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Thread: Dear Mother and Father

  1. #1

    Default Dear Mother and Father

    This is a poem I wrote that I plan to use to come out to my parents about being bisexual. I would like to hear some feedback.

    (Click "Show" to read the poem)

    Last edited by BandNerd; 29-Jan-2012 at 23:05.

  2. #2

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    I don't know how your parents feel about GLB in general, but it might not be the best idea to put them on the other side.


    I can’t just pick a side.
    I don’t really have a choice.
    It’s just how I was born:
    Attracted to girls and boys.

    And before you disown me,
    I have something to say here,
    I don’t deserve to be rejected by my own parents,
    Just for being queer.
    For sure the second stanza is very polarizing, but the first one is also leaning towards "deal with it- I don't care what you think!" I'm not saying that they won't have to deal with it but pushing it at them with so much aggression may not be the best idea. Instead of "before you disown me/I shouldn't be rejected by own parents" try something like "please understand/help me be proud of who I am" it will make them feel like they're more a part of the situation, giving them more a feeling of control (even though it really doesn't exist, because "I'm bi-deal with it!"), that is very important when breaking potentially scary news to someone. It would also be a good idea to first give them some very good news like "I aced my trig test today!" talk about that for a while and then say something like "and there's something else ultra-important I gatta tell you...."

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vaccine View Post
    I don't know how your parents feel about GLB in general, but it might not be the best idea to put them on the other side.

    For sure the second stanza is very polarizing, but the first one is also leaning towards "deal with it- I don't care what you think!" I'm not saying that they won't have to deal with it but pushing it at them with so much aggression may not be the best idea. Instead of "before you disown me/I shouldn't be rejected by own parents" try something like "please understand/help me be proud of who I am" it will make them feel like they're more a part of the situation, giving them more a feeling of control (even though it really doesn't exist, because "I'm bi-deal with it!"), that is very important when breaking potentially scary news to someone. It would also be a good idea to first give them some very good news like "I aced my trig test today!" talk about that for a while and then say something like "and there's something else ultra-important I gatta tell you...."
    I probably should have said something in the original post about this, my parents are not accepting toward LGBT. Also, thank you for the constructive criticism.

  4. #4

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    My personal advise is to go ahead and tell your parents and it would probably be much better if you told them directly.

    Knowing that your parents would be unaccepting of your orientation and that they might overreact and ban you from the internet or something, I personally think it probably is absolutely worth it. Explain that you can't help how you feel about one gender or another and how long you know you've had these feelings, and explain that you feel you are risking alot doing that and that you are hoping that they can appreciate that you are giving them what they are owed. Being an adult and you a juvenile, it is innapropriate for me to tell you if same-sex relationships are right or wrong, so only you and God (if you believe in Him) can answer for yourself. I will advise this: the bottom line is they raised you and are responsible for your wellbeing and you owe them the truth, regardless of consequences. I know it is hard, but all of us older than 15 have been 15 once and your parents will probably have much more appreciation of you "coming out" now rather than them finding out later. I would advise you to talk to a school counselor first and explain your orientation to that person and then that person might be able to give you advice on how to create the dialog between you and your parents.

    As far as telling them the DL side of you, or the TBDL side if you have one: I'm 39 haven't told my mother or father about my ABDL so I have no advise I can give you other than one that would by hypocritical. All I can say is if you wanted to tell them that side of you, I would let the dust settle for a long time like a month or two before you tell them that part of you. Probably do the same with the counselor too.

    I'm hoping I'm not being presumptuous bringing up religion but I will be praying for you.
    Last edited by HokieABDL; 30-Jan-2012 at 01:01. Reason: Clarification

  5. #5

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    Good luck dude. I am openly bisexual and my friends accept me for who I am, but a lot of people don't know it. Even my mom I think doesn't really know, either that or she is in denial.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by HokieABDL View Post
    My personal advise is to go ahead and tell your parents and it would probably be much better if you told them directly.

    Knowing that your parents would be unaccepting of your orientation and that they might overreact and ban you from the internet or something, I personally think it probably is absolutely worth it. Explain that you can't help how you feel about one gender or another and how long you know you've had these feelings, and explain that you feel you are risking alot doing that and that you are hoping that they can appreciate that you are giving them what they are owed. Being an adult and you a juvenile, it is innapropriate for me to tell you if same-sex relationships are right or wrong, so only you and God (if you believe in Him) can answer for yourself. I will advise this: the bottom line is they raised you and are responsible for your wellbeing and you owe them the truth, regardless of consequences. I know it is hard, but all of us older than 15 have been 15 once and your parents will probably have much more appreciation of you "coming out" now rather than them finding out later. I would advise you to talk to a school counselor first and explain your orientation to that person and then that person might be able to give you advice on how to create the dialog between you and your parents.

