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Thread: Telling somebody? Ive got some questions...

  1. #1

    Default Telling somebody? Ive got some questions...

    I know this has probably come up before but I really want to tell someone, but I just really have no one to tell, for those who do tell, How? I feel I owuld be so nervous, What if they reject you? What if they call us a freak? How do they respond? Like literally what do they say when you tell them? How did you tell them, like idk, Can someone help me here? Thanks guys

  2. #2

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    All right...

    First: Everyone is different. It completely depends on A) you and B) who you plan on telling. Is it someone who you think would be accepting of it? As I have said before, someone who may be accepting of it after some time has passed and they've been able to mull it over, may not seem so sure of it up front. While you may be very excited and hopeful, they may not match your expression or give you the one you hoped for. That doesn't mean they disapprove; it just means it's something new and alien to them. Keep your expectations of a response reasonable.

    Second: Make sure this is someone you can truly trust. This is a very fragile part of you. Confiding in someone means that they now hold part of your heart in their hands. Is it someone who can keep it to themselves? People share things. Not maliciously, but it just slips sometimes. How do you know that who they may share it with can be trusted? I am not trying to be paranoid here; you simply have to prepare yourself for that. Unfortunately, my wife, years ago, blabbed to my mother-in-law about my AB habits. Fortunately, my mother-in-law is a licensed counselor, so she was able to understand where I was coming from and has kept it in the strictest confidence.

    Third: Prepare for the worst, not that anyone truly can until the moment is upon them. However, imagine what your life would be like if this person absolutely flipped and decided they didn't want to associate with you. Could you go on? In other words, is the possible gain worth the risk? Now, there is a good chance that if they are your friend already, they might have an inkling of your tendencies or at least accept you for what they know about you; this makes such a severe reaction unlikely. Still, people are, often, illogical. Prepare as much as you can.

    If you decide to go ahead and tell him or her: Make sure you have in your head what you want to say before you speak. Try and have the conversation in an environment free of distractions. Ease him or her into it rather than hitting them with a fire-hose of details. Explain how you are still the same person; you just have this part that needs to be young.

    Also, don't go into every little detail that probably shouldn't be revealed unless it's going really well. For example, if you like to mess or have a desire for them to interact with you, I would hold off until you are sure they are cool with this side of you. It took time for you to figure out what you felt; likewise, it will take them just as much, if not more, to figure out how this changes their view of you.

    PLEASE THINK IT OVER (AND THEN SOME MORE) BEFOREHAND. I told a good friend of mine and it ended up beautifully. She even was my caretaker when I lived back home. However, it doesn't always turn out this way.

    Best of luck! ^^

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by onecho View Post
    All right...

    First: Everyone is different. It completely depends on A) you and B) who you plan on telling. Is it someone who you think would be accepting of it? As I have said before, someone who may be accepting of it after some time has passed and they've been able to mull it over, may not seem so sure of it up front. While you may be very excited and hopeful, they may not match your expression or give you the one you hoped for. That doesn't mean they disapprove; it just means it's something new and alien to them. Keep your expectations of a response reasonable.

    Second: Make sure this is someone you can truly trust. This is a very fragile part of you. Confiding in someone means that they now hold part of your heart in their hands. Is it someone who can keep it to themselves? People share things. Not maliciously, but it just slips sometimes. How do you know that who they may share it with can be trusted? I am not trying to be paranoid here; you simply have to prepare yourself for that. Unfortunately, my wife, years ago, blabbed to my mother-in-law about my AB habits. Fortunately, my mother-in-law is a licensed counselor, so she was able to understand where I was coming from and has kept it in the strictest confidence.

    Third: Prepare for the worst, not that anyone truly can until the moment is upon them. However, imagine what your life would be like if this person absolutely flipped and decided they didn't want to associate with you. Could you go on? In other words, is the possible gain worth the risk? Now, there is a good chance that if they are your friend already, they might have an inkling of your tendencies or at least accept you for what they know about you; this makes such a severe reaction unlikely. Still, people are, often, illogical. Prepare as much as you can.

    If you decide to go ahead and tell him or her: Make sure you have in your head what you want to say before you speak. Try and have the conversation in an environment free of distractions. Ease him or her into it rather than hitting them with a fire-hose of details. Explain how you are still the same person; you just have this part that needs to be young.

    Also, don't go into every little detail that probably shouldn't be revealed unless it's going really well. For example, if you like to mess or have a desire for them to interact with you, I would hold off until you are sure they are cool with this side of you. It took time for you to figure out what you felt; likewise, it will take them just as much, if not more, to figure out how this changes their view of you.

