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Thread: Webcam question

  1. #1

    Default Webcam question

    Every time I showed men my webcam when they ask to see me, they always get demanding like they want me to have it on and they tell me how to shift the camera so they can see me better or ask me to do sexual things for them. So I was so glad when it stopped working and couple of them thought I was lying about it. I am thinking about I am going to start lying about having a webcam by saying I don't have one if they ask because I will automatically assume it will get ugly. I have blocked a few in the past because I'd find out they were creepy even though I had been chatting with them for a bit so I know just because someone is on my friends list doesn't make them not creeps. I just don't know they are until the webcam.

    I just got a new a computer and it has a built in webcam. Well I decided to use it again when someone asked if he can see it. We signed onto MSN and he invited me to video chat so my webcam works. he gets a little demanding but luckily he listens and doesn't beg me. But the webcam slowed down my computer and I turn it off and I tell him I had to turn it off because it was slowing down the computer. But he keeps trying to get me to turn it on again and he finally backs off after I told him that is why I hate webcams, men get demanding and I was so happy our last one quit working.

    I am thinking of lying next time to the next person about having a webcam, even if it's my own online friends or just keep showing them my webcam when they want to see it so that way I will know if they are creeps or none creeps. Why do some men have to act like such creeps when it comes to webcams?

    I rarely talk to women online so I have never had this issue with any of them yet.

    I asked this on another forum but instead it went off topic and turned into some random chat. But the first person who replied told me most people use the webcam in a sexual way so they assume that is why I have one. Another person said webcam is for cybering. Is this true? Is this why some men act this way?

    If anyone is wondering why am I talking to these people. They find me on forums I go to so I am not going to know what kind of people they are. I am not going to know if they are creeps or not. So it's not like I am going to porn sites or to sex sites or cyber sites to find people to talk to. I am thinking now to not show my webcam until we have been talking for a while.

    Note: Notice how I said some men? I don't mean all men is why and I don't want anyone to think I mean all men if I said men so I said "some."

  2. #2


    Webcams were invented primarily to make meaningful conversations more personal. Originally it was targeted for businesses so that the higher-ups could work in the comfort of their own home while giving a presentation. But that idea was [very] quickly supplemented by the idea that consumers could use this too for things like broken up families getting to see each other, parents seeing their kids while they're abroad, and yes: video sex chat. When something is invented and it's intended use is tied to the internet, the product probably doesn't even make it out the door before someone has already thought of using it for some purpose loosely related to sex. Porn is one of the world's most successful industries (and nearly recession proof), so someone's going to want to exploit it's services however they can weather you like it or not. Men often act like creeps because they feel that they are removed from any kind of responsibility and liability simply because they are behind a CCD, hundreds of miles of cabling, and a screen; so they feel a certain level of detachment from you. Many men also will not care how old you are (so long as you look old enough/hot enough), where you live, how you live, or their relationship you have to them (ie: friend, family, coworker, boss, sheep, whatever) because too often many start to acquire a (very unfortunate) false sense of what happens on the internet, stays on the internet.

    I don't know if this answers your question, but this shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. Not even to the men on this site.

  3. #3


    My honest answer to all of your questions is... I don't know! I always failed at seeing what's appealing about watching someone do some supposedly "sexy" stuff on request, moreover if through the less-than-poor quality image webcams usually deliver.

    I don't have a webcam, never had one, and I don't feel the need to have one at all. When I'm chatting with someone, it's not like seeing each other could add meaning to what we say in spoken or text form. Moreover, I believe that most of the people (me included) who use to spend time chatting online do so in a "relaxed" attire which is probably not the best way to project our self-image to the world Add to this the fact I'm into video production - which means that, when video is involved, good quality for me is a must - and you easily see why I'm probably never going to use a webcam in my life.

    Probably my approach also stems from an early "scar" I got on the matter (well, just a funny thing after all, but I recall it every time I hear someone talking about webcams and cybering). Something like 11/12 years ago, when I had just got an internet connection, a friend of mine was at my place to get his PC fixed. I was working on it while he was doing some other stuff on my computer, far from my sight. Suddenly he calls me to come and see something, and, well, what I saw made me want to burn the screen ...he had installed a chat software, went online pretending to be a woman (I had no webcam, he was only texting, so that was easy) and, on my screen, there were in full display the private parts of someone that was performing naughty things in a dim-lighted room wearing less-than-elegant flannel pajamas. THAT is the image I'll always have in mind when someone tells me about "webcam sessions". F*ck you, friend with the broken PC!

  4. #4


    Calico, you are being used by these men, and being taken advantage of. You have mentioned in past threads that you are, and here my memory fails me, either somewhat autistic or have Asberger's Syndrome. The only reason why I mention this is because I believe it is playing into your problem. I believe you are too trusting and may have some trouble reading the social signs that would send a signal saying these men are creepers.

    If I were you, I would not engage in any form of video chatting. There is no reason to do that with people you don't know personally. Like Entity said, web cams were made available to the public so that they could better contact family members and friends they genuinely love. My wife Facetimes with her mother and with our daughter. It's awesome to be able to see loved ones. However, there are creeps out there who have no moral compass, and give the human race a bad name.

    You owe these people no explanation. Simply tell them that you are not into that sort of thing, that you have a morale compass. If they complain, block them. You owe them nothing and they are not worth your time or consideration.