    As far as telling them the DL side of you, or the TBDL side if you have one: I'm 39 haven't told my mother or father about my ABDL so I have no advise I can give you other than one that would by hypocritical. All I can say is if you wanted to tell them that side of you, I would let the dust settle for a long time like a month or two before you tell them that part of you. Probably do the same with the counselor too.
    Thank you for youe advice. I think this thread may have gone in the wrong direction. I orginally intended this thread just as a way to share a poem I wrote, but the advice is definitely kind. I know I will eventually tell my parents about being bi, but I will wait until my dad has fully recovered from his health crisis and has his follow-up surgery in June because I do not want to tell my parents when they are stressed out.

    As for telling them about my DL side, I think that my fetish (there's no other way to put it, diapers are sexual for me) is none of my parent's business and is not something I need to be open and honest about. I only want to be open about bisexual because it is a part of me that affects the rest of my life.

    I would talk to my school counselor, but she is a gossiping and power-tripping bitch who cannot be trusted with anything, and wouldn't let me change my schedule to be able to play in the advanced band for no real reason at all. Telling my counselor about stuff like this would be like talking about it on international television.


    I'm hoping I'm not being presumptuous bringing up religion but I will be praying for you.
    Personally, I am an atheist, but I do appreciate the kind thoughts. Thank you for your support.

    ---------- Post added at 23:03 ---------- Previous post was at 22:56 ----------



    Quote Originally Posted by chronicarchaic View Post
    Good luck dude. I am openly bisexual and my friends accept me for who I am, but a lot of people don't know it. Even my mom I think doesn't really know, either that or she is in denial.
    My mom is also in denial. I tried telling her in November, and failed miserably because I didn't know what to say at the time regarding how I felt. She then thought I was tripping out, and accused the "gay-agenda-liberal-media" of making me think I was bisexual. At the end, my mother commented:


    Quote Originally Posted by My stupid and closed-minded mother
    Your'e Italian. Italians can't be gay.
    I replied to her dumb comment with a classic facepalm, and postponed telling both parents until a later date.

  7. #7

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    People are -ist until its someone they love. Stuff changes quick, Take it from a Catholic Tgirl.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by BandNerd View Post
    I will wait until my dad has fully recovered from his health crisis and has his follow-up surgery in June because I do not want to tell my parents when they are stressed out.
    If "health crisis" means there is a chance he could pass away, it might actually be a better time to do it soon-ish. It's a tad manipulative, but people tend to be more forgiving when there is a chance it's the last thing they'll get to say to you.

    Ask to speak to your dad in private right before his surgery, like at the last possible second. Tell him that you love him and are scared that this might be the last chance to speak to him, and drop the bomb shell. Tell him again how much you love him and how you didn't want your last memories to be lying to him. Say you wish he could have gotten to know the real you, and maybe then he wouldn't hate what you are so much. Explain that everything he loves is still the same, it's just been mislabeled.

    You'll need to judge of it's appropriate at the time. I know that when my brother went into surgery, he could have told me pretty much anything and I would have forgiven him. He was very close to dying, though. If your dad is going in for a very minor surgery it might not work, but if it's a "health crisis" as you say and there's that chance, he'll probably be way more likely to forgive you. If he doesn't forgive you then, he probably won't forgive you when he's recovered and there's time to "change" you.

    P.S. I say forgive not because I think you need to be forgiven, but that he will feel the need to "forgive" you for being bi.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zephy View Post
    If "health crisis" means there is a chance he could pass away, it might actually be a better time to do it soon-ish. It's a tad manipulative, but people tend to be more forgiving when there is a chance it's the last thing they'll get to say to you.

    Ask to speak to your dad in private right before his surgery, like at the last possible second. Tell him that you love him and are scared that this might be the last chance to speak to him, and drop the bomb shell. Tell him again how much you love him and how you didn't want your last memories to be lying to him. Say you wish he could have gotten to know the real you, and maybe then he wouldn't hate what you are so much. Explain that everything he loves is still the same, it's just been mislabeled.

    You'll need to judge of it's appropriate at the time. I know that when my brother went into surgery, he could have told me pretty much anything and I would have forgiven him. He was very close to dying, though. If your dad is going in for a very minor surgery it might not work, but if it's a "health crisis" as you say and there's that chance, he'll probably be way more likely to forgive you. If he doesn't forgive you then, he probably won't forgive you when he's recovered and there's time to "change" you.

    P.S. I say forgive not because I think you need to be forgiven, but that he will feel the need to "forgive" you for being bi.
    My dad is recovering from a health crisis that almost killed him, and will have a minor follow up surgery in June. He's dealing with a lot of stress right now, and will until the follow up surgery.

  10. #10

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    I don't really think there's much of a reason to come out as bisexual. It's not like coming out as gay, not in the slightest.

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