, and because of that I get random muscle movements, I can tell you for a fact that no amount of dope would ever do that.

    I need some advice or something. Any help is good help, please and thanks.

    What you seem to be going through seems like a form of pure O or OCD.

    I got a tip from somebody very enlightened that changed my life.

    Are you ready for this?

    You are not your mind.

    You are not what your mind thinks because you can observe your own thoughts.

    To be free from your heightened senses you need to detach from your mind by observing your rationality or irrationality as a spectator from your mind.

    In this way you can be truly free by not suppressing or trying to stop your thoughts, realize that your mind is an automated program/process that you have no control over.

    Feed your mind by relaxing as an observer and remembering that you have control only over your actions.

    The doing and thinking are two different things.

    So before you act realize what is going on in your head and how the mind is tricking you.

    This is the ticket to freedom and controlling impulsivity.

    I wish you the best of luck and i suggest you seek help, whilst you get to grips with all thats going on in your life.

    Good luck.

  5. #5

    Default

    Thank you nightfox, and luckyfish. Nightfox, what you said about repressed memories made sense to me, it's just very hard to face them, and Luckyfish I have learned to do this, but sadly I can only do it when I'm high, I'll try working on that. I'm going to see on of my shrink friends here soon, and get this stuff straightened out.

  6. #6

    Default

    I wish the best of luck to you friend, I know how it is to have tough times and deal with a lot of bad memories. I have had to deal with that too, and I share your sentiments about pharmaceuticals. I've had some rough experiences with them myself in the past which is why I try to avoid taking them unless need-be.

    I hope it all works out for you...

    WildThing121675

  7. #7

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    I hear you about the antidepressants, but sometimes talking isn't enough.

    If you get so low and so deep into that pit of dis pair, remember that depression and the stress associated with it actually kills brain cells,and can cause lasting damage.

    I got so low i figured i must be bipolar until i found out about the pure O.

    This is an anxiety disorder from hell as it cycles you between the two forms of anxiety and depression, and like you i could not face my terrible past and suppressed my thoughts for years!

    Being a recent DL only complicated things further and my mind made me remember every bad thing i ever did and distorted it to the power of 10.

    In my case i have always been terrible anxious and mildly depressed and i had no idea how bad it was until it i hit 29.

    I was living hell on earth and also went on a run of antidepressants.

    I was lucky to find one that worked, just bear in mind you need to try a few for it to work and it only started working after 6 weeks with terrible side effects that did go away eventually.

    Omega 3,6 and 9 fish oils are also invaluable as i found that these babies actually do make you smarter in terms of memory, moods and concentration.

    The meds worked and anxiety is now so manageable is actually laughable.

    Did it change my personality?

    Yes, due to the fact that i have no more fears and being aware how a negative mind set affects you makes perfect sense.

    Finally i had a diagnosis:Low seritonin with OCD.

    Bad diet, minimal exercise and all the cigarettes and caffeine i could tolerate plays havoc on these disorders.

    I was in denial and anxiety was like my daily bread even as a child.

    Im still on a micro dose of the SSRI's as coming off after 3 months caused yet another depression/anxiety attack.

    Im told i need to stay on these like a diabetic needs insulin and for the first time in my life i know what normal feels like.

    I do things differently now because im aware what it means to be healthy mentally and physically and my once favorite activity of watching horror movies(except zombie movies) is now long gone as it feeds negativity into a mind.

    Meds alone cannot achieve happiness so as a former materialistic person im purposefully making do with less and being as healthy as i can.

    Don't loose hope ,you must have been through hell so im rooting for ya.

    Glad you're getting the help.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rooky View Post
    Thank you nightfox, and luckyfish. Nightfox, what you said about repressed memories made sense to me, it's just very hard to face them, and Luckyfish I have learned to do this, but sadly I can only do it when I'm high, I'll try working on that. I'm going to see on of my shrink friends here soon, and get this stuff straightened out.
    Treat it like dreams. You can usually remember dreams when you wake up, but they're elusive and easy to lose. Go to an office supply store and buy some small writing pads. You can usually get a pack of six for under a buck each. When you remember something, write it.

  9. #9

    Default

    Thank you NightFox, these memories come and go, some are happy, some are sad. But that's a great idea, I'll have them written down so I don't forget to talk about them, with my friend.

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