    As for me, I simply don't have time for this sort of nonsense. Between two jobs and taking care of my wife, family, house and home, I value my time. If I have some left over at the end of the day, I sit and work on my novel. Do something constructive and meaningful with your time, as we don't live very long in this life. Time is precious and should be used for much better things than playing with oneself on line.

  5. #5


    This happens because by and large most men have been taught to objectify women and think with their dicks, not their brains.

    Like dogboy said, you are being used and taken advantage of - you owe them nothing and have every right to say "no" and stop doing anything if you get uncomfortable. I won't lie, if I came across a woman who was willing to indulge AB/DL interests via webcam, I'd certainly ask - but at the slightest hesitation or no, or whatever, I would most certainly NOT keep pressing. It's disrespectful and not considerate of the person (woman or man) on the other end.

    Fourteen no's and a yes, does NOT mean yes.
    Last edited by Draugr; 28-Nov-2011 at 17:41.

  6. #6


    dogboy and Draugr are spot on. Once they feel anonymous and that their actions have no consequence, a lot of men turn abusive. You have no obligation toward them. I suggest that you take the time to define your own limits, for example "I will not disclose my real name", or "I will not turn my webcam on". Then you can print them out, hang them next to your computer and refer to them whenever you are no longer sure if you want to do something that is being asked of you. Just a suggestion.

  7. #7


    something easy would just to put a piece of masking tape over it until you want to take it off.
    say that the lens is buggered or something.

  8. #8


    Basically a guy is using you if he wants that.

    Thats what ALL guys do when they meet a female online.

    I Imagion that it gets EXTREMELY bad if the person is abdl related or something like that

  9. #9


    Oh, I remember the days of messenger windows from unknown contacts popping up containing such elegant conversation starters like "ASL", "r u wet?" or "do u have a webcam?". The message they were actually trying to send was "I don't care for what's above your waist line, I just need visual help for jacking off". Unfortunately, they didn't communicate that message quite that clearly, but it's pretty obvious what it meant.

    Webcams can be useful in certain situations, and are probably used often enough for normal activities, like showing far-away relatives how big your little kids have become, what your new sweater or new couch looks like, or how your new haircut suits your looks.
    I have no illusions though that half the webcam conversations include naked crotches. Beats me what people find so interesting in seeing some random person's naked crotch in a 200x200 pixel image when there's whole video stores full of HD porn to be had, but it must be appealing nonetheless. So talking about webcams - especially in a fetish-driven environment - sends the wrong signal: A signal that you're having an interest in using that webcam for displaying adult behavior.

    Your best option is to not even publish the fact that you have a webcam, or to uninstall it. Then you can't be tempted to use it after all. Furthermore, I suggest simply saying "no" to those pestering guys, or blocking them on your messengers. That is, unless you do have a desire to show yourself in an adult way on webcams and just don'T want to admit it. There must be those people, or there wouldn't be so many adult-oriented webcam convos going around. If that's not you, then you'll have to learn to hit that X in the upper right corner of your screen, and to use the "ignore" button on your chat clients. I reckon finding someone for a normal online conversation as a girl is about as easy as finding a perfectly fitting pair of shoes or a perfect summer dress in a (female) clothing store. Lots of trips to the fitting room, and lots of weeding out people/things that just don't fit.


  10. #10


    OMG, I used to ask "asl" because that was how everyone greeted me after they say hi. I didn't know I was sending out a false signal. I was just copying other people. I also remember being asked if I have a webcam and I always said no. I still get asked that sometimes and this time I did happen to have one. I have no idea if it gets enabled automatically when I use messenger. It showed when I was invited to it and I had to click "accept" so maybe not.

    I also used to get asked what clothes I have on and then they would ask me what I have on under neath and I would tell them and then they get creepy and I made a thread about it once on another forum ranting about it. I got told that me doing as they say is telling them I want to get sexual with them because I am telling them what I have on. All I was doing was answering their questions and I didn't understand why they would ask me to masturbate or something. I remember those times too. I am sure I have accidentally played with men because I didn't understand the motives behind their questions. Then I bet they thought I played games with them.

    Only way to stop all this is to never make new friends again because you never know who is creepy and who isn't. First I have learned if you have a camera, men will be asking you to take naked photos for them, if you have diaper pictures, the ones you have will never be enough for them because they want you to take more, if you have done stupid things in the past, me will expect you to do those again, if you tell them what clothes you have on and what kind of underwear and bra you have on when they ask, they will want you to do sexual things for them, if you have a webcam, they want you to cyber and do sexual things and expect you to have your laptop screen a certain way so they can see you better.

    I do get lot of IM bots too but I always block them and not talk to them when I find they are one, I also do not accept new yahoo contacts when they add me because I always assume they are IM bots. I don't post my Yahoo name anymore in my profiles or in threads when someone is looking for new friends or decides to post a thread having everyone post their IM information so I always assume those are bots I am getting. I just say now in those threads to PM me if they want my screen names. That way I avoid bots since I doubt they would PM me. Also if someone PMs me wanting to know my screen name, I tell them to say who they are when they add me so I can accept them and not assume they are a bot. I used to post my screen names online and then say say who they are when adding me.

    All I can do is keep learning from experience and I eventually learn the patterns in peoples behavior and just assume its that way for all men when they ask a certain thing. I hate to be judgmental but if I keep running into the same issues, I have to judge by making assumptions. If someone asks to see my cam, I can say I only show it to people I trust and I don't know them that well and if that gets ugly, then I guess they aren't trustworthy. So I wouldn't have to judge all men on their behaviors, just don't show them my webcam.

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