    PLEASE THINK IT OVER (AND THEN SOME MORE) BEFOREHAND. I told a good friend of mine and it ended up beautifully. She even was my caretaker when I lived back home. However, it doesn't always turn out this way.

    Best of luck! ^^

    Thank you for the help onecho, I dont have anyone I really want to tell right now, its just idk, I wish I could act out my little side more, it is just so hard to with all the privacy, at least if I had someone to accept me, Im thinking maybe it would be a bit easier, you know what I mean?

  4. #4

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    Absolutely. ^^

    It's wonderful having someone to talk to about it. Since I told my wife everything, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. So, I'm not saying it's impossible. If you have someone in your life who gets you, and I mean GETS you, it might be safe to tell them.

    The friend I told was someone who I had always gone to for advice. She was a few years my senior and always was kind of motherly to me. It made sense since I've never gotten along with my mom. I would run to this friend and talk whenever my mother and I had a fight.

    So, after a few years of working at the same place, one Christmas when I stupidly visited home, we went for a drive and I laid it all out. She gave me a huge hug. I asked her, "Do you think any differently of me?" with tears in my eyes. She responded, "You're one of my best friends. How could I ever think differently of you?"

    It was an amazing moment and really life-changing. It was the first time I had told anyone EVERYTHING I felt.

    Sadly, she now lives in a different time zone and we don't get to meet up much. However, it was worth the missing her since now, I am more confident and accepting of who I am. That has allowed me to reach out and build relationships with others like me

    So, keep up hope. It might not happen today or tomorrow. Some day, though, you will be able to open up and tell someone. Just think it through beforehand.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by onecho View Post
    Absolutely. ^^

    It's wonderful having someone to talk to about it. Since I told my wife everything, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. So, I'm not saying it's impossible. If you have someone in your life who gets you, and I mean GETS you, it might be safe to tell them.

    The friend I told was someone who I had always gone to for advice. She was a few years my senior and always was kind of motherly to me. It made sense since I've never gotten along with my mom. I would run to this friend and talk whenever my mother and I had a fight.

    So, after a few years of working at the same place, one Christmas when I stupidly visited home, we went for a drive and I laid it all out. She gave me a huge hug. I asked her, "Do you think any differently of me?" with tears in my eyes. She responded, "You're one of my best friends. How could I ever think differently of you?"

    It was an amazing moment and really life-changing. It was the first time I had told anyone EVERYTHING I felt.

    Sadly, she now lives in a different time zone and we don't get to meet up much. However, it was worth the missing her since now, I am more confident and accepting of who I am. That has allowed me to reach out and build relationships with others like me

    So, keep up hope. It might not happen today or tomorrow. Some day, though, you will be able to open up and tell someone. Just think it through beforehand.

    That is such a good story, I am hoping that happens for me, I just feel like Im never going to meet that friend, it sucks, I really want to meet that friend, idk I just feel that way, it is so annoying

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by TKing1391 View Post
    That is such a good story, I am hoping that happens for me, I just feel like Im never going to meet that friend, it sucks, I really want to meet that friend, idk I just feel that way, it is so annoying
    I know. Just try to look back at what you have gone through up to this point. Did you imagine you'd be where you are right now ten years ago?

    I've been doing that recently and it gives me hope for the future, and I'm rarely optimistic. If you just look at what you don't have now, sometime you lose sight of what you have gained over a long period of time.

    You'll get there. It just takes time. ^^

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by onecho View Post
    I know. Just try to look back at what you have gone through up to this point. Did you imagine you'd be where you are right now ten years ago?

    I've been doing that recently and it gives me hope for the future, and I'm rarely optimistic. If you just look at what you don't have now, sometime you lose sight of what you have gained over a long period of time.

    You'll get there. It just takes time. ^^
    Well, when I was younger I didnt think I would ever accept this, and even though I still am 100% there yet, I feel I have accepted it, I can tell myself im an Adult Baby and I can be happy with that

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by TKing1391 View Post
    Well, when I was younger I didnt think I would ever accept this, and even though I still am 100% there yet, I feel I have accepted it, I can tell myself im an Adult Baby and I can be happy with that
    See? That's huge progress ^^ Celebrate the small victories; they add up.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by onecho View Post
    See? That's huge progress ^^ Celebrate the small victories; they add up.
    your right, Im happy I can accept myself, I just wish that I can be little self a lot more than I can also

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