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Thread: who's in the right?

  1. #1
    babyDavid

    Default who's in the right?

    okay a while back i lent my friend from school my expensive UO nerd glasses, and a few days ago i asked if i could have them back. yesterday she said she forgot them in her locker and would just give them to me today.

    well today (just my luck) there was a theft in the girls locker bay and some rat took a lot of things from everybody, including her and my glasses. when she tole me about what happened i was upset, saying that if she had just given me them when i had asked her then this wouldnt have happened. and explaining that she should have been more careful with them and not just left them there. and then she lashed out at me, cursing ever few words and there was a lot of animosity. she acted like she wasnt responsible at all for this, and like she doesnt owe me anything for loseing them.

    after she told me to f**k off, i later sent a text saying i was sorry i had gotten so upset about it but she still hasnt responded. but thats unimportant. what IS important is what i do now. obviously im going to find the thief and beat the sh*t out of them with a hammer for taking my and her property, but what about us? i dont want to lose her as a friend but i certainly dont think that nobodys at fault here.

    what am i supposed to do?

  2. #2

    Default

    The thief was in the wrong... and since you didn't insist on getting them that day then it's your fault for not having them right then. I'd say she overreacted (suspicious, but I won't go into that) but you accused her falsely.

    If I were you I'd tell her that you were just mad about losing your expensive glasses and get both of you to apologize and then get both of you hammers to go find the thief together.

  3. #3
    babyDavid

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Point View Post
    you accused her falsely.
    lolol no. im not accusing her of taking them, cuz i know she didnt. it was schoolwide news by lunchtime that there was a massive theft. and id rather do it myself

  4. #4

    Default

    No, I mean, you're accusing her of being at fault for getting them stolen. It was totally not her fault that someone else broke into the locker. What's strange is that she got so mad when you blamed her but then again she probably just didn't want to have to pay for something that was beyond her control.

  5. #5

    Default

    Sounds like you both got the raw end of the deal. Certainly sounds like she overreacted but generally means bringing that up is another strike against you. I'd say see if she calms down some after a bit of time and if so, try talking then.

    Also, getting assault on your record isn't really a good anti-thief strategy.

  6. #6
    babyDavid

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Mysterious View Post
    Sounds like you both got the raw end of the deal. Certainly sounds like she overreacted but generally means bringing that up is another strike against you. I'd say see if she calms down some after a bit of time and if so, try talking then.

    Also, getting assault on your record isn't really a good anti-thief strategy.
    i dont care as long as whoever stole my stuff suffers for stealing from me. and what the hell was i supposed to say? after she texted that they got stolen i couldnt just text "" im in a rotten spot, and i keep thinking 'this WOULD happen to me'...

  7. #7
    Cherub

    Default

    Well, she is not at fault. But there is a difference between fault and liability. If I borrow something from someone it is my responsibility to keep that property safe and to ensure it gets BACK to its rightful owner. Now, it isn't her fault that there was a big theft that occurred, but she is liable for the property that was intrusted into her care.

    Now, you have to decide which is more important to you. Your friendship or the property that your friend was liable for. IF you decide that your friendship is more important, then just be more careful as to who you loan your property to. Since you know this friend will not own up to her responsibility of safeguarding your property when on loan to her, you would do well to remember this incident for future incidents.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by babyDavid View Post
    ...well today (coincidentally) there was a theft in the girls locker bay and some rat took a lot of things from everybody, including her and my glasses.
    It's the thief's fault.



    Quote Originally Posted by babyDavid View Post
    when she tole me about what happened i was upset, saying that if she had just given me them when i had asked her then this wouldnt have happened. and explaining that she should have been more careful with them and not just left them there.
    That there is what I recognize as sniping. While yes, she was responsible for those glasses, the way you let her know that it was her fault would be viewed as very rude. Because of this, many would not view you as being in the right; due to your mouth causing unneeded contention, which made the situation worse.



    Quote Originally Posted by babyDavid View Post
    ...and then she lashed out at me, cursing ever few words and there was a lot of animosity. she acted like she wasnt responsible at all for this, and like she doesnt owe me anything for loseing them.
    She also was not in the right; as she chose to act upon your ill-thought statements.



    Quote Originally Posted by babyDavid View Post
    after she told me to f**k off, i later sent a text saying i was sorry i had gotten so upset about it but she still hasnt responded. but thats unimportant. what IS important is what i do now. obviously im going to find the thief and beat the sh*t out of them with a hammer for taking my and her property, but what about us? i dont want to lose her as a friend but i certainly dont think that nobodys at fault here.

    what am i supposed to do?
    Neither of you are in the right. And at this point, it doesn't matter who's more so in the wrong either. BUT, you BOTH need to apologize IN PERSON. Texting is the worst way to send an apology because it not only removes the human element from the message (thereby making it impersonal), but it also is the easiest way for the recipient to ignore it by deleting it.

  9. #9

    Default

    As far as how to handle it. Just corner her if you have to and calmly and simply explain that you were in the wrong for being a jerk to her (tho you had every right to... don't say this part) and tell her you were upset about how she reacted. You both were in a state of 'shock' over the robbery and were lashing out at each other instead of the actual thief. Neither of you deserved the treatment the other gave you, but neither of you are at fault. It was a moment where the circumstances caused an overreaction. You were both victimized and needed to lash out at something, and the other just happened to take the brunt of it.

  10. #10

    Default

    In cases like this, I always consult my friend, Judge Judy. Even religious leaders say, "What would Judge Judy do?"

    Clearly, since the girl had possession of your glasses, she is responsible for their replacement. If you borrowed her car and smashed it, you would be responsible for its repair or replacement. Though she had no control over the thief, she had possession and with that came the responsibility to safeguard it.

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